Why would a newlywed do this?

DMZ_1

So last night I was out with 3 guys.

Guy #1: A good friend of mine. Has been in a relationship with a woman for over 2 years.
Guy #2: A good acquaintance/second tier friend. I like him. He is good friends with Guy #1 and another good friend of mine who was not present last night.
Guy #3: Knows Guy #1

Guy #3 is a newlywed, having gotten married less than 6 months ago. Guy #2 and I were meeting him for the first time last night. I felt Guy #3 was boisterous, and it did not help that he consumed a lot of alcohol during the night. This did not sit well with Guy #2 and I.

The four of us went to 3 separate bars last night. Guy #3, despite being married, was very aggressive in flirting with the ladies. During the night, the wife was pleading with him via texts. I have seen pics of the wife and I consider her to be good looking.

Possibly based on the behavior of Guy #3 during the night, Guy #1 said he does not believe this marriage will last long. Perhaps Guy #1 knows something else (outside of the context of last night) that I don't know. Why would a recently married guy get really intoxicated and hit on as many women as possible at the bar? I don't get it.

Perhaps the group can shed some light on the events of last night. No major impact in my life, just interesting behavior.

MikeM53082

Some important words of wisdom for women on here to remember are following:

MEN ARE ONLY AS FAITHFUL AS THEIR OPTIONS

It sounds like Guy #3 has a lot of options and maybe his wife isn't his best. Judging from your post, I'll bet the farm that Guy #3 will cheat on his wife on a regular basis in the near future (if he isn't already).

If a guy is use to playing the field and being free, sometimes it can be tough for him to adjust to being with one woman for the rest of his entire life. Unless, as I stated above, she happens to be his best option.

Carl01

Guy #1 is right.

He is flirting as a newlywed...a bad sign.
The wife is texting heavily so she is not happy with it or overbearing (not an excuse for his actions but perhaps her behavior overall is not great either).

Lots of unknowns but sounds badly dysfunctional right out of the gate.

christine24t

The four of us went to 3 separate bars last night. Guy #3, despite being married, was very aggressive in flirting with the ladies. During the night, the wife was pleading with him via texts. I have seen pics of the wife and I consider her to be good looking.

What was she "pleading" about?

DMZ_1

The four of us went to 3 separate bars last night. Guy #3, despite being married, was very aggressive in flirting with the ladies. During the night, the wife was pleading with him via texts. I have seen pics of the wife and I consider her to be good looking.

What was she "pleading" about?

I think she was wanting him to come home and spend time with her.

AnnaPixie

1. We've spoken a few times about people that naturally flirt, married or not. He might be one of those? If so, his wife probably knows what he's like.

2. He's a cheat and his wife will find out eventually if he's that brazen about it.

3. He's feeling trapped already and needing to let off steam.

But yeah, it's bad behaviour for a guy in a relationship, let alone a newly wed! :noway:

christine24t

The four of us went to 3 separate bars last night. Guy #3, despite being married, was very aggressive in flirting with the ladies. During the night, the wife was pleading with him via texts. I have seen pics of the wife and I consider her to be good looking.

What was she "pleading" about?

I think she was wanting him to come home and spend time with her.

Well that is bad behavior on both ends.

She needs to let him have some freedom. But he needs to respect that and not abuse it.

pudadough

Why would he do that? For lack of a better term, he's a major *kitten*. Seems like he's already on the lookout for his other woman.

I don't know why his newlywed status would make a difference. If you have a ring on your hand, you should never be "aggressively flirting." Whether you've been married 6 months or 40 years. It's disrespectful to your significant other.

Just don't get married if you want more freedom. Seems easy enough.

Mom2rh

Personally, I don't think cheating or abuse have any reflection on the victim. It doesn't matter what she looks like. If he's a cheater, he's going to cheat. Mentioning that she is ok to look at is irrelevant. If she senses something wrong, it makes sense that she's blowing up his phone with texts. That doesn't make her clingy, necessarily. It makes her intuitive, perhaps.

pudadough

Personally, I don't think cheating or abuse have any reflection on the victim. It doesn't matter what she looks like. If he's a cheater, he's going to cheat. Mentioning that she is ok to look at is irrelevant. If she senses something wrong, it makes sense that she's blowing up his phone with texts. That doesn't make her clingy, necessarily. It makes her intuitive, perhaps.

