Rejection
Carl01
Posts: 9,307 Member
This is actually inspired by some comments made on a thread in another group where a couple of ladies were saying that their dread of rejection extended to the point that they would rarely or never send out a friend request here on MFP for fear of it.
I have often stated that I sensed most women seem to have such an abhorrence of rejection that they will choose to live life unhappily alone rather then risk it.
Is this really the case and if so is it not something a person,male or female should try to overcome?
I have often stated that I sensed most women seem to have such an abhorrence of rejection that they will choose to live life unhappily alone rather then risk it.
Is this really the case and if so is it not something a person,male or female should try to overcome?
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Replies
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No fear hear....
Friend me!0 -
Silly me,
I'll friend you!0 -
Believe it or not, it's not that I so much fear rejection but that my oddball sense of humor and opinions and general attitude will scare some people off and I'm nice enough to rarely force them to make a choice that might make them feel guilty by refusing to accept a friend request.
Besides, I write fiction. I'm well steeped in rejection.
But yeah, people need to get over it, fearing rejection rarely leads to good things in life from my experience.0 -
Only in online dating, not on MFP! LOL!0
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Honestly, at this point, I'm so used to it that I generally just think, "Ok, whatever" and move on.0
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Not on MFP but most definitely in real life. I am 36 year's old and have minimal dating history because of it. Starting online dating feels like I'm back in grade school trying to figure out how to interact with men. Not only would I not make known when I was interested, but I was so closed off that even if someone else was interested, I never opened the door. The funny thing is, I chose a male dominated career path so I'm around men ALL the time. Yet even as comfortable interacting with them at work as I am, I couldn't handle it if it appeared personal. This also led to me reading into the friendliness of many men as flirting...
Yes, it needs to be dealt with. For me, I'm treating it like ripping off a bandaid... just gotta jump in the water. Already I'm making mistakes, and it hurts, but I had to admit that the hurting is better than the loneliness I left myself with for so many years. At least I'm out there trying to change what I'm not happy with. I think I was only ready to do that though when I stopped being unhappy with myself... amazing how that happens!0 -
I love making new friends! And accept any and all friend requests. I, sometimes, think about sending a friend request here and then rethink it. If we've interacted well on the boards, and I think we might have something in common, or I just like to look at your profile pic (ha ha JK), or I like the way you post, I MIGHT send you a friend request on MFP. I have. But I think I've only sent a few out to men, and, in their profile, it clearly stated that it was okay to send out a friend request or they were on the introduction board asking for buddies.
Maybe it's fear of rejection... I don't know... I just don't assume that everyone wants to be my friend... and I've learned the hard way to be careful about "approaching" men even if in a friendly manner. IRL I am extremely friendly and will talk to anyone. If you happened to be in line behind me at Wal-Mart, I might strike up a conversation with you. Also, I'm the type of person that gives random compliments freely. My friendliness has gotten me into trouble, though, at times. Men think I'm hitting on them or flirting with them which is generally not the case. Okay... maybe I do flirt some. But sometimes I'm just being friendly. I think about these things even here. There are probably a few men here that I would like to be friends with but I don't send out a request because I don't want to be thought of as a "man chaser" here and I'm not out to collect men. Sending friend requests to women? I might.
I've always had an inferiority complex, though, and used to really suffer from it...I was shy and thought, "why would anyone want to talk to me"... like I've said, for the most part, I'm not shy anymore, but every once in a while that negative feeling about myself tries to rear its ugly head.
As far as online goes... I don't know. For the most part, I like to be pursued. I figure if a man has viewed my profile and chosen NOT to message me, then, he has no interest in me. However, if I view a man's profile, and see something that intrigues me, I might send him a message. But it has to be a good one, and I guess I do have to read something in his profile that would make me think he might be interested in someone like me before I message.0 -
This is actually inspired by some comments made on a thread in another group where a couple of ladies were saying that their dread of rejection extended to the point that they would rarely or never send out a friend request here on MFP for fear of it.
I don't care about MFP and will friend away because I don't know any of you in real life, although I feel like I know you all so well.
However, I do not send friend requests on Facebook unless I was doing a class project with someone and needed to add them. I haven't sent a personal one out for a couple of years. It's partially out of the fear of rejection, not that many people reject friend requests on Facebook. A lot of it stems from the fact that a few years ago, I friended the roommate of this boy I had the biggest crush on, and he rejected the request. I just could picture them sitting there saying "oh geez christine friended me..." so I decided to stop friending people.0 -
My question wasn`t about friend requests,that was what brought it up.
