Dating someone you're embarrassed to be seen with

JanieJack

I've got too many IRL friends here to go into details, but has anyone here done this? If so, why did you date that person? What precautions did you take to avoid being seen? Did you eventually start liking them?

I'm kinda vain and think every guy is thrilled to show me off, but if you ever felt like someone was embarrassed to be seen with you, what made you think that?

(you don't have to post the answers here, but please inbox me... your thoughts will help me respond to someone)

JanieJack

Yikes...wow...thanks already to those who have responded. Y'all rock.

Please keep the ideas coming. I'll post a summary soon.

Prahasaurus

You are dating someone who embarrasses you? And you want tips on how to avoid being seen out in public with this embarrassing person, with whom you are in a relationship? Is that correct? Or perhaps I'm missing something here?

Thanks for the clarification.

JanieJack

Uh, no!! If you look at my pictures, you'll see my current favorite- no embarrassment there. And anyway, I pretty much give everyone who asks a date (unless they're old enough to be my dad). Just about everyone (hot or not) has something cool I can learn about them, and I don't think so highly of myself that I'd be embarrassed by another human being that deserves to breathe just as much as I do.

I really can't give details, but I'm trying to respond to someone who feels like their new interest is embarrassed to be seen by them. I really can't relate to this, so I thought I'd ask some strangers on the internet.

lorro

The only example I can think of where someone I know questioned this and later felt she was mistaken was due to a situation where there were cultural differences and families were involved. She was asked by her boyfriend to cover up her tattoos when they met his folks, because he knew they would find accepting a person from a less conservative culture difficult and they would draw the wrong conclusions about it. At first she thought he was ashamed of her, but he wasn't. He thought she was awesome and was proud to show her off as his girlfriend, but he wanted to ease her path into the family and let them get to know her with as few pre-conceptions as possible. They just got engaged the other day and his family love her :bigsmile:

In all other cases whether or not the partner was embarrassed or not was pretty irrelevant as the other person didn't feel loved and appreciated.

Carl01

if you are embarrassed to be seen with a person then don`t go out with them.

If a person is embarrassed to be seen with you then don`t go out with them.

That pretty well should sum it up.

AnnaPixie

No, never! If someone is floating my boat, I dont care what he looks like, and dont give a ****e what my fam/friends think of him :flowerforyou:

AnnaPixie

O! And lovely, happy pic Janie :bigsmile: :flowerforyou:

kimi131

I was never really all that physically attracted to my last ex. I loved his family, his daughter, and the life I imagined us having together, but I loved all of that before I loved him. I was at times embarrassed by him, but it wasn't so much looks. He just didn't know how to relate to people, or even talk to people. I mean, I can be shy, but I can still hold a conversation with people when they talk to me. We ended for different reasons though.

christine24t

I was never really all that physically attracted to my last ex. I loved his family, his daughter, and the life I imagined us having together, but I loved all of that before I loved him. I was at times embarrassed by him, but it wasn't so much looks. He just didn't know how to relate to people, or even talk to people. I mean, I can be shy, but I can still hold a conversation with people when they talk to me. We ended for different reasons though.

I kinda know what you mean by this, only my experience is with a friend. We used to get along really well, but now we're much different and to be honest, she is almost a little embarrassing now behavior wise.

We used to get along so well, so this is soooo weird to me. But I've never introduced her to any of my friends from college, because I know they would not like her and she would act territorial of me, even though I don't know her that well anymore. She is one of those people who if she met them, she would have to prove that she's known me longer (which is true) and better (which is probably not true). I'm a little embarrassed of her, I'll admit.

ItsCasey

I can't quite wrap my mind around this. Why would you continue dating someone who you don't want to be seen in public with?

JanieJack

I can't quite wrap my mind around this. Why would you continue dating someone who you don't want to be seen in public with?

My question exactly.

Tomorrow I'll post what *every* single guy who inboxed me said. Just wanna see if I get some more responses first.

Prahasaurus

I can't quite wrap my mind around this. Why would you continue dating someone who you don't want to be seen in public with?

That was exactly what I was thinking. I'm still totally confused.

