Dating in small town America it's not the same here...
kansasbelle
Posts: 264 Member
I swear my friends just don’t understand what it is like to live in a part of the country where there are maybe a 100,000 in an hour and 1/2 radius, if that. They live in cities with populations over a million people. I have made a concerted effort to get out there and meet people. I have tried online dating. I have tried to date men that are different than I would normally pursue. I just get so frustrated when I made to feel like I am not trying. They don’t get that the size of the population does matter. I know growing up in a major metro area people take for granted that there are singles groups, Barnes and Nobles, Starbucks, and tons of guys in your area online to date. But here in SW Kansas that isn’t the case. I have tried to explain that I have to drive an hour if I want to go to Target and 3 if I want to see any kind of specialist in medicine or go to the Olive Garden, PetCo, or Red Lobster? It can’t be just me that finds life in small town America challenging. But do your friends get it? Sorry it just really hurt me. We don’t even have craigslist for my area of Kansas it’s for SW Kansas which is about 4 ½ hours across. I just want to give up because there is no way to meet anybody and nobody to meet. I know my friend was just trying to encourage me but instead it made me feel like $h!t. It's as if they thinl I am being close minded when there just aren't any fish in the pond.
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I live in a big city but I went to college in a very small town so I understand what you're talking about. There are only two bars with the same people always in them, you run into the same people at the store, there is no decent mall for three hours, the list goes on and on.
It isn't easy to meet people even in the cities, let alone a small town. I completely understand where you're coming from. I don't have any advice really, sorry, because I was in the same situation with no idea what to do. However, I was set up by a friend so maybe you have that as an option? Also, I'm guessing the area has a lot of farmers, etc? Is there any way you could find a "farmer--friendly" bar and make it your new hangout? Sorry if that is totally off-base, I have no idea what agriculture is down there. But I think in this situation, you have to go for the men rather than wait for them to come to you.0 -
The town I live in has a population of less than 12,000 people and it's the county seat. The biggest town within a 30 mile radius has less than 30,000 people. I understand about small town America, trust me. And I give up on the whole dating thing because my best friend has already dated all the single men here, and every time I meet someone, she's like, "oH, I went out with him" blah!0
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Grew up in a town population 1200 ....nope not missing any zeros.
Currently live in a town population 500
Neighboring town population 10,000
I have also run into the same "Oh yeah dont date him...I dated him and so did so and so" on those u have to do alot of ignoring because ur almost desperate to give that guy the benefit of tue doubt.
Only advice is to become friemds with your enemies...use anyone and everyone to widen ur social circle in order to meet potential new guys. Ive also found that the people who say youll fond someone or not to worry usually have someone already
I find it hard to practice but keep on keeping on. Feel free to add me if u like.0 -
Your friend doesn't have any real strategies or solutions, but wants you to find love. Easy to blame you because there isn't anyone else to blame, I'm guessing. Sorry.0
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I swear my friends just don’t understand what it is like to live in a part of the country where there are maybe a 100,000 in an hour and 1/2 radius, if that...... But here in SW Kansas that isn’t the case. I have tried to explain that I have to drive an hour if I want to go to Target and 3 if I want to see any kind of specialist in medicine or go to the Olive Garden, PetCo, or Red Lobster? It can’t be just me that finds life in small town America challenging.
Well, if it's any consolation, I'm not sure why anyone would drive 5 minutes to an Olive Garden or Red Lobster, much less three hours.....
But in any case, I get your point. I suppose my first question would be: why do you live in SW Kansas? What's wrong with, say, San Francisco? Hell, Topeka or Wichita if you want to stay in Kansas? Oklahoma City?
What's the attraction of SW Kansas? Kids? Property you can't unload? Corn fetish?
I think you need to come to terms with your situation, or change your situation.
