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JanieJack
Posts: 3,830 Member
All I can say is that I'm fortunate that I never had to date anyone with your, tchristine, or kitsunes attitude before.
Trust me, the feeling is beyond mutual.
Whoa!!! How did I miss all this??
Someone's opinion is not invalid just b/c you wouldn't date them. I wouldn't date most of the men in this forum, but I still value their opinions and reach out to them when something really bothers, concerns, or confuses me.
Pulled this from the Dr. Laura's thread. MikeM53082 made the original comment, but it could just as easily come from many others. What do you think about this trend of dismissing someone's opinion because they aren't someone you'd date? Can we reverse the trend? Feel free to PM me if you don't wanna post here. I really wanna know what you guys think, even if what you think is "JJ, you're reading too much into it." Thanks!
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I think every now and then someone comes into this group and tries to get everyone all riled up and they never last very long... Life would be pretty boring if people all thought alike and lived alike.0
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All I'm going to say is: have you read the rest of where this came from? I absolutely agree that differing opinions should be respected, and debated in polite terms, but to be honest, I struggled to keep my replies polite in the face of some really quite offensive blanket statements and opinions. I deleted quite a few before I posted, even.0
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Oh I read it... lol... I just couldn't be polite about it. So I constantly deleted my replies without posting them.
We'd have a lot less single peeps (that is, so many of us would not be single anymore) if we would look at the impact of what we're saying and how those attitudes might be keeping choice members of the opposite sex from being interested in us.0 -
I wanted to throw up just a little when I read that thread.0
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Opinions are like buttholes.
I'm sure most guys here wouldn't date me seriously due to things I've posted here and that's okay. I use this board to vent, type my inner most thoughts on dating and share experiences. I don't go in real life and talk about all the things I've talked about here, maybe only to my BFF.
Regardless, I do like constructive critism but doesn't mean I'm going to drop all I do and follow your advice. Sometimes we all have to learn our way and the group actually has been a vessel for me to learn on my own, if that makes sense.
So y'all can keep thinking I'm a man-crazy, overthinking, jump-into-relationship-status-too-fast gal. I'm learning and on my own personal journey. :bigsmile:0 -
I hope people that I've been friends with on Single Peeps for months now understand that in general I am a very level-headed, go with the flow person, but the blanket statements and attacks are becoming all too frequent. As I mentioned in another thread, I find myself defending women more and more here out of pure frustration. My goal has never been to offend anyone. It's probably time for me to walk away or at least take a break from the group given the new vibe and though. Personally I would rather have civil discussions and learn from one another than always feel like I'm on the defensive. :ohwell:0
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Believe it or not I was also constantly editing and rereading my responses as well. What I really want to say isn't appropriate for even this mature level group. I'd say I was still probably the harshest one too.
I don't have a problem when people have an opinion. There are a few people that started talking about magical happy lands with unicorns where everyone listens to everyone and we all respect each other. But if Hitler came up to me and starting talking **** on Jews I'd probably have a few not so nice things to say about/to him as well. Prejudice is prejudice and it's not okay whether it's race, gender, age, sexuality, whatever.0 -
Pulled this from the Dr. Laura's thread. MikeM53082 made the original comment, but it could just as easily come from many others. What do you think about this trend of dismissing someone's opinion because they aren't someone you'd date? Can we reverse the trend? Feel free to PM me if you don't wanna post here. I really wanna know what you guys think, even if what you think is "JJ, you're reading too much into it." Thanks!
Why? Which "many others"? Do you have specific examples?
I think most of the discussions here are quite civil. Occasionally someone steps over the line into name calling, but that is the exception, not the norm. The Dr Laura thread did get heated, I can recall a "feminazi" comment, but not much else. However, I don't read all threads or posts, so I welcome specific examples that prove me wrong.
Also, I do think some here confuse attacking the statement with attacking the person. Women tend to do this more than men, but perhaps I just notice it more with women. To give an extreme example, if someone says, "The earth is flat," one correct response is,"No, it's not flat, that's a very silly statement, easily shown to be false." Now, was this response an attack on the original speaker, perhaps even calling him "silly"? No, it was an attack on his statement that the earth is flat. Had the response been, "No, you're an idiot," then OK, we have a personal attack. See the difference?
