Men, would you rather be respected or loved?
ItsCasey
Posts: 4,021 Member
I recently read a survey for men, written and conducted by a woman, that consisted of one question:
Would you rather:
1. be alone in the world and unloved, or
2. feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone?
Most of the respondents didn't really see a difference between the two options (an interesting result in itself), but when forced to choose, 74% said they'd rather be alone.
My curiosity boils down to this ... if you had to choose, which would you prefer:
a woman who openly respects you as a man, i.e. values your opinions and decision-making abilities, appreciates what you bring to the relationship, etc., but isn't all that affectionate toward you
OR
a woman who openly loves you but treats you more like a child, i.e. she tries to do everything for you and make decisions for you because she doesn't trust that you can take care of yourself.
Would you rather:
1. be alone in the world and unloved, or
2. feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone?
Most of the respondents didn't really see a difference between the two options (an interesting result in itself), but when forced to choose, 74% said they'd rather be alone.
My curiosity boils down to this ... if you had to choose, which would you prefer:
a woman who openly respects you as a man, i.e. values your opinions and decision-making abilities, appreciates what you bring to the relationship, etc., but isn't all that affectionate toward you
OR
a woman who openly loves you but treats you more like a child, i.e. she tries to do everything for you and make decisions for you because she doesn't trust that you can take care of yourself.
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Replies
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Hmmm I'm really curious about this0
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This is a really hard question to answer, in a perfect world of course you want both. You want someone who respects you and is affectionate. Personally because of who I am and what I've been through, I crave the affection. I'm an only child from a single parent household with no real connection to the rest of my family. So when my mom passes away (she isn't dying or anything like that, just saying), I will be completely alone in this world. I'd love to have a significant other and a child or two to make me feel fulfilled as a person (everyone has different things don't judge).
In the same vein, I'm a fairly prideful person about being able to take care of myself, I did move out when I was 17. So I feel that the respect is a huge thing.
Nope, gonna go with the affection, but hopefully in time I could prove to her that I was worth being trusted to make my own decisions.0 -
Though neither are ideal, I'd definitely chose #1.
I'm a bit of a loner on occasion and it really doesn't bother me one bit. When I feel like getting away from everyone, I just do solitary activities, such as working out, movies, video games, etc etc.
However, I'm very respected among my coworkers and almost anyone I deal with on a professional level. That's a damn good feeling and something I wouldn't want to give up.0 -
Option 1: a woman who openly respects you as a man, i.e. values your opinions and decision-making abilities, appreciates what you bring to the relationship, etc., but isn't all that affectionate toward you
This makes women sound superior to men and the whole point of a relationship is to be equal, so I would rather be alone!
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Option 2: a woman who openly loves you but treats you more like a child, i.e. she tries to do everything for you and make decisions for you because she doesn't trust that you can take care of yourself.
This once again sounds like women are superior to men and have to treat them as children. When a woman makes more money than I do, or has a better education than I do, then we can co exist and make decisons together, so once again I would rather be alone!
BOTH of these options suck!0 -
I'd say 1 to this one.1. be alone in the world and unloved, or
2. feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone?
I think it's like choosing between being shot or hung. End result is the same...Most of the respondents didn't really see a difference between the two options (an interesting result in itself), but when forced to choose, 74% said they'd rather be alone.
What the... :laugh:1) A woman who openly respects you as a man, i.e. values your opinions and decision-making abilities, appreciates what you bring to the relationship, etc., but isn't all that affectionate toward you
2) A woman who openly loves you but treats you more like a child, i.e. she tries to do everything for you and make decisions for you because she doesn't trust that you can take care of yourself.
Honestly, I'm not even sure I understand what each of these mean, but if I had to chose I'd go for option 1 here too.
About option 2: I hate being treated like a child and I hate when a girl doesn't trust I can take care of myself, the horrible thing is that I make a point of proving her she is wrong.
I guess though to expand further, I still think the girl loves me in option 1, and she doesn't demonstrate it openly, so I could live with that. Option 2 seems like she chose the wrong man! :laugh:0 -
I realize you'd want both, but I guess the point is to figure out which is more important: knowing you are loved or knowing you are respected.
Nothing wrong with choosing affection. Between my mom and dad, my dad is by far the more emotional of the two. His mother was very affectionate, and his father was a jerk. His mom died at an early age, so I think he needs the affection to fill that void. I don't think he really cares whether or not people respect him. He doesn't get validation from that. He gets it from knowing that his wife and kids love him and want him around.0 -
I'd rather be feared!
