Is finding someone attractive...too much to ask for?
morgynsmama
Posts: 83
So I broke down and made a profile on a free dating site. All the messages I get are from guys I wouldn't ever consider going on a date with.
I don't have the time to waste replying and exchanging non stop emails, I'm a single mom.
I just like a guy that shares some common intrests and that I think is cute or somewhat sexy. Chemistry would be great since I have lacked that.
Then every guy I find cute, I don't get a response.
What am I doing wrong? I don't want to come across shallow but Id rather be single.
Help!
I don't have the time to waste replying and exchanging non stop emails, I'm a single mom.
I just like a guy that shares some common intrests and that I think is cute or somewhat sexy. Chemistry would be great since I have lacked that.
Then every guy I find cute, I don't get a response.
What am I doing wrong? I don't want to come across shallow but Id rather be single.
Help!
0
Replies
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You have to get off the dating sites and get out there in real life. Meet someone through your day to day activities. If your day to day activities are not working, change them. There is a reason many dating sites are free. That is about what they are worth.
Physical attraction is probably not a bendable criteria. Other criteria are, but that one is not. Many people are perpetually single, particularly women, due to being too choosy.
I think you will find someone.0 -
You have bought into the advertisements that suggest online dating is a guarantee and expect yours to be fulfilled ASAP.
What it is is a way for complete strangers to make acquaintance without having to invest in much real life (going out to bars etc) time or hoping that by chance fate will land someone at their doorstep.
That is not a given either no matter what anyone thinks and we generally accept this.
If life put the perfect partner in our presence always then none of us would be here.
Second,while I don`t think you are shallow I also don`t think you have taken much time to consider what a real relationship needs.
No one can define exactly what "chemistry" is so I sort of dislike the word but as an example...
As per your picture I think you are nice looking,we may for all I know share some common interests but beyond that be exact opposites (another myth about how they attract) and would make each other miserable.
Take some time to consider what you want and what you are willing to give,it is about sacrifices sometimes and go by that rather then a simple undefined alone/not alone equation.0 -
Sometimes you don't always feel instantly attracted to someone but as you get to know them the attraction grows into something much deeper than just looks.
I tried dating sites in the past and I was in the same situation.... guys I had no attraction to would message me. Out of politness I did reply back and then I realized there was alot more to the person than just his profile pic. One guy looked totally scruffy but he was so articulate and we had common interests. He also was a good looking man ( when he cut his hair! lol) and he is a talented musician. We went out a couple of times and to this day we are still friends and that was 2 years ago! Actually I am still friends with a couple of my online dating matches and I am now engaged to a man I met online. So basically what I am trying to say is there is no harm in just meeting some of these guys for coffee and get to know them. You could be surprised that what you thought you wanted in a guy turns out to be something completely different!0 -
Sometimes you don't always feel instantly attracted to someone but as you get to know them the attraction grows into something much deeper than just looks.
I tried dating sites in the past and I was in the same situation.... guys I had no attraction to would message me. Out of politness I did reply back and then I realized there was alot more to the person than just his profile pic. One guy looked totally scruffy but he was so articulate and we had common interests. He also was a good looking man ( when he cut his hair! lol) and he is a talented musician. We went out a couple of times and to this day we are still friends and that was 2 years ago! Actually I am still friends with a couple of my online dating matches and I am now engaged to a man I met online. So basically what I am trying to say is there is no harm in just meeting some of these guys for coffee and get to know them. You could be surprised that what you thought you wanted in a guy turns out to be something completely different!
This is a good point, if you really like everything else about someone, physical attraction could develop. If it doesn't, though, there's no shame in admitting you're just not attracted to someone. It's not shallow. It has a deep biological basis.
Although meeting someone also might leave you surprised, you could be attracted or not attracted to a photo, then meet the person and have the opposite feeling because you're picking up on body language, voice intonation, and even odor that a picture doesn't convey.0 -
No, I don't think it's too much to ask for, honestly.
But, like the above posters said, it's more difficult in an "online" situation.
