"If he didn't like me before.." Mentality.
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I have been trying to understand why it is that men seem less attracted to me now than when I was at my heaviest. I don't get the looks and attention that I used to. Of course, I was not unattached before so the 'unavailability' maybe played a factor.
Any insight, men?
Why don't I get the attention that I got when I was 300+ lbs?
Just a wild guess here but perhaps the number of men that are attracted to that weight range are a somewhat small pool so they tend to be more overt about it thinking that the lady is perhaps desperate for attention.
I know that sounds cold and don`t intend to be hurtful to anyone,just trying to rationalize something that does seem unusual.0 -
I have been trying to understand why it is that men seem less attracted to me now than when I was at my heaviest. I don't get the looks and attention that I used to. Of course, I was not unattached before so the 'unavailability' maybe played a factor.
Any insight, men?
Why don't I get the attention that I got when I was 300+ lbs?
Just a wild guess here but perhaps the number of men that are attracted to that weight range are a somewhat small pool so they tend to be more overt about it thinking that the lady is perhaps desperate for attention.
I know that sounds cold and don`t intend to be hurtful to anyone,just trying to rationalize something that does seem unusual.
I see your point. Perhaps they were more forward in their interest, but I'm not sure its because the numbers were skewed the way you described. I would think that less competition would not necessarily demand additional effort.
But perhaps... you are correct in that I should be more assertive.0 -
I have been trying to understand why it is that men seem less attracted to me now than when I was at my heaviest. I don't get the looks and attention that I used to. Of course, I was not unattached before so the 'unavailability' maybe played a factor.
Any insight, men?
Why don't I get the attention that I got when I was 300+ lbs?
I'm not a man but from what I've gathered is that there is a niche of men that are attracted to the super full figured. It does seem like that niche may be more overt with their advances and interest. They consider it a fetish when people like super sized women,that sounds demeaning a bit but if you look at it that way it may make more sense. I noticed on dating sites too that there was interest for the thin/fit and for the large and lovely but not as much for the majority of the average overweight. I had put curvy, full-figured or something when I was on Match briefly (where I got only TWO messages in 3 months) and one guy who wrote me who liked the fuller figured told me that I looked thin and I shouldn't be in that category. But putting thin when you can stand to lose 50 lbs is dishonest to me. Out here there are clubs for BBW and their admirers so maybe being as large as you were, you were attracting that crowd that is loud and proud about their love for bigger women. Now you've lost some weight so you aren't fulfilling that niche.0 -
That being said it's also changed who I am attracted to. I have passed up people because they live a lifestyle that's no longer compatible with mine - and it's reflected in their body type. That's what it boils down to. So if someone I was interested in 50lbs ago came up to me now and wanted to date me I'd understand and wouldn't be resentful in the least.
I feel the same way. My attraction in the type of women hasn't changed much but I do find women who are active more attractive now than in the past. I am not meaning body types either. If I had a choice between 2 women who I was attracted to, that were similar in personalities and body, with the only difference being that one is active and into fitness while the other just a couch potato, I would choose the active one. I would also not feel resentful either if a woman I liked, didn't wanna date me before but does now.0 -
Yes, these quotes are rubbish."If he didn't like me before when I was overweight, why should I give him the time of day now?"
I also see the following quote by Marilyn Monroe used every so often by women I hang out with
"If you can't handle a girl at her worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve her at her best"
To me, both of these quotes insinuate the same thing. If a man doesn't like you at your heaviest then why should you like him after you undertake a huge physical transformation and drop the weight. I take this as having an enormous sense of self entitlement that a man should be just as into an obese woman as he is into a thin one.
That isn't fair to the man one bit. I wouldn't expect the same women to be into me if I was 100 lbs heavier. It's just the simple facts of life.
I think both of these quotes are absolute rubbish.
The first one is coming from someone who is revengeful and hateful. If they were so happy about themselves back then (and loved themselves so much), then why did they decide to change in the first place? If they didn't love themselves back then, why would people have to love them more than they loved themselves? That's indeed entitlement (you're not entitled to love, you have to deserve it).
Marilyn Monroe's quote assumes that the woman is the ultimate prize, and that you should do everything in your power to be worthy of the woman. This status is unquestionable and yes you have to have an enormous sense of entitlement, and a lot of arrogance to think like this. The idea that the woman is the prize is generally accepted well in society.
Once you've been with enough women though, you realise that some women's "worst" isn't as bad as others', and so all the single crazies keep quoting Marilyn Monroe as if it was the reason why they were alone (whereas the reason is that they are in fact crazy, and refuse to look at themselves as the problem).0 -
I am a VERY strong believer in "the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" If you can't love someone through that.... and trust me it can get ugly.....fugly..... then don't bother.
If you can't handle me at my worst when I get in a horriffic car accident, lose both my legs, and my lady parts, and most of my memory...etc.... then YOU DON'T DESERVE me when we have our good times, and I'm at my best weight ever and I'm active and running around and having the time of my life with you.
Marriage is something you sign up for and earn your stripes in. You have promised that person you are their rock.
I guess that's why I tried so hard with both of my serious relationships.
If you aren't attracted to him immediately don't force yourself to get "into" a relationship with them. If you can't follow it through...don't do it. Be best friends. But be clear about your intentions.
I sometimes sound like a nut on here, but this one I got.
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Once you've been with enough women though, you realize that some women's "worst" isn't as bad as others', and so all the single crazies keep quoting Marilyn Monroe as if it was the reason why they were alone (whereas the reason is that they are in fact crazy, and refuse to look at themselves as the problem).
While I don’t agree that the MM quote is entirely rubbish, I do think that the above point is quite true. True of BOTH sexes. I’m looking for someone I can handle, and still LOVE, at his worst (and he when I’m at mine).
And an important thing for us to remember as relationships go from dating to long term commitment. We put on their best “faces” all day long at work. All evening long at PTA/kids sports/whatever. Then we come home exhausted and cranky and then our spouse gets upset with us because we’re not the bright and shiny lover we were back in the “dating days” when we saw each other 1-2x a week rather than every single day.
This is part of why it’s sooooo important to continually carve out time for one another.0 -
I hate to admit it, but I understand why a guy would like me after I lose weight than before. I still have quite a ways to go before I get men interested in me. Also, I like myself more as I lose weight; makes sense that others would too!0
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Personally the way I see it is that -I - didn't like me at that point in my life, it's completely unfair to expect someone else to like me. Since changing the way I live my life, while I'm the same person, there's also quite a lot of difference. I'm genuinely happier and more confident when walking down the hallway, not just when I'm talking to someone about Green Lantern or zoology or debating politics (I've always been confident and happy in those areas).
That being said it's also changed who I am attracted to. I have passed up people because they live a lifestyle that's no longer compatible with mine - and it's reflected in their body type. That's what it boils down to. So if someone I was interested in 50lbs ago came up to me now and wanted to date me I'd understand and wouldn't be resentful in the least.
I agree 100% and think it goes both ways. When I was 248 pounds I was a mean and miserable person to be around. As I lost weight my attitude changed and I felt confident and was no longer defensive about my weight. Losing weight, getting fit and healthy changed my attitude for the better. But I will also be perfectly honest, now that I am fit and healthy I would never look at or consider a relationship with a woman who is overweight. I will probably get bashed for that but it is MY preference. I would never be mean to anyone because of their size or fitness level but I couldn't look past the weight and health issues. So if that makes me a shallow person, I guess I will just have to live with it.0
