hookups? Is it a good idea?
lacrimosia
Posts: 39
What do you think of them? Im really interested in other people's opinions of this. I am 24, and I haven't had a relationship yet and I was wondering if hooking up with guys is a good idea. I just want to get some experience and see what happens. I just don't want a boyfriend. I kinda want "friends with limited benefits", if you know what I mean, but nothing more. How would I go about getting into this situation? Have you ever been had a friend with benefits? Is it harder to get a FWB if you are in the process of losing weight? Is it harder for big girls to get FWB? Let me know what you think about this.
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From my experience if you want and seek FWB its easy no matter the size because many men tend to only want the big girls for hook ups anyway. Just go on a free dating site online and post that is what you want.
The problem is you can easily get attached. Also really is this what you want to do? Have your first encounters be with some strange guy who is just using you to get off? Hey if that's all you're doing to him then its not using I know that. But I lost my virginity this way because I was sick and tired of waiting for love at 28 I lost it to some random guy it was pretty pathetic really.
I often miss the touch of human contact but my battery operated boyfriend over all keeps me better satisfied than some guy who isn't willing to be around enough to learn my body and what it likes..and there is no unwanted emotional baggage that way. I'm willing to wait for an emotional and physical connection that comes with a real relationship.0 -
From my experience if you want and seek FWB its easy no matter the size because many men tend to only want the big girls for hook ups anyway. Just go on a free dating site online and post that is what you want.
The problem is you can easily get attached. Also really is this what you want to do? Have your first encounters be with some strange guy who is just using you to get off? Hey if that's all you're doing to him then its not using I know that. But I lost my virginity this way because I was sick and tired of waiting for love at 28 I lost it to some random guy it was pretty pathetic really.
I often miss the touch of human contact but my battery operated boyfriend over all keeps me better satisfied than some guy who isn't willing to be around enough to learn my body and what it likes..and there is no unwanted emotional baggage that way. I'm willing to wait for an emotional and physical connection that comes with a real relationship.
OP, I completely understand where you're coming from. I have no experience - and that means kissing. I'm disappointed in it like you. But dont discount your worth. You are worth a full relationship to someone. You shouldn't settle for something half a$$Ed and you shouldn't either. Like the post I quoted above says.
You can get yourself off! I dont think you will find what you are looking for with a one night stand or FWB.0 -
I understand where you're coming from. Especially if you haven't been with anyone, at some point it's like, enough already. I was raised in the church and am a Christian, but I also recognize that being human can trump all that if I let it.
You will find plenty of guys willing to have a FWB relationship with anyone regardless of size. That won't be an issue. However, like Kerry, I let myself try that out because I was tired of waiting around for Mr.Right even if my religious beliefs were strong enough that I knew I should wait. And then I promptly got emotionally attached! It sucked... he had no intent of it being any more and I felt horrible. I felt used physically once I realized I wanted more, but I had done it to myself.
Honestly, I don't know many women who are REALLY capable of FWB for very long. I have one friend who does this regularly but ends it quickly if she starts to feel attached... I don't think that's healthy either..
I'm with Kerry... a lifetime stock in Energizer may be in my future, haha!0 -
Having a FWB is great! No hassle, no dirty laundry, no arguments, just fun!
I dont see what all the fuss is about. UNLESS what you REALLY want is something else! :flowerforyou:0 -
I just don't want a boyfriend. I kinda want "friends with limited benefits", if you know what I mean, but nothing more.
Erm, not quite sure what 'limited' benefits mean?0 -
I just don't want a boyfriend. I kinda want "friends with limited benefits", if you know what I mean, but nothing more.
Erm, not quite sure what 'limited' benefits mean?
I also don't know what limited means..lol I don't know any guy who would stick around for Limited benefits..lol its all or nothing I think in the "benefits" sense.0 -
I wouldn't go out looking specifically for "friends with benefits". Just go with the flow with this kind of stuff... No expectations.
Oh, and rechargeable batteries are my best friend and the only reason I'm still sane at this point.0 -
Hookups are always a good idea. Just use protection. Have some fun girl!0
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No matter what you do,make sure the he involved understands exactly what you want and how you are defining being a FWB.
Likewise be very clear in your mind what he does too and do not assume for a second if different his definition will ever move to yours.0 -
I just don't want a boyfriend. I kinda want "friends with limited benefits", if you know what I mean, but nothing more.
Erm, not quite sure what 'limited' benefits mean?
I also don't know what limited means..lol I don't know any guy who would stick around for Limited benefits..lol its all or nothing I think in the "benefits" sense.
I know most guys won't go for the "limited benefits". By limited I mean, kissing and stuff like that, but not intercourse because its so damn painful. I have experimented with toys and stuff, so I know. But I just wanted to see what all the fuss is about. Im 24 and I at least want to know what "making out" is like.0 -
I wouldn't go out looking specifically for "friends with benefits". Just go with the flow with this kind of stuff... No expectations.
