What is your definition of "Casual Dating?"

JanieJack

Was chatting with some of my MFP friends about what it means to date casually because it seemed like we were doing the same thing, yet they didn't seem to think it a good idea for me. I was really surprised that to learn that when most guys hear a woman, like me, say I casually date, it gives the impression that I date multiple guys for months at a time (making them compete for me) and sleep with one (or more) of them.

When, in reality, my idea of casually dating is to get to know mulitple guys until I find one I think I can have a relationship with and then when "relationship" is a possiblity, focus on him. It's more like meeting multiple guys at the same time. But I'm not sleeping with them, and I'm not misleading them. And we typically only see each other a couple times anyway before dealbreakers arise.

When you say you "casually date," what does that mean to you? If you don't casually date, when you hear someone say "I have no problem with dating "casual dating" what does that mean to you?

JanieJack

FWIW, only two guys I've dated ever had a problem with this... the first was my last boyfriend, about a year and a half ago. He told me on our second date he didn't believe in casual dating. I took a few days to think about it and, inspired by the fact that another guy I really liked had poofed on our plans and then lied about going to visit another woman, I decided what the heck. We had a great couple of months but our lifestyles were just too incompatible.

The other guy who had a problem with this, bodybuilder guy, would always dig me about still being on Match. Yet, when I'd tell him how I'd love for him to take me off the market he always balked and changed the subject. I, personally, think he was still on Match looking for women, not just checking on me. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

yoovie

to date without an agenda, obligation, timeline or destination.

"Let's just see what happens."

MissingMinnesota

My definition is close to yours. I am not sleeping with someone I am casually dating and these dates are usually light fun dates nothing to heavy. This is usually for the first 1-5 dates. If I am not wanting to focus on that one guy within 5 dates then I know it is someone I won't want a realtionship with.

yo_andi

I date like a guy, I've been told. Very few strings attached, no agenda, no timeline, no sense of duty or obligation. So I'm guessing this would be considered "casual dating".

poncho33

I'd agree with Yoovie as far as a definition for Casual Dating... I'd say you are doing more serial dating though, where you are going on every date you get. But that is just going off of posts i've seen from you.

I wouldn't have a problem with either dating style on a first or second date, but if we got past a 3rd date and you were still out finding new guys to date, I'd probably assume you didn't have a strong interest.

SouthernSweetie74

Honestly, I wasn't sure what it meant to others, so I've shied away from it because most of the men that I know who use the term "casual dating" are into "casual sex".

I like your definition better, though.

yoovie

When I grow up im going to have tons of dirty casual sex with my husband.

AnnaPixie

If a guy told me he was casually dating I'd think he wasn't serious about building a serious relationship. Rather he just wants to have 'fun'.

I wouldn't want to go out with someone who had the 'casual' approach as I'm looking for something serious.

I think you should keep your 'labels' to yourself, cos anyone can misinterpret. And, as we've agreed on here before, everyone likes to feel special. :flowerforyou:

JanieJack

I'd say you are doing more serial dating though, where you are going on every date you get.

Yeah, but I'm having to slow down, lol. I've actually met some folks I'm interested in going on a 2nd or 3rd date with just to get to know them better. There's only so many days in a week, lol![/quote]

I wouldn't have a problem with either dating style on a first or second date, but if we got past a 3rd date and you were still out finding new guys to date, I'd probably assume you didn't have a strong interest.

I'm curious about this... Is there anyone else here would be offend after the 3rd date? And you don't really know each other just one or two dates. Seems like personality starts to come out on the 3rd date. After all, they could be like me and plan things out in advance. And even if I met "the one" tonight, i wouldn't be sure he realy was "the one" until we've had a few dates where I can see how he handles conflict, observe his work ethic (guys are always such hard workers when they first meet you).

I wouldn't do like guys have done me: Go 5-6 dates, and still be setting up dates with other women but telling me "we're headed toward relationship, just not there yet." I can't really put a number on it, but I'd think maybe at least a month or two, 7-10 dates until I'd feel comfortable that the person I had a connection with night one was REALLY the person he presented himself as.

Or, more likely because most of us present ourselves in the best possible light, I've seen that the edgy, more real him, is someone I can potentially fall in love with.

And even then, not "assume" we're exclusive unless he brings it up.

