Why is she getting LESS male attention than at 300+ lbs??

JanieJack

UsedToBeHusky posed this question in another thread. I sent her some thoughts, but I’m not a guy so I’m pulling this into its own thread. Men… what say you? Even though you probably don’t know her in person, what comes to mind when you hear the question? Why would she get less attention now??

I have been trying to understand why it is that men seem less attracted to me now than when I was at my heaviest. I don't get the looks and attention that I used to. Of course, I was not unattached before so the 'unavailability' maybe played a factor.

Any insight, men?

Why don't I get the attention that I got when I was 300+ lbs?

TheKitsune6

I have a couple theories.

1) The guys have low self esteem and assume that a bigger girl will believe she can't do better and are wanting a girl that's going to stick around.

2) Guys assume that bigger girls are easy. It's a sure shot that they're willing to put out, and then on top of that (no pun intended) there's the idea that bigger/ugly girls try harder in the sack and make for better sex.

pa_jorg

I have another theory to add to the 2 good ones Kitsune offered:

I think at your heaviest your size made you unique, so anyone with fetish for larger women was digging you. Now perhaps you are considered 'average' so you are competing with many other average women and no longer quite so unique upon first glance... does that make sense?

NNAhuja

I have another theory to add to the 2 good ones Kitsune offered:

I think at your heaviest your size made you unique, so anyone with fetish for larger women was digging you. Now perhaps you are considered 'average' so you are competing with many other average women and no longer quite so unique upon first glance... does that make sense?

Good theory!!

JanieJack

Couple of responses in the other thread:

From Carl:

Just a wild guess here but perhaps the number of men that are attracted to that weight range are a somewhat small pool so they tend to be more overt about it thinking that the lady is perhaps desperate for attention.

I know that sounds cold and don`t intend to be hurtful to anyone,just trying to rationalize something that does seem unusual.

From Showgirlbody:

I'm not a man but from what I've gathered is that there is a niche of men that are attracted to the super full figured. It does seem like that niche may be more overt with their advances and interest. They consider it a fetish when people like super sized women,that sounds demeaning a bit but if you look at it that way it may make more sense. I noticed on dating sites too that there was interest for the thin/fit and for the large and lovely but not as much for the majority of the average overweight. I had put curvy, full-figured or something when I was on Match briefly (where I got only TWO messages in 3 months) and one guy who wrote me who liked the fuller figured told me that I looked thin and I shouldn't be in that category. But putting thin when you can stand to lose 50 lbs is dishonest to me. Out here there are clubs for BBW and their admirers so maybe being as large as you were, you were attracting that crowd that is loud and proud about their love for bigger women. Now you've lost some weight so you aren't fulfilling that niche.

I'm not a guy, but FWIW, here's some parts of what I PMed her:

My mom had a friend who lost 250 lbs. Her husband left her and went to marry another really big girl. He liked the big girl (eager to please, easy to please, starved for attention) personality. Not the confident, thin girl, world is her oyster personality.
...
I will say that the "better" I get, the less guys approach me. One guy friend told me its because guys already can tell I won't put up with stupidness and I won't be "easy prey."
...
Most women are lonely and willing to put up with it. Guys liked your confidence back then (I'm supposing, I'm not a guy, lol) and the heaviness balanced it out so you weren't superwoman, but more like average. Guys like average. But there’s a LOT of average girls out there. Plus, if you have not just looks/size/health but the rest of your act together, now the scales are tipped in the awesome catagory, and this scares them away.

lacroyx

Pretty much what Kitsune said and to follow up on pa_jorg's comment, I have no idea how to word this without sounding perverted but, larger women fill out more physically. Big boobs, butt etc etc and some men find that very desirable.

MikeM53082

Fetishist.

And there is nothing wrong at all with that. I use to play in a poker group and one of the guys there was only attracted to obese women. He was average height/weight, good paying job, and really good guy (though a crappy poker player), but he was engaged and very much in love to a bigger women.

Carl01

One other issue and I don`t think it applies to UsedToBeHusky specifically here but have seen posted several times in different places on MFP where a lady has lost a large amount of weight and instead of as would be expected happy for attention they were confused to even repulsed by it because they did not accept in their minds what their eyes were seeing in the mirror.

If this is the case to any degree with a person it is inevitable she is sending don`t look at me signals.

SouthernSweetie74

One other issue and I don`t think it applies to UsedToBeHusky specifically here but have seen posted several times in different places on MFP where a lady has lost a large amount of weight and instead of as would be expected happy for attention they were confused to even repulsed by it because they did not accept in their minds what their eyes were seeing in the mirror.

If this is the case to any degree with a person it is inevitable she is sending don`t look at me signals.

I can agree and relate...

I have sent those signals and only a few men would push through the barriers... but when I'm smiling and happy, a whole herd of em find their way through

NCTravellingGirl

Pretty much what Kitsune said and to follow up on pa_jorg's comment, I have no idea how to word this without sounding perverted but, larger women fill out more physically. Big boobs, butt etc etc and some men find that very desirable.

Definitely agree with lacroyx here. My last ex was never at all bothered by my weight. He was totally buff and the good looking guy in the office that everyone had a crush on but LOVED big boobs so to him, he'd happily date someone larger to get bigger boobs, haha...

dbrightwell1270

Another thing I've noticed with a lot of people who've lost weight is that their personality changes. Most people here talk about the improved confidence as a positive thing but I've seen and expereinced several people in my life who just became arrogant and snooty when they lost weight. There was such a sense of "I am great and awesome now. You should be kissing my *kitten*. I should not have to treat you the same as I used to. It is really beneath me now." I imagine in their minds that they felt as if their friends turned on them when they lost weight.. If she is doing this, she is probably not conscious of it but it would certainly affect male attention.

lelliebugh

Insecurity and inferiority. Many men are insecure and love having power. A woman who is bigger is most often wanting attention from a man. Once he gets her he starts with the emotional abuse or he gets a piece of *kitten* and then is just like dont call me again.

Have you ever watched Nip/Tuck? Christian is a typical male.