Oh, and rechargeable batteries are my best friend and the only reason I'm still sane at this point.
lol. I totally understand that last quote...lol0 -
From my experience if you want and seek FWB its easy no matter the size because many men tend to only want the big girls for hook ups anyway. Just go on a free dating site online and post that is what you want.
The problem is you can easily get attached. Also really is this what you want to do? Have your first encounters be with some strange guy who is just using you to get off? Hey if that's all you're doing to him then its not using I know that. But I lost my virginity this way because I was sick and tired of waiting for love at 28 I lost it to some random guy it was pretty pathetic really.
I often miss the touch of human contact but my battery operated boyfriend over all keeps me better satisfied than some guy who isn't willing to be around enough to learn my body and what it likes..and there is no unwanted emotional baggage that way. I'm willing to wait for an emotional and physical connection that comes with a real relationship.
I totally get your POV. Its just that I dont want to wait until I am thin to know what its like. For right now, I guess I dont mind having a FWB because I dont want anything deeper. I dont really know why, but I just want experience and thats it because I dont want an emotional connection with anyone because everytime I have a crush on a guy, he rejects me because he isnt interested in me, so this time, I dont want to be emotionally attached to anyone.0 -
First, do you have any trustworthy single guy friends that you've known awhile who might be happy to be your FWB? That's where I'd recommend looking first. Strangers are iffier and riskier.
I've had FWB friends before, but never any for very long, I was always looking for something more. Now that I'm older and might be happy to keep a relationship at that level, of course all my guy friends are married. Darn them, darn them all to heck!
Condoms and maybe even some backup BC for you is the way to go if you're heading this direction.0 -
First, do you have any trustworthy single guy friends that you've known awhile who might be happy to be your FWB? That's where I'd recommend looking first. Strangers are iffier and riskier.
I've had FWB friends before, but never any for very long, I was always looking for something more. Now that I'm older and might be happy to keep a relationship at that level, of course all my guy friends are married. Darn them, darn them all to heck!
Condoms and maybe even some backup BC for you is the way to go if you're heading this direction.
Thats my main problem. I dont have any guy friends. I tried meeting some in Uni, but they are never interested in being my friend, so my best bet is meeting strangers or people I don't know very well.0 -
The thing is kissing someone and making out with someone you aren't into..its pretty empty. Its just lips moving and slobbering.
BUT When you are hot for the guy and like him/ have a crush..and he is interested enough back to want you to feel good..THEN its so hot! The most amazing thing.
For example I love kissing..last person I kissed I was so into him I would make out for hours never getting bored. The guy before him not so much..wasn't totally attracted I was bored and was in the relationship for the wrong reasons so was he..and the kissing was meh.
So to me you cant really find out "what all the fuss" is about unless you are really into the guy. Sometimes you can be just into a guy physically, and really not any other way..those are the ones I recommend you just go for it if you must. But don't just make out with a random guy who will let you...that you aren't into.0 -
First, do you have any trustworthy single guy friends that you've known awhile who might be happy to be your FWB? That's where I'd recommend looking first. Strangers are iffier and riskier.
I've had FWB friends before, but never any for very long, I was always looking for something more. Now that I'm older and might be happy to keep a relationship at that level, of course all my guy friends are married. Darn them, darn them all to heck!
Condoms and maybe even some backup BC for you is the way to go if you're heading this direction.
Thats my main problem. I dont have any guy friends. I tried meeting some in Uni, but they are never interested in being my friend, so my best bet is meeting strangers or people I don't know very well.
That's a lot tougher. In that case, Carl's advice sounds good. Nail down those details, make sure you know what he wants and he knows what you want and that he knows you have no experience in this area.
I'd also not rush in. Spend some times getting the friends part down first if you can.0 -
but not intercourse because its so damn painful. I have experimented with toys and stuff, so I know.
Assuming you dont have a hymen anymore, it's not supposed to hurt. Quite the opposite, it's a very pleasurable feeling. I would see a Dr about this as you may have physical probs!!! Sorry :flowerforyou:0 -
but not intercourse because its so damn painful. I have experimented with toys and stuff, so I know.
Assuming you dont have a hymen anymore, it's not supposed to hurt. Quite the opposite, it's a very pleasurable feeling. I would see a Dr about this as you may have physical probs!!! Sorry :flowerforyou:
Yeah, this is true. Maybe my hymen is not fully gone. How can I tell if its still partially there? All I know is that it is painful and I dont think a guy can fit in there...:)0 -
You're talking about going from 0 to 80mph and I wonder if that will freak you out when and if reality happens? Do you even date at all? I think you should start an online dating profile (don't say you want a hookup or you will get lots of super, super creeps responding) and just start emailing and talking to men. Soon enough you'll know if any could be FWB material and take it from there. If this is what you really want to do then I say go for it, but don't rush it either because even if this isn't the love of your life, you do want it to be someone you at least like and respect. Don't forget the F in the FWB!0
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You're talking about going from 0 to 80mph and I wonder if that will freak you out when and if reality happens? Do you even date at all? I think you should start an online dating profile (don't say you want a hookup or you will get lots of super, super creeps responding) and just start emailing and talking to men. Soon enough you'll know if any could be FWB material and take it from there. If this is what you really want to do then I say go for it, but don't rush it either because even if this isn't the love of your life, you do want it to be someone you at least like and respect. Don't forget the F in the FWB!
