Here's my number...
RMuske
Posts: 271 Member
I feel like in the last few years there has been a serious role reversal when it comes to getting things started. I have had a few men flirt with me that I was interested in over the past few years and if I didn't give my number to them or ask for theirs nothing happens! Men never ask me and as much as I am all for equality... it is nice to be chased sometimes instead of always having to do the work!
When did this happen? What happened?
When did this happen? What happened?
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Replies
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Personally, I think it's kind of hot when a girl writes down her number and slips it in my pocket or grabs my phone and just types it in.
If I like someone enough I usually don't hesitate, not anymore at least. It is possible that I will chat with someone for a while but not ask her for her number because I'm not super into her. But a couple of my friends are really shy and I've never seen either of them ask for a girls number.0 -
So call me maybe?0
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Are these guys you have been spending some casual time with or new meets?
There is a lot more caution today with guys as decent ones don`t want to seem to be creepers so may be reticent about asking until they are sure a lady is really interested.
Neither should be expected to do the work all the time and of course being blunt about things probably won`t do well many times so we just have to do the dance of body english (looks,smiles etc) to get the point across.0 -
If I were a guy (or a lesbian), I might be intimidated by how gorgeous you are - I would fear rejection and therefore not ask.0
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So call me maybe?
Oh God, that song is now playing in my head.0 -
It's a new era, there's even that song where she gives out her number. The ball is now in the woman's field. I have a feeling there'e going to be a lot of fumbles at first.0
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So call me maybe?
Oh God, that song is now playing in my head.
Me too! :sad:0 -
I had a woman take my phone and put her # in it this weekend, I thought it was a good move and was impressed by her for doing so.0
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So call me maybe?
Oh God, that song is now playing in my head.
Me too! :sad:
hahhaha never heard it so it will never get stuck in my head.0 -
So call me maybe?
Oh God, that song is now playing in my head.
Me too! :sad:
You lose the game!0 -
If I were a guy (or a lesbian), I might be intimidated by how gorgeous you are - I would fear rejection and therefore not ask.
How would you know unless you did.?
These are new meets for the most part, but the same goes for people I have met and talked to more than once. I know the whole "Men don't get hints" thing but when we are both flirting it is annoying to be the only one even trying.
I have given out my number and had them not call, which is fine. At least I tried. And again I am ok with asking sometimes or giving mine to someone without them asking sometimes but all the time now?!?!
Stupid song! lol0 -
This post reminds me of the scene in He's Just Not That Into You when the guy gives Gigi his card and makes some ambiguous statement about her calling him or something. So funny.
I would just say that if he doesn't take your number and you have to offer it, he's probably not the kinda guy you want to date.0 -
Damn! I fell for this thread again! Now I'm singing that song again. :sad:0
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hey single ladies give me your number
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Problem is though that while the guy might initially like being chased they don't like knowing how easy it is it seems.
Any time a man knows I have any interest in him at all he runs..and so I won't chase any more..and they don't chase me..so single..perpetually single.
Every woman that I know who is happily in a relationship that is long term did not make initial contact...so to me its bull. I'm not going to stroke some guys ego any more because that's all it seems to be when I show interest. (I'm not saying its easy to put yourself out there men...but lets face it..genetics and male female gender rolls have some input into attraction at a fundamental level....you want to chase your prey or you get bored..it's too easy)0 -
Hit the nail right on the head!Problem is though that while the guy might initially like being chased they don't like knowing how easy it is it seems.
Any time a man knows I have any interest in him at all he runs..and so I won't chase any more..and they don't chase me..so single..perpetually single.
Every woman that I know who is happily in a relationship that is long term did not make initial contact...so to me its bull. I'm not going to stroke some guys ego any more because that's all it seems to be when I show interest. (I'm not saying its easy to put yourself out there men...but lets face it..genetics and male female gender rolls have some input into attraction at a fundamental level....you want to chase your prey or you get bored..it's too easy)0 -
Problem is though that while the guy might initially like being chased they don't like knowing how easy it is it seems.
Any time a man knows I have any interest in him at all he runs..and so I won't chase any more..and they don't chase me..so single..perpetually single.
Every woman that I know who is happily in a relationship that is long term did not make initial contact...so to me its bull. I'm not going to stroke some guys ego any more because that's all it seems to be when I show interest. (I'm not saying its easy to put yourself out there men...but lets face it..genetics and male female gender rolls have some input into attraction at a fundamental level....you want to chase your prey or you get bored..it's too easy)
No personal offense intended but that does sound like one is saying..."Hey I am all for equality...as long it isn`t to my disadvantage".0 -
Hey if I could be myself and let a man know how I felt by being nice, expressing interest (lol not telling I love him or anything)..just having a good time with them and letting them know it...and it didn't make them run the other way I would gladly do it. I am just putting out my personal experience.
