Curious: How much contact do you have Before meeting?
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SouthernSweetie74
Posts: 844
I'm just curious.
I "met" this guy on speeddate.com. We briefly chatted on the site, but quickly moved to texting and talking on the phone. When I say quickly, I mean within minutes. Yeah yeah yeah... I know, most people don't give out their phone numbers so quickly. But I honestly don't care. I have caller ID, so if I end up not wanting to talk to someone later, I just don't answer the phone. I have this thing about voices and voice chemistry, so I generally don't like to waste my time chatting online and texting if later I'm going to be disgusted at the sound of his voice. Judge me if you want. We all have our preferences. LOL And, it's not that I'm THAT picky. I just can't want to vomit when I hear his voice. (BTW, he had a really nice voice.
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Okay... back to the original reason I'm here.
He asked me out right away. No time wasted. Normally, I talk to a guy for at least a few days before we agree to meet. I even suggested that, but he seemed to want to go ahead and set something up, a week in advance.
I'm OK with that, I guess...
Anyway, to try to make a long story short, we really haven't had much communication since then. An occassional text here and there. And yesterday, he sent me a text asking if I was going to be in town on Friday or Saturday, he forgot. I replied Saturday. And I haven't heard anything else from him.
Personally, I really don't care if we meet or not. I don't know the guy that well, and we seem like complete opposites from our phone conversation. But he did seem nice and like he might be a fun guy, so I thought, "why not give it a chance?" My feelings will not be super hurt or anything if he's not into me or if he has changed his mind.
Would it be okay for me to send him a text saying, "Are we still on for Saturday?"
Or should I just leave it alone?
The thing is... he lives two and a half hours away from me. Now, I am going to be in his town anyway on Saturday for an appointment that I have. We were supposed to meet after he got off work. Like I said, I really don't care if we meet or not. No biggie. I don't want to assume that we won't meet though, and then have him contact me on Saturday. Because by then... it will be too late. Just sayin'... I will have other plans.
In the past when I've met people, we've had lots of contact beforehand. We talked every day.
How much contact do you have with someone if you plan to meet him/her?
I "met" this guy on speeddate.com. We briefly chatted on the site, but quickly moved to texting and talking on the phone. When I say quickly, I mean within minutes. Yeah yeah yeah... I know, most people don't give out their phone numbers so quickly. But I honestly don't care. I have caller ID, so if I end up not wanting to talk to someone later, I just don't answer the phone. I have this thing about voices and voice chemistry, so I generally don't like to waste my time chatting online and texting if later I'm going to be disgusted at the sound of his voice. Judge me if you want. We all have our preferences. LOL And, it's not that I'm THAT picky. I just can't want to vomit when I hear his voice. (BTW, he had a really nice voice.
)Okay... back to the original reason I'm here.
He asked me out right away. No time wasted. Normally, I talk to a guy for at least a few days before we agree to meet. I even suggested that, but he seemed to want to go ahead and set something up, a week in advance.
I'm OK with that, I guess...
Anyway, to try to make a long story short, we really haven't had much communication since then. An occassional text here and there. And yesterday, he sent me a text asking if I was going to be in town on Friday or Saturday, he forgot. I replied Saturday. And I haven't heard anything else from him.
Personally, I really don't care if we meet or not. I don't know the guy that well, and we seem like complete opposites from our phone conversation. But he did seem nice and like he might be a fun guy, so I thought, "why not give it a chance?" My feelings will not be super hurt or anything if he's not into me or if he has changed his mind.
Would it be okay for me to send him a text saying, "Are we still on for Saturday?"
Or should I just leave it alone?
The thing is... he lives two and a half hours away from me. Now, I am going to be in his town anyway on Saturday for an appointment that I have. We were supposed to meet after he got off work. Like I said, I really don't care if we meet or not. No biggie. I don't want to assume that we won't meet though, and then have him contact me on Saturday. Because by then... it will be too late. Just sayin'... I will have other plans.
In the past when I've met people, we've had lots of contact beforehand. We talked every day.
How much contact do you have with someone if you plan to meet him/her?
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I'm the exception, I know, but it works quite well, trust me: I have minimum contact before a *first* date.
This is because people are unforgiving if you make any mistakes before the first date, they are looking for red flags. If you trip on the carpet, you die.
So my strategy is: organise a date as quickly as possible, see if I like the person and then go on with them or not. Keep contact to the bare minimum in the meantime, so that I still have things to say on the first date and so that I don't fail.
And yes, your text sounds good.0 -
I've done it both ways (lots of contact and little contact) and I dont think it makes that much difference. You're either going to hit it off or not. So,the main thing is meeting in person.
As long as you feel safe - public place etc - then yeah, text him!
Good luck :flowerforyou:0 -
I'm the exception, I know, but it works quite well, trust me: I have minimum contact before a *first* date.
This is because people are unforgiving if you make any mistakes before the first date, they are looking for red flags. If you trip on the carpet, you die.
So my strategy is: organise a date as quickly as possible, see if I like the person and then go on with them or not. Keep contact to the bare minimum in the meantime, so that I still have things to say on the first date and so that I don't fail.
And yes, your text sounds good.
That kind of sounds like what he did. Thanks for your input!
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I've done it both ways (lots of contact and little contact) and I dont think it makes that much difference. You're either going to hit it off or not. So,the main thing is meeting in person.
As long as you feel safe - public place etc - then yeah, text him!
