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Isn't it funny?

UsedToBeHusky
UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
edited December 2024 in Social Groups
How people will say that they are looking for one thing, but when it is standing right in front of them, they don't see it. Why do people to do that?

This question isn't exclusive to men or women. I've seen both do it. Just curious what everyone's thoughts were on this.

Replies

  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
    How people will say that they are looking for one thing, but when it is standing right in front of them, they don't see it. Why do people to do that?

    This question isn't exclusive to men or women. I've seen both do it. Just curious what everyone's thoughts were on this.
    Because maybe they don't like the option of what's in front of them?
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    I don't know. I have the nice guy, that isn't entirely unattractive, and would give me the world standing here begging me to date...

    I still don't want him :(
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    How people will say that they are looking for one thing, but when it is standing right in front of them, they don't see it. Why do people to do that?

    This question isn't exclusive to men or women. I've seen both do it. Just curious what everyone's thoughts were on this.
    Because maybe they don't like the option of what's in front of them?

    But then is that really what they are looking for?
  • Daisy_Cutter
    Daisy_Cutter Posts: 774
    I actually think once people are faced with the reality they've found what they're looking for they realize that might not be what they want after all. I've been hanging out with this guy on and off. I know he likes me and he says he's looking for a long term relationship but now that that possibility is literally in front of him he's re-thinking. So, possibly he didn't really want a LTR......just thought he did.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Give us specifics.

    For example, let's say I want a guy with a sense of humor. Not really - I want a guy I'm passionately attracted to and a personality to match ;-) The sense of humor has to be agreeable with what I find funny as well. Ya know? a blanket statement is never that easy.
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
    How people will say that they are looking for one thing, but when it is standing right in front of them, they don't see it. Why do people to do that?

    This question isn't exclusive to men or women. I've seen both do it. Just curious what everyone's thoughts were on this.
    Because maybe they don't like the option of what's in front of them?

    But then is that really what they are looking for?
    Yes, but from a different person.
  • will010574
    will010574 Posts: 761 Member
    I dont think anyone knows what they are really looking for. We all have ideas of what we are absolutely not willing to accept but what I really want?? Nope I couldnt say. I can give a ballpark description but that is about as close as I can get.

    So when you say what a person wants is right in front of them but they dont go for it, clearly it isnt what they really want.
  • flimflamfloz
    flimflamfloz Posts: 1,980 Member
    How people will say that they are looking for one thing, but when it is standing right in front of them, they don't see it. Why do people to do that?
    People are never looking for "one thing". They are looking for a combination of things. They say "I'm looking for this one thing" but that just means it's the first thing that spring to their mind, the most important one at the moment.
    It doesn't mean that someone who could offer this "one thing" will match their other criteria. So in this case, it's when the whole package isn't the one they are looking for.
  • hope516
    hope516 Posts: 1,133 Member
    I myself am completely guilty of this and hope you find an answer. I always ***** and complain that I want a relationship soooo badly but this weekend I had this guy I have been dating and have been wanting to become exclusive with. He asked me "so what are we?" It was the age old question that I as a a girl HATE bringing up because of how akward the answer could be! So I should have been estatic that he (who I thought I wanted to date) brought it up. So what do I do??? I said I don't know, get quiet, he asks why I am quiet and I change the subject :noway: wtf??? So then later he says that I always take a step forward and two steps back. It was a general statement about something else but I know what he was refering to :blushing:

    But I hope you find an answer because I am very guilty of it!!! I also have committment issues though...maybe thats it???
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    It is just how it is,the first is a blanket statement of wishes whereas the second is a specific person.
    If it doesn`t click it makes no difference what attributes the person has.

    Now though if there is a pattern of saying one thing but always doing the opposite,the good guy/bad boy thing for example then it is most likely the person is simply not being honest with themselves about what they want.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    But I hope you find an answer because I am very guilty of it!!! I also have committment issues though...maybe thats it???

    This really wasn't about anyone in particular. Just an observance that I have made. But I think most often committment issues is what is really going on.
  • hope516
    hope516 Posts: 1,133 Member
    I am sure it has a lot to do with it. I SAY I love a challenge and that is why I keep chasing this one guy who I WILL NEVER have. And I know DEEP DEEP WAY DEEP down that I only want him because I can't have him, which means I will never have to make a committment. Yet this other guy is saying he wants more and I totally shut him down. I'm sick I tell you, SICK :grumble:

    A better question still is where commitment issues come from :huh: If you find that answer let me know :bigsmile:
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    I think some people confuse the idea of knowing WHAT you are looking for with knowing WHO you are looking for. Like Will said, everyone can name qualities they definitely don't want, and we all have qualities we definitely do want, but that doesn't mean it's as easy as meeting someone who has a lot of the qualities you're looking for, and boom, instant relationship. There is no accounting for chemistry between two people.

