Healthy (+ Gay) Lifestyle

derekjnichols

Just out of curiosity, What are everyone's reasons for making these lifestyle changes? Do any of them directly relate to the LGBT aspect of your life?

I was trying to think of any correlations for me- it's easy to say "gay men are vain and critical so that's why I'm spending 20 hours a week on my fitness," but I don't think it's as simple as that. Doesn't the straight community go through that as well?

What I've come up with relates to confidence- being an overweight teenager unsure of his sexuality really made me an introvert. I'm shy and quiet to this day - but one thing has changed. With my weight loss, as well as being secure in my identification as a gay man, I am now more sure of myself. I can see myself interacting with others in a much different way.

Now, I don't think this was a direct goal of mine. Honestly, it was the vanity and abs (still is!), but now that I've realized that a healthy lifestyle is more than just muscles, it's become fully enveloped in my day to day routine. It's much easier to make smarter/healthier choices when I know that by doing cardio I won't develop high blood pressure when I'm older, or that when I work my core, I will not have lower back problems, rather than constantly worrying about how I look to attract other guys.

JennedyJLD

I'm not sure if it's specific to being gay, but I certainly was hoping that getting in shape would help me meet women. It's turned out that losing 60 pounds, going from a size 14 to a size 6 has definitely gotten me a heck of a lot more attention from straight men, but absolutely none from lesbians. Go figure! There were a lot of other reasons for getting healthy, and obviously I'm really glad I did it and will stick with my healthy lifestyle for the rest of my life, but I've been a little disappointed in that aspect! Of course, I live in a small town, and the only out lesbians I meet are, to a person, incredibly out of shape - they have round, genderless figures that are the opposite of what I'm attracted to. Then again, that's not specific to gay men or lesbians here. Straight people are pretty round and androgynous-looking too, sometimes! Think "Pat" from SNL.

I think you've put it very eloquently, Derek - being in-shape and looking and feeling our best gives us tremendous confidence, and that probably does even more for those of us who grew up being bullied or teased.

doug4018

I don't think mine is related to my orientation, it's all for health reasons. I've been in a monogomous relationship for 11 years, and i'm not getting healthy to find someone new, as it seems a lot of men (gay and straight) seem to do. It's health and my curiosity of how good I can improve my body. I've been amazed at the changes in just the little over 4 months i've been doing it, and I can't wait to see what I look like a year from now. That may be vanity, but the rest is definitely to be healthy and live longer.

derekjnichols

It's turned out that losing 60 pounds, going from a size 14 to a size 6 has definitely gotten me a heck of a lot more attention from straight men, but absolutely none from lesbians. Go figure!

Haha! Sorry about that!

It's interesting that you bring up the "attention" aspect of it. I've experienced this odd negative reaction to weight loss in the (my local) gay community. Other gay men might attribute losing weight to drugs or HIV/AIDS when it's really just honest hard work. I think part of that stems from jealousy....

derekjnichols

I've been in a monogomous relationship for 11 years, and i'm not getting healthy to find someone new, as it seems a lot of men (gay and straight) seem to do. It's health and my curiosity of how good I can improve my body. I've been amazed at the changes in just the little over 4 months i've been doing it, and I can't wait to see what I look like a year from now. That may be vanity, but the rest is definitely to be healthy and live longer.

That's great Doug! Keep it up!

I agree with you- I've been in a monogamous relationship for a year and half now, and I think I'm the healthiest I've ever been because I have a partner who also motivates me and supports me with compliments and positive reinforcement. I think it's been a huge help in my life and I am very grateful for him!