I have a very short-lived experience in the online dating community, and the most people I had interaction with were all looking for "hookups" and not dating. Yuck. And even if they were remotely attractive to me in some way, they instantly offset it by being creepers.0 -
I swear, the best looking ones are the ones who most often have, "Not looking for relationship" on their profiles. Cute little hodogs, ain't they?0
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I swear, the best looking ones are the ones who most often have, "Not looking for relationship" on their profiles. Cute little hodogs, ain't they?
The most attractive women have "Not looking for relationship" on their profiles as well.0 -
I swear, the best looking ones are the ones who most often have, "Not looking for relationship" on their profiles. Cute little hodogs, ain't they?
The most attractive women have "Not looking for relationship" on their profiles as well.
Haha, I believe it. I just never looked at the women cause I wasn't interested in women!0 -
Sorry to hear this. You're quite attractive, I'm surprised you don't have more comparable responses. I'm sure something will work out. Perhaps it's just a matter of time, being patient?
And try to get out more and meet people in a non-dating (i.e. low pressure) environment. Play volleyball, join a softball team, local theater group, volunteer in your community, whatever.
I know firsthand it's very, very difficult to find time for these things as a single parent. I'm really struggling with this, as well. But I don't see any other way.
Good luck!
--P0 -
Where are these profiles?I swear, the best looking ones are the ones who most often have, "Not looking for relationship" on their profiles. Cute little hodogs, ain't they?
The most attractive women have "Not looking for relationship" on their profiles as well.0 -
Nope, it's not too much to ask for. Online dating sucks! But it works for some people, so just keep at it. :flowerforyou:
I certainly wouldnt go on a date with someone I didnt find attractive. But then, that might be why it hasn't worked for me :laugh:0 -
I swear, the best looking ones are the ones who most often have, "Not looking for relationship" on their profiles. Cute little hodogs, ain't they?
The most attractive women have "Not looking for relationship" on their profiles as well.
Its because attractive people have more options than non attractive people. Not trying to be disrespectful to anyone but its true, attractive people dont ever have to rush into anything, they will never run out of people to date. Its easier for them and they dont have to work as hard to keep them either. I also know many people try to go after people that are not in their league.
Even on here, many women only date fit men that is 6 feet tall with a six pack when they themselves are not even in shape at all and are overweight. They wont give a guy a chance if they dont meet their double standard standards. Not naming names but I know a few on here that is like that. It doesnt work in alot of cases because people look for people that have the same interests and pairs up well with them with looks.
You are attractive so im guessing maybe its your profile or what you are messaging them. With the ratio of guys vs women on those sites, your mailbox should be overwhelming filled with messages from attractive guys. What is your type? Are you being too picky or is what you are looking for is so rare? I promise you, there is no reason why you should not be getting attractive guys swooning you. You seem nice as well.
David is right, you need to get yourself out there. Meetup.com is great for that. You dont really want to be online and competing with other people. Online, people are actively seeking to find people and are talking to multiple people. You want to get out there and find that guy who is caught off guard by you and before you know it, your in the middle of it and happy with the perfect guy you have always wanted. I wish you all the luck and I have faith in you and know you will find what you are looking for.0 -
It cracks me up because on free sites I've had men email me and specifically ask me why I rejected them stating it couldn't be their looks...What? I'm not allowed to have an opinion of what is attractive to me? Or I'm a woman so looks don't matter to me? Bull crap. Both sexes take physical attraction into play and there is nothing wrong with that. I get why a Men's Health cover model is not going to be jumping at the chance to date me. But I don't guy why Bubba the Blimp with no teethe and balding at 5'5" thinks I will fall over myself to date him either. I know my league..I try to stay in it....but seems men in my city are lucky and the ratio is scewed in their favor..they like to play in the big leagues when they themselves are in the minors...frustrating for us girls in the middle of the road because we get stuck with peewee's lol0
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It cracks me up because on free sites I've had men email me and specifically ask me why I rejected them stating it couldn't be their looks...What? I'm not allowed to have an opinion of what is attractive to me? Or I'm a woman so looks don't matter to me? Bull crap. Both sexes take physical attraction into play and there is nothing wrong with that. I get why a Men's Health cover model is not going to be jumping at the chance to date me. But I don't guy why Bubba the Blimp with no teethe and balding at 5'5" thinks I will fall over myself to date him either. I know my league..I try to stay in it....but seems men in my city are lucky and the ratio is scewed in their favor..they like to play in the big leagues when they themselves are in the minors...frustrating for us girls in the middle of the road because we get stuck with peewee's lol
Aint THAT the truth!! Well said honey :flowerforyou:0 -
I didn't limit anything in profile, as to height, weight, income, race. I did however say . I wasn't looking to just hookup.
