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What's your limit? (for online daters)

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SouthernSweetie74
SouthernSweetie74 Posts: 844
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Do you talk to one person at a time? Several people? Do you put a cap on the number of potential interests you talk to at any given time? Say, you're talking to several, already having a hard time keeping up with who is who, and you get another pursuer, do you ignore that one or let someone else go or just add them to the group? And when do you narrow it down to one?
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  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
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    It depends on the person. I don't have any hard numbers.
  • kerrymh
    kerrymh Posts: 912 Member
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    I just went back to a certain dating site. I'm talking to about 4 people now I'd like to meet and meeting 2 today. But like I said I just went back on last week. This will MAJORLY die down and I'll probably have no one new to chat with next week..already no emails yesterday lol. Its a numbers game sometimes. But I'm hopeful for the second guy today seems promising. If I have a good first 2 dates with someone I will not keep seeing other people..mainly I'd want to focus and it takes too much time for more than one person at that point.
  • RMuske
    RMuske Posts: 271 Member
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    Do you talk to one person at a time? Several people? Do you put a cap on the number of potential interests you talk to at any given time? Say, you're talking to several, already having a hard time keeping up with who is who, and you get another pursuer, do you ignore that one or let someone else go or just add them to the group? And when do you narrow it down to one?

    When I was active I talked to multiple people at once through e-mail. Then I capped the number of people I would talk to on my phone at 5.. I had a lot of trouble keeping everyone straight. I am not player material obviously. I only responded to people I was sure I might be really interested in after looking at their profiles and their email. You have to use your best judgement as to how many you can handle. Then I would read the emails and texts we sent each other before the date so as not to confuse anyone. Granted I only went on 2 dates before I met my now boyfriend Aaron on Match.com but they were not bad. After Aaron and I went on our first date I was pretty sure he was it. After our second date I stopped talking to everyone else. You will just know I think.
  • autumnk921
    autumnk921 Posts: 1,376 Member
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    One at a time for me....I barely have enough time for one really but it's nice to have a man to 'talk' to that is for sure...Makes life a little more interesting!! I have always been a one man woman...I couldn't keep things straight if I even tried to talk to more than one..lol
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    Chalking this up in the "problems I wish I had" category.
  • kobashi
    kobashi Posts: 164
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    Chalking this up in the "problems I wish I had" category.
  • Tropical_Turtle
    Tropical_Turtle Posts: 2,236 Member
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    It I think solely depends on what you feel comfortable. Before I met the guy I am currently dating, I was talking to 3 or 4 not including him. But there were only two I was talking to by phone, my current bf and another guy. Well, we know who won out on this one lol

    I admit it was difficult for me, but my friends insisted I try to keep myself open and not just jump into a relationship. I am not a juggler!!!
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    As many that I'm interested in. Right now I'm dating 2 online (well have a 1st date with 1 of them tonight) and 1 non-online guy.

    It's hard keeping up but I don't want to single anybody out yet. I'm having a good time.
  • MikeM53082
    MikeM53082 Posts: 1,199 Member
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    Just one at time. Always just one.

    Once either one of us lose interest, then I start e-mailing others. If I was talking to or dating more than one person at a time, I feel like I wouldn't be giving the other person a fair shake.
  • SouthernSweetie74
    SouthernSweetie74 Posts: 844
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    Just one at time. Always just one.

    Once either one of us lose interest, then I start e-mailing others. If I was talking to or dating more than one person at a time, I feel like I wouldn't be giving the other person a fair shake.

    I understand.

    How would you feel though if you knew the woman was talking to other people? Because I'll be honest, if I am really interested in a guy, and we've texted and talked on the phone, communication with all others tends to wane out. However, if I get five messages in one day, and after looking at their profiles, I decide that two of them may be worth getting to know, I will respond to those two. I may respond to all of them, depending on my time situation, to be polite and either let them know that I'm not interested or interested only in friendship. Maybe I don't hear back from them right away, maybe I do. Then, along comes another set of new messages, new pursuers. I look at their profiles. Blah blah blah. The cycle begins again.

