Should people always be supportive on MFP?
bathsheba_c
Posts: 1,873 Member
People often come to MFP looking for support. Does that mean that they are entitled to it? When is it okay to write something that isn't supportive, or even downright harsh?
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No.People often come to MFP looking for support. Does that mean that they are entitled to it?When is it okay to write something that isn't supportive, or even downright harsh?
Whenever you want.0 -
No, I've had less than supportive friends on mfp but if they are on my friend's list, they bring something else to the table that makes them valuable to me.
If you don't want unsupportive friends, deleting them is simple enough.0 -
To me, there's a difference between being unsupportive and being rude/mean. While some people can deal with brutal honesty, rude comments, and mean sarcasm, others cannot. This site has many members with low self-esteem and who already feel badly enough about themselves. It's too hard to tell who has thick skin and who will be hurt by comments.0
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Okay, so then what do you do? When do you decide to just not bother versus saying something unsupportive.To me, there's a difference between being unsupportive and being rude/mean. While some people can deal with brutal honesty, rude comments, and mean sarcasm, others cannot. This site has many members with low self-esteem and who already feel badly enough about themselves. It's too hard to tell who has thick skin and who will be hurt by comments.0 -
In part this would depend on how we define support. Sometimes there are disconnects there. I'll say it would be nice if we all were supportive, but to me that doesn't necessarily mean I'm going to always like what I hear. I guess I'd rephrase it to: people shouldn't be jack *kitten* for kicks.0
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Are you talking about in the main forums or to people on your FL?0
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This weight loss and fitness thing is already tough enough, no one needs a troll making it worse. I notice trolls don't last long around here, anyway.
Of course there is a difference between unsupportive as in not taking time to comment or whatever (which is fine, we all have limited energy to expend) and outright trolling.0 -
Oh how I loathe the "support" argument. Always followed by the "we're all here for the same reason" nonsense.
We're not. There are thousands and thousands of users here. Most looking to lose weight. Some wanting to gain or maintain. Some tracking their macros. Some here just for the social aspect. Some are here just to troll and make trouble. So no, we're not all here for the same reason.
Next we have to decide what support is. Most people seem to think it means "telling me what I want to hear." Sorry Jack, that ain't it. Often times the best support you can get is someone telling you to stop whining and get your *kitten* in gear. But people don't want to hear that. They want to hear that it's not their fault they ate half a cake. That they don't need to run or lift if they don't feel like it. They want someone to tell them they're pretty and special.
Screw support. Get it from your friends, real life or MFP. To expect complete internet strangers to be kind and helpful is just painfully naive.0 -
*begins the slow clap*0
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*which turns into thunderous applause as MFPals across the world unite in cheers*0
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Brett, FTFW, as usual.0
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People deserve to hear the truth. I'm not your mommy.0
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Said by one of the most supportive people on MFP. You can get to know your friends on MFP and know what kinds of "support" each one needs.Screw support. Get it from your friends, real life or MFP. To expect complete internet strangers to be kind and helpful is just painfully naive.0 -
Screw support. Get it from your friends, real life or MFP. To expect complete internet strangers to be kind and helpful is just painfully naive.
I would go further and say that it's naive on a scale that strains credulity to such an extent that I get equally upset at someone who gets overly defensive as I do when someone's being too much of an asshat.0 -
Oh how I loathe the "support" argument. Always followed by the "we're all here for the same reason" nonsense.
We're not. There are thousands and thousands of users here. Most looking to lose weight. Some wanting to gain or maintain. Some tracking their macros. Some here just for the social aspect. Some are here just to troll and make trouble. So no, we're not all here for the same reason.
Next we have to decide what support is. Most people seem to think it means "telling me what I want to hear." Sorry Jack, that ain't it. Often times the best support you can get is someone telling you to stop whining and get your *kitten* in gear. But people don't want to hear that. They want to hear that it's not their fault they ate half a cake. That they don't need to run or lift if they don't feel like it. They want someone to tell them they're pretty and special.
Screw support. Get it from your friends, real life or MFP. To expect complete internet strangers to be kind and helpful is just painfully naive.
So you didn't mean it when you said i was pretty and special? :sad:0 -
There's an old Buddhist metaphor that says if you come across an animal with a stick caught in its throat, you should yank it out, even though the animal may bleed and bite you because of it.
Support doesn't only mean dishing out empty wtg's. It means calling people out on their own bullcrap too.0 -
The hatred coursing through this thread is so palpable it is like a heart ripped still beating from a native's chest by Mola Ram!
Of course every single person who ever posts anything on MFP deserves to be rimmed by a unicorn and have fairy spunk dumped so far up into their small intestine that their stomach sparkles. That anyone could even question this concept makes me lose faith in humanity as a whole, contemplate creating a cult just to get them to commit ritual suicide using a giant microwave oven and 10,000 barrels of non-dairy creamer or possibly even write a haiku. THIS IS NOT A GODDAMN GAME!
I think this whole community of MFP ought to stop and ask itself in some kind of meta conversation: what would Brian Boitano do?