Going out and trying new things is great and all. But I must come across as ***** or something. Guys just don't ever strike up a conversation.0 -
I swear, the best looking ones are the ones who most often have, "Not looking for relationship" on their profiles. Cute little hodogs, ain't they?
The most attractive women have "Not looking for relationship" on their profiles as well.
Its because attractive people have more options than non attractive people. Not trying to be disrespectful to anyone but its true, attractive people dont ever have to rush into anything, they will never run out of people to date. Its easier for them and they dont have to work as hard to keep them either. I also know many people try to go after people that are not in their league.
Even on here, many women only date fit men that is 6 feet tall with a six pack when they themselves are not even in shape at all and are overweight. They wont give a guy a chance if they dont meet their double standard standards. Not naming names but I know a few on here that is like that. It doesnt work in alot of cases because people look for people that have the same interests and pairs up well with them with looks.
You are attractive so im guessing maybe its your profile or what you are messaging them. With the ratio of guys vs women on those sites, your mailbox should be overwhelming filled with messages from attractive guys. What is your type? Are you being too picky or is what you are looking for is so rare? I promise you, there is no reason why you should not be getting attractive guys swooning you. You seem nice as well.
David is right, you need to get yourself out there. Meetup.com is great for that. You dont really want to be online and competing with other people. Online, people are actively seeking to find people and are talking to multiple people. You want to get out there and find that guy who is caught off guard by you and before you know it, your in the middle of it and happy with the perfect guy you have always wanted. I wish you all the luck and I have faith in you and know you will find what you are looking for.
It's kind of odd that you look at it that way. I would think putting not looking for relationship means someone is in a mindset just to have fun and get laid, while looking for relationship means someone wants something more committed and long lasting. Honestly not sure why looks enters into it.
As for women wanting men out of their league, men do it too. Nothing funnier than a guy with a huge beer gut checking only the slim and fit boxes on the 'looking for' part of his profile!0 -
While browsing that Evan Marc Katz website the other night, I came across an article he wrote around a lady's question, "of all your clients that found their love, how many of those women changed who they were and how many of them changed the kind of man they wanted."
His response was that his clients were mostly beautiful, strong, successful women who were essentially looking for a male version of themselves but, unfortunately, discovered that the male version of themselves wasn't typically wanting a woman like them. Rather than change who they were at their core being (tough to do) they found love by accepting a different type of man than they originally envisioned.
I tend to "feel it" for guys more on personality than looks, so attractiveness isn't hte #1 thing but I, personally, won't go out with someone whose profile makes them look just butt-ugly. After all, if we were to marry, one of our commitments to each other would be plenty of fun sex. This is not something I would be able to do for a man I couldn't stand to look at. And plus, I take good care of myself and I would feel resentful having someone get enjoyment out of my appearance and body if I couldn't get the same out of his. That said, this time around in the dating pool, I'm allowing for the possibility that the type of guy I've always liked may not be the one who is the best for me.
I guess I said all that to say that it's not too much to ask that your date be attractive, but make sure that in seeking someone "attractive" you're not discounting someone who might actually be everything you need.0 -
While browsing that Evan Marc Katz website the other night, I came across an article he wrote around a lady's question, "of all your clients that found their love, how many of those women changed who they were and how many of them changed the kind of man they wanted."
His response was that his clients were mostly beautiful, strong, successful women who were essentially looking for a male version of themselves but, unfortunately, discovered that the male version of themselves wasn't typically wanting a woman like them. Rather than change who they were at their core being (tough to do) they found love by accepting a different type of man than they originally envisioned.
I tend to "feel it" for guys more on personality than looks, so attractiveness isn't hte #1 thing but I, personally, won't go out with someone whose profile makes them look just butt-ugly. After all, if we were to marry, one of our commitments to each other would be plenty of fun sex. This is not something I would be able to do for a man I couldn't stand to look at. And plus, I take good care of myself and I would feel resentful having someone get enjoyment out of my appearance and body if I couldn't get the same out of his. That said, this time around in the dating pool, I'm allowing for the possibility that the type of guy I've always liked may not be the one who is the best for me.
