Feeling like a Dork

kerrymh

So the reason I don't like pay sites is because you have to pay lol..and then if nothing comes out of it..you're feeling rejected and out of money. But I can't stand POF in my city any more the faces never change. And despite all of my activities that I do..kayaking, hiking, running..I can't seem to luck out with a bunch of available men showing up to these things...so after reading these forums I thought maybe eharmony..I'll give it a real try.
And boom really nice connection with a guy..I was matched with. I thought it would be worth the stupid $150. But nope even though he was a complete gentleman and just told me he met someone closer to his age that he has a better connection with..ect. Now I haven't received a new match in 10 days. And similar to other dating sites the men I'm interested don't seem to message me back when I try to communicate. So I wasted money to be rejected...arg. I feel like because I was fat in university I'm screwed for love, online dating is so frustrating.

Sorry just had to vent somewhere.

MaraDiaz

You aren't the only one who hasn't had any luck with eHarmony. A lot of people complain about that site, saying the selection isn't very good, for one thing. So maybe you just picked the wrong site to start paying for?

Carl01

There is no easy anything I am afraid...we have all been conditioned to think that finding someone is a magical,fairy tale happening.
It is not,most attach in high school or college,get married because it seems to be the thing to do and then half or better live a life of misery or split up because they had no idea what love is really all about.

The first thing to realize and trust me I know it is difficult is to recognize that you are not being rejected,just as you are not wowed by every guy you see we are not by every lady even if we find them attractive (which your pictures clearly show you are).

I remember reading or hearing once that given our social customs of saying the guy has to be the one to instigate,which almost all the ladies here have affirmed,there was almost 200 places along the way to a relationship he could be rejected.
Good God,I have been turned down when I wasn`t even trying and the lady mistook something I said,think how that makes one feel.
You as a lady are just now starting to catch up to what that is like.

Everyday life or online,just learn to take things in stride and understand that while nothing is a guarantee there are guys out there that will potentially find you desirable so just keep making you better.

CharlieBarleyMom

It is so very hard to find the person that will find you mentally challenging to their own stimulus AND physically attractive enough to elicit a primal urge in their sexual core.

And then, on top of that, it has to work the other way as well - you both have to have that same Pull for one another. Physical lust alone will get you through a 4 or 5 month "dating" situation. Mental acuity and leveling between the two of you may take you years into the future but not get you into a physical relationship.

It is the wonderful balance between the two of these that starts a healthy relationship between a couple. Then, it is the understanding, compromise, adventure-seeking, growth and loving health that gets you through the tough times (and there will be tough times).

Unfortunately in our world of social media sites we have become less social and more about "finding it all" right away.

Fortunately, for those of us that are still looking, they are out there, as Carl said... and we will find each other... sometimes you just have a cast a wider net... open yourself up to new adventures before calling it a day... (don't just look in your town!)

Prahasaurus

Dating at our age just sucks in general. It's easier when you're young, or in college, surrounded by young people looking to pair up and settle down. After 30, with jobs, kids, limited time, etc., it's extremely difficult.

On-line dating, which seems to be a major topic on these boards, is just more efficient. Ergo, you realize the suckiness of the situation much faster... :-)

In the olden days, you searched in vain for years and years before it dawned on you that the situation was quite grim. Now, many people have that realization after just a few weeks or months.

Progress!

Or, as Fitzgerald wrote at the end of The Great Gatsby:

"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

Keep on beating it, people... What other options do you have?

--P

NNAhuja

::hugs::

kerrymh

Thanks guys.
One of the only reasons I stuck around POF for so long was the forums and the people I "met" on there. I love these forums.
I will keep keeping on of course. And the one good thing is the man who I was a little hopeful about was very upfront and honest and genuine so I will say I wish him well with the other person he's interested...he says I'm amazing and wants to remain friends..lol I'll believe that when he calls to hang out..but its nice to hear I didn't really do anything wrong. And I do completely understand its not real rejection, just feel stupid for paying for eharmony for 3 months ugh waste of money for sure.

NCTravellingGirl

I so understand how you're feeling Kerry. I paid $50 for Match and literally haven't gotten so much as a wink in two weeks, and I've only been on it for 4-5 weeks total! I sent out 75 messages and got nothing back, and trust me, I wasn't reaching out of my league!

