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whitehandlady
whitehandlady Posts: 459 Member
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okay

so three different exes have called or messaged me about going out this week

no one i was ever very serious with
just people i dated casually...back in april i broke contact with all of them and decided to be celibate and single for a whole year

kind of a "finding myself" deal

so it's strange to me that i got these three within a week asking to see me


the thing is two of them are great guys, the timing just sucks

i really hope i'm not just hiding myself away under the guise of self fulfillment/improvement

i lie to myself better than anyone has ever lied to me externally

i dunno

Replies

  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
    They want sex. Really all there is to it. Going back to an ex is a easy and common way for people to quench a sexual thirst in the short term.
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
    DM might be right. However, I also think you could be right that this is a test of your decision. Only you know the answer and how you feel about these guys.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    Do they count as exes if you were never serious? I thought that was a term reserved for exclusive relationships.

    Why do you think being celibate will help you "find yourself"?

    More importantly, what are you doing to find yourself?
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
    Sounds great to me. I would just suck it and see!! :bigsmile: My answer to most things as I try not to deal in 'what ifs'! 2 nice guys is rare enough, so why not let your life unravel in a natural way rather than forced abstinence?

    But hey, its up to you :flowerforyou:
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,252 Member
    Sounds great to me. I would just suck it and see!! :bigsmile:

    Love you Anna I literally spit ice at the screen when I read this line :bigsmile: :blushing:
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
    Sounds great to me. I would just suck it and see!! :bigsmile:

    Love you Anna I literally spit ice at the screen when I read this line :bigsmile: :blushing:

    hahaha! Jen, dont you guys use that phrase ?? I love it! Its funny and provocative, but also very apt to just try it out and see what happens.

    PS love you too :heart:
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,252 Member
    Sounds great to me. I would just suck it and see!! :bigsmile:

    Love you Anna I literally spit ice at the screen when I read this line :bigsmile: :blushing:

    hahaha! Jen, dont you guys use that phrase ?? I love it! Its funny and provocative, but also very apt to just try it out and see what happens.

    PS love you too :heart:

    In America suck it is another way of saying oral sex lol
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
    Sounds great to me. I would just suck it and see!! :bigsmile:

    Love you Anna I literally spit ice at the screen when I read this line :bigsmile: :blushing:

    hahaha! Jen, dont you guys use that phrase ?? I love it! Its funny and provocative, but also very apt to just try it out and see what happens.

    PS love you too :heart:

    In America suck it is another way of saying oral sex lol

    Well, yeah, suck it means the same here. But 'suck it and see' means try it out! Or you'll never know unless you try! :wink:
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
    Well, yeah, suck it means the same here. But 'suck it and see' means try it out! Or you'll never know unless you try! :wink:

    British English has some colourful quirks. Perhaps there should be a play in the theatre about it. Maybe after the play, I'll go back to my flat.
  • whitehandlady
    whitehandlady Posts: 459 Member
    just to clarify....i had sex with the one i wouldn't date again anyway....the 2 great guys....we never did anything sexual....just dated.....and i broke it off in all 3 instances
  • Roadie2000
    Roadie2000 Posts: 1,801 Member
    okay

    so three different exes have called or messaged me about going out this week

    no one i was ever very serious with
    just people i dated casually...back in april i broke contact with all of them and decided to be celibate and single for a whole year

    kind of a "finding myself" deal

    so it's strange to me that i got these three within a week asking to see me


    the thing is two of them are great guys, the timing just sucks

    i really hope i'm not just hiding myself away under the guise of self fulfillment/improvement

    i lie to myself better than anyone has ever lied to me externally

    i dunno
    Sounds like it's just a weird coincidence.

    But I'm curious, what do you expect to find when somebody wants to "find themselves"?

    Last time I was celibate and single for a year I just found myself lonely and masturbating a lot.
  • SweetBasil35
    SweetBasil35 Posts: 126 Member
    Sounds like it's just a weird coincidence.

    But I'm curious, what do you expect to find when somebody wants to "find themselves"?

    Last time I was celibate and single for a year I just found myself lonely and masturbating a lot.

    LOL. There's that - and having been celibate myself (and I can only speak for myself) there comes the ability to stay more grounded and focused on self-improvement/healing past hurts and breaking previous patterns of poor relationship choices. As difficult as it is to not be sexual with someone, for me at least, it's more difficult being hurt because I end up allowing the early sexual/passionate stage of a relationship to cloud my judgement of the guy I'm dating.

    To the OP: If it's helpful, I ask myself - will this bring me closer to fulfilling my dream of building a life with someone? :flowerforyou: I feel your pain, honey.

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