(Vent) I Was Beginning To Wonder If I'm Overreacting

JanieJack

But, no, race/ethnicity is still a big deal. I just had another one of those "Oh, I thought you were Puerto Rican" moments where a guy who's been smiling at/flirting with me all week instantly shifts from huge smiles, open stance, some kino arm action, and talking nervously to (after 3 times of "Are you sure you're not Puerto Rican," arms folded, closed stance, and "Well, it's getting late I'm sure you must be going now" when he found out my ethnicity wasn't what he expected. The sad thing is, I could very well BE part Puerto Rican, I just don't know. And usually saying "I don't know" is great for evading the "black" question, but not tonight.

Sigh.

JanieJack

All is not lost at this conference, though... after all... there's the two guys old enough to be my dad who won't stop trying to talk with me.

lol

Hopefully I'll hear from my old friend next week. He told me to remind him next week of our plans to meet up later, which (in typical female over-analyzing fashion) I don't take as a good sign.

JanieJack

Ok, and one last post...

the 10 days I've been at this conference... so has my ex. And guess what? I look amazing! I didn't even realize how much size I'd lost until I put on an outfit I hadn't worn in 6 months. YAY!!

My venting about "puerto rican" guy has given way to smiling over how my ex must be kicking himself seeing me in session each day.

Thanks for reading.

lacroyx

that just sucks about the race thing. :frown: I haven't experienced it yet in terms of dating but at my heaviest people always thought I was chamorro or pacific islander. When I tell them I am hispanic/latino they are shocked. :laugh: Their reasoning was always 2 things. I'm too tall and too big so they never thought of me as that. Congrats on the NSV with your outfit!

lorro

Janie, there will always be ignorant people in the world. It's sad, but I'm glad you found out this guy was one of them and didn't waste any more of your time and attention on him. And yes, you are overthinking - the old friend wants to hear from you, so call him

AnnaPixie

If you 'don't know' your ethnicity, why dont you say mixed race? You look mixed race to me, and I'm mixed race......lol

If I then get asked 'what mix? I just say (to strangers) 'a veritable feast of everything!' :bigsmile:

Not that the ignorant fool should have a more understandable explanation, but it might save you having to answer the question more than once!

I get mistaken for Italian, Spanish, Maltese, Jewish, Greek, Portuguese. I'm sure if I was over in America it would be Latino too!

I dont have an issue with people's curiosity, but I dont really get the lack of interest because you say one thing over another. Could it be they just think it's weird you dont really know?

Hahaha!! Your ex is kicking himself so much he is covered in bruises by now

Give your old friend the benefit of the doubt? He might be being that casual cos he thinks YOU dont want to ring HIM :bigsmile:

Good luck :flowerforyou:

flimflamfloz

But, no, race/ethnicity is still a big deal. I just had another one of those "Oh, I thought you were Puerto Rican" moments where a guy who's been smiling at/flirting with me all week instantly shifts from huge smiles, open stance, some kino arm action, and talking nervously to (after 3 times of "Are you sure you're not Puerto Rican," arms folded, closed stance, and "Well, it's getting late I'm sure you must be going now" when he found out my ethnicity wasn't what he expected. The sad thing is, I could very well BE part Puerto Rican, I just don't know. And usually saying "I don't know" is great for evading the "black" question, but not tonight.

It might still be a big deal, but it will be a bigger deal if you make a big deal out of it yourself. Why don't you play it down, and prepare a few "funny" canned answers if you dread that moment so much? So that you don't ever feel uncomfortable again...
I've got a few canned answers for my flaws personally, otherwise it's too easy to "take it too seriously".

"Oh, I thought you were Puerto Rican"
"Yeah! I know... Even *I* have to check my ID from time to time to make sure I'm not Puerto Rican!"

The most important lesson of my life in terms of "seduction" (which I've learnt only recently and with which I've only been experiencing for a few months) is that you can really control the mood of the conversation when interacting with the opposite sex. The content, at the end of the day, matters only so much... What is really important is to keep focusing on a "mood" and trying to get the person you are interacting with to "tune in" to your mood, to get your mood across (and I'm talking about a "flirty", "sexual", "relaxed", "fun" mood).
But there must also be some flow during the conversation, and these kind of "flow breakers" or "emotionally heavy conversations" should be avoided really. You can lose someone you are trying to seduce on this, so a quick joke to dismiss something you know you will be way too serious about won't hurt.

MaraDiaz

I know what it is! He was hoping to learn spanish and he's sad because you're not Puerto Rican, therefore, probably not a native spanish speaker. Everyone knows the only real way to learn a second language as an adult without moving to a country where it's the primary language is to date someone who speaks it (and preferably doesn't speak english, like my last boyfriend).

