To those with kids

Moe4572

I went on one date with a guy that I really like. He has his son 50% of the time and is very involved, which I think is great. When he has his son he has him from Tuesday-Monday every other week. So we went out Sunday night and we agreed we want to see each other again, and now he has his son so he said I could come over one night after son is asleep--I am ok with that if he is, but seems most people don't want someone they are "dating" around their kids until it turns to more, and I know I probably won't see the child.....just wondering how you all do this? Do you wait until you are serious to introduce kids, or does it depend on the child's age?

Meghan0116

How old is his son?

I wait until it is serious before I bring Donovan into it. I don't want him to get attached or put him at risk. Also, I think the one on one time between the adults is really important before bringing the child into the relationship. It isn't easy.

I love your profile pic btw.

Moe4572

How old is his son?

I wait until it is serious before I bring Donovan into it. I don't want him to get attached or put him at risk. Also, I think the one on one time between the adults is really important before bringing the child into the relationship. It isn't easy.

I love your profile pic btw.

His son is 5. He had told me that in the past, girls have met him as "daddy's friend" and was different because they have kids too, so the kids can have "playdates"--one girl he only dated for a month, so he doesn't wait long. Again, I won't meet the child yet, but was just curious I guess.

Thanks about the profile pic--was nerve wracking climbing out there, but SO MUCH FUN :happy:

kerrymh

good question. Personally I wouldn't want to meet someone elses child until I had feelings for the guy.
I easily fall for children and I wouldn't want to start that bond prematurly I hope that the father would understand that his intentions towards me have to be very clear before he introduced me to his son or daugther..not because I don't love children but more because I DO.

DMZ_1

A kid is going to have an adjustment period and face difficulty when a parent has a new romantic relationship. It doesn't matter whether the kid is 5, 15 or a 35 year old adult with a family of their own.

There really is no right answer. It all depends on the individual circumstances.

SweetBasil35

I disagree with DM. I have two kids and have raised them on my own. It DOES matter what age the kiddos are... a 5 year old hasn't developed his sense of self, whereas a 35 year old has. Kids form bonds easily and they do personalize it when those bonds are broken. A 35 year old does not. So, I think you're smart to question this.

Personally, I didn't invite men I wasn't serious about to come over after my kids were sleeping. However, I did do that after my kids had met them. Take this with a grain of salt, though, as my kids have only met two of the men I've dated in the past 10 years (both were 2-3 year relationships). I tend to be pretty cautious with their hearts as my mom introduced us to MANY of the men she dated when we were young.

I think that as long as Dad is okay with it, and the child STAYS asleep - it might be okay to do more often. It really is hard for single parents to carve out time for themselves. Good luck!

Tropical_Turtle

I have been dating a man with an 11yo son. I see him whenever he does not have him, which is ok. I can respect the fact that even almost 8 months later I have yet to meet his son, because once you get kids involved, it is a whole different story.

christine24t

I think that as long as Dad is okay with it, and the child STAYS asleep - it might be okay to do more often. It really is hard for single parents to carve out time for themselves. Good luck!

I agree, so long as if the boy wakes up for a reason, you're not pushed into a closet! lol

jesusHchris

Interesting stuff here. As I get older, more and more women in the age range I typically date have children. I have none of my own and do not plan on ever unleashing that evil upon the world. I would, however, probably not have any problems dating someone who had children of their own.

I imagine I would be uncomfortable meeting someone's children at their own house (early on in the relationship) - especially upon a surprise wake-up. I feel like I wouldn't think much of it if it was some sort of daytime outdoor activity, like a park or a zoo or something where perhaps there was a group of people.

Just my though, I'll lurk and see what people have to say who have been through this.

JanieJack

I think that as long as Dad is okay with it, and the child STAYS asleep - it might be okay to do more often. It really is hard for single parents to carve out time for themselves. Good luck!

I agree, so long as if the boy wakes up for a reason, you're not pushed into a closet! lol

I hope the guy visiting me while my son is asleep is willing to BE pushed into the closest if he hasn't yet met my son, lol! My son is very inquisitive and if he were to spot a new "friend of mommy's" his third degree would ruin the night.

I actually love inviting people over once my son is hard asleep. Usually, once he falls out he's OUT. And this is the best way for me to have adult time with friends. I have movie nights like this all the time.

Admittedly, I don't invite romantic interests over to do this as often as I used to because they all take it to mean we're gonna make out. Noooo.... I just want to get to know you without having to spend $10/hr for a babysitter or sitting outside at the park while my son plays (not realizing mommy is on "a date"). It's easy for me to introduce him to guys who are also parents with kids my son likes to play with (because my son doesn't see the man as a date but as "so and so's father"). Then, on occasion if that guy comes over without the kids, it's not as big a deal. But we're not "acting like a couple" in front of my son.

atjays

On the flip side be careful, so many guys use their kids to their advantage. I have a friend that brags constantly about how much *kitten* he pulls because of his 3 yr old girl. it's disgusting. More than that they often guilt trip girls by coaxing you to be attached to the kid and vice versa, don't fall for that. "

i heavily agree with those above, leave the kid/s completely out of the equation for months until you determine that there is actual potential in the relationship.