But it's like a soup opera. I just can't wait for the next installment to see where this is going. I'm hoping it's all going to make sense in a day or two.

--P

Prahasaurus

Uh, no!! If you look at my pictures, you'll see my current favorite- no embarrassment there.

You're dating a Polar Bear? Or you make him wear the outfit because you're too embarrassed to be seen with him in public?

--P

JanieJack

Uh, no!! If you look at my pictures, you'll see my current favorite- no embarrassment there.

You're dating a Polar Bear? Or you make him wear the outfit because you're too embarrassed to be seen with him in public?

--P

haha that's funny. I guess you guys can't see my other pictures? I switched it to my profile pic so you could see it. But look, we're not a "couple" yet, so I'm not gonna leave that up too long.

kerrymh

When I was 400lbs..I know most of the men who I met and "asked me out" only wanted to keep me hidden. They did not want to do much for a first date in terms of public activity..and if we did "date" past the first meeting it was always in private. I know that they wanted to keep there little fetish for the fat girl a secret. It was pretty obvious. Hence the reason that I rarely had 2nd or 3rd dates I couldn't stand to be with someone who was ashamed of me.

JanieJack

When I was 400lbs..I know most of the men who I met and "asked me out" only wanted to keep me hidden.

Oh Kerrymh!!! I am so sorry that happened to you. People are so shallow! I see from your ticker that you've made AMAZING progress- you've not only LOST 185 lbs but kept it off for a year!! WOW!!! congrats! But I feel such anger that people can't get to know/love us at our higher weight.

{{{{hugs for Kerrymh}}}}

Prahasaurus

I know that they wanted to keep there little fetish for the fat girl a secret. It was pretty obvious. Hence the reason that I rarely had 2nd or 3rd dates I couldn't stand to be with someone who was ashamed of me.

That's just terrible. Glad you're taking back control of your life.

--P

kerrymh

Thanks guys
I never understood how someone could be completely interested in me but embarrassed about it.....
It was no mystery why a guy who was healthy and active wasn't interested..really back then we didn't have much in common. But I found it very confusing when someone was obviously interested and didn't want the world to know lol. Its not like I was a horribly ugly evil, stupid socially awkward person. I was fat. But I was still sweet, intelligent, pretty, independent, had interests, decent person.

Anyway I'm glad I had and still have enough self esteem to leave those situations in my past and to never get into them in the future

mrmanmeat

...

JanieJack

ok gang... here's what I got back.

1. 100% of the guys who responded said this happens all the time (whether they've done it or not) for sex. As one put it, "In college we called girls like that mopeds. Fun to ride but embarrassing to be seen on."

2. The women who responded were mostly ones who had this happen to them (ouch- I'm so sorry you had to endure that hurt) and a few that went out with the guy anyway because they were lonely and being with a loser was better than being alone. Or because he was attentive to other (emotional) needs, but his social awkwardness made him someone she didn't want to bring around friends.

3. If you suspect the person you are with is embarrassed to be seen with you in public, then push for the next date to be in a highly visible area. If he/she refuses, consider moving on to someone else.

Thanks for your responses.

JanieJack

What really surprised me about the responses is that so many of you thought I was talking about ME dating someone I'm embarrassed of. I know I'm vain and somewhat shallow shen it comes to dating, but I'll have to sit down and ponder how on earth I gave you strangers on the internet that impression.

I myself can be socially awkward. And if I get to know a guy well enough to introduce my son, his autistic tendencies can create embarrassing situations when we go out. In high school and college I was the girl that guys would pretend to like so their buddy could get with my friend.

Since I never had a proper date until I got divorced a couple years ago, and since I have so many socio-economic factors working against me, I am absolutely thrilled when anyone asks me out. I am the last person on this board that would be embarrassed to be seen with a man who has good enough taste to wanna spend his time and his money taking me out.

Carl01

What really surprised me about the responses is that so many of you thought I was talking about ME dating someone I'm embarrassed of. I know I'm vain and somewhat shallow shen it comes to dating, but I'll have to sit down and ponder how on earth I gave you strangers on the internet that impression.