I guess I said all that to say that it's not too much to ask that your date be attractive, but make sure that in seeking someone "attractive" you're not discounting someone who might actually be everything you need.
Whoa whoa whoa wait! This quote makes it sound like his clients settled for men who were ugly, wimpy losers. And what type of woman exactly were those handsome, strong, successful men looking for, I wonder?
I don't like this at all. :noway:0 -
I swear, the best looking ones are the ones who most often have, "Not looking for relationship" on their profiles. Cute little hodogs, ain't they?
The most attractive women have "Not looking for relationship" on their profiles as well.
Its because attractive people have more options than non attractive people. Not trying to be disrespectful to anyone but its true, attractive people dont ever have to rush into anything, they will never run out of people to date. Its easier for them and they dont have to work as hard to keep them either. I also know many people try to go after people that are not in their league.
Even on here, many women only date fit men that is 6 feet tall with a six pack when they themselves are not even in shape at all and are overweight. They wont give a guy a chance if they dont meet their double standard standards. Not naming names but I know a few on here that is like that. It doesnt work in alot of cases because people look for people that have the same interests and pairs up well with them with looks.
You are attractive so im guessing maybe its your profile or what you are messaging them. With the ratio of guys vs women on those sites, your mailbox should be overwhelming filled with messages from attractive guys. What is your type? Are you being too picky or is what you are looking for is so rare? I promise you, there is no reason why you should not be getting attractive guys swooning you. You seem nice as well.
David is right, you need to get yourself out there. Meetup.com is great for that. You dont really want to be online and competing with other people. Online, people are actively seeking to find people and are talking to multiple people. You want to get out there and find that guy who is caught off guard by you and before you know it, your in the middle of it and happy with the perfect guy you have always wanted. I wish you all the luck and I have faith in you and know you will find what you are looking for.
It's kind of odd that you look at it that way. I would think putting not looking for relationship means someone is in a mindset just to have fun and get laid, while looking for relationship means someone wants something more committed and long lasting. Honestly not sure why looks enters into it.
As for women wanting men out of their league, men do it too. Nothing funnier than a guy with a huge beer gut checking only the slim and fit boxes on the 'looking for' part of his profile!
I see on the singles section that many there put out what they look for and i think its kinda hypocritical to ask for someone that you not and wont give any other good people a chance. You are so right, i have this friend who is short, bald, and has a beer belly. He is always chasing hot tall women who are in shape and wont ever give a women who is like him a chance. He looks like fred mertz on I love Lucy but young. I dont get it. I date who I am, my equal but that dude he chases the stars. When I speak about things, im never talking about everyone and there are always exceptions to the rule but lets be honest, we all know people who are like this.0 -
Whoa whoa whoa wait! This quote makes it sound like his clients settled for men who were ugly, wimpy losers. And what type of woman exactly were those handsome, strong, successful men looking for, I wonder?
I don't like this at all. :noway:
I doubt they were wimpy and ugly, but he encourages women to make a choice: do you want to be the feminine or masculine partner in a relationship. Most relationships have one or the other. In this article (I'll have to go back and find it but from what I remember....) The ladies were basically looking for men like them who were sharp in the boardroom, financially secure (more so than her), top notch looks... I remember he kept using the phrase, "the male equivalent of themselves." He said that those alpha top-tier men weren't usually looking to date a female version of themselves basically looking for a woman to provide in a relationship what this man can't already get from other men he associates with. If a woman insists on bringing male energy to a relationship (being tactless, being aggressive, being in charge) then she needs to seek out a man who wants a partner with these traits.
I actually think it makes a lot of sense. Though, since I can't stand passive, wishy-washy men I haven't yet resolved what Katz's advice might mean for my life.0 -
While browsing that Evan Marc Katz website the other night, I came across an article he wrote around a lady's question, "of all your clients that found their love, how many of those women changed who they were and how many of them changed the kind of man they wanted."
His response was that his clients were mostly beautiful, strong, successful women who were essentially looking for a male version of themselves but, unfortunately, discovered that the male version of themselves wasn't typically wanting a woman like them. Rather than change who they were at their core being (tough to do) they found love by accepting a different type of man than they originally envisioned.