But to answer your question, I'd choose #1 easily: "A woman who openly respects you as a man, i.e. values your opinions and decision-making abilities, appreciates what you bring to the relationship, etc., but isn't all that affectionate toward you "0 -
Casey - There's a really good book on this titled "Love & Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs. I think you'd probably appreciate reading it. The conclusions of the book boil down to men feel more validated by respect than love and women more validated by love than respect.0
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That's interesting. Is it true for women?Casey - There's a really good book on this titled "Love & Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs. I think you'd probably appreciate reading it. The conclusions of the book boil down to men feel more validated by respect than love and women more validated by love than respect.0 -
Though neither are ideal, I'd definitely chose #1.BOTH of these options suck!
AGREED!0 -
That's interesting. Is it true for women?Casey - There's a really good book on this titled "Love & Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs. I think you'd probably appreciate reading it. The conclusions of the book boil down to men feel more validated by respect than love and women more validated by love than respect.
I personally detest the conclusion that a woman feels more validated by love than respect, because I honestly believe that one must respect someone before it's possible to love them. I would never stay with a man who feels that he needs to make my decisions for me because he thinks that I'm incapable of taking care of myself.0 -
Would you rather:
1. be alone in the world and unloved, or
2. feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone?
I agree with the populus that there is little to no difference between the two options. Feeling Inadequate and being disrespected, in my opinion, are components of being unloved. From personal experience, I chose to be alone. Traveling the dusty roads of a world where harsh whirl winds of unacceptance are prevelant leaves a human, man or woman, without cause or conviction. Show me love or show me the door.My curiosity boils down to this ... if you had to choose, which would you prefer:
a woman who openly respects you as a man, i.e. values your opinions and decision-making abilities, appreciates what you bring to the relationship, etc., but isn't all that affectionate toward you
OR
a woman who openly loves you but treats you more like a child, i.e. she tries to do everything for you and make decisions for you because she doesn't trust that you can take care of yourself.
Again, I see little to no difference in the options. Either way, components of respect, love, and companionship are missing.0 -
I'm not sure why you find it surprising that most respondents do not see a difference between the two options. Your rephrasing is just as indistinguishable too.a woman who openly respects you as a man, i.e. values your opinions and decision-making abilities, appreciates what you bring to the relationship, etc., but isn't all that affectionate toward you
If I am in a relationship, I expect my partner to be affectionate. I will make that expectation known. If she can't or won't do that but chooses to stick around, how is she respecting me?a woman who openly loves you but treats you more like a child, i.e. she tries to do everything for you and make decisions for you because she doesn't trust that you can take care of yourself.
I would also make it known that I expect to be with someone who values my contributions to the relationship and trusts my judgement. How is it love if the woman in question does not nurture the uniqueness of your contributions?
I guess I would rather be alone than be in either of these situations.0 -
My curiosity boils down to this ... if you had to choose, which would you prefer:
a woman who openly respects you as a man, i.e. values your opinions and decision-making abilities, appreciates what you bring to the relationship, etc., but isn't all that affectionate toward you
OR
a woman who openly loves you but treats you more like a child, i.e. she tries to do everything for you and make decisions for you because she doesn't trust that you can take care of yourself.
I am going to sort of cop out on this one by saying that the second choice is not workable as to me that isn`t love but some odd sort of infatuation from an immature person.
The first one is not a relationship if either is not affectionate so it becomes a would you prefer your left hand cut off or your right one sort of question with no real answer to be had.0 -
I'm not sure why you find it surprising that most respondents do not see a difference between the two options. Your rephrasing is just as indistinguishable too.
It's not surprising to me. I just find it interesting because I think it is reflective of how differently men and women generally view such things. I think most women do see a difference between love and respect. Personally, I think the reason men cheat can be found in the gap between love and respect. You can love a woman and still betray her. It's a lot harder to do it to a woman who has earned your respect, if for no other reason than you know she does not tolerate it.0 -
I'm not sure why you find it surprising that most respondents do not see a difference between the two options. Your rephrasing is just as indistinguishable too.
It's not surprising to me. I just find it interesting because I think it is reflective of how differently men and women generally view such things. I think most women do see a difference between love and respect. Personally, I think the reason men cheat can be found in the gap between love and respect. You can love a woman and still betray her. It's a lot harder to do it to a woman who has earned your respect, if for no other reason than you know she does not tolerate it.
if that's why some men cheat....then what would be a cause for women that cheat? same reason?0 -
That's like choosing between between my left nut or my right nut. Too painful to think about.0
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I'm not sure why you find it surprising that most respondents do not see a difference between the two options. Your rephrasing is just as indistinguishable too.