I do understand the frustration with POF too. It's been a weird experience also but at least I'm not paying for it. I thought about eHarmony because there are 2 men (also not members) that I've corresponded with at each of the free communication weekends... we're only up to step 3 so we still can't email, but we keep making progress with each free weekend, haha. But then I realize that's a lot of money for just TWO people to talk to and back down.

I LOVE MFP... we need to setup something here beyond Single Peeps, haha... at least we're all of similar mindset! I said it on another thread... MFP WEEKEND trip Match and POF have started having social events to get people to join in... why not MFP, haha?!

SouthernSweetie74

Hey, Kerry. You're not alone. I hated eharmony. I hate dating sites period. Okay, I have a love/hate relationship with them. I think P hit the nail on the head. It's just more difficult as we get older.

When I was a teenager:
I saw a goodlooking guy.
We made eye contact.
We flirted.
He asked for my number.
I gave it to him.
He called me.
We flirted some more.
He asked me out.
Boom. There ya go. No problem.

NOW:
I see a goodlooking guy.
He's married.
Or
He's gay.
Or
He's a player.

LOL JK (well, kind of...)

Actually, now it's so much more complicated because I've grown up, and it's not all about "looks" and how physically attracted we are. Now, not only do I want to be physically attracted to the man, but Lord forbid I want to be intellectually and emotionally attracted to him, too. And that's hard to find...

Hang in there. I know you're not fishing for compliments, okay, but you are a pretty woman. You have a gorgeous smile. So, just keep working on you and focusing on what makes you happy... and that man will come along.

Nerple

I tried eharmony once a couple years back. $150 seems outrageous! Think I paid significantly less than that. Surprised on the matches too, they were sending me so many I became convinced they really weren't trying to match on however many levels the commercials claim. But that said I never had so much as a date from there.

But one thing I liked about eharmony (which most people seem to hate) is the limited number of matches per day they send, seemed less stressful logging in and looking at a few profiles for 5-10 minutes and having no temptation to spend hours browsing files. Seemed a little more casual.

AnnaPixie

I understand your frustration, you almost feel like asking for a refund eh? :laugh:

I met two guys off there. One was a school teacher that dry drummed his way through our date, and the other guy told me he was bisexual on our date.

Their matching system sux! :huh:

pa_jorg

Sorry, eharmony sucks. For whatever reason even though you pay to be there most people never, ever message one another. I've heard this from both genders.

r1ghtpath

When I was a teenager:
I saw a goodlooking guy.
We made eye contact.
We flirted.
He asked for my number.
I gave it to him.
He called me.
We flirted some more.
He asked me out.
Boom. There ya go. No problem.

NOW:
I see a goodlooking guy.
He's married.
Or
He's gay.
Or
He's a player.

LOL JK (well, kind of...)

THIS THIS THIS!!! we had nothing to lose in our youth, especially our teen years or early 20s. we took the risks and chances and didn't really expect anything out of it. we could meet the weekend or vacation "boyfriend" and know it was just for fun!! you could flirt with whomever you wanted and just go with it. and if nothing came of it, oh well. there would be another soon enough.

now, everything mean something. EVERYTHING!! and since most think we are looking for a relationship everything gets serious before it even begins.....

i just think it gets more difficult as you get older. the easiest time meeting and dating is early 20s.... after that, things just get complicated.


wanna hear about my rejection last night?? LOL
i went out with three married women. we were at a racetrack/ casino, and there ended up being two single guys standing next to us. one of the married women started chatting with them about the races. and they ended up hanging out with us for a bit. me i'm single. they both knew that. my friends were very quick to point out they were married but i was not.

when the guys were leaving, the one asked my married friend for HER number...... but me? single and fun and kinda cute, nothing. there was no interest at all, even knowing that the other women were married.

it's just the way things go. does it suck? yes. i'm not most guys "type." i have accepted that. it sucks. but it's my reality. i think that's why i've decided to just be alone and not waste my time and energy trying to meet new people and date. it's just easier to NOT get rejected and go about my life like usual :-)

JanieJack

For whatever reason even though you pay to be there most people never, ever message one another. I've heard this from both genders.

Yeah, the eHarmony messaging system is the worst I've ever used! Half tht time the system locks up and I can't send a message. Not that it matters. I find on eHarmony most of the guys aren't trying to pursue a relationship. They say that, but it never gets past pen-pal stage.