Being Single with Married Friends

HellsKells

Without an established relationship, your only hope for traveling is other single friends.

Not so.

One thing having a high-travel job for the last year has taught me is how to be happy and content traveling alone. I still try to find girlfriends to go with me, but since they often can't, I've learned to pick up and go by myself now. Sometimes I go somewhere and make a "friend for a day" (or few hours, whatever the case) and sometimes I'm just alone. Eating alone was the hardest thing for me to get used to (especially since I don't like bars) but I'm ok with that too now.

Would you be traveling without a high travel job?

I do it all the time. Alone. Because my friends are either married/coupled up, and/or don't have the means to travel with me. Like Janie, I don't find any difficulty in meeting people when I do, or enjoying my own company when I am alone.

Number 5 & 6 on that list are the most true for me.....LOL.

Prahasaurus

I think more of what sucks is the general atmosphere that really isn't their fault. Like when I go over to their house and every other person there is part of a couple. Most have babies. So the conversation naturally revolves around those topics. It's not a concerted attempted to leave me out. It actually makes perfect sense. It's the stage of life they are in.

When I was married and living in the US, I thought these type of conversations sucked, too. I was often at neighborhood parties with other married couples with kids, and it was always the same: the schools, the lawn, property taxes, perhaps college football... Believe me, it doesn't get better when you get married and have kids. It's still much ado about absolutely nothing.

--P

NCTravellingGirl

I admittedly feel some frustration with my married friends who have to discuss ad nauseum with their spouse about whether they can go do something with the girls. I've never been there so I just don't get it but I do try to remain calm, haha....

The travel part I used to understand. As a single person, you need to learn how to enjoy being alone and vacations seem to be one of the hardest parts. My friends and I had dinner Tuesday and talked about this specific topic. Some wouldn't eat in a restaurant alone, some wouldn't go to the movies alone, but all of them were clear that they would NOT go on vacation alone, excepting the two who've done it (myself being one). That vacation was the best of my life truthfully! I slept when I wanted, went where I went, ate what and when I wanted, etc... I don't do it often but am ready to again

flimflamfloz

The real questions is: why do you still have married friends (couples) that you have to see frequently?
They are boring, talking about their relationships, kids, house, new car... *YAWN* I'm content with seeing them once a year (in which case it becomes a non issue).
Meet new like-minded people, go out with these new people. There are people of all ages trying to meet new friends, because their life circumstances have changed.

Lol so you leave behind all your life long friends who have found a partner in life and only visit them once in a blue moon?
I mean I get going out and meeting new people but I won't abandon my best friends just because they have men in their lives...I certainly see them less but still on a weekly basis. I don't abandon loved ones because they are lucky in love and I am not.

Well, yeah, I actually do leave my "long life" friends behind now.

I used not to do this and tried to hang on to them, but it didn't work for me. Nothing to do with them being lucky, it's just that we don't have much in common anymore, their availability changes, their focus in life change, and they've got to consider the partner's wishes in everything they do. That's fine.

I'm 100% sure there is a difference between a single person and a couple lifestyle, so if their lifestyle doesn't match mine anymore, I don't see this as a negative thing to look for new, more like-minded, more available friends.

It's OK to flush your life from time to time, and to renew your circles of friends. You end up realising that there are people just like you out there, 100% available, and ready to open their heart to new people, and that you don't have to settle down for less rewarding friendships (the historical ones, because that's all they are really).

Note: of course, I'm talking from the point of view of someone who lives in a big city.

kerrymh

The real questions is: why do you still have married friends (couples) that you have to see frequently?
They are boring, talking about their relationships, kids, house, new car... *YAWN* I'm content with seeing them once a year (in which case it becomes a non issue).
Meet new like-minded people, go out with these new people. There are people of all ages trying to meet new friends, because their life circumstances have changed.

Lol so you leave behind all your life long friends who have found a partner in life and only visit them once in a blue moon?
I mean I get going out and meeting new people but I won't abandon my best friends just because they have men in their lives...I certainly see them less but still on a weekly basis. I don't abandon loved ones because they are lucky in love and I am not.

Well, yeah, I actually do leave my "long life" friends behind now.

I used not to do this and tried to hang on to them, but it didn't work for me. Nothing to do with them being lucky, it's just that we don't have much in common anymore, their availability changes, their focus in life change, and they've got to consider the partner's wishes in everything they do. That's fine.

I'm 100% sure there is a difference between a single person and a couple lifestyle, so if their lifestyle doesn't match mine anymore, I don't see this as a negative thing to look for new, more like-minded, more available friends.

It's OK to flush your life from time to time, and to renew your circles of friends. You end up realising that there are people just like you out there, 100% available, and ready to open their heart to new people, and that you don't have to settle down for less rewarding friendships (the historical ones, because that's all they are really).

Note: of course, I'm talking from the point of view of someone who lives in a big city.

I live in a smaller city.
But maybe its the difference between genders and the closeness of their friendships.
I don't know...I certainly don't have the same relationship once a partner comes into play as before..I shouldn't. They should be more focused on their significant other...but I still care about them and want them in my life and we still have similarities. We were after all friends for a reason!
Also as a woman I'm not much into striking out alone to meet new people in as many settings as men are capable for safety reason. I don't go to night clubs/pubs alone..I go with friends or not at all. I don't find it easy to strike up conversation randomly with random strangers..if there is an activity its not bad..ie taking salsa lessons or a sport or a meet up group. But those groups in my area are filled with couples as well. I feel more alone sometimes in those situations.

DMZ_1

None of my core, long term friends have gotten married.

A 2nd tier friend from college got married in 2009 and we no longer talk. We live far away. However, I am not a special case. Other people that this guy knew in college, he has cut them out of his life.

I only moved a year ago and have made some new friends. None are married. The longest relationship amongst any of my friends right now, is just a little over 2 years, and marriage does not appear imminent in that case, as least from what I can surmise.

There are even differences in the ways singles interact with established, long term non married couples.

AZDizzy

I definitely get invited to less things than I used to now that I'm a confirmed terminal single. I'll hear about a get-together on FB or whatever and if I inquire about it, I'll hear "it's really a couples thing and the couples aren't comfortable with singles there." They'll tell me I'm invited if I can "scare up a date." I don't worry about not being invited anymore because as others have pointed out, the conversation is almost completely children and couples/relationship things and I don't have much if anything to add.

I adore traveling alone and do it multiple times a year. I have a blast, meet great people and don't feel like my life is on hold. I will admit, I've reserved some of the "more romantic" places to visit for if/when I am part of a couple, but if I start reaching walker/wheelchair age, I'll do those places myself!