JJ the Man-Hater

JanieJack

This has been a very awkward weekend for me.

I gathered a group of friends to go to Beardburn's high school football game. Finally get to see him large and in charge :laugh:

Well, then I find out his parents are coming. What??? Why would this guy have his parents detour from their trip to meet me??? THEN.... I get there and half the staff of his school is like, "Oh, you're with Mr. Beardburn!! We were hoping you would come. You're so pretty!" A ton of high school students had to come meet me (which was awkward because every convo w/these kids was the same: Hi, I'm so-and-so. Are you w/mr beardburn? You're so pretty. Bye." I meet the parents (all goes well) and finally me and my buddies pile back in the car to drive home.

My ego loved hearing how pretty I am 50 times that night... BUT... It really turns me off when a guy makes more out of us hanging out than what is there. I feel manipulated in those kinds of situations, like as if he's counting on my being nice and polite and my "don't embarrass a man" attitude to achieve his goals.

I was expressing this sentiment to my friends on the drive home... and they ripped me a new one about how that man is head over heels for me and I'm such a man-hater I can't even see it! I protested, "I'm not a man-hater, I *love* men!!" and they said this is the first guy I've gone out with in 2 years that was actual marriage material and obviously very into me. None of the others were into me- they were just players and for all my "dating knowledge" they don't understand how I can't see it. And with this guy, I'm having fun, but I keep throwing out excuses for actually believing he's into me (I'm leaving in a month, he's just posting lots of pics of us on fb to spite his ex, etc) when (in their opinion) the real problem is I'm angry at all men and need to get the chip off my shoulder.

Wow.

So.... perfect strangers on the internet.... what do you think about that? Do I give off a man-hater vibe?

Carl01

No.

lacroyx

No.

Agreed. I've read it a few times and what I am getting is the parents. Sounds like the meeting of the parents part started it. Would you have reacted differently if you were warned in advance? Like a few days ahead of time?

lorettaasmith

JJ...I don't know enough about you to say whether you could be a man hater....although if a whole group of your friends who DO know you well are saying you are misjudging the situation, you might want to heed their words, at least long enough to see if they could be right. I know it is easy to build a barrier, to keep from assuming too much, in order to keep from getting hurt! As the parent of three teenagers, I also know there does not need to be much of a factual basis for teens to have you hooked up with someone. My kids and their friends have had me married off to everyone from the handyman to people I've never even met. I'd cut Mr. Beardburn a break until you find out he has actually been feeding them some lines that are less than accurate!

christine24t

I don't think so. I just get the vibe that you are very analytical about things and you aren't afraid to express your opinion. However, I don't think that BB planned this like I get the impression that I think you think? High school teachers are always gonna have kids coming up to him in public and they want to know more about their teachers. That will always happen. As far as the parents...it's not like it was a deliberate meeting or you sat with them the whole game (right?). I really like you Janie but I think you are sort of making a mountain out of a molehill, pardon the expression.

kerrymh

I have never gotten a man hater vibe from you.
I see intelligence, and curiosity about different peoples views about relationships and the male/female dynamic.
I would never say you are a man hater..but maybe you just aren't ready for this stage of the relationship with this person.
Seems that he kind of ambushed you. But I also do think it shows he's very interested in you. I don't think I've ever known a man to introduce a woman that he's not interested in long term to his friends/colleagues and parents...so no more speculating on whether he's really into you or not....now the question is how do YOU feel about that?

DMZ_1

I don't really think I have enough information to know if you really are a man hater or not. I've not spent time around you in person, and to get to that conclusion, it would take spending a fair amount of time with you.

I don't understand why you're exploring any sort of romantic relationship right now, given as though you know you are moving very soon. Perhaps that is a bit unfair to the man you are seeing given what his expectations may be.

There have been times when I have perceived you as aggressive. Perhaps that was not your intention, and I do give you the benefit of the doubt as this form of communication does not convey the fullest meaning. Do people who know you in person ever perceive you as an aggressive person?

AnnaPixie

I dont think you 'hate' men, but I do think you're quite negative and distrusting of their motives in general. I think I mentioned this to you in a thread recently?

I think this vibe is borne of the 'military man' that you hang with who seem to use and abuse women on a regular basis :grumble:

Or perhaps it has to do with your ex - I dunno?

But yeah, BB is definitely into you and you're choosing not to see it. Or perhaps you just dont want him? :flowerforyou:

JanieJack

His parents live out of town, and were taking a road-trip. Apparently, when I decided to come to the game, they made a detour to come meet me. The reason I posted the "meet the parents" thread as b/c I was curious whether it meant as much to others as it would to me. I wouldn't introduce my parents until we'd been exclusive for awhile. Looks like a lot of people don't care as much.

I like him, and we've had a LOT of fun together. But there's things about him I don't know and can't know without more time spent together (like how does he handle conflict, stress over a prolonged time, etc) .On one hand, it would be perfect to meet someone, go on deployment and see if he can handle it.

@Dave, I've been pretty upfront about any guy who is interested in me that I'm moving soon. That they still want to get to know me makes me suspicious about their intentions, but at the same time I'm down for having fun and getting to know new people because you never know who you'll meet or what may happen.

DMZ_1

I've been pretty upfront about any guy who is interested in me that I'm moving soon. That they still want to get to know me makes me suspicious about their intentions, but at the same time I'm down for having fun and getting to know new people because you never know who you'll meet or what may happen.

That is very good to be upfront and a constructive way to handle that type of situation. I see what you are saying about being suspicious. Meeting the parents is a big deal.

TheKitsune6

I don't think you hate men. I do, however, think you are creating an issue where there isn't one rather than accepting something for face value. There could be any number of reasons why but I never got the bitter vibe from you.

pa_jorg

No, you don't seem to hate men, but I do think you are suspicious of people's (both men and women) motives in general. That isn't meant as negative, just a vibe I get from you. Hopefully you can relax a little with this guy to see where things might go. The deployment might be either good or bad for building a relationship, but you won't know until it happens. :flowerforyou:

SouthernSweetie74

I don't think you come off as a man-hater...

I do think you come off as a woman who, for reasons I'm not sure about, may have some issues with trusting men and maybe even trusting yourself when it comes to your choices in men... Because of your over analytical mind, perhaps you read things into something that may or may not really be there. And because you know that you are moving in a month and possibly because you've been hurt in the past, you have an attitude that says "I'm not going to get too close to you... therefore, I'm going to keep you at bay, date other guys, keep my feelings and emotions behind this brick wall, and nitpick the nice things that you do for me because I don't really believe that you are doing them for the right reasons and your behavior is scaring me, so I have to pick it apart..."

Please don't be offended by that... it's just my shot at psychological evaluation based on what I've read about you... and I do not have a psychology degree or a sociology degree...

I could be totally wrong!!!

JanieJack

No offense taken to any of the responses... it's always helpful to get an outside opinion. I don't trust my judgement around/about men. I naturally choose non committal mean guys.

He really is a great guy. He's actually not someone I would have initially chosen to date if he had approached me in person (unless I was in "dry spell" mode of saying yes to anything). But we've had tons of fun. No bad dates/outings yet. We shall see.