I think it's important to challenge ideas that I believe are false, perhaps even dangerously so. So long as the discussion remains focused on the ideas, and not the individuals, I don't see an issue.
Another issue is that people seek out like minded acquaintances, especially on the internet, and want to see arguments that constantly reinforce their preconceived notions of reality, no matter how factual they may be (cable news does this too: Fox News in the USA makes a fortune on this phenomenon)... There is quite a diverse group of people here, with very different perspectives, backgrounds, cultures, etc. This will lead to more conflict, which is a good thing (as an aside, this is likely how civilization formed: different tribes having to make sense of different beliefs, superstitions, gods, etc.).
So long as the discussion remains on the ideas and arguments, and doesn't degrade into personal attacks, it's all good.
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I think you guys are making a huge thing about nothing.All I can say is that I'm fortunate that I never had to date anyone with your, tchristine, or kitsunes attitude before.
Trust me, the feeling is beyond mutual.
Whoa!!! How did I miss all this??
Someone's opinion is not invalid just b/c you wouldn't date them. I wouldn't date most of the men in this forum, but I still value their opinions and reach out to them when something really bothers, concerns, or confuses me.
Pulled this from the Dr. Laura's thread. MikeM53082 made the original comment, but it could just as easily come from many others. What do you think about this trend of dismissing someone's opinion because they aren't someone you'd date? Can we reverse the trend? Feel free to PM me if you don't wanna post here. I really wanna know what you guys think, even if what you think is "JJ, you're reading too much into it." Thanks!
The person quoted said: "I'm glad I never had to date someone with your attitude" before. Meaning, I don't like your attitude regarding this particular topic and I'm glad I never dated someone who had a similar attitude regarding this topic because my life would have been hell.
Example? I hate animals. Hate them! I think they should all die. If there was a thread about animals, and someone saying that animals are the best thing in the universe and nobody should ever eat a slice of meat etc etc, you'd hear me saying:
"I'm fortunate I never had to date anyone with your animal-lover attitude before" (because my life would have been hell - I need my meat)
Also, for clarification, and in my understanding, the guy (let's call him M) in the thread was saying:
- Women wanted the right to work in the past, and have now obtained the right to work.
- Women complain about being overwhelmed because of house duties and work now, they should stop complaining about it as they are the ones who have chosen their partner. They should have chosen a more suitable partner.
- M does his own house duties.
This was interpreted as:
Women complain because they have got to do the house duties while we men like to laugh at them in the sofa! How dare they!? You wanted to work, now you work so don't complain b*tch!
(yeah it might be the reality for many women but definitely not the norm)
Well. Might be wrong on this, but that's how I read it. My view is that you people are indeed reading too much.
Tip to stop the hate:
Imagine each poster of these forums is posting everything with a smile, while patting your shoulder! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
(do it!)0 -
I've got two, thus my opinions twice superior.Opinions are like buttholes.
Agree.So long as the discussion remains on the ideas and arguments, and doesn't degrade into personal attacks, it's all good.0 -
Why? Which "many others"? Do you have specific examples?
Wow.
To answer your question, yes I do.
A by-product of my browser having no spell check is that I write most of my posts in a word doc. And when I do that I save them. Perhaps you meant to ask if I would post them publicly...? In which case,the answer is no.0 -
I think civility is the key. We don't have to agree with everyone here. It is pretty clear that I don't.
Also communication about problems when problems arise I feel is productive. I do like that PJ brought up how she perceived an issue, Janie expanded upon it and now we're discussing it.
With Praha, the point about cable news is a good one. Cable news is very slanted one way or another. Fox News is slanted in one direction, but MSNBC is slanted in the other. I like a more centrist perspective if possible. Perhaps the centrist perspective doesn't produce the necessary ratings to pay the bills.0 -
I'm pretty dang sure no one in this group would ever want to date me and I'm good with it. My guy thinks I'm perfect and has stated that if I gained all the my weight back he'd still think I was the sexiest thing alive. His opinion is really the only opinion I care about.
