Please smack me
Meghan0116
Posts: 1,268 Member
I am not going to go into a lot of detail but I would like to understand how much you should text the day after a date. I feel like it I text too much I am coming across clingy, too little and I seem disinterested. This is driving me nuts.
Saw this guy whom I talk to off and on yesterday and I do like him quite a bit. This morning we texted back and forth and then nothing. Like an idiot, I probably sent 2-3 texts with no responses. A few hours go by and I asked if I said something wrong and get a no, I'm busy text.
Did I text too much and come across clingy and put any potential in the toilet? Haven't heard from him since and that was hours ago. I am pretty sure ya'll are going to rip me to shred but maybe I need it. I know I am overanalyzing like crazy.
I think anyone who tries dating should have their heads examined first. lol
Saw this guy whom I talk to off and on yesterday and I do like him quite a bit. This morning we texted back and forth and then nothing. Like an idiot, I probably sent 2-3 texts with no responses. A few hours go by and I asked if I said something wrong and get a no, I'm busy text.
Did I text too much and come across clingy and put any potential in the toilet? Haven't heard from him since and that was hours ago. I am pretty sure ya'll are going to rip me to shred but maybe I need it. I know I am overanalyzing like crazy.
I think anyone who tries dating should have their heads examined first. lol
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Replies
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you were probably fine until you texted asking if you said something that made him quit texting.0
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Back away from the phone... and hopefully you'll hear from him again later.0
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If he stops texting then act as if it is the end of a conversation with a friend.
Go about your business for a few hours and then just say hi as a new conversation,don`t try to pick up the old one.
Other then that act as if nothing has changed in life.0 -
I assumed that 'texting etiquette' dictates that if you are texting with someone, you get responses as the person is available to give them. My friend and I chit-chat via text most every day but it is not a constant dialogue because we both work and have other things going on. I wouldn't sweat it too much. If he is interested, he'll be back, don't worry.0
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That actually is a hard question to answer. I was just in a relationship with a guy that ended recently partly due to a misunderstanding about this. I didn't want to appear clingy or like I was stalking him. I always thought at first just play it cool and don't push the relationship too fast. So I didn't call him everyday or text him all the time even though I was thinking about him.
He was angry I didn't call more and thought I didn't care about him because I didn't e-mail him more and talk to him more. He thought he should be more important to me than just a once in a while thought.
I guess you just have to do what feels right. There are no easy answers when it comes to dating and relationships0 -
That actually is a hard question to answer. I was just in a relationship with a guy that ended recently partly due to a misunderstanding about this. I didn't want to appear clingy or like I was stalking him. I always thought at first just play it cool and don't push the relationship too fast. So I didn't call him everyday or text him all the time even though I was thinking about him.
He was angry I didn't call more and thought I didn't care about him because I didn't e-mail him more and talk to him more. He thought he should be more important to me than just a once in a while thought.
I guess you just have to do what feels right. There are no easy answers when it comes to dating and relationships
Wow, and he didn't lighten up after you explained yourself? Sheesh. Can't win, can you?0 -
I am not going to go into a lot of detail but I would like to understand how much you should text the day after a date. I feel like it I text too much I am coming across clingy, too little and I seem disinterested. This is driving me nuts.
Saw this guy whom I talk to off and on yesterday and I do like him quite a bit. This morning we texted back and forth and then nothing. Like an idiot, I probably sent 2-3 texts with no responses. A few hours go by and I asked if I said something wrong and get a no, I'm busy text.
Did I text too much and come across clingy and put any potential in the toilet? Haven't heard from him since and that was hours ago. I am pretty sure ya'll are going to rip me to shred but maybe I need it. I know I am overanalyzing like crazy.
I think anyone who tries dating should have their heads examined first. lol
Hmm.. I think this would come off as a TINY bit clingy to me if a guy did it to me, but I would brush it off. I wouldn't end the relationship just because of it. However, if he kept doing it, I would run away.
Just back away from the phone, wait for him to text you, and you'll be fine. When he does text you, if he asks what you've been up to, make it sound like you were busy or having fun. :P0 -
Meghan, when he said "No, I'm busy" that was a good indication that NO you didnt text too much, and the reason he isnt replying is that he is busy!!! :laugh:
You crack me up!! :laugh:
Don't text him again. He will text you when he's no longer busy :flowerforyou:
oh, and *smack*!!!
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That actually is a hard question to answer. I was just in a relationship with a guy that ended recently partly due to a misunderstanding about this. I didn't want to appear clingy or like I was stalking him. I always thought at first just play it cool and don't push the relationship too fast. So I didn't call him everyday or text him all the time even though I was thinking about him.
