Valid or NEXT?

Moe4572

okay...so I had one date with this guy--that I really liked, and we decided to see each other again. That was supposed to happen Saturday night-was going to go to his house after his son fell asleep. Well, Sat. afternoon/evening he called me and said he had to cancel because his son was sick (vomiting). He was apologetic and and said he would check in Sunday and if I didn't have plans maybe we could try again. well, he did call at almost 8:00 (too late to go to his place, as it is almost an hour away), and said was still vomiting , but was I free Monday? So, we made plans for Monday--he was going to come my way around 7.....well, about 5:30 saying he was going to be late because he had his son for a little while...then about 6:30 got message saying he wasn't going to make it because his ex was working and didn't know what time she was going to be able to leave. But, he said he did really want to see me and was sorry. Then in texts, we decided to see if we had another free night--Friday--he says, probably. He will know on Wednesday....

question is---am I getting played, or do you all think his excuses are valid thus far. We just had the one date---I didn't sleep with him or anything--just kissing-that is all, so not sure what his benefit would be to "play" me?

I am going to see what happens with friday, but just want to have my eyes open so to speak...........and I am not turning away other guys---have a date with different guy on Saturday and talking to others.

What do you think?

DMZ_1

Probably played.

I was actually having a conversation with a single friend along these lines yesterday.

Guys don't break dates in the early stages if they are truly interested. I usually won't go on a date unless I am interested. Therefore, I could not remember breaking an early stage date in my life.

This guy seems to have a problem keeping his word. Not a good sign.

As a side note, I would say that women cancel dates far more often than men do.

Moe4572

But the rules do change some when he has a child, no?

disneywm76

Honestly, I'd take a wait and see approach. See if it's a pattern. I know that recently I've had to cancel plans because the ex wasn't able to keep the kids while he was sick. You just never really now what is going on. If it happens again, NEXT!! Good luck!

farmers_daughter

Either his life really sucks, or he's just coming up with excuses.

Question to ask, is he recently divorced/seperated/removed etc from his ex? If yes, then it could be valid as they are probably still arguing about arrangements etc. If no, then......

Does he have family around? Is it just really that difficult for him to find a sitter or arrangements for his son? That's a valid argument, I have that scenario going on right now, I have no family and the sitters are sometimes not overly reliable.

But then again, I've ALSO been told I should be able to find a sitter on any day of the week at any time, and if I can't then I'm not wanting to be with that person. (Detect the frustration there eh? :grumble: )

I hate to say it, I give most people the benefit of the doubt as much as possible, probably too much, but....you never know when someone is really struggling, and trying.
But then again I've been very naieve to those who take advantage of my situation and my willingness to give.

If this is him, are you willing to have your plans tossed around in the future? That is something only you can answer. :flowerforyou:

Carl01

I don`t get a sense that he is playing a game but maybe.
He is contacting you so see what happens over the next few days.

christine24t

But the rules do change some when he has a child, no?

I agree. In any circumstance I agree with DM on this but because there is a child involved I'd give hima break this time.

pa_jorg

But the rules do change some when he has a child, no?

Yes, I think this is absolutely true. And in singles-land if you date someone with children you need to respect that! I don't have kids but cannot imagine leaving a little one sick with a sitter because I wanted to be selfish and go on a date... As for the other work instance, things do happen and exes, sitters and family members might flake.

If you liked him enough then I would give him the benefit of the doubt that he's just having a rough week. If it happens again then you have an answer.

Meghan0116

I can't tell you how many times that I have had to change plans because of my something with my son. Happened two weeks ago. His father was supposed to pick him up from daycare, got stuck on a call with mounds of paperwork, and couldn't get him. I had to push back the date time.

Since he is still talking to you I would give him a chance. However, if this is going to be the behavior continuously then he might just be a weirdo. Kid stuff happens but most people can make some kind of arrangement.

DavetheHYNIC

okay...so I had one date with this guy--that I really liked, and we decided to see each other again. That was supposed to happen Saturday night-was going to go to his house after his son fell asleep. Well, Sat. afternoon/evening he called me and said he had to cancel because his son was sick (vomiting). He was apologetic and and said he would check in Sunday and if I didn't have plans maybe we could try again. well, he did call at almost 8:00 (too late to go to his place, as it is almost an hour away), and said was still vomiting , but was I free Monday? So, we made plans for Monday--he was going to come my way around 7.....well, about 5:30 saying he was going to be late because he had his son for a little while...then about 6:30 got message saying he wasn't going to make it because his ex was working and didn't know what time she was going to be able to leave. But, he said he did really want to see me and was sorry. Then in texts, we decided to see if we had another free night--Friday--he says, probably. He will know on Wednesday....

question is---am I getting played, or do you all think his excuses are valid thus far. We just had the one date---I didn't sleep with him or anything--just kissing-that is all, so not sure what his benefit would be to "play" me?