I was more upset about someone's unhealthy weight criteria and if I'm the one that started the "bashing" I'm sorry. I don't discount anyone for having opinions on what's good for them or what they want, but when what the want is unhealthy, I'm gonna question it. It didn't bother me that he had a height range requirement (because I do) and all the other things because that's what he likes. And maybe it's a difference of opinion because of where we live. There aren't many 105 pound, 5'9, tan women with fake boobs in Columbus OH that own luxury vehicles (dude, it snows like crazy up here!). I'm sure the number is greater in Miami. Fine. Good for them.
I know from experience that men expect all women to weight no more than 120 pounds dripping wet at all heights and when I tell men how heavy I was when I started my journey they pretty much fall off their bar stool. Even my weight now is considered heavy for a women, even if the jeans I have on are a recently bought size 4 (US). No weight is universal for every body. We can all just try and be the best we can be for ourselves and screw everyone else.
Edit: Never mind, wrong thread. I'm getting confused obviously...0 -
Wow.
To answer your question, yes I do.
A by-product of my browser having no spell check is that I write most of my posts in a word doc. And when I do that I save them. Perhaps you meant to ask if I would post them publicly...? In which case,the answer is no.
Um, so they are your posts which are inflammatory? Or you save all posts here in MS Word, even from other participants? Not sure I get your meaning.
In any case, if you don't want to share your examples of personal attacks, how can we have an informed discussion and debate?
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funny.0
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Just in case you were serious (I'm a physicist, sometimes we have difficulty telling sarcasm from real interest): When I post or respond to something, I draft my response in a word doc b/c the browser doesn't have spell check like it does at home. So I have a word doc full of my posts and the quotes that inspired them. And I italicize the ones I decide not to post so that later on I can delineate. It's fun to search on various topics and see how people's opinions (even mine) change over time.0
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Just in case you were serious (I'm a physicist, sometimes we have difficulty telling sarcasm from real interest): When I post or respond to something, I draft my response in a word doc b/c the browser doesn't have spell check like it does at home. So I have a word doc full of my posts and the quotes that inspired them. And I italicize the ones I decide not to post so that later on I can delineate. It's fun to search on various topics and see how people's opinions (even mine) change over time.
JJ are you going to write a study on all of our crazy a$$es??0 -
Just in case you were serious (I'm a physicist, sometimes we have difficulty telling sarcasm from real interest): When I post or respond to something, I draft my response in a word doc b/c the browser doesn't have spell check like it does at home. So I have a word doc full of my posts and the quotes that inspired them. And I italicize the ones I decide not to post so that later on I can delineate. It's fun to search on various topics and see how people's opinions (even mine) change over time.
If this thread is about the legitimacy of dismissing someone's opinion based on my desire to date them, then I am staunchly against this. Is anyone here seriously arguing that it's ok to dismiss an idea because of not wanting to date the person who made it?? That strikes me as quite narrow minded. Unless the question is, "Where should we go tonight for dinner?" :-)
If this thread is also about whether too many posts of late are attacking other posters, then I would suggest posting examples of this, which - if I understand what you're saying - you have stored somewhere in MS Word on your computer. In that way we can see what you're talking about - based on the facts - and discuss.
But, as I said, my guess is that it's more about attacking an idea or opinion, not the actual poster. But I may be wrong. However, I need to see specific examples to better judge.
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JJ are you going to write a study
that would be sooooo funny! hmmmm we do have a copule of psych-geeks in here. PhDs and all. I wonder what they could do with that file. Except wait a minute.... it's mostly my writing...I already know I'm craaaa-zyyy. Don't need anyone else to verify it, lol.0 -
All I can say is that I'm fortunate that I never had to date anyone with your, tchristine, or kitsunes attitude before.
Trust me, the feeling is beyond mutual.
Whoa!!! How did I miss all this??
Someone's opinion is not invalid just b/c you wouldn't date them. I wouldn't date most of the men in this forum, but I still value their opinions and reach out to them when something really bothers, concerns, or confuses me.
People got feisty so what? It happens even in the most civil of people. Here's an exchange that is similar:
Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.