He was angry I didn't call more and thought I didn't care about him because I didn't e-mail him more and talk to him more. He thought he should be more important to me than just a once in a while thought.
I guess you just have to do what feels right. There are no easy answers when it comes to dating and relationships
Wow, and he didn't lighten up after you explained yourself? Sheesh. Can't win, can you?
Nope, can't win for trying too hard or playing hard to get. I wish I had the magic answer.0 -
I'd back away from the phone and with anyone (friend, family, etc.) after I send one text that warrants a reply, I don't text again until I get a reply from that one...but that's just me. I'm sure he won't think twice about it unless you keep doing it every day. No sweat!
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It's OK to send a few texts in a row (although it depends about the content of the text as well).Like an idiot, I probably sent 2-3 texts with no responses.
It's not OK to send an apologetic text. Apologise only if you screwed up for real.A few hours go by and I asked if I said something wrong and get a no, I'm busy text.
You came across clingy, especially for being so worried about what you texted. Chill out, and give the man some time to come back to you.Did I text too much and come across clingy and put any potential in the toilet?
Ok, here are a few good rules of thumb (use them as guidelines, so people don't serve me your *kitten* about "Oh no! Not rules again blah blah"):
Generally:
- One text sent = you wait for one text received (normally).
- You can send another text, sometimes... But don't do it more than 3-4 times a week really. Use this as a joker when you forgot to add something to your previous text ("Oh btw...") or when you have to share something that just happened ("I just saw XYZ!").
- Don't reply faster than the other person. If you had to wait 1 hour, then wait more or less 1 hour (30m to 1h30m).
- Sometimes, when you chose to and randomly, reply immediately. If the other person reply immediately, reply immediately a couple more times.
- Do not be the one who initiates conversation every time. It's OK if you do most of the time though (70% of the time).
- Don't ask if you said something bad, he's/she's an adult, he/she can get over it (if not then they can fnck off).
- If no reply after a series of texts, increase the interval between your texts or stop texting altogether.
After a date:
- Send a text shortly after the date to say that it was a cool date, you enjoyed it, and add some sort of private joke.0 -
Ok, here are a few good rules of thumb (use them as guidelines, so people don't serve me your *kitten* about "Oh no! Not rules again blah blah"):
OOooooooohhhhhhhhhhh nooooooooooooooooooooooooo, not your guidelines.............again!!! :laugh:
:flowerforyou:
Generally:
- One text sent = you wait for one text received (normally)
Hmmm, so far so good! :bigsmile: I like this one :flowerforyou:- You can send another text, sometimes... But don't do it more than 3-4 times a week really. Use this as a joker when you forgot to add something to your previous text ("Oh btw...") or when you have to share something that just happened ("I just saw XYZ!")
who on earth sits there counting how may texts have been sent and reciprocated in a WEEK??? Let alone the content!! :laugh:- Don't reply faster than the other person. If you had to wait 1 hour, then wait more or less 1 hour (30m to 1h30m).
Ok, so I'm waiting 6 months to reply to my ex, cos the last time he text me, before today, was 6 months ago!!! :laugh:- Sometimes, when you chose to and randomly, reply immediately. If the other person reply immediately, reply immediately a couple more times.
TG, I was getting bored waiting to comply with Rule No. 3............sorry, guideline No. 3 :smokin:- Do not be the one who initiates conversation every time. It's OK if you do most of the time though (70% of the time).
Florian, WHERE do you get these percentages from?? :laugh: And HOW do you keep tabs if you initiated 20%, 45% or 82%??- Don't ask if you said something bad, he's/she's an adult, he/she can get over it (if not then they can fnck off).
- If no reply after a series of texts, increase the interval between your texts or stop texting altogether.
yeah, I kinda think that makes things worse :flowerforyou: You can't ever have an emotional conversation in text! Walk away from the phone now........
After a date:
- Send a text shortly after the date to say that it was a cool date, you enjoyed it, and add some sort of private joke.
Like, have you heard the one about the Irishman, Scotsman and Englishman??
ok, I'm teasing you!! :flowerforyou:
Actually Florian, I'm ever so impressed with the time you take, the detail you go to and the effort you make in replying to a lot of posts. And I just love your injection of humour, even if half the time you're not even being funny!!! Shellee is right, you should write a book
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Actually Florian, I'm ever so impressed with the time you take, the detail you go to and the effort you make in replying to a lot of posts. And I just love your injection of humour, even if half the time you're not even being funny!!! Shellee is right, you should write a book
I completely agree! I always look forward to your responses.
