Are you an Introvert or Extrovert?

SweetBasil35

I read an article today that made me think about some of the conversations we’ve had on this forum. The “I wish he/she would make the first move” conversations. I’m a little more outgoing than some of the women in my inner circle, so I don’t mind approaching a man first, but I’ll be honest – I have to work up the nerve - and I’ll be even more honest by admitting that on occasion that has turned out to mean slamming the rest of my (alcoholic) drink (when appropriate) for a bit of liquid courage. :drinker: (No lectures on binge drinking please)

It’s not easy for me to approach men and I’ve come to realize that it’s not because I lack self-confidence, nor am I shy. I am introverted. And no, an outgoing introvert isn't as much of an oxymoron as one would think. I love people, I enjoy being friendly with people; but making small talk can be awkward and I would NEVER assume that I am welcome in someone else’s personal space (unless I know them very well)! And furthermore, spending any amount of time in a group THOROUGHLY exhausts me. I literally need a day of rest after I’ve spent an afternoon with my large extended family. I love being with people, but I need alone time to rejuvenate.

My co-workers and I have been reading up on the introvert/extrovert dynamics and it’s been fascinating… and hilarious! I thought it could lend itself to some of the discussions we have here with respect to dating. Maybe it’s just me, but it’s not something that I’ve considered before when I know that I’m sending that cute guy across the room all the right signals. :glasses: I’ve checked to make sure there’s no wedding ring, or girlfriend in close proximity, but end up throwing in the towel and chalking his lack of advances up to “he must have a girlfriend." :brokenheart: I don’t actually find out for myself by approaching him. It's not just the "rejection" that keeps me from approaching, it's really more about invading his space/time with friends.

I’m curious: are you an introvert or an extrovert, and do you think this orientation has an impact on your dating life (or lack thereof)? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Here’s an article on “How to Chat Up an Introvert”: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-introverts-corner/201111/how-chat-introvert

Here’s a really funny clip on the introvert/extrovert dynamics (it’s a bit long, but worth it): http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-introverts-corner/201205/fabulous-video-about-introversion

camrunner

I'm an introvert. Even worse, an INTJ.

And yeah, I'd say it's had a pretty big impact on my dating and my social life in general. It's not an excuse, though; it's just who I am.

NCTravellingGirl

I'm an introvert. Even worse, an INTJ.

And yeah, I'd say it's had a pretty big impact on my dating and my social life in general. It's not an excuse, though; it's just who I am.

Hey ME TOO!! If you're not familiar, INTJ is from Myers Briggs and means Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging (ie, The Scientist). Yes, it means I'm a shy,over-analyzer who makes judgement calls on everything, haha... at my worst of course. Thankfully with some time, I'm shifting away from my natural tendencies as I see that it's not SO bad putting yourself out there and that analyzing too much is not good. Can't say I always try, but I haven't QUIT trying altogether. Additionally, being a female in mostly male dominated jobs helped push me out of my shell more so while I'm naturally an INTJ, I've learned how to be different at work and it's brought my personal life into better balance.

But, yes, it also means I analyze every move a man makes or sentence he speaks just LOOKING for clues...and that I expect him to make the first move. It's HARD to break those habits, haha...

kristen6022

I was curious what the test would say now (over when I took it in college 10 years ago). As of now, I'm a ESTJ (but the extrovert/introvert was only by 11%, so I'd say I'm in the middle).

In college, I was definitely on the side of introversion. As I've gone from my 20's to my 30's I've realized I feel better being a little bit extroverted. I speak loudly, I'm friendly but still hate huge groups of people I don't know. I have 3 very close girl friends and 4 very close guy friends. I'd prefer to travel with 1-2 people than in a big group, but in the big group I do tend to stand out. I'm not a blender-inner.

Now, when meeting men, it's a different story. I won't approach them, but I will look at someone from across the room and get their attention. If they don't approach me, I figure they are either not into me or too chicken sh** to approach...

porcelain_doll

I'm an introvert. Even worse, an INTJ.

I'm an INFP. But I think the Enneagram personality test is more accurate myself. (I'm a type 4)

http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/

Nerple

I'm a fence sitter, right between Introvert and extrovert, though on here the introverted side probably comes out a bit more.

SweetBasil35

I'm a fence sitter, right between Introvert and extrovert, though on here the introverted side probably comes out a bit more.

How come the introverted side here, Nerple? I think that's true for me too, but I guess you would think we would be more extroverted here as we have some anonymity.

SweetBasil35

I'm an introvert. Even worse, an INTJ.

And yeah, I'd say it's had a pretty big impact on my dating and my social life in general. It's not an excuse, though; it's just who I am.

ISFJ here (Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging)... or as others say, "bleeding heart liberal". "Need to be needed" has been my (relationship) demise more than once. :ohwell:

Katefab26

I am most definitely an extrovert! I love love love people and draw a lot of my energy from being around others. I actually get depressed if I go a few days without seeing anyone (sad, right?). However, I do not like to feel that I am "forcing" my company on someone. If I sense that the person with whom I am interacting does not wish to interact with me, I will back off quickly. This definitely has an impact on my dating life because I am hesitant to approach a man when he seems to be having a good time with his friends. I would feel that I was interrupting his good time and therefore not get any enjoyment out of speaking with him.

Meghan0116

I'm an introvert. Even worse, an INTJ.

And yeah, I'd say it's had a pretty big impact on my dating and my social life in general. It's not an excuse, though; it's just who I am.