I tend to "feel it" for guys more on personality than looks, so attractiveness isn't hte #1 thing but I, personally, won't go out with someone whose profile makes them look just butt-ugly. After all, if we were to marry, one of our commitments to each other would be plenty of fun sex. This is not something I would be able to do for a man I couldn't stand to look at. And plus, I take good care of myself and I would feel resentful having someone get enjoyment out of my appearance and body if I couldn't get the same out of his. That said, this time around in the dating pool, I'm allowing for the possibility that the type of guy I've always liked may not be the one who is the best for me.
I guess I said all that to say that it's not too much to ask that your date be attractive, but make sure that in seeking someone "attractive" you're not discounting someone who might actually be everything you need.
Ive date 2 doctors, 1 lawyer, a politician and many others that make over 100k a year. Its not that great to be honest. Its nice to have the financial freedom to travel and have nice things but in my experience, women like them are not as warm, loving, and dedicated to the relationship. People say its better to want a partner than need one but its good to feel needed too and I never felt needed for anything, they need a man, they were married to their careers. Time and distance was always an issue. Im extremely independent and thats why I dated them but I always missed spending time with them. They work their tales off and are always drained and its really hard to balance really demanding careers and relationships. Rachel Ray is an example of that.0 -
Its because attractive people have more options than non attractive people. Not trying to be disrespectful to anyone but its true, attractive people dont ever have to rush into anything, they will never run out of people to date. Its easier for them and they dont have to work as hard to keep them either. I also know many people try to go after people that are not in their league.
Even on here, many women only date fit men that is 6 feet tall with a six pack when they themselves are not even in shape at all and are overweight. They wont give a guy a chance if they dont meet their double standard standards. Not naming names but I know a few on here that is like that. It doesnt work in alot of cases because people look for people that have the same interests and pairs up well with them with looks.
You are attractive so im guessing maybe its your profile or what you are messaging them. With the ratio of guys vs women on those sites, your mailbox should be overwhelming filled with messages from attractive guys. What is your type? Are you being too picky or is what you are looking for is so rare? I promise you, there is no reason why you should not be getting attractive guys swooning you. You seem nice as well.
You dont really want to be online and competing with other people. Online, people are actively seeking to find people and are talking to multiple people. You want to get out there and find that guy who is caught off guard by you and before you know it, your in the middle of it and happy with the perfect guy you have always wanted. I wish you all the luck and I have faith in you and know you will find what you are looking for.
Everything said above is true. The dating world is the oyster of attractive people.0 -
Im extremely independent and thats why I dated them but I always missed spending time with them. They work their tales off and are always drained and its really hard to balance really demanding careers and relationships. Rachel Ray is an example of that.
FWIW one of the best pieces of marriage advice I ever received was to STOP doing so much so that I wouldn't be so stressed and tired to enjoy my husband's company each night. Let some things go, stop being a control freak if it was making me overtired all the time, and just learn how to enjoy life.
Didn't work for me (he stopped working, so I had to pick up two extra jobs and the marriage fell apart not long after) but this advice DID work for several of my girlfriends I shared it with.
And yes, this was from the "His Needs/Her Needs book that the guys on the Marriage Builders website wrote0 -
"Everything said above is true. The dating world is the oyster of attractive people." David, that is so true man. heck look at our society and media, its all about looks now, nothing else matters. Its sad because there are some great people who have so much to offer out there who get overlooked because they dont fit that standards in looks.0
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Everything said above is true. The dating world is the oyster of attractive people.
Ok guys, help me understand this. When I look at the ladies who are saying all they get are losers, I feel like most of them (including OP- you are gorgeous) are WAY more beautiful than me. Yet you guys keep saying the attractive ones get what they want. Are these ladies too attractive?
I get a lot of losers, too, but I'm also getting enough good guys that I can go out. Granted, they're not "perfect 10s" in appearance, but they're good looking. What gives? Are the guys just intimidated?0 -
Whoa whoa whoa wait! This quote makes it sound like his clients settled for men who were ugly, wimpy losers. And what type of woman exactly were those handsome, strong, successful men looking for, I wonder?
