Is it just me, or has dating become more difficult?
kimi131
Posts: 1,058 Member
My last boyfriend and I broke up in November. Since then, there's been...
Jake. I really liked Jake. He was funny, sarcastic, very good-looking, and he reminded me a whole lot of the guy best friend I had a thing for for years. Because I liked him so much, I was always nervous around him. We went out five or six times. Well, I say that, but it was more like hanging out. Then he started traveling all the time with his job and I haven't seen him since January. We still text every few days, he sends me pictures of all the cool places he goes, and he calls me once in a while. We flirt, and it's fun, but we're just friends these days.
Then there was Mike. Mike and I totally clicked. We texted constantly, talked on the phone every day for hours, laughed constantly. I worried that I wouldn't be attracted to him in person, but we never met so I never go to know. He was talking to someone else at the same time, had the same kind of chemistry with her, and decided to pursue her instead.
Next came David. Ugh.... David. David and I started with some potential. There is mutual attraction, we get along well, and we always have a nice time together, but something doesn't quite click. I am still not myself with him. Early on, I think things were going well, but somewhere along the line and for some reason I am not sure of, he pulled away a lot. We've been dating since the end of February and we are still... just dating :noway: . Needless to say, I'm moving on.
Now enter Phillip. Phillip and I have a crazy connection. He makes me laugh constantly. We've only been out twice and I am already completely myself around him. I can be goofy around him and he doesn't mind. In fact, he plays along. He's affectionate and sweet. We communicate constantly, via im or text. And, while it's too soon, I think we both see a relationship as a definite possibility. But........ while I find his pictures incredibly attractive, I am not nearly as attracted to him in person. I'm still trying to figure that out because I think our personalities click enough that I might be able to find away around it.
Sigh. How is it that I am still single? Shouldn't one of these ended in a relationship? There were others too, but they didn't make it passed a date or two. Where's the guy that has David's looks and Phillip's personality? I'm fun, sweet, successful, and might I add rather hot
... why haven't I found someone yet?
Just seems to me like it's harder than it used to be. It used to be that someone liked you, made it known, you liked them back, and then boom, happily-ever-month or two, lol. I look at friends in relationships and think, they make it look so easy. Like it was so easy to find someone with whom there was a mutual attraction, both physically and mentally.
Thoughts?
Jake. I really liked Jake. He was funny, sarcastic, very good-looking, and he reminded me a whole lot of the guy best friend I had a thing for for years. Because I liked him so much, I was always nervous around him. We went out five or six times. Well, I say that, but it was more like hanging out. Then he started traveling all the time with his job and I haven't seen him since January. We still text every few days, he sends me pictures of all the cool places he goes, and he calls me once in a while. We flirt, and it's fun, but we're just friends these days.
Then there was Mike. Mike and I totally clicked. We texted constantly, talked on the phone every day for hours, laughed constantly. I worried that I wouldn't be attracted to him in person, but we never met so I never go to know. He was talking to someone else at the same time, had the same kind of chemistry with her, and decided to pursue her instead.
Next came David. Ugh.... David. David and I started with some potential. There is mutual attraction, we get along well, and we always have a nice time together, but something doesn't quite click. I am still not myself with him. Early on, I think things were going well, but somewhere along the line and for some reason I am not sure of, he pulled away a lot. We've been dating since the end of February and we are still... just dating :noway: . Needless to say, I'm moving on.
Now enter Phillip. Phillip and I have a crazy connection. He makes me laugh constantly. We've only been out twice and I am already completely myself around him. I can be goofy around him and he doesn't mind. In fact, he plays along. He's affectionate and sweet. We communicate constantly, via im or text. And, while it's too soon, I think we both see a relationship as a definite possibility. But........ while I find his pictures incredibly attractive, I am not nearly as attracted to him in person. I'm still trying to figure that out because I think our personalities click enough that I might be able to find away around it.
Sigh. How is it that I am still single? Shouldn't one of these ended in a relationship? There were others too, but they didn't make it passed a date or two. Where's the guy that has David's looks and Phillip's personality? I'm fun, sweet, successful, and might I add rather hot
... why haven't I found someone yet?Just seems to me like it's harder than it used to be. It used to be that someone liked you, made it known, you liked them back, and then boom, happily-ever-month or two, lol. I look at friends in relationships and think, they make it look so easy. Like it was so easy to find someone with whom there was a mutual attraction, both physically and mentally.
Thoughts?
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Replies
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From my experience it was easier when young, there's essentially more people in the age group that are single I guess, but yes I'm finding the same thing.
What confuses me is that I was getting heaps more dates at 210 lbs than I am now 20lbs later... :noway:0 -
From my experience it was easier when young, there's essentially more people in the age group that are single I guess, but yes I'm finding the same thing.
