Feeling really sad and disgusted right now..

quickchekgal

This week has been nothing but full of judgement. But, the thing that hurt me the most is when last night my friend tells me that her so called husband has been talking **** about my son (about him having autism) and me. Say crap about about me all you want. But, a child? Really? I was so mad I wanted to go over there and punch him in the face. I thought this guy was a nice guy! Guess not. I don't even think she defended us either. There goes another friendship. Where can I find people who aren't *kitten*? SERIOUSLY.

SparkleShine

So sorry hun. Shortly after my son was diagnosed we were having a bbq at our house with a bunch of friends and my husband and I were in the house. I stepped out into the backyard just in time to see one my husbands "friends" making fun of the way my son ran and his mannerisms. I was so hurt and furious at the same time!

So, I understand. I feel like people like that are just immature and I don't need to be around people that can't be understanding of my son. Fortunatly that was a one time thing and all the friends we have now just adore and support him.

I truly am sorry for you. I'd want to go over there and smack him too! Hugs to you and your sweet boy!

quickchekgal

Thanks! Truth is I know my son is amazing and if somebody wants to talk badly about him and not want to know such a sweet little boy well then that is their problem. I truly feel sad for people who choose to live their life that way. So unhappy with themselves that they feel the need to speak badly about a child? I mean come on...get a LIFE.

So sorry hun. Shortly after my son was diagnosed we were having a bbq at our house with a bunch of friends and my husband and I were in the house. I stepped out into the backyard just in time to see one my husbands "friends" making fun of the way my son ran and his mannerisms. I was so hurt and furious at the same time!

So, I understand. I feel like people like that are just immature and I don't need to be around people that can't be understanding of my son. Fortunatly that was a one time thing and all the friends we have now just adore and support him.

I truly am sorry for you. I'd want to go over there and smack him too! Hugs to you and your sweet boy!

Shrinking_Moody

I applaud both of you for controlling you anger in those situations. You are both better women than I could be in that situation. I would have been nose to nose with them in seconds. We haven't yet encountered a situation like this as Jordison is only 2 1/2 - but my blood is boiling just by reading these. God chose us to raise miracles - and that's exactly what these kids are. Screw the losers that can't see that. Their loss - not yours.

zaithyr

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that Lilly has come a long way from where she was (she's almost 5 now and started therapy when she was diagnosed at 3) but I still have a hard time handling her emotional outbursts sometimes and there are people who judge. For example, we have church sunday mornings and sunday evenings at our church and usually go to both services (my husband and I are on the music team). Sunday mornings they have a pre-school age class that lilly goes to and does okay in. They don't have the class Sunday nights so she goes into the nursery with her baby brother because she can't sit through a service with all those people and the noise, ect... There's a lady who has a grandson that's Lilly's age. They came in the nursery to drop off the boy's little sister and when the boy wanted to stay and play with Lilly she says "NO, you're too old to be in here and this is a room only for babies." She said it loud enough that it was obvious that she was directing it toward me. It's like "That's nice, your kid can sit quietly and color during church while my kid runs across the platform during preaching or has a meltdown from over-stimulation." People seriously have no clue!

quickchekgal

Shoot. I would have but he was hours away hahaha...I did however write a pretty straight to the point FB post asking whoever was an ignorant scumbag just to delete me right now. I am sick of the ignorance! I did talk to her about it though. Probably wont be speaking to her much anymore.

I applaud both of you for controlling you anger in those situations. You are both better women than I could be in that situation. I would have been nose to nose with them in seconds. We haven't yet encountered a situation like this as Jordison is only 2 1/2 - but my blood is boiling just by reading these. God chose us to raise miracles - and that's exactly what these kids are. Screw the losers that can't see that. Their loss - not yours.

quickchekgal

I know! It is the rudeness that gets me. People can be just downright cruel...I dont know how some people can sleep at night. I really dont.