I don't like this at all. :noway:
I doubt they were wimpy and ugly, but he encourages women to make a choice: do you want to be the feminine or masculine partner in a relationship. Most relationships have one or the other. In this article (I'll have to go back and find it but from what I remember....) The ladies were basically looking for men like them who were sharp in the boardroom, financially secure (more so than her), top notch looks... I remember he kept using the phrase, "the male equivalent of themselves." He said that those alpha top-tier men weren't usually looking to date a female version of themselves basically looking for a woman to provide in a relationship what this man can't already get from other men he associates with. If a woman insists on bringing male energy to a relationship (being tactless, being aggressive, being in charge) then she needs to seek out a man who wants a partner with these traits.
I actually think it makes a lot of sense. Though, since I can't stand passive, wishy-washy men I haven't yet resolved what Katz's advice might mean for my life.
I'm very alpha most of the time but very happy not to be in the bedroom. I don't understand why alpha males don't want alpha females, but maybe this is an issue as far as opposites attract. It's odd to me, though. *Shrug* I wonder if it's too late to start dating women?
Heh forgot to mention an important part of that equation: I do not like beta men at all!0 -
Im extremely independent and thats why I dated them but I always missed spending time with them. They work their tales off and are always drained and its really hard to balance really demanding careers and relationships. Rachel Ray is an example of that.
FWIW one of the best pieces of marriage advice I ever received was to STOP doing so much so that I wouldn't be so stressed and tired to enjoy my husband's company each night. Let some things go, stop being a control freak if it was making me overtired all the time, and just learn how to enjoy life.
Didn't work for me (he stopped working, so I had to pick up two extra jobs and the marriage fell apart not long after) but this advice DID work for several of my girlfriends I shared it with.
And yes, this was from the "His Needs/Her Needs book that the guys on the Marriage Builders website wrote
Its hard to stop doing so much when its all you have know for so long. Every single one of the career women I dated went to see a shrink to try to help them balance things. Only one I know didnt and to be honest she prolly should see someone. lol. Im sorry for what you went through. From what I know of you, you are an amazing woman and its sucks to see you had gone through it.0 -
I swear, the best looking ones are the ones who most often have, "Not looking for relationship" on their profiles. Cute little hodogs, ain't they?
The most attractive women have "Not looking for relationship" on their profiles as well.
Its because attractive people have more options than non attractive people. Not trying to be disrespectful to anyone but its true, attractive people dont ever have to rush into anything, they will never run out of people to date. Its easier for them and they dont have to work as hard to keep them either. I also know many people try to go after people that are not in their league.
Even on here, many women only date fit men that is 6 feet tall with a six pack when they themselves are not even in shape at all and are overweight. They wont give a guy a chance if they dont meet their double standard standards. Not naming names but I know a few on here that is like that. It doesnt work in alot of cases because people look for people that have the same interests and pairs up well with them with looks.
You are attractive so im guessing maybe its your profile or what you are messaging them. With the ratio of guys vs women on those sites, your mailbox should be overwhelming filled with messages from attractive guys. What is your type? Are you being too picky or is what you are looking for is so rare? I promise you, there is no reason why you should not be getting attractive guys swooning you. You seem nice as well.
David is right, you need to get yourself out there. Meetup.com is great for that. You dont really want to be online and competing with other people. Online, people are actively seeking to find people and are talking to multiple people. You want to get out there and find that guy who is caught off guard by you and before you know it, your in the middle of it and happy with the perfect guy you have always wanted. I wish you all the luck and I have faith in you and know you will find what you are looking for.
It's kind of odd that you look at it that way. I would think putting not looking for relationship means someone is in a mindset just to have fun and get laid, while looking for relationship means someone wants something more committed and long lasting. Honestly not sure why looks enters into it.
As for women wanting men out of their league, men do it too. Nothing funnier than a guy with a huge beer gut checking only the slim and fit boxes on the 'looking for' part of his profile!
I see on the singles section that many there put out what they look for and i think its kinda hypocritical to ask for someone that you not and wont give any other good people a chance. You are so right, i have this friend who is short, bald, and has a beer belly. He is always chasing hot tall women who are in shape and wont ever give a women who is like him a chance. He looks like fred mertz on I love Lucy but young. I dont get it. I date who I am, my equal but that dude he chases the stars. When I speak about things, im never talking about everyone and there are always exceptions to the rule but lets be honest, we all know people who are like this.
