new to this group and I gotta get some things OUTTTT
Mhaney
Posts: 467 Member
Hi everyone.
I am 32 and a single mother of 3.
My future ex husband and I have been together a total of 12 years, about. We have been split up off and on for the past 3 years. If it didn't take so long to get divorced in this state (12 months), it would have been done a long time ago, but time is money, and money I do not have.
We had a huge, huge fight a few weeks ago. We reconciled a year ago but he refused to tell his friends and family and after a year of being kept secret I had ENOUGH, and this did not hit him out of the blue, I had told him for six months I was growing impatient and felt he was disrespecting me. In that fight, he said this last year was miserable for him and he's glad he finally woke up to the fact that we are terrible for each other (funny, considering I am the one who ended it).
since the fight, he seems to have started kissing butt again. This is his pattern, he hurts me and gets lonely, then comes crawling back. I am doing the best I can to keep him away and I HATE HOW EASILY I CAN BE MANIPULATED BY HIM. A few days ago he was taking the kids to lunch and invited me, and I stupidly went. Now he's inviting me again tomorrow, I haven't responded. I KNOW in my head exactly what he is doing and I HATE THAT I know I can fall for it. but I am trying to do better this time. My plan is, to tell him NO, because it'll get confusing for the kids. If he wants to see them he can take them alone. Thus, his plans fall apart and he'll have to find some other way to get under my skin.
And God knows he will....
I need to find a place of strength and overcome this foolishness.
Thank you for listening to my childish, weak, long, pointless rant.
I am 32 and a single mother of 3.
My future ex husband and I have been together a total of 12 years, about. We have been split up off and on for the past 3 years. If it didn't take so long to get divorced in this state (12 months), it would have been done a long time ago, but time is money, and money I do not have.
We had a huge, huge fight a few weeks ago. We reconciled a year ago but he refused to tell his friends and family and after a year of being kept secret I had ENOUGH, and this did not hit him out of the blue, I had told him for six months I was growing impatient and felt he was disrespecting me. In that fight, he said this last year was miserable for him and he's glad he finally woke up to the fact that we are terrible for each other (funny, considering I am the one who ended it).
since the fight, he seems to have started kissing butt again. This is his pattern, he hurts me and gets lonely, then comes crawling back. I am doing the best I can to keep him away and I HATE HOW EASILY I CAN BE MANIPULATED BY HIM. A few days ago he was taking the kids to lunch and invited me, and I stupidly went. Now he's inviting me again tomorrow, I haven't responded. I KNOW in my head exactly what he is doing and I HATE THAT I know I can fall for it. but I am trying to do better this time. My plan is, to tell him NO, because it'll get confusing for the kids. If he wants to see them he can take them alone. Thus, his plans fall apart and he'll have to find some other way to get under my skin.
And God knows he will....
I need to find a place of strength and overcome this foolishness.
Thank you for listening to my childish, weak, long, pointless rant.
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Replies
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Girl, I feel your frustration.
He's not going to turn back into the person he once was, you know, the one you fell in love with? He'll never be that awesome person again. he's always going to be someone who KNOWS how to hurt you and HAS hurt you.
-hugs- stay strong, you can do it. If you know you're going to just fall back into that vicious cycle, break it.
And the effect on your kids has gotta be something else too (depending on how old they are.) "Mommy and daddy love, each other, they hate each other. They love each other again...." If he's a good dad, I wouldn't deny him to see his kids, but its time to stay strong for them (and you too!) Once you say no and make it clear its over, you can start healing. Then find someone else eventually.
-Hugs- Just think of him as a huge chocolate cake and say no. :P0 -
Thank you.
And you're right, I've waited for him to change back for years. It took me so insanely long to realize that what he is doing is mental and emotional abuse. Sadly, he doesn't realize what he's doing either. He's a very short sighted and selfish person. His mind is always "here and now" and never anywhere else. He knows what he wants NOW and to hell with anything and anyone else.
He is a good dad when he is actually with the kids, which isn't often. He has so many issues that he's supposed to have been working out in the therapy this past year but I can't help but believe he's not being honest with them, either.0
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