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Ugh, those damn insecurities
Meghan0116
Posts: 1,263 Member
I really need a yes or no answer to the following situation.
Been talking to his really nice guy for about 3 weeks. We had our first date last Sunday and it went great. He texted me the next day saying he had a really good time. He even asked me Sunday night when we could get together again. I gave him the days I wouldn't have my son. He told me he would try to get out of duty Saturday night and then he would wine and dine me. This was Monday.
I asked him Wednesday if he was able to get out of duty and he said he was working on it but if he couldn't what were my plans for Sunday. I told him no plans that I could think of and he said, okay, Sunday will be the back up.
There are no issues with the above. The issues that I am having are that the communication has dropped to almost nothing. He will text me, I will respond with something conversational, and then nothing. I know I know, I can't base anything on texts but he was really chatty before the first date. I mean 40-50 a day to umm, 4-5. I am really getting those not interested vibes from him.
I don't know if this is my insecurities rearing their ****ty little head or I am picking up on something. Should I tell him I am getting he's just not that into you vibes, or should I wait and see if he follows through with our date this weekend?
Been talking to his really nice guy for about 3 weeks. We had our first date last Sunday and it went great. He texted me the next day saying he had a really good time. He even asked me Sunday night when we could get together again. I gave him the days I wouldn't have my son. He told me he would try to get out of duty Saturday night and then he would wine and dine me. This was Monday.
I asked him Wednesday if he was able to get out of duty and he said he was working on it but if he couldn't what were my plans for Sunday. I told him no plans that I could think of and he said, okay, Sunday will be the back up.
There are no issues with the above. The issues that I am having are that the communication has dropped to almost nothing. He will text me, I will respond with something conversational, and then nothing. I know I know, I can't base anything on texts but he was really chatty before the first date. I mean 40-50 a day to umm, 4-5. I am really getting those not interested vibes from him.
I don't know if this is my insecurities rearing their ****ty little head or I am picking up on something. Should I tell him I am getting he's just not that into you vibes, or should I wait and see if he follows through with our date this weekend?
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IMO I would say that you're picking up on something - I would feel the same if I were in your shoes.
See what happens this weekend if you see him - see if you continue to get those same vibes.0 -
I wouldn't tell him you are getting those vibes. You've only gone out once. There is no reason to be so emotionally invested in the outcome. It sucks to think he wasn't interested but it happens. If he is not interested, so what? Just move on with your life.0
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Throw the damn phone in a river and stop trying to read something into everything.
Go out Sunday if that is set or just step back and let things unwind as they will.
Take the imaginary wedding dress off and be cool. :smokin: :flowerforyou:0 -
Did you expect 40-50 texts a day forever? If he cancels on you Saturday and Sunday then you're allowed to get worried. Until then, quit thinking.0
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Throw the damn phone in a river and stop trying to read something into everything.
:laugh: :laugh:
^^^this!!
Megs, you really need to realise that most men dont use texts unless they have to!! EVERY guy I've ever gone out with has been text mad before meeting, and then it drops.
The problem lies in the difference between men and women:
Women need constant reasurrance!! (as per Mars v Venus!)
Men don't!!
He knows you like him, cos you said you would see him again. Men operate on that level.
Absolutely wait till he comes back to you and DO NOT, under any circumstances, tell him about your vibes!! :flowerforyou:0 -
I agree with the men folk.
Plus, have a plan B. Don't wait around if there is nothing set.0 -
Keep obsessing and over thinking and over analyzing and I promise it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Cause guys can smell overthinkers a mile away.
Its always gonna be simple math in his head. Do i like her, yes or no? Whereas your brain is going to be looking very similar to the NYC subway system maps.
Focus on other stuff in the meantime. He didnt make tentative plans with you for Sunday so you could have a week to stare at the upcoming event for a week. He picked that day so he could handle all his business that needed to be taken care of before he could see you. you do the same.0 -
I know I am over analyzing, it is in my psychologist nature. I know I shouldn't be emotionally invested after one date. And really, I'm not. I just hate, hate, hate uncertainty. If he disappears, okay then. I am not going to curl up into the fetal position and cry myself to sleep. lol
I was in a relationship from 16-21 and then 21-28. I missed those critical years of learning how to date and take things as they come. I am better than I was a year ago, even 6 months ago but it is a work in progress.0 -
I can see what everybody's saying.. Yes you can't expect the 50 texts everyday BUT after a 1st, IMO, his interest should have went up.. Not necessarily manifesting by keeping up with a certain number of texts but by definitely letting you know he's interested in that 2nd date and making sure he has it set with you.
See I've read the reverse here where it's a guy and they told him she wasn't interested... Move on but with us girls, we are overthinking. I do know we do and can admit it but I feel we are told to give guys a break a lot on here.0 -
You have reason to caution. I mean yall go from 50 texts a day to 5? Yeah that's saying something while saying nothing. But don't bug out on it. Be patient, expect to NOT go out with him this weekend and if by chance he does call, great. Go out and have fun but at face value only.0
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Yeah, I have already made plans for Saturday night with my girl friend and her boyfriend. Sucks always being the 3rd wheel but maybe I will meet someone. :smokin:0
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Did you expect 40-50 texts a day forever? If he cancels on you Saturday and Sunday then you're allowed to get worried. Until then, quit thinking.
This right here ^^^^0 -
He probably doesn't want to text yo much, because he wants to get to know you better in person!!0
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Cause guys can smell overthinkers a mile away.
I was thinking about this today and it's totally true.
I am totally myself around my crushes until I realize I like them like that - and then I turn into this totally different person that I am truly notaround them.0 -
I was thinking about this today and it's totally true.
I am totally myself around my crushes until I realize I like them like that - and then I turn into this totally different person that I am truly notaround them.
Me too! You are not alone with this! I especially have this problem when there's a guy friend that we started off as just friends but my feelings for him grew. Then all the sudden it's like you can't think around him!!!:flowerforyou:0 -
I agree, I would not worry too much. He is working, he is still responding and making plans with you.
I have been guilty of overthinking things on more than one occassion. The best thing to do is try and relax, go with the flow. I agree with the above, if he cancels this weekend you might want to start worrying..0 -
Stop feeding into your insecurities. Sure these thoughts may occur to you, that's totally normal. They occur to everyone. But you need to find a healthier way to channel them. Making forum posts about completely normal situations only makes it worse. Just take a breath and remind yourself that he's working, he's busy. You'll see him this weekend, and if you don't then you'll know for sure. But typing about it doesn't get you anywhere except worse.
Distract yourself. When the thought occurs, rationalize yourself out of it and if you can't then pick up a book. Blast some music and dance around. Google pictures of baby animals (wait, maybe that's just me?). DO something that prevents you from thinking about it.
It won't solve anything overnight, but you'll make progress and suddenly little things like this will seem bearable.0
This discussion has been closed.