Once we all accept that the glory of a greater glory in glory is glorifying and should be glorified, i think we all see that the answer has been staring up at us from the bottoms of our shoes: mincemeat pie.
Thank you for listening and I hope that you will follow these simple guidelines in the future and make this place a more hospitable and welcoming community for everyone. Even the morons.0 -
The hatred coursing through this thread is so palpable it is like a heart ripped still beating from a native's chest by Mola Ram!
Of course every single person who ever posts anything on MFP deserves to be rimmed by a unicorn and have fairy spunk dumped so far up into their small intestine that their stomach sparkles. That anyone could even question this concept makes me lose faith in humanity as a whole, contemplate creating a cult just to get them to commit ritual suicide using a giant microwave oven and 10,000 barrels of non-dairy creamer or possibly even write a haiku. THIS IS NOT A GODDAMN GAME!
I think this whole community of MFP ought to stop and ask itself in some kind of meta conversation: what would Brian Boitano do?
Once we all accept that the glory of a greater glory in glory is glorifying and should be glorified, i think we all see that the answer has been staring up at us from the bottoms of our shoes: mincemeat pie.
Thank you for listening and I hope that you will follow these simple guidelines in the future and make this place a more hospitable and welcoming community for everyone. Even the morons.
I was intrigued by your stance on unicorn spunk, drifted away in the middle, and then back around for the glory part. Do you have a newsletter?0 -
People deserve to hear the truth. I'm not your mommy.
Then why do you keep making me call you that?0 -
I definitely think there are different ways to be supportive. If someone is consuming less than 1000 cals a day, support from me will come in a PM that says "have you talked to a doctor or nutritionist about this? I really feel that you won't be able to sustain a healthy lifestyle on that few cals". Or someone on my FL that knows she needs to cut white carbs and sugars but is having trouble finding the motivation...I gave her a harsh reality picture of what having Type 2 diabetes while raising two young kids will look like.
But I am not intentionally mean and I usually do my best to make my comments constructive. Unless I think someone is MUD or trolling. Then the gloves are off.0 -
Aside from the general truth that I believe we have the right to say whatever we want (and I get to choose how I react), what do we really learn when someone agrees with us? We feel good, maybe. But there is nothing learned there - there isn't any new knowledge instilled in us.
Nothing wrong with support. It feels good. But you generally don't "support" someone away from making a dangerous decision. You generally don't "support" someone from believing misinformation. And you definitely don't "support" someone from spreading misinformation.0 -
I disagree with both ends of the spectrum (really earth-shaking news).
Some people define "supportive" as receiving uncritical acceptance for everything that you do. They live in a world of complete relativism where all choices are of equal value. This is often accompanied by the corollary argument: "everyone is different, so there is no right or wrong".
On the other side are those who use the attitude of "Sometimes the truth hurts" as a thinly veiled rationalization for being a bully and an asshat (compounded by the irony that most of the time they are wrong).
There are ways to be supportive and honest at the same time. It's not always easy, but it's always worth the effort to try. I am human, so I am not 100% successful at this, but I am consciously aware of it. By nature, I am not a vocally supportive person. I don't do a lot of "you can DO it!!!!" exhortations. My "support" comes in the way of knowledge, facts, and ideas on how to get better results. Neither approach is right or wrong.
Being direct on the internet can be tricky, as one loses nuance of expression. Often people take offense when facts don't match what they want to hear. I am always amused when someone posts something about a program they are thinking of trying, asks people for their feedback, and then gets upset and argumentive with everyone who does not agree.
I get into trouble when I get home from work, am already tired, and then see things like testimonials for HCG or "does wiping my *kitten* count as exercise?". It's hard to resist the urge to be flippant. I have learned to just let it go. Most of the time.0 -
One doesn't have many friends of the on-line or off-line kind if they are always brutally honest. We meet people where they are at and it is the height of indiscretion, isn't it, to expect others to be at the same level or place we are in our journey to optimal health? Private conversations of a questioning nature are fine but to come right out and hit someone over the head with a sledgehammer is extreme and harsh. ..either that or it is too much like the opinion page of my local newspaper!
But supporting others who want better health should be an honor, especially in a modern society whose very structures are designed to fail us at every turn, If ones support becomes a burden and someone on MFP is just driving one batty, there's nothing wrong with using the delete key. :ohwell:
-Debra :drinker:0 -
People often come to MFP looking for support. Does that mean that they are entitled to it? When is it okay to write something that isn't supportive, or even downright harsh?
Entitled to it? I'd say no.