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I moved to Kansas because my ex seemed to think a change in scenery would help with his sobriety issues. However it did not. I stayed in Kansas because I lost everything I owned, car, apartment, belongings, etc and had to start completely over. The cost of living is cheap here and I have a good job in my field that is barely covering the student loans, bankruptcy, divorce, and back taxes I was left owing. So until March I am stuck in Kansas for sure. I look back South for jobs all the time to get a feel if there will be any prospects and right now there is nothing in the social services field popping up. Here in Kansas, I was able to become independant, re-establish myself, and negotiate solutions to the financial disaster I was left repsonsible for legally. I am letting God guide me. I think he brought me to Kansas fora reason, but it is not my final destination. So maybe I am not finding someone here because I am not supposed to stay here. Maybe that someone is waiting back South.0
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I moved to Kansas because my ex seemed to think a change in scenery would help with his sobriety issues. However it did not. I stayed in Kansas because I lost everything I owned, car, apartment, belongings, etc and had to start completely over. The cost of living is cheap here and I have a good job in my field that is barely covering the student loans, bankruptcy, divorce, and back taxes I was left owing. So until March I am stuck in Kansas for sure. I look back South for jobs all the time to get a feel if there will be any prospects and right now there is nothing in the social services field popping up. Here in Kansas, I was able to become independant, re-establish myself, and negotiate solutions to the financial disaster I was left repsonsible for legally. I am letting God guide me. I think he brought me to Kansas fora reason, but it is not my final destination. So maybe I am not finding someone here because I am not supposed to stay here. Maybe that someone is waiting back South.
Sorry about your situation but I am with you on the last part. I live live in a town of 50,000+ (to me this is a small town) but I work in a city with over 1mil but I was still not dating anyone for the longest time because in my mind this wasn't where I was going to end up. Even though I own my house I kept thinking I would be moving back to MN in 1 year (1 year kept being extended to next year). It hasn't been until recently that I have become happy and settled here that I am actually even thinking about dating someone here. I think a lot of it has to be with the vibe you are putting out to the world. You are not happy with your current situation (and who would blame you) so others can sense that and don't want to become involved with you.0 -
Why are you so mad at your friend? She was probably just trying to help by brainstorming and bouncing ideas around. Would you prefer if she tried to help or just said "Fine, there are no guys around you, might as well just get used to being single."0
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.... I work in a city with over 1mil but I was still not dating anyone for the longest time because in my mind this wasn't where I was going to end up. .... I think a lot of it has to be with the vibe you are putting out to the world. You are not happy with your current situation (and who would blame you) so others can sense that and don't want to become involved with you.
I think this is part of my issue too. I don't want to end up here, and have plans to re-locate, but they just haven't come to fruition yet. I think I probably do subconsciously put out a vibe that I'm not going to stick around, and thus, should probably either focus more on my effort to actually re-locate, or get comfortable here.
Additionally, to the OP, I grew up OUTSIDE a town of 300 people, and the closest "big" town was only 15,000 or so. I live in a city now, and have for the last 15 years or so, but I can vouch for rural dating pools being VERY small. I know all of my girl friends in high school slept with all the same guys, because there weren't that many to go around. They all swapped stories about them too, and I just thought..."ugh, nasty". Never failed to make me laugh when some of them would come up with the same VD :laugh: Ok, that's mean
Anyway, like Prahasaurus said, I think you either have to accept the situation, or change the situation. Sounds like with your plans to move back South, you've got your decision....just gotta come to terms with it
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There is no one alive more itching to get out of the barren wilderness then I am.
It haunts you in everything whether it be stores to shop in without paying top dollar to overall availability of "stuff".
I have no interest in city living either or being close to a metropolis.
A city with 20,000 people is huge in my way of thinking so out in the country and within 20 minutes of that is where I want to go.
Now just have to sell the farm and find that place.0 -
A city with 20,000 people is huge in my way of thinking so out in the country and within 20 minutes of that is where I want to go.
Now just have to sell the farm and find that place.
I would find it hard to live in a place under 200,000 at this point in my life. Maybe even 500,000.0 -
A city with 20,000 people is huge in my way of thinking so out in the country and within 20 minutes of that is where I want to go.
Now just have to sell the farm and find that place.