It's not surprising to me. I just find it interesting because I think it is reflective of how differently men and women generally view such things. I think most women do see a difference between love and respect. Personally, I think the reason men cheat can be found in the gap between love and respect. You can love a woman and still betray her. It's a lot harder to do it to a woman who has earned your respect, if for no other reason than you know she does not tolerate it.
if that's why some men cheat....then what would be a cause for women that cheat? same reason?
Sure, that's probably why some women cheat. I personally can't envision myself in a relationship, let alone a marriage, with a man I don't respect, but I think there are women who get married for social reasons, and for those women, lack of respect for their husbands probably plays a much bigger role in why they cheat.0 -
This is an awesome topic!
My ex of two years would have preferred number 1, for sure. He never felt like anyone in life respected his opinion, his education, his intelligence..etc. I felt like the most valuable thing I offered him was listening to his ideas for his job, his rants about life, and about other people. I was definitely an affectionate girlfriend, but I think I was more helpful in the relationship being the person who respected and valued what he had to offer in the world.
I think more often than not, you see men who want #2 though.0 -
Hell, I don't know.
But I'd rather have my left nut. I'm left handed
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My curiosity boils down to this ... if you had to choose, which would you prefer:
a woman who openly respects you as a man, i.e. values your opinions and decision-making abilities, appreciates what you bring to the relationship, etc., but isn't all that affectionate toward you
OR
a woman who openly loves you but treats you more like a child, i.e. she tries to do everything for you and make decisions for you because she doesn't trust that you can take care of yourself.
That's easy. I'll take the woman who openly loves me but treats me like a child.
I don't need confirmation from my significant other that my opinions are valid or my decision making abilities are good. I have a lot of experience (e.g. multiple degrees, successful career, many intelligent friends, etc.) that confirms this.
On the other hand, what a successful career can't provide is love. True love: irrational, inexplicable, frustrating, exhilarating, left brain nonsense, the essence of being, Truth... And that is what I value the most in a relationship, without a doubt (theoretically speaking, as I've never had this).
Besides, having her make the decisions would actually be incredibly helpful. I spend many hours each day working with clients where we decide lots of things, oftentimes with significant impact on others, and where there is a lot of money at stake. It can be stressful at times. I could really care less where we go on vacation, if we buy this car or that car, what movie we're going to see, sushi versus Mexican, etc.
If she thinks she's making all of these decisions because I can't manage without her, well, I'll just let her keep on thinking that. She's happy, because we're madly in love. And I don't have to research top beaches in Portugal any more. Sounds like a win-win to me. ;-)
--Prahasaurus0 -
Both 1 and. 2 mutually respected and loved. I don't play by the rules0
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I'm not sure why you find it surprising that most respondents do not see a difference between the two options. Your rephrasing is just as indistinguishable too.Feeling Inadequate and being disrespected, in my opinion, are components of being unloved
^^These.0 -
This is an awesome topic!
My ex of two years would have preferred number 1, for sure. He never felt like anyone in life respected his opinion, his education, his intelligence..etc. I felt like the most valuable thing I offered him was listening to his ideas for his job, his rants about life, and about other people. I was definitely an affectionate girlfriend, but I think I was more helpful in the relationship being the person who respected and valued what he had to offer in the world.
I think more often than not, you see men who want #2 though.
I agree! This is an awesome topic!
Also, I've noticed my desires have changed as I've gotten older. At one point I didnt care so much if my SO respected me so much as long as she "wanted" me. Later on, I wanted someone who respects me and cares about what's happening in my head and heart. Now-a-days, I desire both and will settle for nothing less!0 -
Hell, I don't know.
But I'd rather have my left nut. I'm left handed
haha, my friend came up with this awesome theory that most men, who came through puberty in the computer age are left handed when it comes to jerking off (even if naturally right handed)... why?? Because that way they can run the mouse with their right hand while looking at online porn.
I thought this should be shared.0 -
Now for the question: I'd rather be respected, I'm not sure how love could develop without respect?
As for the example of the two woman, I don't think I'd date either, but I'd go for choice #1 if there was a gun pointed at my head.0 -
Hell, I don't know.
But I'd rather have my left nut. I'm left handed
haha, my friend came up with this awesome theory that most men, who came through puberty in the computer age are left handed when it comes to jerking off (even if naturally right handed)... why?? Because that way they can run the mouse with their right hand while looking at online porn.
I thought this should be shared.
Nah dude im just talented with the mouse in my left hand.0 -
I agree with Carl (at least I think it was Carl) about respect being required as a base-state for love. If you don't have respect, you don't have love. You may have lust and friendship, but it's not love.0
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I'd rather she made me a sandwich then debate about a survey.0
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I'd rather she made me a sandwich then debate about a survey.
Classic. lol0