I am going to see what happens with friday, but just want to have my eyes open so to speak...........and I am not turning away other guys---have a date with different guy on Saturday and talking to others.

What do you think?

Women have a habit of out thinkin themselves I mean he could be playing you but what if every one of his excuses are valid. What do you got to lose? I mean I'm not tryin to be a *kitten*(ever notice how when people make this statement they usually will) but I doubt if you got a bunch of a guys banging on your door trying to take you out. Just go with it.

NCTravellingGirl

Kids do change the rules, like it or not. I'd be shocked with a sick kid, situations with the ex and kids, etc... if he did keep a date because his priorities would be way out of whack.

It's possible you're being played but way too early to tell...give it some time and good luck!

MissingMinnesota

To me this is a wait and see. He has a kid which will throw a monkey wrench into things. He has been contacting you with back up days to meet up and not just leaving you hanging. So I wouldn't at this stage say he is playing you, especially since it was only one date and you didn't sleep together.

porcelain_doll

I don't think you are getting played. Seems like he's put a lot of effort in communicating with you regularly about what's going on. That does say something. If you weren't hearing from him at all, I'd say forget him.

DMZ_1

But the rules do change some when he has a child, no?

No, not really. A child is not an excuse. It's not hard to find a person to look after a child for 2 hours when someone is on a date.

But I would never seriously date a woman with a child.

NCTravellingGirl

No, not really. A child is not an excuse. It's not hard to find a person to look after a child for 2 hours when someone is on a date.

But I would never seriously date a woman with a child.

Ouch, Dave, were you intending to come out with guns a blazin?!! That sounds like a whole different thread topic, haha....

Roadie2000

But the rules do change some when he has a child, no?

No, not really. A child is not an excuse. It's not hard to find a person to look after a child for 2 hours when someone is on a date.

But I would never seriously date a woman with a child.

I should hope not, if the poor kid gets sick apparently you'd rather just have someone come over and watch them so you can go do whatever.

MissingMinnesota

But the rules do change some when he has a child, no?

No, not really. A child is not an excuse. It's not hard to find a person to look after a child for 2 hours when someone is on a date.

But I would never seriously date a woman with a child.

Says the childless man.

DMZ_1

If a guy is interested in a woman, nothing will get in his way. He'll know how to manage his time committments. He would know to schedule free time. And yes, a guy, if he has lived in a certain area for some amount of time, will have a friend who can look after a kid for 2 hours.

Kids can just be used as a convenient excuse out of stuff.

The OP has never mentioned if she is certain that the kid is actually sick, or it is just an excuse.

When a guy gets the text from a woman, I'm sick (happens to many guys), we just assume she's lying and covering for not being interested. The proof in the pudding is if she re-schedules with specifics, which rarely happens. Most people are rarely sick enough to skip a promising first date.

pammbroo

But the rules do change some when he has a child, no?

No, not really. A child is not an excuse. It's not hard to find a person to look after a child for 2 hours when someone is on a date.

But I would never seriously date a woman with a child.

Wow! Just my opinion, but I think babysitting a sick child for a couple of hours could be a very enlightening experience for you. lol

Prahasaurus

Well, as a guy with two young kids, I can say it's very difficult to plan, and things do come up. The idea that "nothing will get in my way" of a date is absurd. Actually the opposite: nothing will take me away from my kids if they are sick and need me, especially a date with someone I barely know.

Give the guy a break. And the benefit of the doubt. At least for now.

Good luck.

--P

Moe4572

For the record, I (at this point) do believe that the child was sick. And, I am glad that he stayed with him if he was sick--show his priorities are where I would want them to be. I was just unsure if I was being naive, because sometimes I am.

And, also, on our first date, he told me that when he has his son, he does not leave him with a sitter--it is not fair to the child--he has him every other week, so he schedules dates on off nights/weeks OR has dates come over after his son is asleep.

So, thank you all for advice :flowerforyou:

I think I will take what most of you have said and just wait it out and see what happens...and not turn other dates down