I don't know, maybe if he keeps trying he'll get what he wants. I guess it doesn't hurt to ask. But I won't put up a profile until I'm on a level with the type of man I prefer to date.
Although I don't rule out men who are overweight or short or bald, they'll just have to have some other super qualities to be attracted to instead. A nice college professor with a pot belly, a gray beard and no hair on his head could probably sweep me off my feet if he was interesting enough in conversation (plus hey, family discount on grad school!
).
And I've known guys to put aside their attraction preferences for a really interesting female, too. Still, both men and women are visually stimulated, I don't care what the research says. We all have our physical ideals, and it's not necessarily in line with our own appearance.0 -
Everything said above is true. The dating world is the oyster of attractive people.
Ok guys, help me understand this. When I look at the ladies who are saying all they get are losers, I feel like most of them (including OP- you are gorgeous) are WAY more beautiful than me. Yet you guys keep saying the attractive ones get what they want. Are these ladies too attractive?
I get a lot of losers, too, but I'm also getting enough good guys that I can go out. Granted, they're not "perfect 10s" in appearance, but they're good looking. What gives? Are the guys just intimidated?
What a lady wants and what she chooses are two entirely different things.
I got flack for it before but don`t care,the first is based on her thinking process and the second is based on what emotions are in play with that usually winning the battle.
If that undefined feeling of euphoria and excitement happens it is then that person who will win the ladys attention provided he does fall within her basic definition of attraction.
He may be none of what she says she wants but will likely convince herself otherwise until the reality of life finally catches up.
Now before anyone jumps on me one has to be fair about it...a guy does similar and for different reasons.
If a lady he finds initialy attractive manages to stroke his ego,give of a sexual openness and appear to be a minimal challenge to date and possibly mate with she is going to move to the head of the line.
Since that is a more "basic" desire I think it is easier for him to see the incompatibility sooner and distance himself eventually.0 -
Everything said above is true. The dating world is the oyster of attractive people.
Ok guys, help me understand this. When I look at the ladies who are saying all they get are losers, I feel like most of them (including OP- you are gorgeous) are WAY more beautiful than me. Yet you guys keep saying the attractive ones get what they want. Are these ladies too attractive?
I get a lot of losers, too, but I'm also getting enough good guys that I can go out. Granted, they're not "perfect 10s" in appearance, but they're good looking. What gives? Are the guys just intimidated?
How can I word this correctly? There are an unlimited amount of losers out there, they are like bed bugs, darn near impossible to get rid of. All women get them no matter what they look like. There are many great guys who would love to find women like you but the problem is the losers, the mosbys *the guys who say i love you on the first date), and the penis pic sending shirtless guys scare the good women away from dating sites. Also what alot of people dont realize is that these hot women are alot of work and high maintenance and in many cases are not very nice or giving.
Watch tv shows like the Hills, or the Kardashians, dating them doesnt look fun and Im sure they give their guys hell. Im not saying all hot women are like this but go downtown one night when they are all out and dressed up, you will see things that isnt cool. Cute women are so much easier to deal than the hot prissy ones. I will say that it does seem hot women like you and op that has been married and divorced or have kids tend to be more mellow and lower maintenance and easier to deal with.
Also, many guys are more shy with attractive women like you, they maybe are afraid of being rejected or having something ruor de said to them. Back to the downtown thing, watch a nice attractive guys go up and say hi to some of those hot women, you will see some say "ewww gross","really? you actually think i would talk to you?" or "wheres my beer", or "yeah righ and laugh". Intelligence plays a role in that too, alot of hot women lack it and are so used to have everytone do things for them so they never improve on themselves except for tanning and shopping. Intellegince is the number one complaint when a guy goes out with them. Im sure so called hot guys can be like that too.
It could be that these hot guys might be insecure and dont have the confidence. People say the hottest people tend to be the insecuriest. I personally dont think that but hey who knows. Im not just saying its women who are like that. People want looks, intelligence, and personality. The whole package but in the real world, most people are not going to have it all so they choose. Im too drunk to write more.
Carl01 has a great point too.0
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