JennedyJLD

I think you're absolutely right about the jealousy thing. By and large, most people have been incredibly complimentary and supportive of my weight loss and new lifestyle (I also went from being a couch potato to training for a half-marathon!) However, I've noticed that friends and acquaintances who have quite a bit of weight to lose themselves often are the most critical. *They* are the ones who'll give me a look when they see me having a cookie or something and ask questions like, "Oh, is that on your diet?" It bugged me at first, but then I realized it was just jealousy, so I'd smile and say, "I ran five miles this morning. I definitely earned this cookie!" and that would usually shut them up. :-)

Who's giving you the negative attention? Is it typically men who need to get in better shape themselves?

bhankiii

Look around your gym - it's mostly straight people (unless you're at the only gym in Gayville) - so I don't think it's peculiar to us. I think there's just as much vanity on the other side, though maybe directed towards different goals.

But - to your question - who wants to be fat? Who wouldn't prefer to be active and in shape?

I think the better question is why did it take me so long? When I moved to Houston 8 years ago I was very fit. I biked 20 miles every morning and worked out in the gym 3 hours every evening. Then I got a house, 3 dogs, a partner and a demanding job, and I just couldn't keep up the routine anymore. I gained 10 pounds a year. I fought it a couple of times, mostly through exercise, but that always seemed to get interrupted by life.

But at 5'8" and 270 pounds - that's not a place I could stand to be anymore.

When I started on this diet last New Year's it was strictly a change in eating habits - something that doesn't really require any additional time out of my schedule. And I started shedding 1-2 pounds a week. As I got thinner I started back exercising, but I still don't spend the 3 hours a day in the gym that I did 10 years ago - just 30 minutes or an hour at the most biking or swimming each day. And the weight continues to shed. And it's easy.

So, my answer to why I'm doing this is because I finally found something that works and is easy. If it wasn't working, or wasn't easy - like all my previous attempts - I wouldn't be doing it and I'd still be fat(ter).

And now that I'm getting fitter again, yes - I can start to feel the tug of vanity.

I won't be happy until I can turn on the checkout boys at the grocery store.

derekjnichols

Well, part of the negative reaction I've witnessed comes from people who might look at a person who has lost weight as competition. Spreading rumors of drug use or AIDS is a quick way to knock that person out of the playing field.

And yes- the most disappointing thing I've witness came from friends of mine that need a healthier lifestyle, but would knock my healthy choices! I really limit the amount of times I eat out a month, and I have friends that eat out for EVERY MEAL. Honestly, I've lost those friends because of the reaction I'd get from them. I think they viewed it as I didn't want to hang out with them, but I just didn't want to eat out with them. I've also limited my drinking, so I don't spend too much time in bars anymore. If I am in one, I don't drink, and I've literally had friends try shoving drinks in my face. I've found out that I do not need the booze to have a good time.

Jealousy/cattiness is too much work for me to deal with.

bhankiii

Well, part of the negative reaction I've witnessed comes from people who might look at a person who has lost weight as competition. Spreading rumors of drug use or AIDS is a quick way to knock that person out of the playing field.

And yes- the most disappointing thing I've witness came from friends of mine that need a healthier lifestyle, but would knock my healthy choices! I really limit the amount of times I eat out a month, and I have friends that eat out for EVERY MEAL. Honestly, I've lost those friends because of the reaction I'd get from them. I think they viewed it as I didn't want to hang out with them, but I just didn't want to eat out with them. I've also limited my drinking, so I don't spend too much time in bars anymore. If I am in one, I don't drink, and I've literally had friends try shoving drinks in my face. I've found out that I do not need the booze to have a good time.

Jealousy/cattiness is too much work for me to deal with.

They talk about you when you're fat as well as when you're thin - when you fail as well as when you succeed. I can't be bothered with them.

The only talk I care is about is my partner bragging to his friends on my success.

derekjnichols

Look around your gym - it's mostly straight people (unless you're at the only gym in Gayville) - so I don't think it's peculiar to us. I think there's just as much vanity on the other side, though maybe directed towards different goals.

But - to your question - who wants to be fat? Who wouldn't prefer to be active and in shape?

And now that I'm getting fitter again, yes - I can start to feel the tug of vanity.

I won't be happy until I can turn on the checkout boys at the grocery store.

You bring up two awesome points.