So yeah, totally in the dark about this guy. I straight out asked him what he is looking for from me, a fwb or to date. Because there is no way I could just be his fwb. I like him too much. His response...... I don't really know. That is what he said. Awesome! I told him that I like him but essentially won't sit around waiting and it would be good for me to know. His response was, I like you too, I told you that. *sigh*
I am just going to cut off communication. This would obviously not be a healthy relationship either way.0 -
I am not going to go into a lot of detail but I would like to understand how much you should text the day after a date. I feel like it I text too much I am coming across clingy, too little and I seem disinterested. This is driving me nuts.
Saw this guy whom I talk to off and on yesterday and I do like him quite a bit. This morning we texted back and forth and then nothing. Like an idiot, I probably sent 2-3 texts with no responses. A few hours go by and I asked if I said something wrong and get a no, I'm busy text.
Did I text too much and come across clingy and put any potential in the toilet? Haven't heard from him since and that was hours ago. I am pretty sure ya'll are going to rip me to shred but maybe I need it. I know I am overanalyzing like crazy.
I think anyone who tries dating should have their heads examined first. lol
You're texting too much. If you send a text and it goes unreplied for a few hours, it's not the end of the world. If it's a few days, then ask, if you did something wrong. Not a few hours.
By now, he's probably "just not that into you."
You're making dating more complicated than it needs to be.0 -
Texting a few times in a row is okay if you have something legitimate to say or ask. But texting to find out why you never got a response is annoying to pretty much everyone. Unless you are asking question that requires an immediate answer, chill out, and stop reading things into response times. You know whether or not you said something wrong. If you didn't, then he probably really is in the middle of something that is important to him.0
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I think anyone who tries dating should have their heads examined first. lol
if that happened, shrinks would make more money than professional athletes.0 -
Some days texting irritates the hell out of me. Some days I love it. It's one of those things .. constant contact with someone is NEVER a good thing. At any given point during the day texting can switch from being cute and fun to the most annoying thing ever. It all depends on my changing mood .. if somone at work has ticked me off .. if I am super busy and I get too many texts .. you just never know. Whereas before texting .. that person would have never annoyed me during the day and I would want to talk with them that night ... see? Especially with someone new .. it is just too easy to mess with things when you are texting.0
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I know. I am insecure and make everything way more complicated than it needs to be.0
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Actually Florian, I'm ever so impressed with the time you take, the detail you go to and the effort you make in replying to a lot of posts. And I just love your injection of humour, even if half the time you're not even being funny!!! Shellee is right, you should write a book
I completely agree! I always look forward to your responses.
So yeah, totally in the dark about this guy. I straight out asked him what he is looking for from me, a fwb or to date. Because there is no way I could just be his fwb. I like him too much. His response...... I don't really know. That is what he said. Awesome! I told him that I like him but essentially won't sit around waiting and it would be good for me to know. His response was, I like you too, I told you that. *sigh*
I am just going to cut off communication. This would obviously not be a healthy relationship either way.
At least you know now and you should be very proud of yourself for telling him you won't be waiting around. :flowerforyou:0 -
*SMACK* you are right, you did deserve that! If men put as much ridiculous thought and over analyzing into dating as the women on this forum (and by extension I believe, all women) I think we would go insane. We are not that complicated. He is probably enjoying a delicious sammich and didnt have a chance to reply yet. Take a deep breath and Woooooossssaaaaaa!!0
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*SMACK* you are right, you did deserve that! If men put as much ridiculous thought and over analyzing into dating as the women on this forum (and by extension I believe, all women) I think we would go insane. We are not that complicated. He is probably enjoying a delicious sammich and didnt have a chance to reply yet. Take a deep breath and Woooooossssaaaaaa!!
LMAO thank you. I think we are going insane, one man at a time.
I think that is what I need to realize, that men just aren't that complicated. I am so not a go with the flow kind of person. Damn virgo personality.0 -
Actually Florian, I'm ever so impressed with the time you take, the detail you go to and the effort you make in replying to a lot of posts. And I just love your injection of humour, even if half the time you're not even being funny!!! Shellee is right, you should write a book
I completely agree! I always look forward to your responses.
So yeah, totally in the dark about this guy. I straight out asked him what he is looking for from me, a fwb or to date. Because there is no way I could just be his fwb. I like him too much. His response...... I don't really know. That is what he said. Awesome! I told him that I like him but essentially won't sit around waiting and it would be good for me to know. His response was, I like you too, I told you that. *sigh*
I am just going to cut off communication. This would obviously not be a healthy relationship either way.