Winston Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.0 -
Oh I wish I could read my own file, you creep :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:It's fun to search on various topics and see how people's opinions (even mine) change over time.
So which of my personalities did you manage to diagnose?0 -
I write a lot (emails to myself, journal, blog) and I'm all over the place.
I go back and forth!! Dating is fun, no it's not.0 -
@Janie you cherry picked my words and you don't get the real feel for what I was expressing without seeing the context in which it was used. Naughty.
I never once launched a personal attack on anyone here. I've been attacked numerous times, most recently tchristine said I'll never find a woman who'll want to date me. Obviously, this is false as I've had an extensive dating history.
I simply stated that I would never want to date someone with an attitude similar to tchristine, kitsune, or PJ. Nothing more, nothing less. Perhaps I should add this to my "wish list" when it comes to looking for a mate. If anything, I thought I'd be celebrated for talking about a characteristic that isn't so shallow
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@Janie you cherry picked my words and you don't get the real feel for what I was expressing without seeing the context in which it was used. Naughty.
I never once launched a personal attack on anyone here. I've been attacked numerous times, most recently tchristine said I'll never find a woman who'll want to date me. Obviously, this is false as I've had an extensive dating history.
I simply stated that I would never want to date someone with an attitude similar to tchristine, kitsune, or PJ. Nothing more, nothing less. Perhaps I should add this to my "wish list" when it comes to looking for a mate. If anything, I thought I'd be celebrated for talking about a characteristic that isn't so shallow
Mike, maybe that came out harsher than I intended, but I just wanted to make a point that although maybe you do get a lot of dates you might be hard pressed to find a long term relationships if you have such cut and dry attitudes about things like that. That's all.
We are all on Single Peeps for a reason, because we're single. The majority of us do not want to be single. By showing someone the devils advocates side, it might allow for them to see things as others see it and make for a better dating life.
I enjoy reading all of the opinions on here even if I don't agree. And it doesn't make a persons remarks ineligible because I wouldn't date them.0 -
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but recent threads that have been (IMO) sexist, ageist or superficial beyond words, I've stayed away from.
TBH I can't be bothered to argue someone's bigoted opinion (not with strangers anyhow) and I can't be bothered to get riled about it. This is the internet afterall, and opinions are always going to be vast and varied and beyond the realms of my usual social circles.
Just as IRL I dont condone racism, sexism or ageism I dont have time for people of that mindset, so I dont mix with them and I certainly dont befriend them. Same goes for here.
Agree that everyone should remain civil. The problem with me is I can't remain civil on blatant sexism or racism, so therefore I'm better off staying silent :laugh:
Peace! :flowerforyou:0 -
Just in case you were serious (I'm a physicist, sometimes we have difficulty telling sarcasm from real interest): When I post or respond to something, I draft my response in a word doc b/c the browser doesn't have spell check like it does at home. So I have a word doc full of my posts and the quotes that inspired them. And I italicize the ones I decide not to post so that later on I can delineate. It's fun to search on various topics and see how people's opinions (even mine) change over time.
JJ are you going to write a study on all of our crazy a$$es??
:laugh: :laugh: Janie, I've often wondered how you can quote from other threads......if you get rich and famous from a book, a few of us will want royalties!! :laugh:0 -
Also, for clarification, and in my understanding, the guy (let's call him M) in the thread was saying:
- Women wanted the right to work in the past, and have now obtained the right to work.
- Women complain about being overwhelmed because of house duties and work now, they should stop complaining about it as they are the ones who have chosen their partner. They should have chosen a more suitable partner.
- M does his own house duties.
This was interpreted as:
Women complain because they have got to do the house duties while we men like to laugh at them in the sofa! How dare they!? You wanted to work, now you work so don't complain b*tch!
(yeah it might be the reality for many women but definitely not the norm)
Well. Might be wrong on this, but that's how I read it. My view is that you people are indeed reading too much.
This sums it up very nicely Florian.
I'm glad a handful of you like: flimflam, carl, dbrightwell, castadiva, jenbit, prehasaurus, etc could see both points of views.0 -
I think this has been discussed to death on more then enough threads.
It needs to end and we move on.
Thank you all!0
This discussion has been closed.