approaching people

MissingMinnesota

After reading some of the Should I stay or go post I got to thinking. Is America's paranoia over being mugged/killed/raped stopping us from meeting people?

It seems that people are trying to be over protective of themselves so unless you meet someone in a place where you are actually looking for a date in, bar, singles event, etc you are more likely to ignore someone.

Reading the posts by Anna and some of the other members from other countries it seems like they are more likely to meet people because they are not looking at a person as a possible murder/rapiest.

NNAhuja

You are right. I think, if anything, we just need to be smart and when we go to meet people, bring someone else along. Just that simple.

AllanMisner

We live long lives. We get to choose to be happy or not. We have many opportunities to be happy. We can kill all of those opportunities worrying, over-analyzing, not going for it. Or we can have long, happy lives.

I approach people even when I'm not looking for a physical relationship. I enjoy talking to people, getting to know cultures, religions, and local concerns. As a result, I enjoy a very diverse and active life full of joy and learning.

pa_jorg

There is a huge difference between being proactively safe (meeting a date in public, knowing your surroundings, etc.) and being paranoid. For whatever reason I've noticed lately that many people here are the latter and I don't know why that is. Perhaps it's because we've all gotten so used to life behind a computer screen rather than actually being social? Personally, I would drive myself insane if I lived life always looking over my shoulder in fear.

As for meeting people in random places, I don't necessarily think that is due to paranoia, but rather that we are a "busy" society, meaning we always have a place to be, something to do and not enough time to stop and smell the roses. Other cultures are better about being in the moment in everyday activities than Americans are.

SouthernSweetie74

Maybe it's my Southern uprbringing, but I'll talk to anybody! LOL It doesn't matter where we are... in line at the bank, looking at the cereal in Wal-Mart, on the beach, wherever...

And I've been approached in many different places. I think, actually, I get approached more OUTSIDE of a bar or the norm than I do in places where you are actually supposed to be there to meet people. Maybe it's because I'm more self-conscious in a place like that, but when I'm at Wal-Mart, I'm all smiles and friendly.

flimflamfloz

I was just reading a thread about someone who wants to carry a gun while running, and asks about the best way to carry a gun while doing that... :noway:
But I'm sure the most expensive item she's going to carry is going to be the gun and the holster... Sounds really weird to me. :laugh:

I'll tell you one thing, though, I think America as a nation is generally more "fearful" than other nations. I had seen a documentary by Michael Moore a while back about fear/weapons and all these kinds of things, and the feedback I get from this website seems to confirm that. But I think this trend (people being more fearful) is happening everywhere in the world.

Sure violence happens, but I would assume basic precautions will prevent 90% of the potential crimes, and the 10% remaining could probably not be prevented anyway (if someone is on a mission to commit a crime, they can).
And the number of crimes vs number of dates is probably fairly low anyway, so if you fear for your safety and FEEL that you need to do something about it, then logically you should play the lottery with confidence since you have more chance to win.

MissingMinnesota

Well the woman that wants to carry the gun was going to run where some wild animals which are more of a threat.

I have friends that I have actually laughed at some of the "precautions" they take and they think I am crazy that I don't carry pepper spray everywhere that I go.

kansasbelle

Maybe it's my Southern uprbringing, but I'll talk to anybody! LOL It doesn't matter where we are... in line at the bank, looking at the cereal in Wal-Mart, on the beach, wherever...

And I've been approached in many different places. I think, actually, I get approached more OUTSIDE of a bar or the norm than I do in places where you are actually supposed to be there to meet people. Maybe it's because I'm more self-conscious in a place like that, but when I'm at Wal-Mart, I'm all smiles and friendly.

I miss the South because of this. People are so stand offish here. They avert their gaze, don't hold doors, don't say hello when walking by someone they don't know. I live in a small town now and feel like the big cities down South were much more open to communication and things of that nature. When I lived in Birmingham and was thinner guys used to stop me in rush hour traffic and ask for my number. We would pull over and sometimes get out and talk in a parking lot or sometimes just pass numbers through car windows. It was fun. Down south everyone is your friend. Yes, there are people I would be afraid of, but much easier to communicate and engage strangers. No one is a stranger down south.

SouthernSweetie74

Maybe it's my Southern uprbringing, but I'll talk to anybody! LOL It doesn't matter where we are... in line at the bank, looking at the cereal in Wal-Mart, on the beach, wherever...

And I've been approached in many different places. I think, actually, I get approached more OUTSIDE of a bar or the norm than I do in places where you are actually supposed to be there to meet people. Maybe it's because I'm more self-conscious in a place like that, but when I'm at Wal-Mart, I'm all smiles and friendly.