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that Lilly has come a long way from where she was (she's almost 5 now and started therapy when she was diagnosed at 3) but I still have a hard time handling her emotional outbursts sometimes and there are people who judge. For example, we have church sunday mornings and sunday evenings at our church and usually go to both services (my husband and I are on the music team). Sunday mornings they have a pre-school age class that lilly goes to and does okay in. They don't have the class Sunday nights so she goes into the nursery with her baby brother because she can't sit through a service with all those people and the noise, ect... There's a lady who has a grandson that's Lilly's age. They came in the nursery to drop off the boy's little sister and when the boy wanted to stay and play with Lilly she says "NO, you're too old to be in here and this is a room only for babies." She said it loud enough that it was obvious that she was directing it toward me. It's like "That's nice, your kid can sit quietly and color during church while my kid runs across the platform during preaching or has a meltdown from over-stimulation." People seriously have no clue!

tinkermommc

I refuse to talk to my SIL for this reason! I just don't get people sometimes! We have enough going on without dealing with them. One would think with all the autism awareness stuff that people would understand and for the most part people seem to it just takes one bad apple to spoil it all for us. I'm one to speak my mind, I'll say something when someone is being a jerk. But then I try and let it go which is easier said than done. Most times I try and think of a time someone was overly understanding and that helps calm me. My fav is the lady we saw at the Grand canyon were my son had a meltdown and then we saw her again later at a restaurant where he took a decorative plate off the wall and dumped 2 glasses of water and gave me money for a drink because I looked like I needed one! That always makes me smile and then I'm not as upset anymore.

That said my SIL refuses to accept us as we are and then posts stuff on FB about understanding kids with special needs and I just want to punch her in the face.

Shrinking_Moody

I don't think people really pay attention to the autism awareness stuff until it affects them. I was familiar with the possibilities of a child developing autism before Jordison was diagnosed and I watched constantly for symptoms - but that was the extent of it. Even when a family memeber is affected there are still those morons on the family tree that blow it off. My MIL treats my son like a show dog - I mean all she wants to do is ask about his progress - not him as a person. And then my step father still doesn't believe my kid has it (and he's been evaluated twice). You can't open the eyes of the delusional.

zaithyr

I don't think people really pay attention to the autism awareness stuff until it affects them. I was familiar with the possibilities of a child developing autism before Jordison was diagnosed and I watched constantly for symptoms - but that was the extent of it. Even when a family memeber is affected there are still those morons on the family tree that blow it off. My MIL treats my son like a show dog - I mean all she wants to do is ask about his progress - not him as a person. And then my step father still doesn't believe my kid has it (and he's been evaluated twice). You can't open the eyes of the delusional.

We struggle a lot with people not understanding because Lilly is higher functioning (her doc says she might be re-diagnosed as Aspergers when she's a bit older, she's got a PDD-NOS diagnosis right now). My mom was flat out in denial about it for a while when we were going through the diagnosis process. I think it's because the way my daughter acts is EXACTLY the way that my baby brother acted when he was little and my mom is kind of in denial about it (he's very intelligent and caught up linguistically now but extremely awkward socially, ect....) It's one of those things that unless you're with her 24/7 like I am, it's easy to misunderstand her and label her as a brat or a wild child or something.

Shrinking_Moody

I can relate to that as well. Jordison has to be re-evaluated when he turns three. He was diagnosed as Autism Spectrum Disorder subtype deferred right before he turned two. They couldn't give us anything because "he's not three yet so his language could still develop normally." Well he's since been diagnosed with apraxia - which causes the language trouble but he's making progress. He's seen a developmental ped twice and she says higher functioning but will not give a specific diagnosis until age three. Jordison doesn't have a lot of the typical traits - so I can understand why some people may still have a little doubt - but he's been evaluated twice. Once in Atlanta GA and once here in SC. My mom still gets upset if he doesn't act happy enough to see or or if he is involved in something and won't stop to tell her bye. And she grabs him for hugs against his will. He'll actually be fighting to get away and saying down and she's still all up in his face. It makes me sick - and angry. I've told these people numerous times he is him - stop trying to make him someone he's not - and if you don't like it than bye. It's been a tough road but I gotta surround our little family with people that are supporting/understanding/encouraging etc.

Bola17

Sounds like we all have a lot in common. I´ve stopped contacting my MIL (but talk to her if she phones or invites us). My son was diagnosed with asperger in January and had been off school and going NOWHERE for almost a year before that. When she held at big birthday in March, she was mad at me because we had allowed him to stay at home. (He just started back to school 3 days earlier and it was a big party at a hotel with a lot of her cousins and people we´ve never met). First of all, she kept asking him why he wouldn´t come even though my husband told her that it was our decision and she mentioned it every time we saw her. Then she called me to ask about special food for me and ended up telling me that she thought I was spoiling him and that he controlled our whole family.

