No one likes being 2nd Choice
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I do not mean to show lack of respect for your intellect, and I apologize for coming across that way. I understand that you were a child and you have seen parenting styles and you have probably formed in your mind how you want to parent, which I think is great. I'm not saying that you might not have some good ideas. But I also know that until you are in that position... until you've held that baby in your arms for the first time and realized that you helped to create this being...until you've stayed up all night with crying children because their biological father died and then the man they came to know as daddy left them... until you've kissed their booboo's... until you've taken into account every aspect of your life, choices that you make, because you have a responsibility to raise them and you want to do the best job you can... you may not fully realize all that comes along with being a parent. You may not fully realize the love, love that you didn't even think existed because it is so deep and so wide, the kind of love that would make you walk out in front of a speeding train if you thought it would save your children... I'm not saying you don't know that kind of love, maybe you do. But I've heard many people say, myself included, that you had NO idea how capable of love they (we) were until we had children. And, yes, I do believe that some people, not all, can love a child like his/her own even if they have never had kids. I have done it. I could do it again.
Thanks Darla. I appreciate where you are coming from. Yes, what you described in that paragraph is quite moving and there are things that I am not capable of. I realize that.
But remember that the intent of my post was to critique a dating approach, not a parenting approach as there were 3 points, 2 of which didn't talk about a child at all and the one that did mention a child was framed around introspective questions for JJ.
:flowerforyou:
Sorry, DM.... I allowed some other thoughts and feelings from my day to seep their way into my thoughts/feelings/perspective when reading the forums earlier. I understand that you weren't critiquing (sp?) her parenting approach necessarily... and I probably should have stayed out of the whole conversation...
My intent is never to offend. :flowerforyou:0 -
But on the whole, social science research shows that married people are happier than single people. I can see why.
Not if you're married to someone who turns on you and your family on the wedding night. Anyone who knows me, including my ex-in-laws, are happy I left. And most of them regret my religious conviction kept me with the man so long before his coming back from Iraq a little off balance finally pushed me away.
Regarding the appearing "cold" so be it. I'm not entitled or judgmental or anything, but I AM different in my chosen lifestyle. And most guys seem to lie online about who they are. I'm not going to "click" with most guys (and that's ok). Since I'm not going to click with most guys, I'd rather not put my son out. And, besides, I don't like going out to a romantic dinner with someone I don't know who then feels entitled to paw all over me. I want to get to know him first.
I have a great time on dates- whether or not I intend to see the guy again.
Regarding the parenting style thing... I've had this high-travel job for a year. Before that, I had no problem going out on weekend dates and hiring sitters. But you know what? I'm usually having more fun now- because I'm not constantly looking at the phone for a text from my sitter, or worried that my son's autistic tendencies are coming out. Other than exceptions like the one that inspired this post, I think I'm more relaxed, more fun to be around.
I have to agree with Janie on this.
A HAPPY marriage, one where both parties are willing to communicate and compromise and commit, of course would ensure a more contented lifestyle.
And I long for that. I'm not sure it exists for me, but I do long for it.
But when you have children to consider... and knowing that the rate of divorce increases with second and third marriages... and knowing how difficult bringing two separate households (those with children) can be... sometimes staying single is the best option. My mother was married twice, and, after two bad marriages, she has been single since I was 13 years old. She has made friends, kept herself busy, and been content and much happier than she ever was when she was married to my daddy.0 -
Even as a parent, I don't criticize or judge anyone else's decisions regarding parenting styles. I may not agree with everyone, and that's okay. But when you start talking to someone about how they parent... and you have no children... not a good place to be. Just sayin'
All said with love, DM. :flowerforyou:
With respect, I dont really get when parents think that just because they have a child that they know how to be good parents!! Or have the monopoly on parenting skills. And I bet you any money you like that you DO judge other parents!!!!! :laugh: All parents do!! I've seen some VERY BAD parenting in my life, my own father being the worst father in the world. Parenting is based on the personality of the parent. This factor makes every parent different in view and style. Just like anything I observe in the world, I think I have a right to an opinion! Whilst I agree that parents have the right to bring their child up in any way they see fit (hmmm to a point! Lets not forget abusive parents who should not have any rights at all!!) , it doesn't make them perfect or beyond criticism.