No one wants to be unhealthy. That just doesn't make sense. There might just be cultural things that push certain groups into being/becoming healthy.

And that tug of vanity is true... As I see myself getting more fit, I've done little things like run shirtless down busy streets or buy more tank tops for the summer- things I would have never done a year ago.

doug4018

Well, part of the negative reaction I've witnessed comes from people who might look at a person who has lost weight as competition. Spreading rumors of drug use or AIDS is a quick way to knock that person out of the playing field.

And yes- the most disappointing thing I've witness came from friends of mine that need a healthier lifestyle, but would knock my healthy choices! I really limit the amount of times I eat out a month, and I have friends that eat out for EVERY MEAL. Honestly, I've lost those friends because of the reaction I'd get from them. I think they viewed it as I didn't want to hang out with them, but I just didn't want to eat out with them. I've also limited my drinking, so I don't spend too much time in bars anymore. If I am in one, I don't drink, and I've literally had friends try shoving drinks in my face. I've found out that I do not need the booze to have a good time.

Jealousy/cattiness is too much work for me to deal with.

This brings up an interesting observation i've made with friends too. Although I get complimented all the time by people and my partner on how much i've lost, people get almost irritated that you refuse a cupcake, eating out at lunch at a fast food place or that you can't attend some social function because you can't break your gym routine. I've never been a big alcohol consumer (outside of 2 years I was single when I tried to kill my liver) but some people cannot understand not drinking.

Seconly, even my partner has often said, "you're one of those people now," when referring to my refusal to eat fast food or that I HAVE to go to the gym. I've explained to him that while i'm losing weight i've got to be strict and not break any habits. Someday when I'm building muscle or on maintenence that may change. It's definitely a transition for friends and loved ones to make when you are on a different path and it isn't always easy. There is pressure to eat what they're eating etc.

On a positive side of this, at least 2 people at work have either asked me what i'm doing or have said i've inspired them to lose weight/work out, and that for me is a bigger compliment than acknowledging my transitioning body.

bhankiii

You bring up two awesome points.

No one wants to be unhealthy. That just doesn't make sense. There might just be cultural things that push certain groups into being/becoming healthy.

And that tug of vanity is true... As I see myself getting more fit, I've done little things like run shirtless down busy streets or buy more tank tops for the summer- things I would have never done a year ago.

I'm looking forward to showing off my tattoos again.

doug4018

oh and I fully support you buying more tank tops and running shirtless.

bhankiii

This brings up an interesting observation i've made with friends too. Although I get complimented all the time by people and my partner on how much i've lost, people get almost irritated that you refuse a cupcake, eating out at lunch at a fast food place or that you can't attend some social function because you can't break your gym routine. I've never been a big alcohol consumer (outside of 2 years I was single when I tried to kill my liver) but some people cannot understand not drinking.

Seconly, even my partner has often said, "you're one of those people now," when referring to my refusal to eat fast food or that I HAVE to go to the gym. I've explained to him that while i'm losing weight i've got to be strict and not break any habits. Someday when I'm building muscle or on maintenence that may change. It's definitely a transition for friends and loved ones to make when you are on a different path and it isn't always easy. There is pressure to eat what they're eating etc.

On a positive side of this, at least 2 people at work have either asked me what I'm doing or have said i've inspired them to lose weight/work out, and that for me is a bigger compliment than acknowledging my transitioning body.

I like being one of "those people". I like being in line at the grocery store, looking at someone's choices and thinking to myself, "Really? You're going to feed that to your family?"

Of course I keep all my advice to myself, because I don't want to become one of "those" people. But if someone asks, I'll tell them.

bhankiii

oh and I fully support you buying more tank tops and running shirtless.

I second this emotion.

DrG3n3

Confidence and the ability to be comfortable in my own skin.