So I stopped counting her as a person in my life. I also feel the same as you Themoody - she only asked about progress and not how he´s doing. Like she measures how "normal" he is. But then she tells my husband that one of her friends grandson also has AS and he goes to a normal school...ok but our son doesn´t (anymore) but he is at school now and he is very happy about it!!

quickchekgal

Oh gosh, I havent gotten anything from my family yet...well, I take that back. My MIL a longgg time ago. That is probably half of the reason why we dont talk to her. But I am done. I am weeding out all the bad apples in my life. I just do not get some people....Ugh. I say F your SIL! hahaha

I refuse to talk to my SIL for this reason! I just don't get people sometimes! We have enough going on without dealing with them. One would think with all the autism awareness stuff that people would understand and for the most part people seem to it just takes one bad apple to spoil it all for us. I'm one to speak my mind, I'll say something when someone is being a jerk. But then I try and let it go which is easier said than done. Most times I try and think of a time someone was overly understanding and that helps calm me. My fav is the lady we saw at the Grand canyon were my son had a meltdown and then we saw her again later at a restaurant where he took a decorative plate off the wall and dumped 2 glasses of water and gave me money for a drink because I looked like I needed one! That always makes me smile and then I'm not as upset anymore.

That said my SIL refuses to accept us as we are and then posts stuff on FB about understanding kids with special needs and I just want to punch her in the face.

quickchekgal

That is definitely true. But, there is a big different from being just ignorant and then being an ignorant cruel person. Yes, some people are uneducated but when they cross the line and say horrible pathetic things about a young child then that is it. I do not put up with crap like that. Just makes me sick!

I don't think people really pay attention to the autism awareness stuff until it affects them. I was familiar with the possibilities of a child developing autism before Jordison was diagnosed and I watched constantly for symptoms - but that was the extent of it. Even when a family memeber is affected there are still those morons on the family tree that blow it off. My MIL treats my son like a show dog - I mean all she wants to do is ask about his progress - not him as a person. And then my step father still doesn't believe my kid has it (and he's been evaluated twice). You can't open the eyes of the delusional.

zaithyr

Sounds like we all have a lot in common. I´ve stopped contacting my MIL (but talk to her if she phones or invites us). My son was diagnosed with asperger in January and had been off school and going NOWHERE for almost a year before that. When she held at big birthday in March, she was mad at me because we had allowed him to stay at home. (He just started back to school 3 days earlier and it was a big party at a hotel with a lot of her cousins and people we´ve never met). First of all, she kept asking him why he wouldn´t come even though my husband told her that it was our decision and she mentioned it every time we saw her. Then she called me to ask about special food for me and ended up telling me that she thought I was spoiling him and that he controlled our whole family.

So I stopped counting her as a person in my life. I also feel the same as you Themoody - she only asked about progress and not how he´s doing. Like she measures how "normal" he is. But then she tells my husband that one of her friends grandson also has AS and he goes to a normal school...ok but our son doesn´t (anymore) but he is at school now and he is very happy about it!!

Ugh! MIL's can be hard enough to deal with without all that nonsense! I've honestly considered homeschooling Lilly before but my hubby is against it (even though I was homeschooled and turned out just fine lol). She is in the preschool for at risk and special ed kids right now and will be this next school year but after that, I'm terrified of how things will go in the elementary school. I doubt she'll have her own para and I worry.

Shrinking_Moody

Jordison is going to start preschool at our church this September but it's only one day a week and his line therapist will go with him. I'm not against homeschooling if it's what best for Jordison - and I think my husband would be pretty supportive as well. It helps to know that I'm not the only one going through all of this stuff.