Excellent point. How many times have I seen it happen that the "other" woman is a lot less attractive than the wife/girlfriend? Lots. A man isn't cheating because his SO is lacking, he's cheating because he already has a propensity to cheat. He would do it no matter who he was with.

Skinny_Jeans_Soon

This is exactly why I will probably never get married again.

christine24t

Personally, I don't think cheating or abuse have any reflection on the victim. It doesn't matter what she looks like. If he's a cheater, he's going to cheat. Mentioning that she is ok to look at is irrelevant. If she senses something wrong, it makes sense that she's blowing up his phone with texts. That doesn't make her clingy, necessarily. It makes her intuitive, perhaps.

Very true. Think about all the gorgeous celebrities that have been cheated on.

SouthernSweetie74

OH my gosh! That was y'all! Wow. Small world.

lol
ha ha

I don't know why people do that. Men, women... both sexes are equally to blame for such horrendous behavior at times...

I flirted with my bartender last night. Overtly. It was fun. But I'm not married. Neither is he. LOL

porcelain_doll

Why would a newlywed do this? Because the newlywed got married when he shouldn't have, for reasons we'll never know. Pressure from family - or from her? Fear that he wouldn't find someone else? They'd been together a long time and it was "the right thing to do?" An unplanned pregnancy? Sounded like fun at the time? He sounds like he has some growing up to do. The wife was probably texting incessantly because she knows how he gets when he's out with the guys and she is not there.

porcelain_doll

MEN ARE ONLY AS FAITHFUL AS THEIR OPTIONS

Could you explain a little more what this means? I don't quite get it. Sorry, it's early.

castadiva

MEN ARE ONLY AS FAITHFUL AS THEIR OPTIONS

Could you explain a little more what this means? I don't quite get it. Sorry, it's early.

I think Mike means that if the guy thinks he's an '8', and married a '6' (in his view), he'll potentially be unfaithful with any 7's, 8's and 9's who come across his path and seem willing... which is a frankly nauseating concept. Quite apart from the inherent wrongness of grading people as potential partners. And the remarkable lack of faith in men's ability to be honorable and remain faithful. If I have misinterpreted, my apologies.

My response to this is: if he didn't think his wife was his best 'option', he shouldn't have married her. That's basically the point of marriage - realistic or otherwise, we could argue til the end of time - to find the one person who fits best with you, who IS your best 'option', and to swear to stick with that person through thick and thin, forsaking all others, and then to HONOUR THAT PROMISE. In my view, it's the ability to do this that separates the men from the boys, and the girls from the women. Unless you have an open marriage, there are no get-out clauses if a better 'option' happens to walk by*. If you're not prepared to keep your word because you think you are somehow entitled to cheat when someone 'hotter' than your spouse comes along, or because you're angry with them, or you need an ego boost the simple answer is "Don't get married". (*Obviously this doesn't apply in cases of abuse etc. I'm talking about the many, many marriages that seem to end because one or other party is unable to remember that they promised to be faithful and stick to it!)

That said, while heavy-duty flirting is not a desirable behaviour, and especially not in a newly-wed who should still be in the honeymoon period, it's not, strictly speaking, in my book, cheating, unless it leads somewhere further. Though I might very well feel differently if it happened to me. Sounds like this chap has a lot of growing up to do, and he and his wife have a lot of work to do to try to keep their marriage together.

MikeM53082

I'm only trying to rattle everyones cage a little bit.

To elaborate on the "men are only as faithful as their options" quote, it basically means that men will get the "wondering eye" if say, he is married to a 6, but gets hit on by women who are a 9.

Not saying he's definitely going to act on it, but the urge is certainly there. In David's top post, it sounds like Guy #3 certainly can get attention from other women who might be more attractive than his wife. This might spell trouble for the marriage.

DMZ_1

To clarify some things....

1. There was no unplanned pregnancy that caused those two to get married.
2. The guy got rejected by the women he was aiming for that night.

castadiva

Then all I can suggest is beer-goggles. People do really stupid things, and behave very badly when they consume more alcohol than they personally can tolerate.

Why did he drink too much? Maybe they had a fight before he came out, maybe that's part of his normal pattern of behaviour (and they might have fought about it!), maybe he has issues of insecurity and felt he needed alcohol as a social lubricant. There are a million and one reasons.

