No good enough gay guy

joselo2

Hello,
Sometimes I feel like my face and my body don't fit for being a gay guy. I weigh not too far under 400lbs still and am only 5'7. I am 21yrs old I should be in the prime but I know it is a story often told but.... what gay guy gonna date a guy tht size?? Hardly any in my experience, except for the odd fat fetishist. I try and make the most of myself, good style and things but I think it is not enough. I don't fit in the scene and I don't fit for romance.

It isn't just weight, my religion, beleifs, interests....lifestyle, like i don't got class, or intelligence. i feel sometimes i dont follow the party line. I didn't know there was a party line to be gay, long as you love people of the same sex. But sometimes i feel there is and you have to be acertain sort of person, which I am not.

Does anyone esle ever feel that way? I hope I can lose weight and learn to be a better gay guy... a boyfriend would be a start, hahaha!!
xxxxx

Middangeard

There's somebody for everybody. You just have to be patient. It took me years to find somebody, but yet I still found him. Believe me, I know how depressing it can be.

It's not just chubby chasers that will be after you. In the sea of shallowness that comes with all these skinny guys, there are those that are truly looking for the heart. Those are what you need to look for. He may not be skinny, he may not be fat. But he's out there. The important thing is to get out because sitting at home won't help get your name out. It's frustrating dealing with people sometimes, you just need to be patient and enjoy life in the meantime.

treetop57

No I can't bear to live my life alone
I grow impatient for a love to call my own
But when I feel that I, I can't go on
These precious words keeps me hangin' on
I remember mama said:

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

joselo2

haha that what in always say, i hope i can become lovable before i meet my love!!!

spiregrain

found him. Believe me, I know how depressing it can be.

It's not just chubby chasers that will be after you. In the sea of shallowness that comes with all these skinny guys, there are those that are truly looking for the heart. Those are what you need to look for. He may not be skinny, he may not be fat. But he's out there. The important thing is to get out because sitting at home won't help get your name out. It's frustrating dealing with people sometimes, you just need to be patient and enjoy life in the meantime.

---

No I can't bear to live my life alone
I grow impatient for a love to call my own
But when I feel that I, I can't go on
These precious words keeps me hangin' on
I remember mama said:

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

^^ These guys are wicked smart! Listen to them. ^^

I think confidence and being true to yourself are pretty important. Those are so SO much more attractive than rock hard abs. Throw yourself into all that you love, and do it with a passion. You may not follow "the party line" (there is a party line for EVERYTHING, I think) but the person who falls for you won't want you to, anyway.

YumemiruJin

I feel the same and have just realized I'm willing to wait rather than settle or deal with people not worth my time

cmsu64113

davelink

Well said....................Middangeard

estitom

I bet you're not as 'wrong' as you think you are. We can always try to make the best of what we have, take care of ourselves etc., but it all comes down to how we feel about ourselves. I know it sounds like a cliché, but you can really see the difference between someone who believes they're good enough and someone who think they're too fat, stupid, ugly, fun... It's easier to be someones friend/coworker/partner when they believe in themselves and think they're worthy of love and all the great things in life

Life is short, but it's been given to us to use, and we choose what to do with it. When you take care of yourself (and others!), it becomes funnier, more interesting - and longer! It's not just about weight, it's about self esteem and general health

You ARE unique and special - you're you! Try to be the best person you can be, change the things you don't like, but don't forget to appreciate all the awesome things that makes you a wonderful person :flowerforyou:

pocketmel

I know exactly how you feel. I am a gay woman that doesn't have one gay woman friend, I just don't fit in. Never knew why until now. It truly is about how you see yourself, how you feel and for most people that's ok But for a select few accepting who you are and loving yourself regardless is almost unimagineable. You aren't alone in this world who feels this way:I am proof of that. Now I do not know what you look like and I do not need to know but I can tell you that looks aren't important to many but you need to believe that. You have never given yourself the chance-probably. I am not talking about highschool crushes. You are at a great age to find someone just for you and you would be surprised by whom. :P I spent half my life looking realatively decent looking10 of those years I wasn't out of the closet and I couldn't find someone remotely close to me. Then when I came out, it was worse! :P Not only was I different, but I was now an outsider in an even smaller playing field (for lack of a better word-forgive me) and I thought-the hell with it. I tried hard to understand what was wrong, why women never approached me. Was I too short? Was I not pretty enough? Was I not a lesbian giving of a lesbian vibe? I dresses like a boy and then dressed like a femme. I tried to be more social etc. But all that was useless. I had no confidence in myself. Never had and that was my problem. It doesn't matter what size you are or anything else for that matter. Try to be good to yourself. Accept yourself but most of all enjoy yourself. Screw what partyline exists. You are definately worth getting to know. You'll see. I can tell you because even as someone who was also an agoraphobic who never went out of the house except for work. I met the right woman for me. Yes I met her at work-completely by chance too since I worked for a big organization. You will meet someone too. You'll meet new people too. Trust me. Sometimes you even have to tak a blindleap of faith and ask them out even if you aren't sure even if you like them Because they may be hiding some wonderful qualities just like you have. One of them being courage. What attracted me to your post was the courage it took to say what you felt deep down inside and that my friend is a rare quality indeed.Be proud of yourself: You'll see. Take that leap and you'll get the best of what you put into it- so I am sure you'll be just fine.:blushing: see I am still shy even online, but atleast I posted a reply I hope helps.

kyle4jem

Guess what? There no right way to be gay. There's no blueprint you have to follow, no mould you have to fit.

The wonderful thing about humanity is that there are 60.000.000.000.000 permutations.

We are all unique, we are all freaks. Beauty comes from within and is very much in the eye of the beholder.

That may all sound very clichéd ... but it's also very true.

Love is something that comes when you least expect it.

The important thing is to be true to yourself and believe that you can be whatever you want to be!

pocketmel

Well said Kyle. Cheers to that!:drinker:

thedreamhazer

I hope I can lose weight and learn to be a better gay guy... a boyfriend would be a start, hahaha!!

There is no right way or wrong way to be gay or straight, male or female, etc. Lose weight to be healthier and happier with yourself, not in order to fit your social perception of what a gay man should be.

scorpiousuk

Well, 400lbs is a lot to be sure, but I have found that the more you weigh the faster it comes off. I am halfway through losing my allotted weight, and the first half came off in 2lbs a week basis, but now I am having to work much harder to get the rest off, and of course winter is approaching,and bad weather mostly here.
I have NO diet plan. My entire plan is based on monitoring what goes in, and sticking to the calories, and fitness. Now I like and enjoy fitness so doing a 5 mile walk of an evening comes easily. Easily motivationally anyway, sometimes I do feel tired and just can't be arsed, but I think about my targets and the rewards and just go for it anyway.
If you stick to the calories it will come down, and just keep at it. YOU ARE doing the right thing by tackling this. When I was 20 I had a friend who was huge, I am useless at gauging weight by size, but you couldn't get your arms around him. He didn't make it to 30 sadly and died of heart disease. I would and have recommended this site to everyone. Keep up the good work.

wait_loss

It isn't just weight, my religion, beliefs, interests....lifestyle, like i don't got class, or intelligence. i feel sometimes i don't follow the party line. I didn't know there was a party line to be gay, long as you love people of the same sex. But sometimes i feel there is and you have to be a certain sort of person, which I am not.

Does anyone else ever feel that way? I hope I can lose weight and learn to be a better gay guy

I am gay and have been out for years yesterday the day of coming out I figured I have been out now for 36 years.
Gay people on a whole have been feeling like outsiders for a long time. We constantly get the message of negativity,and We have to make the most of it. By this I am saying there are the religious right that say we are bad and the moral right wings that give us the messages that we are bad. It is about becoming comfortable in ones own skin.