What confuses me is that I was getting heaps more dates at 210 lbs than I am now 20lbs later... :noway:
When younger we were also around a lot more people, between school and always going out etc. I don't remember when I last met someone within 5 years of my age.
And did you do the Truffle Shuffle a lot when you were 210?0 -
From my experience it was easier when young, there's essentially more people in the age group that are single I guess, but yes I'm finding the same thing.
What confuses me is that I was getting heaps more dates at 210 lbs than I am now 20lbs later... :noway:
When younger we were also around a lot more people, between school and always going out etc. I don't remember when I last met someone within 5 years of my age.
And did you do the Truffle Shuffle a lot when you were 210?
Umm what's a truffle shuffle lol?0 -
From my experience it was easier when young, there's essentially more people in the age group that are single I guess, but yes I'm finding the same thing.
What confuses me is that I was getting heaps more dates at 210 lbs than I am now 20lbs later... :noway:
When younger we were also around a lot more people, between school and always going out etc. I don't remember when I last met someone within 5 years of my age.
And did you do the Truffle Shuffle a lot when you were 210?
Umm what's a truffle shuffle lol?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5whaRkuipU 0 -
And did you do the Truffle Shuffle a lot when you were 210?
Great movie!! Great, now I want Rocky Road ice cream
I honestly do think it gets harder as you get older. For me, the usual times and places haven't worked to meet someone. I don't want to obsess about it so I took the advice seriously to just do the things you enjoy and you will more likely meet someone that way. Unfortunately, I have not found that to be true though I do have a very fun filled full schedule! Am trying Match.com for a while now, but trying not to take it too seriously...Good Luck!0 -
Hahaha no fortunately at 5ft 11 and 210 I never even had close to that much shuffle lol0
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In your particular case, it sounds like you just haven't met anyone who is suitable for you. You said yourself, "why can't I meet someone who has this person's looks and this person's personality?" That's called being able to design your own perfect guy, and that's not how it works. Everyone is going to have something about them you don't particularly like. The question then becomes one of what you can live with vs. what you simply cannot tolerate.
But in general, I think these difficulties you speak of are self-created. Women find themselves waiting around for men to make up their minds between half a dozen different options, and men chase women who aren't remotely interested in a serious relationship. If we could all find a little more self-respect, we'd stop hanging on to these people and start making ourselves available to the ones who make us feel good about ourselves, who never leave us questioning where we stand in their eyes, who make a genuine effort, again and again and again, just to make us happy.
I'd get into the damage that the whole FWB/NSA epidemic has done to dating, but I don't even have the energy.
The bottom line for me is that no one acts as though they believe they are special anymore. They give in to someone who doesn't really deserve them, they hang around way longer than they should, and then they sit around wondering why they can't find "the one." It's no great mystery. When you love yourself and treat yourself with the same kind of respect you claim to want from others, life changes for the better.0 -
From my experience it was easier when young, there's essentially more people in the age group that are single I guess, but yes I'm finding the same thing.
What confuses me is that I was getting heaps more dates at 210 lbs than I am now 20lbs later... :noway:
When younger we were also around a lot more people, between school and always going out etc. I don't remember when I last met someone within 5 years of my age.
And did you do the Truffle Shuffle a lot when you were 210?
Umm what's a truffle shuffle lol?
GOOOOOOONNNIIEESSSSSSSS!!!!0 -
i think dating is harder as we get older because we are more set in our ways and we now know what were looking for which limits the dating pool. just my thoughts plus i feel it is harder to meet people when were older not going out to all the college parties and all0
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the last time i dated i was a teenager, and i just kinda hopped guy to guy. i was never in a real relationship til i met my ex and he was my ONLY real relationship from 19 on...... geesh!!!