I myself can be socially awkward. And if I get to know a guy well enough to introduce my son, his autistic tendencies can create embarrassing situations when we go out. In high school and college I was the girl that guys would pretend to like so their buddy could get with my friend.

Since I never had a proper date until I got divorced a couple years ago, and since I have so many socio-economic factors working against me, I am absolutely thrilled when anyone asks me out. I am the last person on this board that would be embarrassed to be seen with a man who has good enough taste to wanna spend his time and his money taking me out.

I've got too many IRL friends here to go into details, but has anyone here done this? If so, why did you date that person? What precautions did you take to avoid being seen? Did you eventually start liking them?

I'm kinda vain and think every guy is thrilled to show me off, but if you ever felt like someone was embarrassed to be seen with you, what made you think that?

(you don't have to post the answers here, but please inbox me... your thoughts will help me respond to someone)

I did not but can see how that bolded part could imply you were talking about yourself.

JanieJack

I'm kinda vain and think every guy is thrilled to show me off, but if you ever felt like someone was embarrassed to be seen with you, what made you think that?

I did not but can see how that bolded part could imply you were talking about yourself.

Man, that's a shame... because the whole reason I added that line was so that none of the guys I'm currently getting to know (all of which I've encouraged to come to this site and check out my posts) would think I was talking about me or them. That could have backfired.

oddyogi

Now that you mention it I do remember one of my good guy friends talking about his FWB and how he wouldn't want to be seen in public with her by any of his friends or his ex because she was "alright but not that cute."

Bleh.

JanieJack

I will admit one of my favorite boyfriends was someone who didn't want to be seen with me online. His family is quite bigoted, and while he didn't have a problem "showing me off" locally, he didn't want anything on facebook that would alert his family in another state that he was dating someone non-white. Since I grew up with racial tensions in my bi-racial family I did not take offense to this. Plus he was (still is) a great guy. After about 4 months, he got to the point where he wanted to "come out of hiding" and tried to broach the subject with his family. I am very proud of (and impressed by) him for doing this. But it went horribly. He is not the type to kick his family to the curb, and even though he wanted to keep seeing me, I knew it would never work out long term.

People say "love conquers all things" but some things just aren't worth it.

To be honest, this is the kind of example I was expecting the guys to give me. Not the sex/moped one.

DavetheHYNIC

Back in my wild oats sowing days, even though I seem to have found some oats seeds in my bag recently, I would always keep a couple of places I knew no one I knew would be I actually scouted my town for restaurants and bars that were always empty or only had old white people in them. But what I was doing wasn't what I called "dating". Most men are too shallow to "date seriously" a woman they found embarrassing. Unless of course they are ugly too. I'm always happy to see two ugly people together cause everyone deserves too be happy. Even ugly people.

ItsCasey

But what I was doing wasn't what I called "dating". Most men are too shallow to "date seriously" a woman they found embarrassing.

This is what I was thinking when I read the "moped" thing. You're not really dating someone if you're only sleeping with them or hanging out at home with them.

AllanMisner

My last long-term girl friend changed into someone who embarrassed me. She had very strong political leanings and began attacking some of my family and friends on FB. She also acquired a very "entitlement" mentality as it goes and began showing off our home and furnishings. Yes, we put a lot of time and money into it, but it always made me uncomfortable to flaunt stuff.

Anyway, it got to the point where I didn't want to bring her around my family and friends and I didn't want to be around her friends.

There were a lot of other problems with the relationship (no sex, lack of any real conversations of value, etc.), but it was the embarrassment part that provided the final straw.

JanieJack

My last long-term girl friend changed into someone who embarrassed me.

FWIW, I did get a couple responses about LTR partners or husbands/wives changing into someone who embarrassed them, years into it, but that's not really what I'm asking about. And no, I'm not saying that b/c I've heard the real story of your last gf a million times, lol.

Thanks to all who responded...even the answers I wasn't looking for are insightful.

JanieJack

I actually scouted my town for restaurants and bars that were always empty or only had old white people in them. But what I was doing wasn't what I called "dating".

This is exactly what my friend is concerned about. At first, the eclectic empty places were fun b/c no one was there so she could just relax and be herself. But it's been a couple dates now.