"B" List Guests

serena569

We were at a wedding on Sunday for very close friends. They had 170 guests for the ceremony and reception then they sent out seperate invites to about 50 more people to come to just the dance.

Some people on the B list were offended by this. (I would have been.) Some thought it was great to just be invited.

I never want to make my friends B-listers. I have chosen them as friends for a reason. I just did a quick list and can't imagine not inviting any of these 50 people. Add in about 70 from his family and another 80 from mine and things are getting costly.

We are getting married in our hometown - which is 2 hours from where we live. Do I invite everyone and hope some don't show? My sweetie suggested two receptions - one where we get married and another 2 weeks later where we live. Do we invite everyone to both and hope most people select only one? Or do we invite some to one and the rest to the other? If we go this route, don't some still feel like B-listers?

droogievesch

We are having "B list guests" and don't feel bad about it one bit. Not only that, but some guests aren't allowed to bring guests either. Our reception hall only seats 180, so that means 90 people with their plus one. If we divided that in half that would be 45 guests from each side. Add to that each plate is 25 dollars, we want to keep it intimate. Our deciding factor deciding who made the regular dining or dance/late buffet was, "If we weren't getting married, would we take them out to eat and pay for everything?" The no guest rule came from people on both our sides being single and "scraping" a date for the wedding. We wouldn't take a stranger out to eat, I'm not paying 25 dollars plus booze and cake for one. Our "B-listers" will get an invitation that says, "Ceremony at two, dance and late au de vours to follow at 7 (or 8)". We will be having a pizza buffet put out at 8 pm for those people and for our drunks.

In your case, do what you feel is right. I personally wouldn't have two receptions because that would have the potential of being more expensive than the one. Two hours is not an unreasonable drive either for your guests. I'd really reconsider your friends if they get offended over not being invited to dinner. You wanted to share your day with them, that should be previlage enough. If anyone calls you out on it just let them know you'd love to see them on your special day, which is why you invited them. Unfortunately, due to finances/space/etc. you had to keep the dinner guests to close friends and family.

kellacy

We had an issue like that also. He had so much family that I didnt have room for my friends. I've hear anywhere from 15-25% will RSVP no, but with my luck 100% would say yes. What I'm doing is inviting my "A List" a little more than 2 months before and having the RSVPs due back a month later and as I get back NO responses from my A List I'll be sending a B List guests invitation out that same day.

2 to 3 months before hand so even the B listers have a chance to get the invite before the Shower invitations go out and if they ask say that it got lost in the mall or you had the wrong address and will correct it and mail another ASAP and apologize if it hasn't come in the mail yet. My friends are understanding although I did want them to come to the wedding they are happy to come to anything. I told my a few of my coworkers that I'd love for them to come to the wedding and if my family starts to back out they will be getting an invitation but we have a 120 max which is a lot smaller than I thought and I told them I wanted to include them if they could come to the shower or something to celebrate with us they wouldnt have to bring a gift.

Good Luck. Wedding politics and stress is a weight loss of its own.

serena569

Nothing felt right so we're planning to rent both sides of the park pavillion. Room for 300-400 people although we'll only invite 250. And whoever comes, comes.

droogievesch

Nothing felt right so we're planning to rent both sides of the park pavillion. Room for 300-400 people although we'll only invite 250. And whoever comes, comes.

So glad you got it worked out! Nobody will complain about the extra space, once you get your RSVP's back you'll know whether to set one or both sides up.

ilikepandasyay

We're having "B List" guests in that we have a tiered system of inviting people on a separate list once people on the first list have RSVP'ed no. We only have room for 100 and our venue is $150 a head so we really need to keep costs down.

When we move on to our afterparty at a venue across the street we'll be inviting some friends who weren't invited to the ceremony/reception due to those space issues. I'd feel very very weird inviting guests to the ceremony and then telling them not to come back until dancing, bit that's me, to each their own.

Amara15

We had an issue like that also. He had so much family that I didnt have room for my friends. I've hear anywhere from 15-25% will RSVP no, but with my luck 100% would say yes. What I'm doing is inviting my "A List" a little more than 2 months before and having the RSVPs due back a month later and as I get back NO responses from my A List I'll be sending a B List guests invitation out that same day.

Good Luck. Wedding politics and stress is a weight loss of its own.

This has been my thought that I may do too.

ghiagirl893

Easy for me - no dinner at all! Snacks and cake are good enough. That way everyone can come and I wont go broke

odillehay

I'm doing a B List because my venue only holds 120 people. If most of the A list RSVP's No, then I'll send out the invites to the B List.

katey_my_lady

That has to be difficult with so many family members. Both of our families are small, and we're only inviting about 70 people total. Because we invited our closest friends only, nearly everyone has said yes. We're expecting around 60 to come. But, if folks are from out of town and aren't your closest friends, I would anticipate that a good many more will RSVP "no."

junctiongirl

Its tough love. The short of it is that its expensive to host a wedding. If a B list is what you want then do it! If its family pressure you are worried about, make your list and tell your family that anyone above and beyond that means they will have to contribute if they need them to be there.

There is no right or wrong. We are at 120, we chose 30 each side of the family and 60 friends. Also if people are not in long term relationships we are not including the option to bring a date. Why would I want a stranger at my wedding. The other thing that we agreed on what that if we haven't met them in the 5 years that we have been together, then they don't really need to be at the wedding.

serena569

We solved this. We plan to invite everyone - parents, siblings, spouses, kids, cousins, coworkers, friends. The hall has room for 400 people and tables and chairs for 180. If we have to rent more, we will. And we switched from a winter wedding to a summer wedding so we can set up a tent outside if necessary. Our ceremony will be just minutes long so most people can stand near the gazebo.

junctiongirl

Good for you!