Why men should help around the house

JanieJack

Lemme tell you what my 6 year old did before I sent him to live with his father while I deploy: He cleaned his room and then cleaned the living room. When I came out and was pleased and surprised you know what he told me? "I did this for you mommy, so you would have more time to cuddle and play with me."

Smart kid.

I didn't teach him that (thank you to whoever did!), but I hugged and praised him and told him to always have that mind set, especially when he becomes a daddy. Because every bit he does to help his future wife will means she'll have more time to cuddle and play with him.


<hehe he's still too young for me to explain that the cuddling and playing with takes a whole new meaning when you're grown>


I posted this in the Dr. Laura thread, but I thought it was fun enough for it's own thread. Of course, it works both ways: If a man is working full time, doing everything inside and outside of the house, but his wife is not interested in fun times with him, then an honest discussion needs to happen quickly. I've seen waaaay too many men equate the little bit of yardwork he does Saturday morning to the daily operation a woman does after coming home from the same long hours at work he did. It's not the same. His house was spotless (so he could more easily woo women) before they got married. Now he doesn't care if there's laundry on the floor or dishes overflowing in the sink. But that's not the man who wooed her.

TheKitsune6

That is so beyond adorable! And you had the perfect reaction! I don't think you taught him intentionally but kids figure out a lot of things on their own simply by observing. You sound like such a good mother.

I lived with a boyfriend for a year, he was of the mentality that I was expected to do all the cleaning even though we both worked full time jobs, and I had a second part time job as well. I never want to deal with that again. We're splitting the work.

Jennifer2387

LOL .. this is huge to me. Some women love to take care of their men .. I am not one of those women. I have a son I take care of because he is a child. A full grown man should know full well that mowing the lawn does not equate to splitting the chores. I was not put on this earth to take care of a man, or to make all the decisions in a relationship, or be in charge of someone else's happiness. If you dirty a dish .. clean it. Don't leave it in my sink so that I can do it when you leave. Don't make me nag you to do it either.

I guess that I am just not a relationship girl .. lol. But traditional gender roles are not something that I am looking for. I am very independent and i would like to stay that way.

Janie .. that is one great kid! I am sad that you are deploying and have to leave him behind. =(

castadiva

I love this! Sounds like you're raising a pretty wonderful, clued-up wee man.

I hear what you're saying about Saturday morning yard work - not equivalent in any way to the daily grind. If we are both going out to work, for similar hours, then the house and kids, and the responsibilities that come with them, need to be shared roughly equally too. I'm not saying count every chore done, and keep 'score', but there needs to be a reasonably equitable division of labour, or resentment and exhaustion build up pretty fast, and that's not good for any relationship. Besides, if everyone's pitching in, things get done faster, which leaves more time, and energy , for the fun stuff. :happy:

JanieJack

This is actually something that worries me a lot about "settling down" again. You see, my ex always had a super clean dorm room when we were in college, car and apartment later. When we were married, he was a borderline hoarder. We finally had to relegate all the junk to his office. Whatever came out I was sorting/filing/throwing away. Every couple months I'd go in there and clean out moldy dishes and trash and such.

His take was "She's the one who cares, thus she's the one who has to clean it."

You would NEVER have known I was signing up for that from the 3 years we dated. NO indication! Everything was spotless when he was trying to win me. His best friend was the same way. Every time I visit his wife (who is one of MY good friends) it was the same thing. Junk and nastiness all over the house. I used to hang out with the two of the ALL the time. BOTH guys took care of EVERYTHING- kept their places clean, cooked, cared for themselves. It all went out the window the month they got married.

kristen6022

I think that's what makes most marriages fail. Not all, but most.

When you are dating and not sharing a house, kids, cars, expenses, whatnot, life is fun. You go on dates, you support the person's dreams, etc. It's romantic and the women feels appreciated.

When you get married, typically, sharing a household reduces the romance in the relationship. People get comfy and stop trying. Then when you add in kids and a pet, and everyone schedules, women don't have the energy to be a "mate". So the guy gets feels neglected and looks elsewhere for "cuddles". If men just did a bit more around the house, women would be more available to be a "mate". I'm not talking doing all the laundry, dusting, vaccuming and all the cleaning. I'm talking about if I cook, he does the dishes. If he mows the lawn, I'll weed. If he puts a load of laundry in, I'll fold it.

Men who expect women to work full time jobs and have their kids and take care of them with out sharing in household responsibilities, IMO, are living in the 50's. Even then, women didn't work...

I know that I'm much more affectionate when I feel appreciated. That can be from my guy bringing me flowers, taking me to dinner, doing the dishes after I cook for him or just telling me I mean something to him. If I put all I have into a relationship and make him #1 I expect him to at least participate and show me he wants me around.