I didn't see this post before. You are right to cut off communication. I've had a guy give me that noncommittal "I don't really know what I want from you" BS. "I don't really know what I am looking for" + "I told you I like you, so don't walk away" does not compute. He doesn't have to jump into a relationship, but if he had any respect for you, he'd at least be able to tell you what his intentions are. A simple "I like spending time with you and want to keep seeing you, but I don't want to be in a serious relationship right now" is not difficult.0 -
Exactly!0
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Exactly!
Haven't you had these types of situations before?
Did you not learn from them?0 -
Exactly!
Haven't you had these types of situations before?
Did you not learn from them?
Similar yes. I guess not.
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Don't text him again. you are overanalyzing . let him worry a little ... I know its hard & you want to make sure things are OK and you didnt blow it .. but just sit back and let a little silence do the talking ... either by tomorrow or the next day, if ya'll really did have a chemistry, he'll text you back ... if not, keep it movin' . Theres nothing worse than feeling like your not good enough for someone especially when you really want them. its better to take your dignity and walk!0
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Actually Florian, I'm ever so impressed with the time you take, the detail you go to and the effort you make in replying to a lot of posts. And I just love your injection of humour, even if half the time you're not even being funny!!! Shellee is right, you should write a book
I completely agree! I always look forward to your responses.
So yeah, totally in the dark about this guy. I straight out asked him what he is looking for from me, a fwb or to date. Because there is no way I could just be his fwb. I like him too much. His response...... I don't really know. That is what he said. Awesome! I told him that I like him but essentially won't sit around waiting and it would be good for me to know. His response was, I like you too, I told you that. *sigh*
I am just going to cut off communication. This would obviously not be a healthy relationship either way.
I didn't see this post before. You are right to cut off communication. I've had a guy give me that noncommittal "I don't really know what I want from you" BS. "I don't really know what I am looking for" + "I told you I like you, so don't walk away" does not compute. He doesn't have to jump into a relationship, but if he had any respect for you, he'd at least be able to tell you what his intentions are. A simple "I like spending time with you and want to keep seeing you, but I don't want to be in a serious relationship right now" is not difficult.
Try picturing this from the guys perspective and see if you still think he isn't being respectful.
You are texting a girl back and forth during work. You get busy and go an hour without sending a text. Out of the blue the girl sends you a text saying "what's wrong? Did I upset you? Why did you quit responding to me?" Her tone probably sounds desperate and clingy (as evidenced by the fact that she is so concerned that she is asking about it on the internet).
Soon after, said girl decides that you aren't giving her enough of the attention she wants/needs and decides to have a talk about your dedication to a relationship with her? (Again probably sounding clingy, insecure and usually when I have been in this situation the girl is rather hostile too).
Most guys aren't going to be thinking about how to be respectful of her and giving her the information she is wanting. Most guys are thinking, let's get out of this without any crying, temper tantrums or throwing ****.0 -
It's pretty simple.
Stop ALL communication from your side.
Wait and see if HE makes contact with YOU.
The mystery of silence can be compelling.
If he does within a reasonable time, great. If he doesn't, it's his loss, right?0 -
Your question is moot.
How do people buy a car? Do they have a list of options, diligently compare each model with their list, rate each car by metric, etc., until the best car is remaining?
NO! Er, well, 98% of people don't do this, although 100% of people claim they do. Here's what they really do:
They just really like a car. Any car. Sure, it needs to be in the ballpark of what they want (can accommodate 2 kids, or whatever). Nobody can explain it, but it's true. It's completely irrational, but there you go. However, people never want to admit they are irrational, so they convince themselves - by making up rational arguments *after* they have made a choice - why they need that particular car, why it best fits their rational criteria.
Back to your question.
If he liked you, you wouldn't appear clingy. You could send him 30 messages while his phone's battery was dead, he'd recharge a few hours later, and then make a great joke about it.
When people don't make a connection, they look for rational reasons why. But oftentimes, there is no rational reason to it. That's the tragedy - some would say the beauty - of being human.
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I'd back away from the phone and with anyone (friend, family, etc.) after I send one text that warrants a reply, I don't text again until I get a reply from that one...but that's just me. I'm sure he won't think twice about it unless you keep doing it every day. No sweat!
This is me as well...Everyone gets busy in life and not everyone has their phone on-hand 24/7...Give him a chance to reply before texting 'Did I do something wrong?' already...Take a breath and relax...If he likes you he will be back. 0
