Advice please...
SmileeBarbFLA
Posts: 138
So .. after much hesitation I reactivated my POF profile. Updated the narrative and pics. 1st guy that messages me is a guy I dated about 4 yrs ago.
When I saw the name, I immediately knew it was him. Funny thing is a few weeks ago I just happened to think of him, just wondering whatever happened to him. Back then we dated several times, had a ton in common but I do believe timing is everything and the timing was bad so it just faded away. But I remember being bummed over it because I really liked him.
When he messaged me, I very casually said, I think we met before and he didn't seem to remember. I do look a little different now, maybe thinner I guess. Don't really remember what my weight was 4 yrs ago. In a way I was a little disappointed he didn't remember but then again, it could be a fresh start.
Now here's my dilemma. We text a lot and he's always asking me to come over. I told him I don't feel comfortable meeting someone for the first time like that. I mean it's been years and he didn't really seem to remember so to me, it's like starting over. By no means am I a prude, quite the opposite actually but I do have my beliefs and just want to meet in a neutral place, make sure there is a connection/chemistry and take it from there. I mean we did have soooo much in common the 1st time around I'm sure we'd hit it off again. So, he just wants sex, right? When he says to me AGAIN, to just come over, like it's not really a big deal, how should I respond?
I would just like a second chance to see what may develop with us. Ugh, why can't things be easy??
When I saw the name, I immediately knew it was him. Funny thing is a few weeks ago I just happened to think of him, just wondering whatever happened to him. Back then we dated several times, had a ton in common but I do believe timing is everything and the timing was bad so it just faded away. But I remember being bummed over it because I really liked him.
When he messaged me, I very casually said, I think we met before and he didn't seem to remember. I do look a little different now, maybe thinner I guess. Don't really remember what my weight was 4 yrs ago. In a way I was a little disappointed he didn't remember but then again, it could be a fresh start.
Now here's my dilemma. We text a lot and he's always asking me to come over. I told him I don't feel comfortable meeting someone for the first time like that. I mean it's been years and he didn't really seem to remember so to me, it's like starting over. By no means am I a prude, quite the opposite actually but I do have my beliefs and just want to meet in a neutral place, make sure there is a connection/chemistry and take it from there. I mean we did have soooo much in common the 1st time around I'm sure we'd hit it off again. So, he just wants sex, right? When he says to me AGAIN, to just come over, like it's not really a big deal, how should I respond?
I would just like a second chance to see what may develop with us. Ugh, why can't things be easy??
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Replies
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You are not exactly strangers since you dated 4 years ago. On this board, we have no idea based on those details what happened between you two 4 years ago.
Just tell him what you want. Be open, honest and genuine. If he can't deal with that, it was not meant to be.0 -
Tell him that you are not comfortable with that and if he wants to meet suggest a nice venue such as a park for a get together.
If he won`t do that then walk away,the angst isn`t worth it.0 -
My reaction if someone from a dating site (who believed we were strangers) were texting me to come over to his house would be to run. You know what he wants; if he wanted more he'd bother to take you on a date (or preferably more than one or two dates). Yuck. He's being lazy and already testing to see what he can get away with. If you are really interested despite this, let him know that you'd love to connect, but that you are interested in dating. He'll either respect you more, or give up because he's a scrub, and not worth your time.0
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He's being lazy and already testing to see what he can get away with. He'll either respect you more, or give up because he's a scrub, and not worth your time.
Funny, my male cousin said the same thing! :ohwell:0 -
So .. after much hesitation I reactivated my POF profile. Updated the narrative and pics. 1st guy that messages me is a guy I dated about 4 yrs ago.
When I saw the name, I immediately knew it was him. Funny thing is a few weeks ago I just happened to think of him, just wondering whatever happened to him. Back then we dated several times, had a ton in common but I do believe timing is everything and the timing was bad so it just faded away. But I remember being bummed over it because I really liked him.
When he messaged me, I very casually said, I think we met before and he didn't seem to remember. I do look a little different now, maybe thinner I guess. Don't really remember what my weight was 4 yrs ago. In a way I was a little disappointed he didn't remember but then again, it could be a fresh start.
Now here's my dilemma. We text a lot and he's always asking me to come over. I told him I don't feel comfortable meeting someone for the first time like that. I mean it's been years and he didn't really seem to remember so to me, it's like starting over. By no means am I a prude, quite the opposite actually but I do have my beliefs and just want to meet in a neutral place, make sure there is a connection/chemistry and take it from there. I mean we did have soooo much in common the 1st time around I'm sure we'd hit it off again. So, he just wants sex, right? When he says to me AGAIN, to just come over, like it's not really a big deal, how should I respond?
I would just like a second chance to see what may develop with us. Ugh, why can't things be easy??
No disrespect to the OP but post like this just DESTROY the whole argument that women are smart and
Savvy compared to men.
Bump this for my pals to OPP
Oh yeah the advice part -he doesn't even think enough of you to merit a dinner, hell even a beer he just wants to smash. Duh.0 -
No disrespect to the OP but post like this just DESTROY the whole argument that women are smart and
Savvy compared to men.
Bump this for my pals to OPP
Oh yeah the advice part -he doesn't even think enough of you to merit a dinner, hell even a beer he just wants to smash. Duh.
Oh c'mon be nice! I AM smart, that's why I DIDN'T go! I could've been like "oh yeah, he really likes me, he wants me to come over and hang out"
I was just asking for honest feedback, not criticism :ohwell:0 -
I didn't mean your not smart as far as like doing reading,writing and arthritic. Its just this group is really the battle of the sexes / male bashing central on MFP and when I see post that point to contrary I like to point em out. You'll be ok it sounds like you wanna smash with him anyway.0
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1) Be honest with him. You recognize him and by playing it off as though you don't to get a second chance may not be lying, but it's misleading and dishonest. Tell him where you know him from.