Perhaps not directly related. I did want to be healthy and not go the way of my aunt. But I hated being the fat friend who was funny and had cute clothes. I hated being a flirt but not being confident enough or goodlooking enough for them to flirt back which in turn roused my confidence more. I did hate not fitting into the desks in class the most. I mean, I fit but I still had some gut on the tables. I was always out of breath running between classes across campus too.
It took a while and I'm still working on it but I have a ton more confidence not and it really shows.

Honestly, I think that its human. Not just LGBT ir straight. Everyone wants to be healthy. And we all feel the vanity. Everyone wants to be pretty either for themselves or someone else I feel.

derekjnichols

This brings up an interesting observation i've made with friends too. Although I get complimented all the time by people and my partner on how much i've lost, people get almost irritated that you refuse a cupcake, eating out at lunch at a fast food place or that you can't attend some social function because you can't break your gym routine. I've never been a big alcohol consumer (outside of 2 years I was single when I tried to kill my liver) but some people cannot understand not drinking.

Seconly, even my partner has often said, "you're one of those people now," when referring to my refusal to eat fast food or that I HAVE to go to the gym. I've explained to him that while i'm losing weight i've got to be strict and not break any habits. Someday when I'm building muscle or on maintenence that may change. It's definitely a transition for friends and loved ones to make when you are on a different path and it isn't always easy. There is pressure to eat what they're eating etc.

On a positive side of this, at least 2 people at work have either asked me what i'm doing or have said i've inspired them to lose weight/work out, and that for me is a bigger compliment than acknowledging my transitioning body.

I just think it's interesting that people don't stop and think about why you're passing up on fast food. You'd hope that they'd realize you're trying to make a healthy choice, and maybe they should do the same!

Sometimes I have felt like I'm looked at as being strange because I try to be healthy.... I just don't think healthy lifestyles are as much of a common place in society as they should be.

derekjnichols

I like being one of "those people". I like being in line at the grocery store, looking at someone's choices and thinking to myself, "Really? You're going to feed that to your family?"

Of course I keep all my advice to myself, because I don't want to become one of "those" people. But if someone asks, I'll tell them.

Agreed! Nothing worse than seeing a cart of soda and processed foods!

EvanKeel

The only connection I can make between my weight loss and fitness goals to my orientation is that I don't mind the occasional eye candy in the locker room. I do try to be mostly respectful, but I'm not dead; glances happen, and they're nice

Mostly it's vanity..or something very close to vanity for me. I think I spent a lot of years thinking that I just wasn't an active person and it wasn't really possible for someone like me to be fit. I think at 30 I realized, contrary to popular belief in the gay community, that I was still young, and I'd like to enjoy being young. Being more fit is part of that.

doug4018

The only connection I can make between my weight loss and fitness goals to my orientation is that I don't mind the occasional eye candy in the locker room. I do try to be mostly respectful, but I'm not dead; glances happen, and they're nice

Mostly it's vanity..or something very close to vanity for me. I think I spent a lot of years thinking that I just wasn't an active person and it wasn't really possible for someone like me to be fit. I think at 30 I realized, contrary to popular belief in the gay community, that I was still young, and I'd like to enjoy being young. Being more fit is part of that.

I have many stories about the locker room, on all kinds of topics ranging from, weird, hot and gross. At any rate, your reply made me think about some of the straight men at work telling me that they were jealous they had no equivalent in their world of getting to be in a women's locker room. Which made me think....yeah, that is pretty cool we get that and the straight guys don't haha!

MLeeTPA

I've had a bit of a similar situation with our group of friends. As my partner and I are approaching 120+ days of 'actively choosing to be healthier,' we've been staying away from the bars, eating out less and doing some type of cardio 3-5 times a week. Our friends, who typically see us at the bar or at a party, have certainly noticed the weight we have both lost (K is now down to the weight he was when we met almost 12 years ago!), but they don't appreciate the fact that we choose to make these choices for us... We've heard comments like, "what? you're too good to hang out with us anymore?" and "you really should drink... we like you better when you are drinking." Caddiness running rampant, for sure!