With all the talk of "gays being bad for society" it is not surprising that their is a higher rate of drug dependence weather that be illegal or other addictions for example food or alcohol, and an increase in suicide. As oppressed group of people we need to learn to be supportive of one another. However those that are within an oppressed group generally have to be mindful of not oppressing others of the same group. For example, they are to feminine, to butch, to *****y, to fat to skinny. We constantly will hear these statements within our own community and if not mindful will express these things as it is part of our culture. We have rich heritage of our own personal expressions in life. And have to realize that we have to forge it out of being outsiders.

As Ru Paul says "How can you love another if you cannot love yourself."
This is a very pointed statement.and so true.
Does not matter your religion.. You can develop your own style your own sense of class and one can always educate them selves.
There are people that say we don't need pride day celebrations any more or were is Straight pride. Straight culture has there celebrations every day, There are holidays built around straight celebrations, mothers day, fathers day, Thanks giving, Easter, Christmas, Hanuka, Kwanza, All these are about celebrating the family unit and family straight values. So one day a year we have pride day and the straights say were is our holiday. Get over it already.

I hope that you can find a point in being comfortable with you. As A gay man I can say that feeling of being an outsider is always there from family gatherings to within our community. And one needs to learn to find celebration with whom you are and love you for you. Then you will find some one to also love you for you. It is a constant point of change.

joselo2

OMGosh, I know, Wait_loss... when people say Pride is pointless, and why not have straight pride? I am just like, ignoring that because I am sick of even having the argument again! But yes, I think when we are gay and in the closet or just not around other gay people we feel different a lot of the time. Not that being gay defines me or anything but I think I define myself in my own way which don't always fit in... so see, we imagien that when we come out and go to gay places all will fit into place, it is a shame when this doesn't work out like that. But I am learning to find my own little place and people in the world where I do fit in, I just wish I felt more comfortable and included in gay life sometimes.

Awww, Scorpious I am really sorry to hear about your friend, that is a tragedy for someone to die before 30, no one deserves to die just because they have a weight problem but sadly that is how nature works sometimes. I am so sorry to hear that. It shocked me a bit also because I never really believed I, or any other person, could die before 30 just for being obese, despite people warning me this. I am so sorry tohear that happened.

Thanks everyone
xxxxx

fbmandy55

My bf is over 300lbs..almost all belly. Before we met he was dating a male model, who I would have never guess would have gone for a big guy like my bf. He was incredibly hot and it made me feel especially insecure that my bf went from the bi male model to me. :laugh: Just took us realizing our love for me to lose that insecurity.

I found that looks mean nothing. I wouldn't have thought I would have gone for my bf's type at all in the past, but he is the sexiest man in the world to me now. I like classic rock and hippie **** and he is into death metal. He dresses casual and I dress over the top. He loves gore/horror and I despise it. He's a liberal and I am a libertarian... Somehow it works perfectly for us!

And as the old saying goes, 'I found him when I stopped looking'.

tsherrill

I struggled a lot with this as well, luckily with time and some great friends I've come to realize two things;

1) Even if I never find a person with whom I can share a romantic rest of my life with I will survive.

2)Being me and being loved for that is more important than how I look.

Hopefully you can build an amazing peer group to help you survive the bad times and revel with you in the good times!

joselo2

I have good friends but in many ways I am a lonely person.

treetop57

I know that feeling, Joselo. When I've been single, I've been deep-down lonely, even though I had a lot of friends. I believe I'm just made to be in a relationship with one man.

That said, I wasn't ready for a relationship until I went through all the things I went through . . . including the loneliness. I have no doubt that you will find your other half, but it may take a while. Hang in there and know that you are loveable, even if you don't find Mr. Right right now.

catkid

You sound just like me! so you're definitely not alone in what you're feeling buddy. I Think we need to put relationships on the back burner and not make them into a priority in our lives right now as we're trying to change and better ourselves by becoming healthier, happier, and more self confident.

Like many of the wise people have said here there is no right and wrong way to be LGBT+ all that matters is that you stay true to yourself and are willing to work on the kinks you might have, but only if it's for all the right reasons of course!.