No, I dont date at all. So Im kinda new to this.
Online dating is weird for me because when I had my profile up, the only men that contacted me were super old and creepy. I deleted all my accounts on the dating sites because of it. So I really dont know what else to do. 
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You're talking about going from 0 to 80mph and I wonder if that will freak you out when and if reality happens? Do you even date at all? I think you should start an online dating profile (don't say you want a hookup or you will get lots of super, super creeps responding) and just start emailing and talking to men. Soon enough you'll know if any could be FWB material and take it from there. If this is what you really want to do then I say go for it, but don't rush it either because even if this isn't the love of your life, you do want it to be someone you at least like and respect. Don't forget the F in the FWB!
No, I dont date at all. So Im kinda new to this. Online dating is weird for me because when I had my profile up, the only men that contacted me were super old and creepy. I deleted all my accounts on the dating sites because of it. So I really dont know what else to do.
Just remember that everyone online gets the messages from creepy people, not just you. But a site like PoF has mail settings so you can limit the age, race, distance, relationship status, etc. of anyone who wants to contact you, which might get rid of some of the creep factor. And I really do think that even emailing guys will make you feel more comfortable with them than just getting into a hookup session and feeling overwhelmed. Good luck and feel free to PM me if you need more support.0 -
I've never understood the appeal of random hookups.0
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If you're a guy, they're great! If you're a gal, they're not great! Okay, that's a bit simplified but I would like some random hookups now and then. Sadly it hasn't happened in years.0
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You're talking about going from 0 to 80mph and I wonder if that will freak you out when and if reality happens? Do you even date at all? I think you should start an online dating profile (don't say you want a hookup or you will get lots of super, super creeps responding) and just start emailing and talking to men. Soon enough you'll know if any could be FWB material and take it from there. If this is what you really want to do then I say go for it, but don't rush it either because even if this isn't the love of your life, you do want it to be someone you at least like and respect. Don't forget the F in the FWB!
This ^
I also am 24 and have had little to no experience. I know I can't mentally go from 0 to 80. I don't even go 0 to 10 with someone I'm not emotionally or mentally connected with because to me - it's meaningless or sometimes it's just someone in my personal space. If we are actually friends, or if I like the person and we have gotten to know each other, my view point is completely different - but for strangers or people I've just met or not known long, I can't even if I wanted to. Hookups just aren't something I'm geared for - but I do have friends who can and they do hookup, have flings, and f-buddies - and they enjoy it. I know others who have done it and regretted it.
To each their own - so I would just make sure you know yourself.0 -
but not intercourse because its so damn painful. I have experimented with toys and stuff, so I know.
Assuming you dont have a hymen anymore, it's not supposed to hurt. Quite the opposite, it's a very pleasurable feeling. I would see a Dr about this as you may have physical probs!!! Sorry :flowerforyou:
Yeah, this is true. Maybe my hymen is not fully gone. How can I tell if its still partially there? All I know is that it is painful and I dont think a guy can fit in there...:)
Ok I'd have to disagree. Sex can be painful if
1) the vanigal walls aren't used to be stretched. This is routinely done through tampon use and of course intercourse
2) there is a health issue
So pain doesn't necessarily mean health issue.0 -
Ok so a FWB is a good idea if your ready. Personally I wouldn't have wanted one to be my first experience. Don't get me wrong I have one now and I'm very happy with it. BUT I honestly think you should take it a little slower. Plus most FWB arent used to hooking up with virgins or near virgins. BTW that is something you should tell a guy before you jump into bed with him.
Also even if you hymen is gone depending on the width and length of the guy or toy you are using it can still be painful. Until your body adjust to stretching and the physical activity it may be uncomfortable.This is a case where practice makes perfect lol.0 -
Hookups can be nice and easy, or they can eventually get to your head and make you think that's all your good for. Some people can hookup with countless people and have no issue whatsoever.0
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Hookups can be nice and easy, or they can eventually get to your head and make you think that's all your good for. Some people can hookup with countless people and have no issue whatsoever.
Those people usually have deeper issues!!0 -
Also even if you hymen is gone depending on the width and length of the guy or toy you are using it can still be painful. Until your body adjust to stretching and the physical activity it may be uncomfortable.This is a case where practice makes perfect lol.
Yes,it doesn't matter if you have a hymen or not. It still might hurt somewhat until you are used to it - or if he is very big, it might be uncomfortable for a while. But if you have sex regularly and it's still painful, I would see a doctor about it.0 -
friends with benefits yeah, but i dont know what friends with limited benefits is. making out only? just dry humping? panties on? nothing past second base? home run but no kissing? all the way but no breakfast?0