But, at the end of the day, my pants fit better, I am sleeping better and overall, I know I am healthier... and that's not even mentioning the positive comments and flirting attention I am getting now. So, we will choose to continue on our journey toward a healthier lifestyle. Cheat days... bar days... days we cuddle on the couch and watch movies.... abso-friggin-lutely! We've come to appreciate those days more now too!

doug4018

I've had a bit of a similar situation with our group of friends. As my partner and I are approaching 120+ days of 'actively choosing to be healthier,' we've been staying away from the bars, eating out less and doing some type of cardio 3-5 times a week. Our friends, who typically see us at the bar or at a party, have certainly noticed the weight we have both lost (K is now down to the weight he was when we met almost 12 years ago!), but they don't appreciate the fact that we choose to make these choices for us... We've heard comments like, "what? you're too good to hang out with us anymore?" and "you really should drink... we like you better when you are drinking." Caddiness running rampant, for sure!

But, at the end of the day, my pants fit better, I am sleeping better and overall, I know I am healthier... and that's not even mentioning the positive comments and flirting attention I am getting now. So, we will choose to continue on our journey toward a healthier lifestyle. Cheat days... bar days... days we cuddle on the couch and watch movies.... abso-friggin-lutely! We've come to appreciate those days more now too!

That is awesome, and very heartwarming!

derekjnichols

. Our friends, who typically see us at the bar or at a party, have certainly noticed the weight we have both lost (K is now down to the weight he was when we met almost 12 years ago!), but they don't appreciate the fact that we choose to make these choices for us... We've heard comments like, "what? you're too good to hang out with us anymore?" and "you really should drink... we like you better when you are drinking."

It's funny because in high school or college I never experience the peer pressure I do now to drink from my friends! I remember all the PSAs on drinking tailored to youths- they need to make them for adults!

bhankiii

Now that I think about it, I have friends who don't drink, or are vegetarian, or just don't eat crap, or run marathons - and they always have and no one thinks twice about it. It's when you try to change for the better that people try to hold you back.

treetop57

For me, it has been more about health than vanity. I started having all the weight-related chronic symptoms like high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and slightly high blood sugar. My doctor would tell me to exercise a little more, but I just didn't have the energy to do it. Part of that might have been sleep deprivation due to undiagnosed sleep apnea. Once I started using CPAP, I found myself awake enough to move more and eat less.

None of the relates to sexual orientation particularly. I've been with the same guy for nearly 20 years, so attracting men isn't really part of the equation. He has always weighed more than me, sometimes as much as 50 or 60 pounds more. He lost quite a bit in the last five years, fairly effortlessly, by exercising more and snacking less. As his weight crept down and my weight crept up, I found myself weighing more than him . . . which I admit was a motivation for me to make a change. So I guess there is a bit of vanity in the mix as well!

treetop57

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37557883/ns/health-behavior/t/gay-guys-really-are-thinner-study-says/#.T_8RpfKwXTc

Gay guys really are thinner, study says. But lesbians are heavier than heterosexual women

By Linda Carroll
msnbc.com contributor
updated 6/8/2010 8:34:50 AM ET

In a famous episode of “Seinfeld,” Jerry complains that people constantly assume he's gay because he’s single, obsessively neat — and thin. As it turns out, at least part of that punchline may be anchored in fact.

A new study shows that gay men really are leaner than straight men. And conversely, it also found that gay women tend to be heavier than their heterosexual counterparts.

Boston researchers determined that gay women were more than twice as likely as straight women to be obese, while gay men were 50 percent less likely to be obese compared to their heterosexual counterparts, according to a report published in the American Journal of Public Health.

After scrutinizing a health survey of more than 67,000 Massachusetts residents between the ages of 18 and 64, the researchers found that 14 percent of gay men were obese versus 21 percent of straight men. The opposite was true of gay women: 26 percent were found to be obese, as compared with 17 percent of the straight women.

Math geek that I am, those last two paragraphs drive me crazy.