Sounds like it wasn't much of a fun night out for you, though.:grumble:

Jennifer2387

Some men are not meant to be married or faithful. My ex-husband cheated on me throughout our marriage and I thought it was me. That I was the problem .. but he has already cheated on his new girlfriend and they hadn't even been together for a year.

So .. yeh .. my father cheated, my brother in law cheated, my sister in law cheated, my uncle has been married 4 times because he couldn't be faithful. Three out of four of my friends .. their husbands have cheated. the fourth friend did the cheating.

I just think people are constantly looking for something better. Something different.

flimflamfloz

I don't know why his newlywed status would make a difference. If you have a ring on your hand, you should never be "aggressively flirting." Whether you've been married 6 months or 40 years.

Because you're more likely to get bored of someone after 40 years.

The wife seems annoying, asking him to spend time with her at home. Don't they see each other enough that she has to call him during a night out with friends?
It's nice to feel that you're still able to seduce, the guy is making sure he's still able to seduce.
The girl is screwed. She's too dependent already it would seem... She's the one without options, being needy, etc. The guy is going to get bored.

DMZ_1

I don't know why his newlywed status would make a difference. If you have a ring on your hand, you should never be "aggressively flirting." Whether you've been married 6 months or 40 years.

Because you're more likely to get bored of someone after 40 years.

The wife seems annoying, asking him to spend time with her at home. Don't they see each other enough that she has to call him during a night out with friends?
It's nice to feel that you're still able to seduce, the guy is making sure he's still able to seduce.
The girl is screwed. She's too dependent already it would seem... She's the one without options, being needy, etc. The guy is going to get bored.

Yes, my thinking was that someone shouldn't be bored after a few months of marriage. After 10, 15 or 20 years, it is more understandable.

Sounds like it wasn't much of a fun night out for you, though.:grumble:

I have had better nights out. I did enjoy seeing the other 2 friends who were well behaved, like I was.

lelliebugh

Well that divorce is going to cost them a pretty penny... lol jk By no means is it "right" that he was flirting But, the wife texting him and such... I mean women are crazy and who knows how things are at home to make him want to flirt like that. I dont blow up my boyfriend when he is out with the guys.

poncho33

To clarify some things....

1. There was no unplanned pregnancy that caused those two to get married.
2. The guy got rejected by the women he was aiming for that night.

Did he have his ring on??

My guess is his wife is needy, he got out of the house and was having a good time. I flirt a lot, taken or not... however I have never cheated and never would.

lelliebugh

I flirt and do not realize I am doing it sometimes. Flirting is human nature. Did he actually do anything with any of the women?

LALOCHA34

I blame the alcohol and his need for attention. It is sad behaviour for a newly married man.

I am all about the boys having a boys night. Most likely wifey knows his bar crawling antics and would rather have him at home where she can keep an eye on him. What a nightmare.

Hopefully that is not the case. Maybe it was just a bad day at work, recent fight with the wife. This could potentially be a long miserable life for both of them if it is not the case.

oddyogi

Did he start the aggressive flirting before or after his wife started nagging him?

jenbit

Ok gonna try to play devils advocate here (no one shoot me )

1. Could he and his wife have had a mojor fight before he went out and he was just trying to relieve his "glory" days? That would also explain why she was texting him like crazy.

2. Could he have found out that she cheated on him. I've noticed sometimes with my guy friends that if they find out wsomething hurtful about thier SO and dont have the courage to bring it up they will go get trashed and try to work it out that way..

3. DId he actually do anything beyond flirting ? Some times being stupid drunk makes you act well stupid lol

dbrightwell1270

Because she is one in a million. Unfortunately, there are about 160 million women in the US alone. He was just trying to find the other 160 who are like her.

Roadie2000

I first guess is that maybe he's starting to realize he's bitten off more than he can chew, especially with his wife nagging him while he's at the bar with his buddies. Did they live together before they got married? After six months of living with someone I started to realize if we had a fight I had nowhere to go to collect my thoughts anymore.

Could be just the alcohol too. I've bee out with friends who are happily married but at the end of the night they were still trying to find some action. When you're surrounded by that many seemingly hot chicks, your mind plays tricks on you and you start to think you can do better than your significant other. Luckily they remembered how bad they were at picking up girls.