Was more thinking real life,is the dread of rejection so great that a lady would rather live unhappily alone rather then risk it?0 -
My question wasn`t about friend requests,that was what brought it up.
Was more thinking real life,is the dread of rejection so great that a lady would rather live unhappily alone rather then risk it?
Simple answer... yes! I did for 35.5 years until I worked on me enough to want to change it. I lived a full, happy active life, yet always knew I was missing something. It just easier being alone than facing rejection...0 -
My question wasn`t about friend requests,that was what brought it up.
Was more thinking real life,is the dread of rejection so great that a lady would rather live unhappily alone rather then risk it?
For me, I don't really know because I am younger, but yes, right now it is. I won't approach a guy - partially because of old standards and partially because if I got rejected, it would kill my self-confidence for a while (it has before when I've done it in the past). So if a guy doesn't approach me, then I'll be single until someone does. Right now, I'm okay with being alone, but seeing all my classmates on FB getting engaged and married is starting to get depressing. Maybe I'll care more when all my friends are coupled off, but right now it doesn't bother me too bad.0 -
My question wasn`t about friend requests,that was what brought it up.
Was more thinking real life,is the dread of rejection so great that a lady would rather live unhappily alone rather then risk it?
Nope. But I will only expend so much energy in an effort to find someone before I decide it's not worth it and give up again, at least for awhile.0 -
I don't approach guys because I was brought up that way. Then also because of fear of rejection, I suppose but it's mostly due to me being old fashioned in that area of dating.
Now once I'm initiated, then it's on. Though I'm afraid of rejection to an extent, I M determined to not let that fear hold me back. I will reciprocate when interested. By then though, rejection isn't really on my min since he's obviously interested.0 -
My question wasn`t about friend requests,that was what brought it up.
Was more thinking real life,is the dread of rejection so great that a lady would rather live unhappily alone rather then risk it?
For me, I don't really know because I am younger, but yes, right now it is. I won't approach a guy - partially because of old standards and partially because if I got rejected, it would kill my self-confidence for a while (it has before when I've done it in the past). So if a guy doesn't approach me, then I'll be single until someone does. Right now, I'm okay with being alone, but seeing all my classmates on FB getting engaged and married is starting to get depressing. Maybe I'll care more when all my friends are coupled off, but right now it doesn't bother me too bad.
We have to approach all the time and rejection happens. Men often have short memories in this regard, which can make the next approach easier.
Almost no one in my social circle got married until I turned about 26 or 27. Over the last three years, I have seen two family members and a number of a peripheral friends/acquaintances get married. My core friends are still unmarried, and I don't sense any of my core friends will marry in the next year.0 -
Carl, I'm not sure I understand your question. What do you mean by allowing the fear of rejection to keep us alone and miserable? Sorry, I didn't quote, trying to save space.
I don't really know any single men in real life! I wish I did.
But, if I'm understanding your question correctly, No, I don't think I allow the fear of rejection keep me from taking a risk.
Not too long ago, my daughter's best friend's dad started flirting with me. I was a little shocked by it at first. We've known each other for years. We knew each other when we were both married. Well, at his daughter's birthday party, he told me I was looking sexy. I laughed it off that time. Each time we saw each other, though, he flirted a little bit more. So, one day, I sent him a text asking if he wanted to hang out with me. He said sure. We ended up not being able to that night, for some reason, which might be a good thing because I don't want to ruin our friendship. But his ex-wife even called me one time to ask me what the heck was going on between us.
He's the only single man that I might be remotely interested in and know in real life...0 -
I would say in the past it held be back more than it does now.
I didn't date in HS, and asked a 10th grader to prom because I figured what geeky 10th grader wouldn't say yes lol.
I didn't kiss a man until 3rd year university.
I didn't know how to talk to men I was so scared of being rejected because of my wt/or just who I was.
Now I tend to believe when online dating that they aren't really rejecting me as they don't know me..they aren't taking the time to know me so it doesn't sting at all. I still have issues approaching new men in real life situations but last year I started going Kayaking alone and fitting in with what ever group there was there..chatting with strangers in social situations is still nerve wracking to me but I'm doing it and I'm not going to let it hold me back from the things I love any more. I want to life my life not hide in the sidelines.0 -
Carl, I'm not sure I understand your question. What do you mean by allowing the fear of rejection to keep us alone and miserable? Sorry, I didn't quote, trying to save space.