I'm all for equality in all aspects..equal pay for equal work ect. men and women are equal. But different. No one is any better than the other but our brain chemistry works differently. And it seems that we forget that. I am trying to remember.
Because when I show that I want/care/even like a man before he really shows me that he wants/cares/or likes me back just as much...it doesn't work. It doesn't seem to flatter him it makes him run. So I won't any more. If he shows me by his actions that he is interested first..I'll feel more confident in expressing mine. I hate that this is what I have to do..but experience has shown me it is what I have to do if I'm ever in a relationship again.0 -
Hey if I could be myself and let a man know how I felt by being nice, expressing interest (lol not telling I love him or anything)..just having a good time with them and letting them know it...and it didn't make them run the other way I would gladly do it. I am just putting out my personal experience.
I'm all for equality in all aspects..equal pay for equal work ect. men and women are equal. But different. No one is any better than the other but our brain chemistry works differently. And it seems that we forget that. I am trying to remember.
Because when I show that I want/care/even like a man before he really shows me that he wants/cares/or likes me back just as much...it doesn't work. It doesn't seem to flatter him it makes him run. So I won't any more. If he shows me by his actions that he is interested first..I'll feel more confident in expressing mine. I hate that this is what I have to do..but experience has shown me it is what I have to do if I'm ever in a relationship again.
That is what is called life and do you think it is any different for guys?
Honestly,I could hit on or approach a hundred ladies and have zero positive response,not making it up.
You learn that it really isn`t a personal rebuff,just not everyone is going to like or be attracted to everyone and move on.
Again,not meaning it to pick on you,just a broad response to your post but it seems like many ladies don`t recognize this basic thing and want the road to a relationship paved for them.
I am not saying you stand outside a bar and give your number to every guy that walks out but if any lady think being a waif is going to put them in the lead over a lady that is overt in letting a guy know she is interested she is fooling herself.0 -
That is what is called life and do you think it is any different for guys?
Honestly,I could hit on or approach a hundred ladies and have zero positive response,not making it up.
You learn that it really isn`t a personal rebuff,just not everyone is going to like or be attracted to everyone and move on.
Again,not meaning it to pick on you,just a broad response to your post but it seems like many ladies don`t recognize this basic thing and want the road to a relationship paved for them.
I am not saying you stand outside a bar and give your number to every guy that walks out but if any lady think being a waif is going to put them in the lead over a lady that is overt in letting a guy know she is interested she is fooling herself.
I appreciate you sharing this, Carl, and I needed to hear it. I guess it's easy when you read on here so many people out there activlely dating and when you don't get the same response, it's easy to make generalizations and forget that not every other person is having great success in their dating life either. While there is some frustration because NO man has responded since I recently got online, I have been reminding myself that I don't need OR want every guy I even send a wink to respond. How would I know where to start. haha? There is no right way... do I approach or not?! All I know, is if it's not working, I'd be insane to think that doing the same things will give me a different result... SO I am changing my ways 0 -
Hey if I could be myself and let a man know how I felt by being nice, expressing interest (lol not telling I love him or anything)..just having a good time with them and letting them know it...and it didn't make them run the other way I would gladly do it. I am just putting out my personal experience.
I'm all for equality in all aspects..equal pay for equal work ect. men and women are equal. But different. No one is any better than the other but our brain chemistry works differently. And it seems that we forget that. I am trying to remember.
Because when I show that I want/care/even like a man before he really shows me that he wants/cares/or likes me back just as much...it doesn't work. It doesn't seem to flatter him it makes him run. So I won't any more. If he shows me by his actions that he is interested first..I'll feel more confident in expressing mine. I hate that this is what I have to do..but experience has shown me it is what I have to do if I'm ever in a relationship again.
That is what is called life and do you think it is any different for guys?
Honestly,I could hit on or approach a hundred ladies and have zero positive response,not making it up.
You learn that it really isn`t a personal rebuff,just not everyone is going to like or be attracted to everyone and move on.
Again,not meaning it to pick on you,just a broad response to your post but it seems like many ladies don`t recognize this basic thing and want the road to a relationship paved for them.
I am not saying you stand outside a bar and give your number to every guy that walks out but if any lady think being a waif is going to put them in the lead over a lady that is overt in letting a guy know she is interested she is fooling herself.
I realize its not personal nor is it easy for anyone to approach anyone else and put themselves out there.
I wish it wasn't a game but it is if you really want to win you have to play...but I honestly never knew the rules. I just keep hoping that being happy and healthy will lead me to someone I won't have to play a game to win.0 -
I am not saying you stand outside a bar and give your number to every guy that walks out but if any lady think being a waif is going to put them in the lead over a lady that is overt in letting a guy know she is interested she is fooling herself.