    Would you want someone to give you a chance even though she has already emailed others? Maybe even moved to texting and the phone? But she saw something in your profile that really caught her interest, so she decided to give you a shot? Would you want her to give you a chance to stand out in the crowd? OR Would you want her to just ignore you altogether?
  • SouthernSweetie74
    SouthernSweetie74 Posts: 844
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    One at a time for me....I barely have enough time for one really but it's nice to have a man to 'talk' to that is for sure...Makes life a little more interesting!! I have always been a one man woman...I couldn't keep things straight if I even tried to talk to more than one..lol

    Having a man to talk to does make life more interesting and bearable, doesn't it! :smile:

    I am a ONE man woman when it comes to actual dating per se...not that I really date... I took a quiz one time, and it told me I was a ... ah nevermind, I can't remember what it said... LOL but what it meant was that I tend to get in relationships rather than date. But I do talk to a lot of people online and on my phone. I would only talk to one because I really like him and think we would totally click, but we live too far apart and at this point can only be friends because I can't foresee how a long distance relationship would work with him. So, yes, I talk to him, and others.
  • SouthernSweetie74
    SouthernSweetie74 Posts: 844
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    Do you talk to one person at a time? Several people? Do you put a cap on the number of potential interests you talk to at any given time? Say, you're talking to several, already having a hard time keeping up with who is who, and you get another pursuer, do you ignore that one or let someone else go or just add them to the group? And when do you narrow it down to one?

    When I was active I talked to multiple people at once through e-mail. Then I capped the number of people I would talk to on my phone at 5.. I had a lot of trouble keeping everyone straight. I am not player material obviously. I only responded to people I was sure I might be really interested in after looking at their profiles and their email. You have to use your best judgement as to how many you can handle. Then I would read the emails and texts we sent each other before the date so as not to confuse anyone. Granted I only went on 2 dates before I met my now boyfriend Aaron on Match.com but they were not bad. After Aaron and I went on our first date I was pretty sure he was it. After our second date I stopped talking to everyone else. You will just know I think.

    I think capping it at 5 for the phone may be a good idea. :smile:

    I agree that sometimes you just know. The last guy I dated sent me a message on a dating site. I was already talking to about three other people at the time. Well, we started talking on the phone, and communication with the others just kind of ceased. Then, I met him, and I was smitten. I pretty much knew from the first date. We continued to see each other for a while but because of distance and circumstances, it didn't work out. *Sigh*
  • Roadie2000
    Roadie2000 Posts: 1,801 Member
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    I don't really have a limit, I don't think I've really ever needed one. I usually just concentrate on the people I find most interesting and take things a little more slowly with the others. Once I get over about 3-4 that I'm emailing or texting with, I sort of just forget about the others.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
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    I don’t have a set limit, especially since most of the guys will email you forever and not meet and when you do get a first date, there’s often no chemistry. Since there’s not a second date, it’s not like you’re “juggling” various guys. There have been a few occasions where I got facts of someone confused, but it hasn’t been grievous or upset anyone.

    I will say that when I’m really into someone they naturally crowd out all of my time, but that’s only happened once in the last couple of months. And even that guy, when he got mad about me for not being 100% committed to him refused to commit to me 100%

    I’m wary of guys who are on some sort of fixed timeline- 1 date and now you’re in a facebook relationship, 3 dates and you gotta be in the sack. It makes me feel like he doesn’t care WHAT woman fills that role, so long as she’s breathing and has all her working parts.

    I’m also wary of guys who don’t like the idea of me getting on Match and answering emails (I rarely initiate contact with a guy but I respond to almost everyone at least once) but then he’s there himself couple times a day. Someone on another thread said they’d think a woman was crazy for expecting him to stop dating others by the 3rd date.
  • Myslissa
    Myslissa Posts: 760 Member
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    I dont limit how many I talk to, I dont put any limitations on my profile. You can find a friend in some of the oddest of people and craziest of places. You have to have an open mind in this world.
  • RMuske
    RMuske Posts: 271 Member
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    I’m wary of guys who are on some sort of fixed timeline- 1 date and now you’re in a facebook relationship, 3 dates and you gotta be in the sack. It makes me feel like he doesn’t care WHAT woman fills that role, so long as she’s breathing and has all her working parts.

    Yeah... what is the deal with people asking to be your facebook friends suddenly, sometimes even before you have met?!
  • Meghan0116
    Meghan0116 Posts: 1,340 Member
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    I will talk to 3-4 at a time but when it comes to actual dating then I drop it to 1, maybe 2. Although I do have a hard time with that. I am very open with whomever I am talking to and let them know that I have a date or whatever.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
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    Yeah... what is the deal with people asking to be your facebook friends suddenly, sometimes even before you have met?!

    I like fb friending someone quickly. I've actually screened out a lot of guys via facebook. Unless they're putting up a front or don’t use their account, you find out quickly if they really look like their profile, if they really like to do the activities they like to do, if they really have kids your age (when they said they were younger- true story).

    I just crate a special category for them so they can’t see everything til I get more comfortable with them. And usually we don’t get past a date or two so they’re quickly deleted.
  • skinnybearlyndsay
    skinnybearlyndsay Posts: 798 Member
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    It's whatever you're comfortable with. I talked with/emailed with a few at a time and did up until just before my second date with current guy. It just didn't feel right to me.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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