Would you have told her? How would YOU wanna be told?

JanieJack

About 4 months ago, I met my friend’s boyfriend of a couple months. A while later, he emailed me through Match.com , asking if I remembered him. I didn’t. He refreshed my memory of how my friend (his girlfriend) introduced us, and told me she was a nice girl but not his speed. He wanted to know if I’d let him take me out sometime. Yeah right! I didn’t tell her b/c I figured they’d broke up.

WELL! I go somewhere last week and see him and my friend together again.

I’ve been thinking and thinking about it, and finally texted my friend today. I hated to do it via text, but with my schedule it will be a few weeks before I see her again. She said she’d had her suspicions b/c he would go MIA every so often.

My questions for you all are:
a) Would you have told her and, if so, how?
b) If you were the girlfriend, how would you have wanted me to handle it?

TheKitsune6

I am usually the last person to want to speak on the phone... but a situation like this warrants a phone call I think. I'd have too many questions and reactions to get it all out through text.

poncho33

Depends on how good of a friend it is... I try to mind my business, but if they are a good enough friend I consider their problems my business I would have told them right away. Through experience of similar situations, I will advise you that your job is done. If she decides to keep seeing him, let her... cause you don't need to be in the middle of that drama.

Prahasaurus

Of course you tell her. She's your friend. Besides, not only is she dating a playah, but a not very intelligent playah. I mean, did he really think you were going to keep quiet about this?

You should have called, however.

SweetBasil35

You definitely did the right thing by telling her - I'm glad she took it well. A call would have been best, but I can understand that you didn't have much time. I think it would say a lot about your friendship if you follow up with a phone call to her when you can... just to "check in" with her and see how she's doing.

JanieJack

I did offer to take her to lunch when I get back, since I hated to do that over text. It's just I have this job where I find out today I'm flying out tomorrow and it's so fluid. That's why I didn't tell her last week- I was preoccupied with my trip. Edit to add: But if I got back next month and found out they're still together and she didn't know (even though he seemed embarrassed when he saw me) I would have felt horrible. Thanks y'all.

flimflamfloz

You should have sent her a marble monolith with the message engraved in gold letters...

Does the "communication" channel really matter that much?
If the friend wants a phone call or some clarification, she can pick up the phone and call JJ back, can't she? I think JJ is doing the friend a favour (that said, a favour she should logically do if she is, indeed, a friend), but the point is that I think the friend should now have better things to do than complain about the way the information reached her ears. Like dealing with the said information.

You did what I would have done too, sure it can be done better, but who cares really...

christine24t

She said she’d had her suspicions b/c he would go MIA every so often.

My questions for you all are:
a) Would you have told her and, if so, how?
b) If you were the girlfriend, how would you have wanted me to handle it?

I mentioned this in another thread but my old best friend's boyfriend would go MIA for months at a time. They started dating, he dipped, then came back then dipped again, and came back. It's annoying watching him come and go and her pining over him.

I wouldn't have the courage to tell her, but I would like to. And if it was a friend telling me, I would like her to say something true and honest, but not interject her opinion like "you should dump him!"

SouthernSweetie74

Yep, I would have told her.

toots99

Definitely tell her. How? Preferably in person, or a phone call so you can also lend support.