I don't really know any single men in real life! I wish I did.
But, if I'm understanding your question correctly, No, I don't think I allow the fear of rejection keep me from taking a risk.
Not too long ago, my daughter's best friend's dad started flirting with me. I was a little shocked by it at first. We've known each other for years. We knew each other when we were both married. Well, at his daughter's birthday party, he told me I was looking sexy. I laughed it off that time. Each time we saw each other, though, he flirted a little bit more. So, one day, I sent him a text asking if he wanted to hang out with me. He said sure. We ended up not being able to that night, for some reason, which might be a good thing because I don't want to ruin our friendship. But his ex-wife even called me one time to ask me what the heck was going on between us.
He's the only single man that I might be remotely interested in and know in real life...
You pretty much got what I meant,being willing to take a chance or letting the dread of rejection prevent you from risking it.0 -
My question wasn`t about friend requests,that was what brought it up.
Was more thinking real life,is the dread of rejection so great that a lady would rather live unhappily alone rather then risk it?
The answer is No, I dont fear rejection that much, if the choice is ask or be miserable!!
But I dont think the option is that extreme? I mean, you'd have to know someone pretty well, or have deep feelings for them, in order to assume your life would be miserable without them?? I have done this though, been rejected by someone I have deep feelings for. :sad: But it was worth the risk :bigsmile:
As for online strangers, I dont take that kind of rejection as a rejection!! Realising that I'm not everyone's type and that most men are a bit nuts on there :laugh: has rendered me indestructible on dating sites!! I really dont take it personally.
IRL and approaching some random guy in a pub, I'd have to be fairly drunk to take that initiative. Although, if he was on his own, I might do it sober. I'm more fearing that his friends or my friends would embarrass us. But there would have to be eye contact and some kind of vibe for me to even consider it.
I think everyone fears rejection to some degree! But to the point of misery? Nah
The FR on here made me laugh..........I mean, c'mon, seriously....... :laugh:0 -
This is interesting. I actually had to think about it.
I think there was a time I was fearful of rejection... but I never let it stop me. Over time I've gotten to the point where I don't fear it. Usually when I go after someone/thing for whatever reason it's not at the point where it hurts personally. Heck a few weeks ago I got drunk and told a sales guy coworker that we should go on a date and he said no (it was at a party, not at work). Sure, I have a crush on him, but it's not like I'm in love with the guy and it's not like he even knows me well either. I was embarrassed that I was drunk when I said it, but wasn't a serious investment. My life isn't any different since he said no so what do I care?0 -
I do fear rejection. I hate the feeling of being rejected like most people I think. Has that stopped me from putting myself out there, no. I figure it is worth the risk, sans the few days after when I don't feel it is worth it. Can't win if you don't play kind of thing.0
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you know what fixes this ... a wingman/women lol it really makes the approach easier if you have one of these.. But no I dont fear regection0
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you know what fixes this ... a wingman/women lol it really makes the approach easier if you have one of these..
Until your wing woman ends up grabbing the guy's attention and he forgets about you...this always happens to me in groups. I try to stand out, but I can't change my personality that much.0 -
you know what fixes this ... a wingman/women lol it really makes the approach easier if you have one of these..
Until your wing woman ends up grabbing the guy's attention and he forgets about you...this always happens to me in groups. I try to stand out, but I can't change my personality that much.
Then what you need isn't just "a wingwoman" lol, what you REALLY need is a "GOOD wingwoman." I have no problem deferring to my friends, especially if they generally go out less than I do. There have been times when a guy was flirting with me and I directed his attention to my friend.0 -
you know what fixes this ... a wingman/women lol it really makes the approach easier if you have one of these..
Until your wing woman ends up grabbing the guy's attention and he forgets about you...this always happens to me in groups. I try to stand out, but I can't change my personality that much.
Then what you need isn't just "a wingwoman" lol, what you REALLY need is a "GOOD wingwoman." I have no problem deferring to my friends, especially if they generally go out less than I do. There have been times when a guy was flirting with me and I directed his attention to my friend.
Yep!0
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