some questions...

christine24t

While out tonight for my birthday, I was thinking about some stuff and wanted your opinions! The last two of these are dumb, I apologize. Really dumb!

1) Is the bar a good place to meet people? And by bar, I mean not like a local quiet neighborhood spot, but like a bar with music. Has anyone actually met a boyfriend/girlfriend at any type of bar?

2) My friend who is very outgoing told a guy standing near the bar that it was my birthday. He said "happy birthday!" and asked my name and how old I was, and then basically ordered me a drink and wandered away. I felt awkward so I left the area, since he left. A few minutes later, while still standing around, my friend told another guy it was my birthday, and asked for a shot recommendation. He gave us one, ordered it for us, and then walked away. Not sure why this happened twice. Any insight? Why would you buy someone a drink and then wander away? Why wouldn't you just say "happy birthday!" and be done with it?

3) This guy was walking by me, and he said, "hey, how are you doing?" and I said "good," and then he walked away. Was that just an uber polite "excuse me?"

XmanMike

While out tonight for my birthday, I was thinking about some stuff and wanted your opinions! The last two of these are dumb, I apologize. Really dumb!

1) Is the bar a good place to meet people? And by bar, I mean not like a local quiet neighborhood spot, but like a bar with music. Has anyone actually met a boyfriend/girlfriend at any type of bar?

2) My friend who is very outgoing told a guy standing near the bar that it was my birthday. He said "happy birthday!" and asked my name and how old I was, and then basically ordered me a drink and wandered away. I felt awkward so I left the area, since he left. A few minutes later, while still standing around, my friend told another guy it was my birthday, and asked for a shot recommendation. He gave us one, ordered it for us, and then walked away. Not sure why this happened twice. Any insight? Why would you buy someone a drink and then wander away? Why wouldn't you just say "happy birthday!" and be done with it?

3) This guy was walking by me, and he said, "hey, how are you doing?" and I said "good," and then he walked away. Was that just an uber polite "excuse me?"

Lots of people I know say don't go to a bar looking to meet people but one never knows. I think it's just like any other place. You just have to be careful no matter where you meet folks. But what happened to you is something I've never heard of. Made me wonder if you were in a gay bar and didn't know it. I don't have an answer for that. Perhaps you should have become the aggressor in that you asked the guys questions to get a sense of whether he's interested or not. Or if that's not your style, your friend could have done something. But like I said, that seemed weird. I don't understand that, but I don't claim to be a dating genius, either. Lol.

XmanMike

Oh, and those guys probably were shy and aren't very good at conversation. That's just another opinion.

lacroyx

While out tonight for my birthday, I was thinking about some stuff and wanted your opinions! The last two of these are dumb, I apologize. Really dumb!

1) Is the bar a good place to meet people? And by bar, I mean not like a local quiet neighborhood spot, but like a bar with music. Has anyone actually met a boyfriend/girlfriend at any type of bar?

yes it can be. and no I haven't met a gf at any bars.

2) My friend who is very outgoing told a guy standing near the bar that it was my birthday. He said "happy birthday!" and asked my name and how old I was, and then basically ordered me a drink and wandered away. I felt awkward so I left the area, since he left. A few minutes later, while still standing around, my friend told another guy it was my birthday, and asked for a shot recommendation. He gave us one, ordered it for us, and then walked away. Not sure why this happened twice. Any insight? Why would you buy someone a drink and then wander away? Why wouldn't you just say "happy birthday!" and be done with it?

hard to say but if a girl I found was attractive and it was her bday I'd probably buy her a drink and wish her happy bday as well. I'd probably walk away too since I am shy. :embarassed:

3) This guy was walking by me, and he said, "hey, how are you doing?" and I said "good," and then he walked away. Was that just an uber polite "excuse me?"

He probably wanted to talk to you but your short reply probably gave him the vibe that you were not interested so he walked away. Did you smile? give eye contact?

p.s. happy belated birthday!

Prahasaurus

You seem like a fish out of water. Was that your first time in a bar??? Was it your 21st birthday?

Finding a bf in a bar is unlikely. Not because it's a bar, but because it's unlikely (perhaps better: improbable) to find a significant other anywhere. It's quite rare, no matter where you are. But a bar is probably just as good as the supermarket, laundry, pharmacy, etc.

Your face looks quite nice. I don't see why you're having problems finding a bf. Perhaps confidence issues? Try to relax and be yourself. You should be fine.

Oh, and happy birthday.

--P

Carl01

I would just chalk it up to the guys being polite and friendly.
More important though was how did you react to them?
Smile,and talk or a quick thank you then look down and away as if you were uncomfortable?

AnnaPixie

Well, unless the guys were really drunk and being frivolous with their cash, then I would say they liked the look of you and bought you a drink. They didnt get any encouragement from you to stay - "oh wow, thank you, so where you from?" - so they walked away :flowerforyou:

I dont know any stranger that would buy me a drink for the hell of it, birthday or not. It's man code for 'I like you' here! Or I like your friend!!!! (The girl who initiated the contact). But then, I have been told that pubs/bars in England are different?

3. If you don't want to strike up a conversation with someone, then "good" is the polite answer, then both people walk away. If you DO want to continue the conversation, more of an open approach is needed "good thanks, how about you?"

Happy Birthday!! :flowerforyou:

flimflamfloz

1) Is the bar a good place to meet people? And by bar, I mean not like a local quiet neighborhood spot, but like a bar with music. Has anyone actually met a boyfriend/girlfriend at any type of bar?