Good luck :flowerforyou:
Thanks, Anna! 0 -
I usually email back and forth for at least a few days, but honestly I'd rather get to the meeting phase sooner because it's the only way to tell if there's really any chemistry.0
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A few days is most comfortable for me. The date I had last Friday was from just one day of chatting then talking on the phone though... Kinda glad I didn't waste more time there. I've been talking to one guy though for almost two weeks, we're very comfortable and seem to have great chemistry talking anyway. He FINALLY said something about dinner or drinks the other night, but I'm actually glad we've moved slower in this case. We figured out that we work in the same building, OMG! So I don't want to rush into anything though there are 4000 people in my building...so I think there can be individual circumstances. Go with your gut but be smart! Have fun!0
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I try to keep it to a minimum. I've had ocassions where I've spent hours talking to someone and thought they were just awesome to finally meet and be completely disappointed. The worst was a girl who was at least 70 lbs heavier than in her pictures. She told me that she loved going to school and learning, was into fitness and was really good at trivia. We met at a park for a walk before going to play trivia at a bar. She made about a 1/2 mile on a 2 mile loop before she had her hands on her knees gasping for air. Her trivia knowledge was compatible with her fitness level. After that, I decided I would make plans, be polite and courteous in short texts or calls to confirm plans but otherwise not get my hopes up or become attached to what I imagined the girl was like.0
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I think it depends on the situation. I have had the case where we talked forever and all was well, just to be dispointed when meeting. Then there was a guy I talked to for almost a year before meeting.....was great when we met, but circumstances did not work in our favor
There are some guys that want to meet immediately, and, for me, it just depends on the comfort level that I get from talking/emailing/texting with them.0 -
I've done it both ways (lots of contact and little contact) and I dont think it makes that much difference. You're either going to hit it off or not. So,the main thing is meeting in person.
This ^^
You are either going to like one another or not and in the end how much time you emailed or chatted before meeting won't mater at all.0 -
I know, most people don't give out their phone numbers so quickly. But I honestly don't care. I have caller ID, so if I end up not wanting to talk to someone later, I just don't answer the phone. I have this thing about voices and voice chemistry
A couple years ago, when I was on Match, I was hesitant to give out my number. So I spent weeks “getting to know” guys who, when (IF!!) we finally met were totally not my type. You can tell a LOT from a phone call and even more in person so this time around I like to move to phone/meeting right away. I want to know, BEFORE we form an electronic bond if they look like their picture and if they actually DO the activities they say in their profile.we really haven't had much communication since then. An occasional text here and there. And yesterday, he sent me a text asking if I was going to be in town on Friday or Saturday, he forgot. I replied Saturday.
This is tough for me. I typically do schedule dates a week or so out just b/c I’m so busy, and I’m used to a “how are you” or “looking forward to Sat” text every couple of days. When I don’t hear from guys for a couple days I know to come up with a back up plan because more often than not they are trying to work other plans and will cancel on me if something better comes along. I have met some guys who were genuinely busy, though, so I always give it a chance. And I do agree with the others who said little contact before the first date minimizes the chance of making some dumb mistake that gets misinterpreted.
Would it be okay for me to send him a text saying, "Are we still on for Saturday?"
Since it’s close enough to the weekend, I would, sure.
But that’s all I would do. He’ll probably take over from there. And if I went to my appointment and didn’t hear from him, I would drive back home. When (if) he calls, I would remind him that he never responded and (if I felt like giving him another chance) allow him to drive to *my town* to take me out sometime.0 -
There's so much more to be found in person that you'll never find via text/online so best to just meet up and see whazup! It's also weird waking up to a bunch of texts from strangers saying something generic like "good morning beautiful" when they haven't even met you yet. What if I posted pics of a supermodel, hmmm??
I once made the mistake (distance involved) of having this awesome pen-pal and then when we finally got to meet there was NO CHEMISTRY! Nada. We were both bummed! But he's married now and I got invited to the wedding. :drinker: It was actually funny and we both learned not to do that again.
I'm also not a phone person--can't multitask while talking on the phone and I'm always doing something.0 -
I'm a fast one too! Like JJ, when I first started online dating, I'd take weeks before more contact. Now I know better. It's better to find out if there's chemistry in person, right away.
The guy I'm dating now contacted me on 4th of July. I gave him my number same day within a couple of messages. We texted a bit, he called next night (and has called every night since) went out that Saturday (hit it off!! Yay) and will be going out again this weekend. He didn't back off before 1st date...
I think your plan sounds good. Text him once and see his response. I would have assumed he wasn't interested by now though. To me, a guy should show me he wants to meet me.
It's interesting how we are all different on here.0 -
I would definitely text him to see if ya'll are still on.
I usually talk to them for a week or so before meeting. My problem is not the communication before the first date, it is the after. That is where I screw up.0 -
I just started online dating 3 weeks ago. I was talking to each guy for about 5 days before texting and about 3 days before meeting them. But I am not opposed to meeting someone a little quicker. I guess you have to do it on a case by case basis.. Trust your instincts and meet in public! Have fun! 0
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Wow. Thanks for all of your input. Sounds like many of you like to meet fairly quickly so as not to waste time. Makes sense to me. I don't like to waste a lot of time emailing and texting without talking on the phone, for sure.
Well... guess I'll let ya know how it goes. I may be at Olive Garden on Saturday night, or I may be swimming with my kiddos. Either way, I'm gonna have a great weekend. 0