DMZ_1

I expect that eventually I will help around the place of residence when that time comes. Not sure what the future has in store for me, but I now have about a decade of cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping experience. I would not mind dumping a couple of those tasks, but I'd hold onto a couple of them in exchange for relief in a couple of other areas.

I think the point in time where a lot of serious relationships go south is when the kids are added to the equation. Being a childless couple seems like a very good arrangement. Freedom with the benefits of coupling.

dbrightwell1270

I think the six-year-old should help around the house. At that age he still has small feet. However, as he gets older, there is no reason to help out. It's been scientifically proven that evolution gave women smaller feet so they could get closer to the sink and stove. You're just encouraging your son to fight biology. If you are successful, the human race will devolve. Do you really want to encourage that?

Jennifer2387

I think the point in time where a lot of serious relationships go south is when the kids are added to the equation. Being a childless couple seems like a very good arrangement. Freedom with the benefits of coupling.

My friends and I were having a conversation like this some time ago .. the educated, driven people are starting to have only one child or no children at all because of how fast paced and crazy this world is and the people that are on welfare just keep having more and more babies .. lol. Which, obviously, is a generalized statement. But true none-the-less.

Jennifer2387

It's been scientifically proven that evolution gave women smaller feet so they could get closer to the sink and stove.


OMFG .. lolololololol

Jennifer2387

I expect that eventually I will help around the place of residence when that time comes. Not sure what the future has in store for me, but I now have about a decade of cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping experience. I would not mind dumping a couple of those tasks, but I'd hold onto a couple of them in exchange for relief in a couple of other areas.

As it should be.

JanieJack

I think the point in time where a lot of serious relationships go south is when the kids are added to the equation. Being a childless couple seems like a very good arrangement. Freedom with the benefits of coupling.

My friends and I were having a conversation like this some time ago .. the educated, driven people are starting to have only one child or no children at all because of how fast paced and crazy this world is

There's a lot of truth to that- people don't adequately prepare for the hard work of being a parent. It requires sacrifice. The sacrifices chagne as they age (I no longer sacrifice sleep like when he was a baby, but now I sacrifice time for his sports and music as he ages I will sacrifice more and more money for his education and such).

Just like in a relationship, both parties have to put forth effort. That meant as a new mom, I had to let go of some things in order to do a good job rearing my baby AND having time to build a relationship with my husband. Though the marriage fell apart, even my ex will tell you I was a good wife.

It means that each person's commitment to the "relationship" must be strong enough to motivate a constant adjustment of lifestyle and behavior to accommodate the ebbs and flows of life and still spend enough downtime/quality time with one another to keep things passionate and fulfilling.

AnnaPixie

You would NEVER have known I was signing up for that from the 3 years we dated. NO indication! Everything was spotless when he was trying to win me. His best friend was the same way. Every time I visit his wife (who is one of MY good friends) it was the same thing. Junk and nastiness all over the house. I used to hang out with the two of the ALL the time. BOTH guys took care of EVERYTHING- kept their places clean, cooked, cared for themselves. It all went out the window the month they got married.

:noway: And men want to know why bj's stop after marriage????

Just sayin!! :laugh:

AnnaPixie

in exchange for relief in a couple of other areas.

:noway:

:laugh:

AnnaPixie

He cleaned his room and then cleaned the living room. When I came out and was pleased and surprised you know what he told me? "I did this for you mommy, so you would have more time to cuddle and play with me."

Smart kid.

Adorable!!

dbrightwell1270

I think the point in time where a lot of serious relationships go south is when the kids are added to the equation. Being a childless couple seems like a very good arrangement. Freedom with the benefits of coupling.

My friends and I were having a conversation like this some time ago .. the educated, driven people are starting to have only one child or no children at all because of how fast paced and crazy this world is and the people that are on welfare just keep having more and more babies .. lol. Which, obviously, is a generalized statement. But true none-the-less.

See the first few minutes of a movie called Idiocracy.

TheKitsune6

I think the point in time where a lot of serious relationships go south is when the kids are added to the equation. Being a childless couple seems like a very good arrangement. Freedom with the benefits of coupling.

My friends and I were having a conversation like this some time ago .. the educated, driven people are starting to have only one child or no children at all because of how fast paced and crazy this world is and the people that are on welfare just keep having more and more babies .. lol. Which, obviously, is a generalized statement. But true none-the-less.

See the first few minutes of a movie called Idiocracy.

Don't watch all of it, it'll just make you quit life.

Though I do run around screaming about Brawndo. It has ELECTROLYTES! Plants CRAVE them!

NCTravellingGirl

See the first few minutes of a movie called Idiocracy.

Don't watch all of it, it'll just make you quit life.

Though I do run around screaming about Brawndo. It has ELECTROLYTES! Plants CRAVE them!

I love that movie... it really scares me to think part of it is accurate! Think about how many not so bright people are reproducing WAY faster than those with intelligence... Soon an IQ above 100 could be unusual, haha...