I was forced to really learn spanish way beyond college class level. Guy ended up being deceitful and therefore a big waste of my time, but darned if I don't still still speak it okay, even if I'll never be truly fluent.

Yup. That's what it was. Pity the guy, he's an aspiring bilinguist! :laugh:

Prahasaurus

It's a feature, not a bug. You get to weed out all the losers like that right from the start, potentially saving you loads of time.

And on perhaps an unrelated note, I think you're quite attractive. :-)

--P

JanieJack

If you 'don't know' your ethnicity, why don't you say mixed race? You look mixed race to me, and I'm mixed race......lol

I used to say I was black, because that's what my younger sister and brother are, and that's the culture I was reared in. My standard answer is, since my mother is white, that "I'm half white and half something dark." I said that, he asked a couple more times, and I said I really don't know my ethnicity.

To his defense, now that I've slept on it, he looked white but could have been Puerto Rican himself and just wanting someone from that culture.

"Oh, I thought you were Puerto Rican"
"Yeah! I know... Even *I* have to check my ID from time to time to make sure I'm not Puerto Rican!"

This is awesome! This guy said 3 times "I thought you were Puerto Rican," and the last time "Are you sure you're not?" and I told him I get that a lot and am actually trying to learn Spanish because I offend a lot of Spanish people when they speak to me and I don't understand (they think I'm being uppity-forgot where I came from). I told him I could very well be Puerto Rican, but I just don't know. Obviously the serious approach was NOT a winner. I shall have to tuck that "ID" response in my toolkit for the next time.

MaraDiaz

It's a feature, not a bug. You get to weed out all the losers like that right from the start, potentially saving you loads of time.

And on perhaps an unrelated note, I think you're quite attractive. :-)

--P

Actually, this is probably the best answer. His own two eyes obviously told him you're attractive and he seemed to like hanging out with you, but for some reason ethnicity/race matters to him, so let him take himself and his issues elsewhere and stop wasting your time.

oddyogi

If I was a dude I would hit on you! Or a lesbian.

MissingMinnesota

HUGS. Looking at your picture I just think you are pretty with a great smile.

SouthernSweetie74

You're gorgeous. His loss.

I do like and agree with the advice given about giving a comical response.

JanieJack

It's a feature, not a bug. You get to weed out all the losers like that right from the start, potentially saving you loads of time.

haha, love it!

And on perhaps an unrelated note, I think you're quite attractive. :-)
--P

HUGS. Looking at your picture I just think you are pretty with a great smile.

If I was a dude I would hit on you! Or a lesbian.

You're gorgeous. His loss.

Awwww! Thanks!! You guys ROCK!!!

_Thanatos_

Race doesn't matter to me. I only care about compatiblity and other personality traits similar to mine. However it IS an issue for others for whatever reasons.. all you can really do is just drop 'em and hope for the better on the next one.

Carl01

My mind doesn`t work that way Janie and sad that there are those that do.

I like you for being the person here that you are,even when we disagree and would/will be happy to meet you later this year if the golf trip becomes a reality.

JanieJack

I like you for being the person here that you are,even when we disagree and would/will be happy to meet you later this year if the golf trip becomes a reality.

I shall hold you to that! We have much to discuss that would be WAY more fun in person, lol!

rml_16

I don't understand, if a man is physically attracted to you enough to approach and then enjoys your personality enough to stay and chat, why it matters?

I'm sorry that happens to you. I would just say that those are not men with whom you want a relationship because they're idiots.

Steelheart7

I just don't get this. Looking at you, there is nothing about you that screams Puerto Rican to me. You definitely look multi-racial to me .. and BEAUTIFUL!!! :smokin: .. but I wouldn't look at you and say .. oh .. she is Puerto Rican ..

Maybe these men think that Puerto Rican women are crazy in bed and they want to test that theory! here is an idea !! Say .. no I'm not Puerto Rican .. but I play one in the bedroom! lololololololol!!

rml_16

This guy said 3 times "I thought you were Puerto Rican," and the last time "Are you sure you're not?" and I told him I get that a lot and am actually trying to learn Spanish because I offend a lot of Spanish people when they speak to me and I don't understand (they think I'm being uppity-forgot where I came from). I told him I could very well be Puerto Rican, but I just don't know. Obviously the serious approach was NOT a winner. I shall have to tuck that "ID" response in my toolkit for the next time.

I have red, curly hair, fair skin, freckles and green eyes. I am NOT Irish. Not even a little bit. I know my ancestry and the closest I get to Ireland is Sweden. lol But everyone thinks I am and I once had a drunk guy in a bar actually get really angry with me and accuse me of lying about it.

Because, you know, people lie about not being Irish all the time.