JanieJack

I've shied away from it because most of the men that I know who use the term "casual dating" are into "casual sex".

I like your definition better, though.

I do too, but if the guys are interpreting it another way, because that's what they mean when they say it, I'd be well advised to do as Anna says and drop terms altogether.

Carl01

It is another situation where both parties need to know what the others terms are.
If it is a meet up with some folks to see if there might be something then fine as long as the other is not thinking there is an interest and a relationship is a realistic outcome.

christine24t

To me, casual dating is where you see each other a couple of times a week, but it's not too serious. You don't label yourselves as anything. However, it can turn into more.

kimi131

I dated a guy for months and he kept telling me we were just "casually dating." I took this to mean that we were seeing each other on multiple occasions while we both continued to see other people, sometimes more than one occasion, sometimes not. His dating profiles and all were still up (and he checked them regularly), so I thought this was exactly what he was doing.

Only when I found someone else who I wanted to enter into a relationship with, did I find out that his definition of "casually dating" was dating exclusively or almost exclusively, just not qualifying it as a relationship. Wish he had explained himself more clearly sooner :indifferent:

Best to have a clear conversation and define these things very early on.

Roadie2000

I've never understood it much myself. It's like people that say "I just want to date...nothing serious." So....does that mean that they are not even considering a serious relationship even if they met someone they really hit it off with? If not, then what's the point? Are they just saying that to make themselves seem less needy? Are they just looking for sex? Did they just get dumped and want a rebound fling? Do they have like a 4 date maximum rule or something?

This is similar to people that say they are only looking for a serious relationship. Um...okay, I just think that comes on a little strong. Makes me feel like they will be planning the wedding after the second date.

I mean obviously I want to casually date someone for a while and if we decide we like each other we can gradually become more serious. I like to think most people feel the same way but they just have an odd way of saying it.

poncho33

I'd say you are doing more serial dating though, where you are going on every date you get.

Yeah, but I'm having to slow down, lol. I've actually met some folks I'm interested in going on a 2nd or 3rd date with just to get to know them better. There's only so many days in a week, lol!

I wouldn't have a problem with either dating style on a first or second date, but if we got past a 3rd date and you were still out finding new guys to date, I'd probably assume you didn't have a strong interest.

I'm curious about this... Is there anyone else here would be offend after the 3rd date? And you don't really know each other just one or two dates. Seems like personality starts to come out on the 3rd date. After all, they could be like me and plan things out in advance. And even if I met "the one" tonight, i wouldn't be sure he realy was "the one" until we've had a few dates where I can see how he handles conflict, observe his work ethic (guys are always such hard workers when they first meet you).

I wouldn't do like guys have done me: Go 5-6 dates, and still be setting up dates with other women but telling me "we're headed toward relationship, just not there yet." I can't really put a number on it, but I'd think maybe at least a month or two, 7-10 dates until I'd feel comfortable that the person I had a connection with night one was REALLY the person he presented himself as.

Or, more likely because most of us present ourselves in the best possible light, I've seen that the edgy, more real him, is someone I can potentially fall in love with.

And even then, not "assume" we're exclusive unless he brings it up.
[/quote]


I wasn't saying I expect the person to be exclusive, but if we had a good 3rd date and they are still going on 5-6 first dates a month, I would just assume I am not the guy they're looking for. Personally if someone made it to date 3 with me, I'd probably not book another until after that date. However it doesn't take long for me to rule people out.

oddyogi

I agree with yoov and Christine. If I were to tell someone that I was casually dating soandso, that would mean that I'm exclusively dating them, but we're not labeled as exclusive yet. i.e. if either one of us randomly bumps into someone we like better, well then.. the other party is SOL.

But yeah, the "taking it one day at a time" stance to see where things go.

La_Amazona

I'm not sure l what I'm doing as far as labels are concerned but I'm like you. I'm seeing multiple guys right now from online and 1 I met while out. If 1 were to keep progressing, I'd focus on just him but I'm not sure when that would be. Somebody said after date #3 and that's a bit early... I'm just trying not to rush again.

Darkskinned88

my definition is the same as yours, im dating multiple people and seeing if one stands out, when one does then i'll divert attention to her only. I think people become way too obsessed with labels, we went out had a good time that doesnt mean #wegoinsteady lol