Yeah, it's probably better than other places actually (unlike what has been said earlier) since people go to the bar to "chill out" and "party", and also "meet people". So unlike the pharmacy or supermarket where you go to buy goods and want to be done with it.
People at the bar are likely to have the whole evening off, and are likely to have at least 30min to talk to you.
I've met several girlfriends in clubs, so probably similar enough to bars.

2) My friend who is very outgoing told a guy standing near the bar that it was my birthday. He said "happy birthday!" and asked my name and how old I was, and then basically ordered me a drink and wandered away. I felt awkward so I left the area, since he left. A few minutes later, while still standing around, my friend told another guy it was my birthday, and asked for a shot recommendation. He gave us one, ordered it for us, and then walked away. Not sure why this happened twice. Any insight? Why would you buy someone a drink and then wander away? Why wouldn't you just say "happy birthday!" and be done with it?

I would never buy any random person a drink. However, some men feel compelled to pay the night to the women they date, so maybe they felt the birthday is just a good enough occasion to buy you a drink (without thinking about dating). They were just trying to be friendly maybe.
EDIT OK, or Anna's answer might be it. Can't comment too much on this, just not the way I work.

3) This guy was walking by me, and he said, "hey, how are you doing?" and I said "good," and then he walked away. Was that just an uber polite "excuse me?"

I think your "good" was a bit of a "conversational dead end".
My expectation would be a reply and some question:
- Good and you?
- I'm good too, so what are you up to?
- Oh it's my bday today and I'm here with my friends.
Etc.
Even if you weren't interested in the guy, I would >actively< train myself in being an active part of the conversation so that people talking to me feel at ease. Also, the conversation doesn't have to last for 5 hours if you're with friends, but treating someone respectfully with a 40 seconds conversation is always a nice thing to do.

solman66

I dont know any stranger that would buy me a drink for the hell of it, birthday or not. It's man code for 'I like you' here! Or I like your friend!!!! (The girl who initiated the contact). But then, I have been told that pubs/bars in England are different?

I'd probably buy anyone a drink (girl or guy) if they told me it was their birthday and I believed them, but I'm a friendly guy who's loose with his money at bars.

gerard54

1. Ive met 2 past girlfriends at bars and those both lasted 3 yrs and were really good.

2. I would have done the same thing, if someone told me it was a friends birthday I'd come over wish you a happy birthday,ask you what you were drinking and have a drink with you. If I felt like there was a connection I would stay and hang out but if not id just move on. Enjoy the free drinks and be open is my advice =]

oh and happy belated birthday :flowerforyou:

pa_jorg

I'd probably buy anyone a drink (girl or guy) if they told me it was their birthday and I believed them, but I'm a friendly guy who's loose with his money at bars.

How you doin'?

But seriously, I agree that the 'good' response let the conversation go dead. Aside from that, how many friends were you with and how were they acting? That could have intimidated a fairly shy guy too...

Happy birthday!

dbrightwell1270

I worked in bars for about 8 years. My opinion is that other than a college bar where most of the patrons are under 25 and have little or no responsibility, that bars are a terrible place to try to find anything serious. Most people who frequent bars on a regular basis are irresponsible drunks with a mess of a personal life and you are much better off not dealing with the train wreck.

In regards to question 2. If I was looking for a one night stand, I'd buy a drink for you and your friend. My personal view of the girls going around soliciting drinks from guys is that they were either teases or total *kitten*. My guess is that he walked off because he chalked you up to teases. Q3: You probably didn't give enough feedback to make it worth hid while to continue talking.

NCTravellingGirl

I can say that something similar happened to my group of friends. I do think many guys feel obligated to buy drinks when they are in a bar, particularly a club of any type. I had a friend who was QUEEN at going up to random guys and just straight up asking them to buy her or even all of us drinks. Rounds of shots were not uncommon, haha! Amazing how many guys would do it, and they'd both part ways! She was really cute, but she didn't really even have to flirt with them much.

I will say for myself though, I definitely don't give out vibes of interest in bars since I don't personally like the idea of meeting anyone that way. Of course, it's worked like a charm, haha, so maybe you should try something different, haha!

Belated Happy Birthday :drinker:

christine24t

Thanks for all the happy birthdays!

He probably wanted to talk to you but your short reply probably gave him the vibe that you were not interested so he walked away. Did you smile? give eye contact?

I did smile because he was really cute, and I said "good!" enthusiastically. But he was walking past me when he said it, didn't stop at all so that is why I was really confused about that. I don't know if that was another way to say "excuse me" or what. I've just never heard that before.

You seem like a fish out of water. Was that your first time in a bar??? Was it your 21st birthday?

Haha no, I used to go to the bars up at college all the time where I knew everyone. I don't go out much where I live now, and it's a whole different social scene - everyone at college was from the country, and here it was more of a city atmosphere which is incredibly different for me and my friends!

I would just chalk it up to the guys being polite and friendly.

That's what I thought of more this morning. Maybe they felt awkward because my friend was like "it's her birthday!" and they weren't interested in me.

But...I did get to meet a really cute guy that came up and introduced himself to me and my friends! Unfortunately though he was leaving the bar just as we were coming, and we didn't see him again. He came up and said "hi" and said he was with a bachelor party and they were leaving but he wanted to come say hi from him and his friends, and say that we all looked really pretty. It was the first guy I've met in a while that I actually was really attracted to!

AllanMisner

1) I met my girlfriend at a bar. Given the chemistry we have, I don't think it would have mattered where we met.

2) On a girl's B-day, I'd buy a girl a shot without expecting anything (yes, even if I weren't attracted). It's just a nice thing to do for a girl on her day.

3) I'm thinking he didn't get a good vibe from you when he spoke to you. Or his wife came out of the ladies restroom faster than he expected.