This depends entirely on whether the guy is interested in you to begin with. If he doesn't like you, no amount of overt, "I'm into you" behavior is going to land you a date. If there's something about you he really likes and he feels he just has to get to know you better, you don't have to do anything more than smile at him, if that.
We're better off acknowledging that everyone is different. Some men prefer to wait until a woman does everything short of sticking her tongue in his mouth before he makes a move. Some men are turned off by women who give out their number in unsolicited fashion. Some women want a man to do the pursuing, some women don't care either way. There is no single approach that will work on everyone. So figure out what YOU want. If you want a man who wants to pursue you, then don't give guys your number if they haven't asked, and don't ask them on dates. If you're okay dating a guy who is too shy to approach you, then by all means, approach the ones who grab your attention.0 -
Funny thing is the exact same thing could be said about women... When chased, they get bored or they will crap themselves and run away.Problem is though that while the guy might initially like being chased they don't like knowing how easy it is it seems.
Any time a man knows I have any interest in him at all he runs..and so I won't chase any more..and they don't chase me..so single..perpetually single.
Every woman that I know who is happily in a relationship that is long term did not make initial contact...so to me its bull. I'm not going to stroke some guys ego any more because that's all it seems to be when I show interest. (I'm not saying its easy to put yourself out there men...but lets face it..genetics and male female gender rolls have some input into attraction at a fundamental level....you want to chase your prey or you get bored..it's too easy)
I'd be surprised if you have you never heard about the "Treat them mean, keep them keen" thing?
I think it's just a human thing. I think at the end of the day, all this means is that no party in a relationship should move a lot faster than the other one, the two parties should adopt the same pace or - indeed - it is bound to fail.
So that means being able to back off rather than always being on the other ones back, breathing down their neck. Then they just have enough time to catch up with you.
I think relationships are often asymmetrical by their nature, so it's good to take time and wait for the other person's expectations to adjust and catch up with yours (or vice versa).
Also, I'll tell you honestly that I don't want to "chase my prey" because I'm a man. I'd rather have it easy if I can. The easier my life is, the better - relationships are a pain in the butt, so I go for easy ones. If I like a girl, and she likes me, why not just simply be together?
I will obviously make a reasonable effort to contact a girl (provided I'm interested), but - same as girls should do with men - if a girl doesn't "reply" enough to my "hooks" (i.e. messages, emails, etc.) or actually never initiate contact with me, chances are I will question their level of attraction for me, and probably move on at some point.
When I read this:
"Any time a man knows I have any interest in him at all he runs..and so I won't chase any more..and they don't chase me..so single..perpetually single."
It just seems to me that the man isn't interested. I mean, that's what I would do if I wasn't interested in a girl: run away from the girl and not contact her.
Are you sure you are not misreading signals from the guy? Maybe the guy is just not interested in a serious relationship at this stage, so the fact that you want something serious makes him move on?
As Carl said, not everyone is fit for everyone. And that's how it should be.0 -
Funny thing is the exact same thing could be said about women... When chased, they get bored or they will crap themselves and run away.
I'd be surprised if you have you never heard about the "Treat them mean, keep them keen" thing?
I think it's just a human thing. I think at the end of the day, all this means is that no party in a relationship should move a lot faster than the other one, the two parties should adopt the same pace or - indeed - it is bound to fail.
So that means being able to back off rather than always being on the other ones back, breathing down their neck. Then they just have enough time to catch up with you.
I think relationships are often asymmetrical by their nature, so it's good to take time and wait for the other person's expectations to adjust and catch up with yours (or vice versa).
Also, I'll tell you honestly that I don't want to "chase my prey" because I'm a man. I'd rather have it easy if I can. The easier my life is, the better - relationships are a pain in the butt, so I go for easy ones. If I like a girl, and she likes me, why not just simply be together?
I will obviously make a reasonable effort to contact a girl (provided I'm interested), but - same as girls should do with men - if a girl doesn't "reply" enough to my "hooks" (i.e. messages, emails, etc.) or actually never initiate contact with me, chances are I will question their level of attraction for me, and probably move on at some point.
When I read this:
"Any time a man knows I have any interest in him at all he runs..and so I won't chase any more..and they don't chase me..so single..perpetually single."
It just seems to me that the man isn't interested. I mean, that's what I would do if I wasn't interested in a girl: run away from the girl and not contact her.
Are you sure you are not misreading signals from the guy? Maybe the guy is just not interested in a serious relationship at this stage, so the fact that you want something serious makes him move on?
As Carl said, not everyone is fit for everyone. And that's how it should be.
I could not agree with this more if I had written it myself.0 -
It's a new era, there's even that song where she gives out her number. The ball is now in the woman's field. I have a feeling there'e going to be a lot of fumbles at first.
omg if you were in the room there would be no fumble.0
This discussion has been closed.