I miss the South because of this. People are so stand offish here. They avert their gaze, don't hold doors, don't say hello when walking by someone they don't know. I live in a small town now and feel like the big cities down South were much more open to communication and things of that nature. When I lived in Birmingham and was thinner guys used to stop me in rush hour traffic and ask for my number. We would pull over and sometimes get out and talk in a parking lot or sometimes just pass numbers through car windows. It was fun. Down south everyone is your friend. Yes, there are people I would be afraid of, but much easier to communicate and engage strangers. No one is a stranger down south.

My favorite way to meet guys when I was younger was in traffic. LOL They would pull up beside me or follow me. And if I KNEW they were interested like that, I'd play it up. I let them follow me to a store where we could all get out... or if I got to our vehicles before they did, I'd write my number on a piece of paper and put it on their windshield, and they would call me later. LOL Yes, I say "they" because it seemed like there were always two of them. They would both call me, but whoever ended up being more of the aggressor is who I would end up going out with. So much fun... just not that easy anymore...nobody pulls over a mom in a mini-van or a crossover with a car load of kids.

MissingMinnesota

Maybe it's my Southern uprbringing, but I'll talk to anybody! LOL It doesn't matter where we are... in line at the bank, looking at the cereal in Wal-Mart, on the beach, wherever...

And I've been approached in many different places. I think, actually, I get approached more OUTSIDE of a bar or the norm than I do in places where you are actually supposed to be there to meet people. Maybe it's because I'm more self-conscious in a place like that, but when I'm at Wal-Mart, I'm all smiles and friendly.

I miss the South because of this. People are so stand offish here. They avert their gaze, don't hold doors, don't say hello when walking by someone they don't know. I live in a small town now and feel like the big cities down South were much more open to communication and things of that nature. When I lived in Birmingham and was thinner guys used to stop me in rush hour traffic and ask for my number. We would pull over and sometimes get out and talk in a parking lot or sometimes just pass numbers through car windows. It was fun. Down south everyone is your friend. Yes, there are people I would be afraid of, but much easier to communicate and engage strangers. No one is a stranger down south.

My favorite way to meet guys when I was younger was in traffic. LOL They would pull up beside me or follow me. And if I KNEW they were interested like that, I'd play it up. I let them follow me to a store where we could all get out... or if I got to our vehicles before they did, I'd write my number on a piece of paper and put it on their windshield, and they would call me later. LOL Yes, I say "they" because it seemed like there were always two of them. They would both call me, but whoever ended up being more of the aggressor is who I would end up going out with. So much fun... just not that easy anymore...nobody pulls over a mom in a mini-van or a crossover with a car load of kids.

I have actually found people in the south to be ruder then the midwest. Most are condesending. It is a lot harder to make friends down here then it was back in MN.

SouthernSweetie74

I'm sorry that your experience in the South has not been a pleasant one!

There can be some snooty patooties down here, that's for sure.

SouthernSweetie74

@Missing Minnesota, I just peeked at your profile and saw that now you are in one of the Carolinas. While I've never been, so I can't speak for people from that area, I will say that those of us in the deep South barely consider that to be in the South. LOL That's still north to us!

MissingMinnesota

Don't want to get into an arguement about what is considered the south. I see enough Confederate flags flying around to consider it the south.

Also it is the people that are from the small towns here that are usually the most paranoid that I have meet. When people consider Charlotte a big scary city I have to laugh and I grew up in the county.

SouthernSweetie74

Don't want to get into an arguement about what is considered the south. I see enough Confederate flags flying around to consider it the south.

Also it is the people that are from the small towns here that are usually the most paranoid that I have meet. When people consider Charlotte a big scary city I have to laugh and I grew up in the county.

I wasn't trying to get into any arguments.

And I would agree that the small town mentality is probably the most paranoid.

MaraDiaz

It doesn't help that there are entire cable networks seemingly devoted to showing us the worst and most violent people ever. It's a pity I find these shows so interesting, too. On the one hand, I love forensic and detective stuff, on the other hand, it sure doesn't make me any less leery of humanity.

will010574

We live long lives. We get to choose to be happy or not. We have many opportunities to be happy. We can kill all of those opportunities worrying, over-analyzing, not going for it. Or we can have long, happy lives.

I approach people even when I'm not looking for a physical relationship. I enjoy talking to people, getting to know cultures, religions, and local concerns. As a result, I enjoy a very diverse and active life full of joy and learning.

This is a wise wise man! It also helps I completely agree with him!