I would find it hard to live in a place under 200,000 at this point in my life. Maybe even 500,000.
Not me,I like being able to walk out my door and in 5 minutes be in the middle of a 6 acre field where there is no evidence anyone else exists.0 -
A city with 20,000 people is huge in my way of thinking so out in the country and within 20 minutes of that is where I want to go.
Now just have to sell the farm and find that place.
I would find it hard to live in a place under 200,000 at this point in my life. Maybe even 500,000.
Not me,I like being able to walk out my door and in 5 minutes be in the middle of a 6 acre field where there is no evidence anyone else exists.
Hell yeah. I need somewhere to hide all those bodies!0 -
A city with 20,000 people is huge in my way of thinking so out in the country and within 20 minutes of that is where I want to go.
Now just have to sell the farm and find that place.
I would find it hard to live in a place under 200,000 at this point in my life. Maybe even 500,000.
Not me,I like being able to walk out my door and in 5 minutes be in the middle of a 6 acre field where there is no evidence anyone else exists.
Hell yeah. I need somewhere to hide all those bodies!
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^^^ Where the hell did you get that? Is it some sort of secret moderator emoticon?0 -
^^^ Where the hell did you get that? Is it some sort of secret moderator emoticon?
No,lifted from another forum I am on and posted as any picture is.
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I moved to Kansas because my ex seemed to think a change in scenery would help with his sobriety issues. However it did not. I stayed in Kansas because I lost everything I owned, car, apartment, belongings, etc and had to start completely over. The cost of living is cheap here and I have a good job in my field that is barely covering the student loans, bankruptcy, divorce, and back taxes I was left owing. So until March I am stuck in Kansas for sure. I look back South for jobs all the time to get a feel if there will be any prospects and right now there is nothing in the social services field popping up. Here in Kansas, I was able to become independant, re-establish myself, and negotiate solutions to the financial disaster I was left repsonsible for legally. I am letting God guide me. I think he brought me to Kansas fora reason, but it is not my final destination. So maybe I am not finding someone here because I am not supposed to stay here. Maybe that someone is waiting back South.
i think you're on the right track to a better you. Enjoy it! If this is just temporary don't worry about it Enjoy some me time, enjoy becoming a better more successful and established you. Maybe you will be moving in the near future and things will change. Don't get frustrated. I live in new orleans, population 350,000 or over 1 million if you count the nearby areas. ummm.....still single and its been A WHILE! lol.0 -
A city with 20,000 people is huge in my way of thinking so out in the country and within 20 minutes of that is where I want to go.
Now just have to sell the farm and find that place.
I would find it hard to live in a place under 200,000 at this point in my life. Maybe even 500,000.
Not me,I like being able to walk out my door and in 5 minutes be in the middle of a 6 acre field where there is no evidence anyone else exists.
If I can't walk to the mailbox in my underwear...what's the point of living!....Come to Iowa Carl, you have plenty of space...! ha ha0 -
I moved to Kansas because my ex seemed to think a change in scenery would help with his sobriety issues. However it did not. I stayed in Kansas because I lost everything I owned, car, apartment, belongings, etc and had to start completely over. The cost of living is cheap here and I have a good job in my field that is barely covering the student loans, bankruptcy, divorce, and back taxes I was left owing. So until March I am stuck in Kansas for sure. I look back South for jobs all the time to get a feel if there will be any prospects and right now there is nothing in the social services field popping up. Here in Kansas, I was able to become independant, re-establish myself, and negotiate solutions to the financial disaster I was left repsonsible for legally. I am letting God guide me. I think he brought me to Kansas fora reason, but it is not my final destination. So maybe I am not finding someone here because I am not supposed to stay here. Maybe that someone is waiting back South.
i think you're on the right track to a better you. Enjoy it! If this is just temporary don't worry about it Enjoy some me time, enjoy becoming a better more successful and established you. Maybe you will be moving in the near future and things will change. Don't get frustrated. I live in new orleans, population 350,000 or over 1 million if you count the nearby areas. ummm.....still single and its been A WHILE! lol.0
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