Bola17

He was taught at home where 2 of his teachers came to our house while he was off school. The law here says that we could have up to 10 hrs. a week but he only had about 3 which was all he could overcome at the time. This started in 5th grade although he stopped school in May of 4th grade. Otherwise he´s done regular classes until he got bad with depression and anxiety. The teachers were really great and he totally kept up with his maths. His Danish went down about a class and I kept him up with his English (which they start in 3rd grade here).
But he started at a special school where they are 10 kids with asperger. And 8 teachers. We are so blessed to have this placement that it doesn´t even bother me that he has to get a taxi a half hour each way. And he LIKES school now

Shrinking_Moody

I think that is great. We have a new autism school here that's about 45 mins away - but apparenlty it's like $5000/mth to attend which is just ridiculous. Our churh preschool can take him to age three. I missed the cut off for registration this year so the two day classes were already full but next year he can go for three. It will be helpful that he can take his lead therapist - and the director has a special ed degree which puts me a little more at ease. I think it's great that your son has a place he can fit in and succeed. I'm hoping that before Jordison starts kindergarten we can move to Charlotte, NC - apparently they have more resources there than SC offers.

tinkermommc

Write it in her IEP. If you put in that, that she needs to be on 1-on-1 then the school district has to honor it unless you waive it. I just waived S's because we switched him to a full-time(no mainstreaming) specialized class room of all nonverbal autistic kids. A whole room full of him. Anyway the way they run the class is 2kids-1para and then the teacher bouncing between the groups. It's so wonderful, I can't wait for school to start!! He only got the last month there last year and we could already see improvement!

Families are just difficult. Surprisingly MIL and FIL adjusted to him well, which was weird because they are not the most flexible people...although FIL did wait for a diagnosis before believing us that something wasn't right. My family on the other hand has been difficult. SIL(my brothers wife) is the worst. My aunt(adopted us when my mom died) is the weirdest. She understands S is autistic but then she forgets(?) and plans family things that he can't do. She gets married next spring and I just know it's going to be a mess but at least I got her to understand that he and I can not be part of the wedding party and I recently started training the neighbor girl(12) to be a Mom's helper, so I think I'll bring her with :-)

Ugh! MIL's can be hard enough to deal with without all that nonsense! I've honestly considered homeschooling Lilly before but my hubby is against it (even though I was homeschooled and turned out just fine lol). She is in the preschool for at risk and special ed kids right now and will be this next school year but after that, I'm terrified of how things will go in the elementary school. I doubt she'll have her own para and I worry.

ravenclawseekergirl

Hi everyone. I think that you are all very strong people especially as so many people out there are horrible.
I've not really faced anything yet, i've just started the testing for autism, part of me is really glad because i've been waiting a long time for it (they were first going to test me when i was 16 but changed their minds) am now 19. They saw me at my worst so... i think that might be a good thing. I was about 2x as anxious as i would have been because my 1/2 hour bus ride turned into a 2hr one because of a tank manoeuvring through the town centre which is something that i hadn't planned for, and was therefore nearly late. Then they were late... I just hope that after all of this that, it reduces my mental health problem to a cope-able level.

The only bad experiences i've had are my parents not noticing how bad things affect me and pushing me to do things 'normally' or making fun of some of the weird things that i do. They're not involved in either the assessments or my treatment for Psychosis because they cant believe things that they cant see and i know that if i try to bring them in on it, something bad is going to happen.
sorry for ranting away a bit there.

Bola17

Hi everyone. I think that you are all very strong people especially as so many people out there are horrible.
I've not really faced anything yet, i've just started the testing for autism, part of me is really glad because i've been waiting a long time for it (they were first going to test me when i was 16 but changed their minds) am now 19. They saw me at my worst so... i think that might be a good thing. I was about 2x as anxious as i would have been because my 1/2 hour bus ride turned into a 2hr one because of a tank manoeuvring through the town centre which is something that i hadn't planned for, and was therefore nearly late. Then they were late... I just hope that after all of this that, it reduces my mental health problem to a cope-able level.

I´m sure that you will be able to get the right help for your anxiety and hopefully meet (some) more understanding people if you get diagnosed. Although this is very wrong - it opened so many doors for my son once he got his. I still had to fight for 6 months to get him on meds for the anxiety but when he started on it, like a month and we can do so many of the things he loves doing. Still on his "level" of what he can cope with and this does change from day to day, but a happier boy. He still needs his planned schedules, but mostly if we´re doing something out of the ordinary.
Wish you luck with your journey. Keep us posted

ravenclawseekergirl

@Bola17 Thank you for writing something so nice. I hope things get better too because it's taken a lot to get to this point.

Booksandbeaches

So far *knock on wood* we've escaped any comments from people. I would be all mama bear if people said something. I saw this quote on Pinterest a while ago and love it.

"I don't think the worst thing that could happen to me is to raise a child with special needs. I think the worst thing is to raise a child who is cruel to those with special needs."

I need to memorize this!