2) If he doesn't remember you, then you were a booty call... and not even a memorable one. You were not a girl he dated.
3) He keeps inviting you to his place and you keep telling him no, you want to meet in a public place only for him to continuously tell you to come to his place.
You don't need advice. You know the answer. Was this post a hope that someone would come along and tell you how to magically turn him into a different person - a person that you idealized and want him to be? Not going to happen. Find someone worth your time sweetums
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He so is not worth your time! Come on - you know you deserve better than this!0
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Pretty much the same thing has happened to me. I was tailgating for a Lions game and I ran in to this girl I went out on a few dates with. Apparently I looked familiar so she sent her friend over to figure out where they knew me from, but she didn't seem to remember the fact that she used to make out with me and then broke things off after a couple weeks. I was a little bit turned off by the fact she didn't even remember me so I sorta never called her back after making out with her again (oops haha).
So this guy doesn't sound like a keeper. Not only were you not important enough for him to remember you, but you are still not important enough for him to at least ask you out on a date. Walk away.0 -
Pretty much the same thing has happened to me. I was tailgating for a Lions game and I ran in to this girl I went out on a few dates with. Apparently I looked familiar so she sent her friend over to figure out where they knew me from, but she didn't seem to remember the fact that she used to make out with me and then broke things off after a couple weeks. I was a little bit turned off by the fact she didn't even remember me so I sorta never called her back after making out with her again (oops haha).
So this guy doesn't sound like a keeper. Not only were you not important enough for him to remember you, but you are still not important enough for him to at least ask you out on a date. Walk away.
Agreed!0 -
Uuum yeah. Forgive my bluntness but did yall have sex during your prior...whatever? He remembers you, just doesnt want to admit it. He wants you to come over and give up the booty. You already know this. Forget him and find someone else all while enjoying the onslaught of offers for sex and unrequested c*ck pics. :laugh:0
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Agree with all the others....he is testing waters to see if he can get you over for booty call without doing any of the work/romancing, etc.
You deserve better!0 -
My reaction if someone from a dating site (who believed we were strangers) were texting me to come over to his house would be to run. You know what he wants; if he wanted more he'd bother to take you on a date (or preferably more than one or two dates). Yuck. He's being lazy and already testing to see what he can get away with. If you are really interested despite this, let him know that you'd love to connect, but that you are interested in dating. He'll either respect you more, or give up because he's a scrub, and not worth your time.
I agree with this. When a guy says, "Come see me" or "Come over," he wants ONE thing. Kenny Chesney even sings the song, titled "Come Over," and that's what the song is about.
I don't necessarily think he has to take you on a date for you two to reconnect. I like DM's suggestion (I think it was him) that said meet in a park or something. You could suggest something neutral and free like that to meet up again and go from there.
But, if it was me, I'd walk away. A man that starts off like that usually disappears later anyway... or you could be setting a precedent with him. If you go over there and things go the way he wants them to, the next time he's feeling that need, he'll call you whether it's 10 p.m. or 2 a.m. I'm just speaking from my own experience here. All guys may not be like that, but the ones around here are...0 -
That, or he's on house arrest!0
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You were not a girl he dated.
This hurts, but the truth is the truth.
I remember one of my first experiences of online dating was a guy I’d been seeing for maybe 2 months who shocked me by saying “we’re not dating, though we’re headed that way.” Back then, I just assumed that if you’re seeing each other most available times then you were “dating.” I no longer make such assumptions.
A man who wants to date you will do just that. If that’s what you really want, don’t settle for less.0 -
Thanks everyone for the honest replies. I know you are ALL correct. And if it were someone else I'd be giving the same advice. For some reason it's just different when it's you. I guess there's always that hope "it'll be different". But, I agree and I'm moving on. No skin off my back! Thanks again. Sometimes you just need to hear it.... :flowerforyou:0
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Thanks everyone for the honest replies. I know you are ALL correct. And if it were someone else I'd be giving the same advice. For some reason it's just different when it's you. I guess there's always that hope "it'll be different". But, I agree and I'm moving on. No skin off my back! Thanks again. Sometimes you just need to hear it.... :flowerforyou:
Ain't that the truth!
Best of luck! Stay strong!0 -
He's being lazy and already testing to see what he can get away with. He'll either respect you more, or give up because he's a scrub, and not worth your time.
Funny, my male cousin said the same thing! :ohwell:0 -
I didn't mean your not smart as far as like doing reading,writing and arthritic. Its just this group is really the battle of the sexes / male bashing central on MFP and when I see post that point to contrary I like to point em out. You'll be ok it sounds like you wanna smash with him anyway.
Yeah, "your" not good at "doing" "arthritic". :indifferent:0 -
I learned a new phrase in this thread..."smash with him."
No advice sweetie, it's already been covered.
Hugs though.0 -
That, or he's on house arrest!
in which case, she should still run! LOL Mara, girl, you crack me up!!!0 -
When he messaged me, I very casually said, I think we met before and he didn't seem to remember. I do look a little different now, maybe thinner I guess. Don't really remember what my weight was 4 yrs ago. In a way I was a little disappointed he didn't remember but then again, it could be a fresh start.
I can't really get past this. I remember every single guy I've dated! Amnesia or brain surgery aside, I'd be utterly offended if he didnt remember me!
Sounds like he's just as fickle now as he was then! :flowerforyou:0 -
I too cannot use a calculator because my fingers hurt too much.Yeah, "your" not good at "doing" "arthritic". :indifferent:0
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