And besides, DM wasn't even being critical and went to a lot of effort to choose his words wisely. You 'parents' need not be so sensitive :flowerforyou:
I couldn't agree with you more in the fact that just because someone has donated sperm or egg does not make them a good parent. I'm not saying that at all. I know people that have never actually contributed to the creation of a human but who are awesome parents. I know people that are sperm donors or egg donors as well.
I don't discount that everyone has an opinion. I don't discount that some of those opinions are very valid and with great ideas.
And I may not agree with everyone's parenting styles but I don't judge. It's not my place. If I see or suspect abuse, I report it. As an educator, it is my duty.
All I was trying to say which apparently came across the wrong way is.. until you've walked in someone else's shoes (and you can refer to my second post to DM)... you may not fully comprehend the motives for why a parent does or doesn't do something.
I have read Janie's post before, know that she travels, know that her son has autistic tendencies, and know that she is making decisions based on the best interest of her son. And when you're a single parent, you can't separate that from the rest of your life. It is a part of who you are. It does impact your life in every aspect. And it does affect how you date or sometimes if you date at all.0 -
Sorry, Janie... didn't mean to hijack your post or turn it into a debate.
:flowerforyou:
As far as your original question, I don't think you are necessarily seeking advice, just thoughts and opinions. If I were giving advice, I'd say do what you think you should do and disregard others' opinions. If it was me, I don't know. It would depend on the person.. it would depend on how I felt, if I felt a spark, attraction, if I wanted to invest any more time or emotion into the guy... generally, I don't do a lot of meet n greets. I do tend to weed them out way before it ever gets to that point.0 -
You're not second choice, it's a second chance to make a good impression. If you liked him before and the way things lined up it was... eh... well, if you want to go for it. If you're not interested then don't bother.
This.
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Sorry, Janie... didn't mean to hijack your post or turn it into a debate.:flowerforyou:
As far as your original question, I don't think you are necessarily seeking advice, just thoughts and opinions.
No worries, hijack away... as long as people aren't attacking each other I'm cool with whatever twists and turns the hijacks take :-)
And, no, I wasn't seeking advice...just curious about how others think because I'm discovering that stuff I don't care about really, really bothers others or creates a perception I would never have considered.0 -
Honestly, I'd give it another shot. If he's willing and you feel like you weren't at your best then why not? If you figure out that you aren't really interested after that and continue to see him that would be quite different. But there is no harm in letting him see the "unstressed" you and then going from there.0
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so whats the update on this guy? lol0
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lol, no update... I'm still at my brother's house in Italy. Won't see this guy for a week or so0
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woa momma if i was in italy he would be the last thing on my mind lol.0
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woa momma if i was in italy he would be the last thing on my mind lol.
Have you seen the women here? They're about as big around as my thigh. Ain't no one looking at me round these parts ;-)0 -
And don't worry, lol, I'm having a BLAST on this trip!
But when my little Peanut needs to be put to bed (so I go home), and everyone else goes out to drink, my thoughts turn to guys and the fun I've got lined up for when I get back ;-)0 -
woa momma if i was in italy he would be the last thing on my mind lol.
Have you seen the women here? They're about as big around as my thigh. Ain't no one looking at me round these parts ;-)
Then the guys are stupid.
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woa momma if i was in italy he would be the last thing on my mind lol.
Have you seen the women here? They're about as big around as my thigh. Ain't no one looking at me round these parts ;-)
Then the guys are stupid.
i second this.
also carl i love ur smiley. he looks just like u lol0 -
Have you seen the women here? They're about as big around as my thigh. Ain't no one looking at me round these parts ;-)
Then the guys are stupid.
i second this.
also carl i love ur smiley. he looks just like u lol
Aww... you guys are the greatest! "See" you in a couple days!!0
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