As for writing something downright harsh? It really depends on the context. I can think of few "harsh" things to say to someone that are actually supportive, but I CAN think of some very special cases where it may be warranted. It's up to us to pick and choose our friends on here--if you don't like something your "friend" says, then just delete them. If it's on the forums, well, just know that you're making yourself available to all kinds of people to respond, and use your best judgement--trolls are pretty easy to spot once you've been on a forum for a while. 0 -
When I say support, I don't mean lying. Lying is not really supportive. I mean don't be an *kitten* for the sake of being an *kitten* and don't take your bad day out on anyone else, including internet strangers here. I mean, some people in this world (a sad number, actually) are just petty little sadists who enjoy hurting others, and they definitely don't belong here. Or anywhere, really.0
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I'm just kind of tired of people criticizing other people for suggesting that maybe they should look at things another way. The other day, this woman wrote about how unsupportive her mother was being (they share a house) by not giving in to her daughter's attempts to force her to be healthier. The first person who wrote saying that the mother is a grown woman and can make her own life choices, even if they aren't the best, got savaged for not being supporting. Then a bunch of people chimed in about how the woman was so right, and it was so sad that her mother couldn't be there for her by giving up junk food and restaurants, too. And then there were a bunch of trolls commenting on the living situation.
My reaction: :huh:0 -
I'm just kind of tired of people criticizing other people for suggesting that maybe they should look at things another way. The other day, this woman wrote about how unsupportive her mother was being (they share a house) by not giving in to her daughter's attempts to force her to be healthier. The first person who wrote saying that the mother is a grown woman and can make her own life choices, even if they aren't the best, got savaged for not being supporting. Then a bunch of people chimed in about how the woman was so right, and it was so sad that her mother couldn't be there for her by giving up junk food and restaurants, too. And then there were a bunch of trolls commenting on the living situation.
My reaction: :huh:
Ew. Since when does disagreeing politely with someone equal not being supportive? Some people have strange definitions. I don't want a cheerleading squad around here, just for people to be considerate of each other. Is a little human decency too much to ask for, asks the misanthrope? 0 -
Oh how I loathe the "support" argument. Always followed by the "we're all here for the same reason" nonsense.
We're not. There are thousands and thousands of users here. Most looking to lose weight. Some wanting to gain or maintain. Some tracking their macros. Some here just for the social aspect. Some are here just to troll and make trouble. So no, we're not all here for the same reason.
Next we have to decide what support is. Most people seem to think it means "telling me what I want to hear." Sorry Jack, that ain't it. Often times the best support you can get is someone telling you to stop whining and get your *kitten* in gear. But people don't want to hear that. They want to hear that it's not their fault they ate half a cake. That they don't need to run or lift if they don't feel like it. They want someone to tell them they're pretty and special.
Screw support. Get it from your friends, real life or MFP. To expect complete internet strangers to be kind and helpful is just painfully naive.
Well said. Period. End of conversation.
I do often bite my tongue when I read some of the crap that people post because I don't want to be the reason some weak ignoramus blew their own brains out (even though I'm generally also thinking maybe "natural selection" wouldn't be such a bad thing). Dieting is hard. Working out is hard. Not being lazy is hard. The tools on this site can make some aspects of this easier, but it's on YOU to accomplish your own goals, not your fake "friends" on MFP. If you screw up one day, so what? Take it upon yourself to get back on track.
Furthermore, the amount attention-seeking self-negative posts I see on here is just absurd. "OMG I'm so fat today. I only ate 400 calories yesterday and I gained 2 lbs!" "Yes, you're right. You are fat. Sorry about your luck. I'm sure you were just born fat and there's nothing you can do about it."
Now for those who have set goals and are doing the right things on a regular basis, yes it does feel good to get some support sometimes. There's nothing wrong whatsoever with supporting another person's health, but by no means are you entitled to positive support no matter the circumstances.0 -
I wish more people on here would just step away from a thread instead of just being harsh and mean. While I have adapted to the environment on here, people have kicked me when I'm down, and it does hurt, and it does have an effect on you. While what one says might just be words to them, words are not often forgotten. You have no idea how it could affect somebody.0
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I disagree with both ends of the spectrum (really earth-shaking news).
Some people define "supportive" as receiving uncritical acceptance for everything that you do. They live in a world of complete relativism where all choices are of equal value. This is often accompanied by the corollary argument: "everyone is different, so there is no right or wrong".
On the other side are those who use the attitude of "Sometimes the truth hurts" as a thinly veiled rationalization for being a bully and an asshat (compounded by the irony that most of the time they are wrong).
There are ways to be supportive and honest at the same time. It's not always easy, but it's always worth the effort to try. I am human, so I am not 100% successful at this, but I am consciously aware of it. By nature, I am not a vocally supportive person. I don't do a lot of "you can DO it!!!!" exhortations. My "support" comes in the way of knowledge, facts, and ideas on how to get better results. Neither approach is right or wrong.
Being direct on the internet can be tricky, as one loses nuance of expression. Often people take offense when facts don't match what they want to hear. I am always amused when someone posts something about a program they are thinking of trying, asks people for their feedback, and then gets upset and argumentive with everyone who does not agree.
I get into trouble when I get home from work, am already tired, and then see things like testimonials for HCG or "does wiping my *kitten* count as exercise?". It's hard to resist the urge to be flippant. I have learned to just let it go. Most of the time.
This.
Said what I couldn't be bothered to type out.0