    And it's surprising how quickly people get over "commitment issues" when they meet the person they are looking for. Nobody is scared of committing. Most people are just scared of committing to the wrong person. I also think people have misguided ideas about the whole "in love" euphoria, like it lasts forever. They have it at first, and then the luster fades a bit, and it takes a little more effort to have a happy, healthy relationship, so people give up and decide it's not really what they wanted. I like to call those people emotionally stunted.
  • Steelheart7
    Steelheart7 Posts: 1,056
    It's that whole "you can't help who you fall in love with" thing.

    My mother always used to say .. Jennifer, it's just as easy to fall in love with someone rich as it is to fall in love with someone poor. When I was young I used to roll my eyes at her and say .. but I looooooove him mom!!! Whatever. Now I get why she used to roll HER eyes at me. lol.

    You could put a man in front of me that has everything I want in a man, but if that "thing" isn't there.. it isn't there. It doesn't mean that I don't still want those qualities, it just means that I want them in someone else. lol. Which I guess is what meatman said .. so I guess my whole response has been rendered useless..
  • hope516
    hope516 Posts: 1,133 Member


    You could put a man in front of me that has everything I want in a man, but if that "thing" isn't there.. it isn't there. It doesn't mean that I don't still want those qualities, it just means that I want them in someone else. lol. Which I guess is what meatman said .. so I guess my whole response has been rendered useless..

    I agree with this. I know this guy who is as they say "good on paper" he has EVERYTHING on my list. But it just isn't there..:ohwell:
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    It's that whole "you can't help who you fall in love with" thing.

    My mother always used to say .. Jennifer, it's just as easy to fall in love with someone rich as it is to fall in love with someone poor. When I was young I used to roll my eyes at her and say .. but I looooooove him mom!!! Whatever. Now I get why she used to roll HER eyes at me. lol.

    You could put a man in front of me that has everything I want in a man, but if that "thing" isn't there.. it isn't there. It doesn't mean that I don't still want those qualities, it just means that I want them in someone else. lol. Which I guess is what meatman said .. so I guess my whole response has been rendered useless..

    Yeah, but I'm not talking about chemistry. I am talking about people who get stuck in the cycle of dating the same type of person over and over, then complains about it. But when someone comes along that has the qualities that the individual claim that they wanted, they aren't interested, and just end up continuing the cycle, rather than breaking the cycle.
  • Silver180
    Silver180 Posts: 294
    Nobody is scared of committing. Most people are just scared of committing to the wrong person.

    This is good.
  • NeedANewFocus
    NeedANewFocus Posts: 898 Member
    Girl: "Where are all the good guys at?"
    Guy: "I'm right where you left me. In the friend zone."
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    Girl: "Where are all the good guys at?"
    Guy: "I'm right where you left me. In the friend zone."

    LOL! So much truth in that statement!
  • hope516
    hope516 Posts: 1,133 Member
    Girl: "Where are all the good guys at?"
    Guy: "I'm right where you left me. In the friend zone."


    mmmmm guilty of this one too :embarassed:
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Girl: "Where are all the good guys at?"
    Guy: "I'm right where you left me. In the friend zone."


    mmmmm guilty of this one too :embarassed:

    Guilty, but not ashamed. I don't want to hump you. That's why you're in the friend zone. Do you want to be with someone that doesn't want to hump you?? Didn't think so :tongue:
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
    It's that whole "you can't help who you fall in love with" thing.

    My mother always used to say .. Jennifer, it's just as easy to fall in love with someone rich as it is to fall in love with someone poor. When I was young I used to roll my eyes at her and say .. but I looooooove him mom!!! Whatever. Now I get why she used to roll HER eyes at me. lol.

    You could put a man in front of me that has everything I want in a man, but if that "thing" isn't there.. it isn't there. It doesn't mean that I don't still want those qualities, it just means that I want them in someone else. lol. Which I guess is what meatman said .. so I guess my whole response has been rendered useless..

    *cough, MANMEAT! lol
  • hope516
    hope516 Posts: 1,133 Member
    Girl: "Where are all the good guys at?"
    Guy: "I'm right where you left me. In the friend zone."


    mmmmm guilty of this one too :embarassed:

    Guilty, but not ashamed. I don't want to hump you. That's why you're in the friend zone. Do you want to be with someone that doesn't want to hump you?? Didn't think so :tongue:

    No I guess it would be nice if he wanted to hump me :huh: I think
  • Steelheart7
    Steelheart7 Posts: 1,056
    It's that whole "you can't help who you fall in love with" thing.

    My mother always used to say .. Jennifer, it's just as easy to fall in love with someone rich as it is to fall in love with someone poor. When I was young I used to roll my eyes at her and say .. but I looooooove him mom!!! Whatever. Now I get why she used to roll HER eyes at me. lol.

    You could put a man in front of me that has everything I want in a man, but if that "thing" isn't there.. it isn't there. It doesn't mean that I don't still want those qualities, it just means that I want them in someone else. lol. Which I guess is what meatman said .. so I guess my whole response has been rendered useless..
    7.

    *cough, MANMEAT! lol

    Oops! Lol..sorry! Lmao..meatman. hahha
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