Hey ME TOO!! If you're not familiar, INTJ is from Myers Briggs and means Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging (ie, The Scientist). Yes, it means I'm a shy,over-analyzer who makes judgement calls on everything, haha... at my worst of course. Thankfully with some time, I'm shifting away from my natural tendencies as I see that it's not SO bad putting yourself out there and that analyzing too much is not good. Can't say I always try, but I haven't QUIT trying altogether. Additionally, being a female in mostly male dominated jobs helped push me out of my shell more so while I'm naturally an INTJ, I've learned how to be different at work and it's brought my personal life into better balance.

But, yes, it also means I analyze every move a man makes or sentence he speaks just LOOKING for clues...and that I expect him to make the first move. It's HARD to break those habits, haha...

I switch back and forth from an INFJ and INTJ depending on the day. lol I am such a weirdo.

kristen6022

I'm an introvert. Even worse, an INTJ.

I'm an INFP. But I think the Enneagram personality test is more accurate myself. (I'm a type 4)

http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/

I was curious so I took this too...Tie between Type 7 & 8 (and boy are these right...)

Type Seven
The Enthusiast
The busy, productive type. Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over-extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness. At their Best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals, becoming appreciative, joyous, and satisfied.

Type Eight
The Challenger
The powerful, aggressive type. Eights are self-confident, strong, and assertive. Protective, resourceful, straight-talking, and decisive, but can also be ego-centric and domineering. Eights feel they must control their environment, especially people, sometimes becoming confrontational and intimidating. Eights typically have problems with their tempers and with allowing themselves to be vulnerable. At their Best: self-mastering, they use their strength to improve others' lives, becoming heroic, magnanimous, and inspiring.

JanieJack

INTJs rule! LOL!


Though the I is very close to E, and I am far more outgoing now than when I was married, I still get more energized from individual pursuits vice being around others.

Meghan0116

I think it would be really interesting to see what all of our Myers-Briggs or something similar are. There must be a correlation between that and our singleness.

Katefab26

I think it would be really interesting to see what all of our Myers-Briggs or something similar are. There must be a correlation between that and our singleness.

That is an interesting thought. I am an ENTP -- http://typelogic.com/entp.html -- this might have something to do with my singleness hahaha

MissingMinnesota

It has been awhile since I have done any of these personality tests. I will have to do them when I get home. I know I moved from being an introvert to an extrovert as I have gotten older.

porcelain_doll

I'm an introvert. Even worse, an INTJ.

I'm an INFP. But I think the Enneagram personality test is more accurate myself. (I'm a type 4)

http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/

I was curious so I took this too...Tie between Type 7 & 8 (and boy are these right...)

Type Seven
The Enthusiast
The busy, productive type. Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over-extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness. At their Best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals, becoming appreciative, joyous, and satisfied.

Type Eight
The Challenger
The powerful, aggressive type. Eights are self-confident, strong, and assertive. Protective, resourceful, straight-talking, and decisive, but can also be ego-centric and domineering. Eights feel they must control their environment, especially people, sometimes becoming confrontational and intimidating. Eights typically have problems with their tempers and with allowing themselves to be vulnerable. At their Best: self-mastering, they use their strength to improve others' lives, becoming heroic, magnanimous, and inspiring.

Yes, I found that the Enneagram test results were frighteningly accurate. At first I was in denial, but opened my mind a little bit and realized it was all true.

Mellie289

INTJ's unite!

Although, I am not an extreme introvert - I'm probably close to the line between I and E, especially now that I have been lecturing biology for 4 years. The experience of being forced to stand up and talk in front of the classroom week after week can condition a person to fight their introverted nature. I'm much more outgoing in many aspects now than I ever was even 5 years ago.

_Thanatos_

INTJ here. Didn't realize there were this many. Thought they were rare. Either that or all of them congregate to places like this. Anyway, definitely introvert.

Daisy_Cutter

ESTJ -- definitely an extrovert...

farmers_daughter

I pretty sure I'm an extrovert, I just lack the places and opportunities to practice my personality. LOL

NCTravellingGirl

Thanks Jill for the Enneagram test. WOW, was it scarily accurate. I'm a THREE... the Achiever. Every single thing is shared was true, especially the fears part that drives my need to prove myself through success in all areas...interesting test! My friends tell me frequently how I motivate them because I'm always pushing myself to be better and frequently achieve it. I'd say I'm between a Level 3 and 4 as far as growth within my type. I'm moving into a healthier range I think.

Enneagram Type 3
Performer, Motivator, Achiever, Producer or Status Seeker

You want to be competent, efficient, accomplished and dynamic. Most importantly, you want to be good at what you do and to look good doing it. You may have problems with vanity. Under stress you may be self-promoting, self-deceptive and competitive. At your best, you are self-confident, motivated and productive.

Threes are self-assured, attractive, and charming. Ambitious, competent, and energetic, they can also be status-conscious and highly driven for advancement. They are diplomatic and poised, but can also be overly concerned with their image and what others think of them. They typically have problems with workaholism and competitiveness. At their Best: self-accepting, authentic, everything they seem to be—role models who inspire others.
Basic Fear: Of being worthless
Basic Desire: To feel valuable and worthwhile

Level 3: Ambitious to improve themselves, to be "the best they can be"—often become outstanding, a human ideal, embodying widely admired cultural qualities. Highly effective: others are motivated to be like them in some positive way.

Level 4: Highly concerned with their performance, doing their job well, constantly driving self to achieve goals as if self-worth depends on it. Terrified of failure. Compare self with others in search for status and success. Become careerists, social climbers, invested in exclusivity and being the "best."