i think dating just kinda sucks anyway. i've been asked by two guys to be in relationships, but once we are they kinda just flake and fade out. i let them without chasing or anything because i figure if they aren't that into me then what's the point? right?!?! in terms of "just dating" i find it very easy to weed out people. after a couple dates it becomes very clear who i am NOT supposed to be with!!!0 -
I think dating is harder when you get older. The whole communication style has changed over the last 12 years of my life. I am less than fond of texting. I think it demonstrates the depersonalization fo society. It is so easy to misconstrue something via text because there is no body language or vocal cues. You read the text through your perception maybe not there intent. My first boyfriend after my husband I met through a friend on facebook. I was crazy about his personality but his picture was much different than his looks. But in his case his personality won out for me. If he had asked me out in person just off the street I probably wouldn't have agreed but because I got to know him prior to meeting I already was attracted to him, the rest fell into place. At the time I was truly in love with man and saw potential with him, so if you truly click the looks become less important. At least that is how it has been for me with my two relationships out after a 10 year marriage. I don't envy the younger crowd because I think a lot of times they are looking for instant gratification and don't take the time to truly get to know a person. People should respect you enough to turn of there cell phone when on a date unless they are a parent or on-call. You should be the focal point of their attention, they can return that text, e-mail, or phone call later. Just my opinion.0
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I'm starting to think that dating is just hard in general. I'm in my mid 20's and am having the same issues the poster put. Talking, mutual interest, and MAYBE a date out of it. Let's not talk about the last time I was actually in a relationship! Maybe because I leave everything up to the guy to actually control??0
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Dating today is def more difficult. Its like going out to buy a new car, two people out to try to screw over the other one. Online dating is the worst, its hard for anyone to date someone who they met online because they think they might miss out on someone better so they keep a few extra people around in case it doesnt work out. Im glad I am not part of that scene anymore. Too many games.0
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Since January? I've been out with one guy. That one lasted 3 weeks and ended first week of March when he told me I was too good for him and disappeared. Saw him on campus a month later, he just smiled and said "hey" and kept walking.
I keep trying. Change up my dating profile, initiate conversations (online and in person)... even have asked a few guys out... and have been shot down every time.0 -
I keep trying. Change up my dating profile, initiate conversations (online and in person)... even have asked a few guys out... and have been shot down every time.
I understand completely! I read on this site a million times how men think that women get messaged a ton and get to choose who they respond to. I definitely haven't found that to be true. I think it's because most men keep messaging the same 10 hot women, haha! The rest of us get no love (literally and figuratively), the same way they feel. I'm still trying too, having recently made myself get back out there online and not having heard a work back in the week from the 20+ guys I've messaged. Still wondering if I wasted my money, but at the same time, if I'm not out there, I'm certainly not going to change my current situation! Good Luck!0 -
In your particular case, it sounds like you just haven't met anyone who is suitable for you. You said yourself, "why can't I meet someone who has this person's looks and this person's personality?" That's called being able to design your own perfect guy, and that's not how it works. Everyone is going to have something about them you don't particularly like. The question then becomes one of what you can live with vs. what you simply cannot tolerate.
But in general, I think these difficulties you speak of are self-created. Women find themselves waiting around for men to make up their minds between half a dozen different options, and men chase women who aren't remotely interested in a serious relationship. If we could all find a little more self-respect, we'd stop hanging on to these people and start making ourselves available to the ones who make us feel good about ourselves, who never leave us questioning where we stand in their eyes, who make a genuine effort, again and again and again, just to make us happy.
I'd get into the damage that the whole FWB/NSA epidemic has done to dating, but I don't even have the energy.
The bottom line for me is that no one acts as though they believe they are special anymore. They give in to someone who doesn't really deserve them, they hang around way longer than they should, and then they sit around wondering why they can't find "the one." It's no great mystery. When you love yourself and treat yourself with the same kind of respect you claim to want from others, life changes for the better.
This is perfect! Men can't be tailor-made for us, but that doesn't mean that we should settle.
Dating is stressful!
I'm not currently searching for anyone... Because as you said, you need to learn to love and treat yourself with respect. I can't expect others to treat me right if I'm not doing so for myself. I'd rather be "lonely" and spend my Friday nights with my cat than be with a guy who isn't going to treat me right or practically kill myself trying to find one.
It sounds like you're trying to force something to happen... And that's never a good road to go down. Just take a tiny step back and focus on yourself.0 -
I can't even get dates these days... I scare them off before there is anything going :S... I think.. or maybe I am just not looking dishy enough... I don't know, I haven't figured it out, there seems to be a hell of a lot of people that are more socially akward than me and still....they pull, I don't hmm.. better start saving for those cats0
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I'd get into the damage that the whole FWB/NSA epidemic has done to dating, but I don't even have the energy.
Oh yeah, I completely agree. To me, when this kinda of stuff happens, it just says "you can have me without even bothering to do anything." It makes everyone lazy and to me, it's a little disrespectful that someone would want part of me and not all of me. I want a real relationship, not some half-a$$ed let's-have-sex-but-not-be-together bull crap! And I'd rather be single than settle for that.
But yes, back to the original topic - dating I feel is so much harder than what my parents describe as what they did when they were kids.0 -
I was crazy about his personality but his picture was much different than his looks. But in his case his personality won out for me. If he had asked me out in person just off the street I probably wouldn't have agreed but because I got to know him prior to meeting I already was attracted to him, the rest fell into place. At the time I was truly in love with man and saw potential with him, so if you truly click the looks become less important.
Maybe there's hope for Phillip and me! We'll see. I'm not trying to force anything . I just think it's odd that with all the dating I've been doing that I'm not in a relationship. Oh well. Guess I'll just keep trying. 0
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