"26 percent [of lesbians] were found to be obese, as compared with 17 percent of the straight women" does not equal "gay women were more than twice as likely as straight women to be obese."

"14 percent of gay men were obese versus 21 percent of straight men" does not equal "gay men were 50 percent less likely to be obese compared to their heterosexual counterparts."

But that aside, the speculated reason for the differences are interesting. It boils down to this: straight women and gay men are trying to be attractive to men and men care more about the weight of their partner.

“People in sexual relationships with men — heterosexual women and gay men — get more pressure to look thin and to otherwise conform to attractiveness norms than do people in sexual relationships with women — lesbians and heterosexual men,” [said Esther Rothblum, a professor of women’s studies at San Diego State University].

The best evidence for that comes from an older study of bisexual women, Rothblum adds. When the bisexual women were asked to describe their experiences with women and men, the differences were dramatic: they often reported that they got more pressure to be thin when they were with men.

Other researchers have found further evidence of this male effect while studying personal ads and dating sites like Match.com, Rothblum explains. “Men will say they are looking for a partner who is not above 35 years old and not above 135 pounds,” she said. “Women don’t typically do that. They say they are looking for someone with good sense of humor, intelligence, and creativity, or someone who is not an alcoholic.”

cmsu64113

Id say 75% of my choice to get healthy was the Gay lifestyle, The attention I get now is insane. No one looked at me when I was fat. My original goal was to be 5'7 120lbs be that twink everyone wants but after hearing comments like you do not good that thin I started trying to add muscle and now my friends call me beefcake .

EvanKeel

Id say 75% of my choice to get healthy was the Gay lifestyle, The attention I get now is insane. No one looked at me when I was fat. My original goal was to be 5'7 120lbs be that twink everyone wants but after hearing comments like you do not good that thin I started trying to add muscle and now my friends call me beefcake .

120lbs? it's nice to know I can overhead press a twink.

derekjnichols

That's an amazing study treetop- thanks for sharing! I wonder if that correlates to something with men and being more visual than women...

tameko2

Id say 75% of my choice to get healthy was the Gay lifestyle, The attention I get now is insane. No one looked at me when I was fat. My original goal was to be 5'7 120lbs be that twink everyone wants but after hearing comments like you do not good that thin I started trying to add muscle and now my friends call me beefcake .

120lbs? it's nice to know I can overhead press a twink.

Pehehehehehe. I mean not overhead press, for me, but its hilarious that I deadlift more than that for a WARM UP.

And also, hardly ANYONE looks good that thin. That's nearly "underweight" on the BMI chart. I do not say NO one, some people are built super skinny like that, but the rest of the world isn't meant to be that light.

Derek - I think its more related to long standing social norms than any built in 'difference' between genders. For a long time women were for 'pretty' and men were for 'providing' so men looked for partners wiht 'pretty' because more pretty = higher standard of partner on the arbitrary social scale,and women looked for providers because better provider = more standing.


Also, I think standards are changing a lot. There is a lot more pressure on men in general to be fitter, healthier, more produ..i mean attractive. Look at the huge changes in men's fashion - heck look at the fact that there IS so much men's fashion instead of the same basic pants, shirts, and jackets. In 30 years the same Match.com study could find totally different results. More women graduate from college than men and because of the "health" movement I think people in GENERAL are starting to feel like its ok to say they don't want partners that are overweight (as opposed to 'shallow' reasons like "no fatties").

And re: lesbians - slightly related but many feminists who start trying to get healthy struggle with feeling like they are betraying their ideals by wanting to look more attractive. Its hard to accept that you CAN both reject having a societal standard forced on you because of your gender (or sexuality!) and yet at the same time live up to that standard because of your own personal preferences. It makes people feel like a hypocrite. (not me because whatever, I do what I want -- but a lot of people struggle with it).

ronboy1979

oh and I fully support you buying more tank tops and running shirtless.

Hahahahahaha love the motivation !!!!