Believe the negative, ignore the positive
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JanieJack
Posts: 3,830 Member
Finally had some time to spend with that Evan Marc Katz website someone on this forum mentioned. In one article, he says:
What do you think about that?
You can read the article at: http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/he-acts-like-a-boyfriend-but-he-doesnt-like-the-title/#more-11287
One of my dating credos is “believe the negative, ignore the positive”. In other words, it doesn’t matter what an amazing guy he is if he’s told you things like “I never want to be married,” “I’m too busy for a relationship,” “I’m not looking for anything serious,” and so on.
What do you think about that?
You can read the article at: http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/he-acts-like-a-boyfriend-but-he-doesnt-like-the-title/#more-11287
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Finally had some time to spend with that Evan Marc Katz website someone on this forum mentioned. In one article, he says:One of my dating credos is “believe the negative, ignore the positive”. In other words, it doesn’t matter what an amazing guy he is if he’s told you things like “I never want to be married,” “I’m too busy for a relationship,” “I’m not looking for anything serious,” and so on.
What do you think about that?
You can read the article at: http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/he-acts-like-a-boyfriend-but-he-doesnt-like-the-title/#more-11287
I agree to an extent. I think he might truly mean it, or he means "I never want to be married...to you (but I don't mind wasting time with you." "I'm too busy for a relationship...with you (but I don't mind having sex with you as FWB)." "I'm not looking for anything serious...with you (you're not that kinda person to me)."
So yes, I believe it, but I also believe if someone finds the right person, they can believe in marriage or want to commit. But if they say they don't want you, I would take it to mean "I don't want to...with you."
I spent so much time reading his blog. I think he says interesting stuff.0 -
I'd say take with a grain of salt seriously.
That'd be a hell good way to live life. Lets all be cynics and live grumpily ever after.0 -
Makes sense. No matter how great everything is, if there are dealbreakers in there, why waste your time?0
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I believe it. For me, it's a huge red flag. Most people believe what they say, even if not in the beginning. They eventually convince themselves after saying it so many times. To enter a relationship with the thought of changing someone right off the bat is never a good idea. We have a natural tendency to see the positive in people and sometimes this clouds our judgement. I'm not saying to be a negative person, I just think it's important to look at both the negatives and the positives.0
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This, I think.I agree to an extent. I think he might truly mean it, or he means "I never want to be married...to you (but I don't mind wasting time with you." "I'm too busy for a relationship...with you (but I don't mind having sex with you as FWB)." "I'm not looking for anything serious...with you (you're not that kinda person to me)."
So yes, I believe it, but I also believe if someone finds the right person, they can believe in marriage or want to commit. But if they say they don't want you, I would take it to mean "I don't want to...with you."
And it's not even the people hiding the truth from you, it's just because they cannot conceive in their mind marriage, relationships, etc. when they look at you. So they think they just don't want it in general.
It's like someone who has been trying to eat raw eggs all his life and keep saying "I don't like eggs!" to whoever wants to listen (He's being honest, he does not like them as far as he knows!), and then one day discover omelettes and end up eating eggs every day.
And people will say: "Amazing, and he was saying he didn't like eggs!". No, he was just being very human...0 -
I'm sure I would believe him. Why would anyone NOT believe him? :huh:
I think someone telling you straight they aren't looking for a relationship is a very 'positive' thing!! You know where you stand and can move on, if you want the opposite :flowerforyou:0 -
It certainly has some essence of truth but as in all things relating to human interactions one always must consider the context of the conversation and the time frame.
For instance if "relationship" questions are put to a person early or when just casually feeling each other out most will opt to be cautious and vague in answering so as to not seem too over the top.
Hedging under those circumstances is normal.
On the other hand if a person is right up front about certain things,my example from another thread "I am not looking for a relationship right now" before there is any date or even meeting then take it for what is said most of the time,they have already made up in their minds you are not for them and it is unlikely you will WOW them into changing their minds.0 -
I believe what a man tells me and reveals by his actions. I don't believe in meeting someone and trying to form a relationship with them when you want to change everything about them. And some people do that..it boggles my mind. But if a man told me upfront that he didn't want marriage, or children or he smoked/did drugs, rides a motor bike with no helmet, kicks puppies lol ect...and I stick around because I want to change all that..then I'm the idiot. I'd run a mile from that man...0
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If you're only going to believe the negative, I doubt there will ever be a second date. Ever. I mean who goes through life only saying the right things? If you find him, well, go see AnnaPixie's Players thread (http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/652681-players).0
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If you're only going to believe the negative, I doubt there will ever be a second date. Ever. I mean who goes through life only saying the right things? If you find him, well, go see AnnaPixie's Players thread (http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/652681-players).
Tru dat. Though.. when I read that post, I felt a small twinge of conviction....
Seeing as I apparently have a habit of ignoring what a man says in public ("I don't want to date someone with young kids") and, rather, believing his behind-closed-doors words/actions (building relationship with my son, saying my son can call him anytime, offering to help with sports/college/fundraising etc- all of which made me feel that this individual's exclamations of not wanting to date someone with young kids were nothing more than drunken bravado).0
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