Awkward

pa_jorg

How do you politely tell someone you're not into them after a few dates? Poofing seems rude once you've met face to face a few times, but geez getting those words out can be awkward! I've mastered the one date and never see each another again thing, but a handful of dates in, this is territory I haven't been in for a million years! Is this awkward for everyone or is it just that I'm such a non-confrontational person in general?

porcelain_doll

I wondered this, too. And then the last guy I went out on a date with did it to me (after one date). We went out, things were fine, we had a good meal, and he suggested we do it again sometime and I agreed. The next morning, I sent a text thanking him again for dinner. He said, "my pleasure" and that was the last I heard from him for a while.

So a couple weeks went by, and I decided to initiate the next date (which was a big deal for me, btw). I sent a text asking if he would like to go to a Cuban restaurant I have been wanting to check out, and he wrote the following: "I had fun when we went out. But I have met someone more compatible. Very sorry. Didn't want to hurt your feelings." I responded that it was okay and wished him luck, and also thanked him for letting me know as most wouldn't have bothered. He said, "those guys were jerks, you deserve better."

You could use what he said; however, if you haven't met anyone else then it would be a lie... You could just replace that line with something else, like, "But I don't feel that we would be compatible as a couple." And include the rest about the feelings and such. I don't think it can get much more polite than that.

MikeM53082

I would have never pegged you for being non-confrontational

I would tell him the truth. You don't see him as a romantic partner, but maybe a friend. And actually mean it. Two of my best female friends did the same exact thing to me. Low and behold, many years later, we still talk, hang out, and are good friends.

If you aren't interested in being friends with him, just be honest. Real men respect honestly and will take the news with grace. Little boys will plead with you or even resort to insulting you when you break the news to him.

I'm not going to lie, he will be hurt after you drop the bomb on him. But after a few days, he'll respect that you were honest and straightforward with him.

Mellie289

I agree that poofing is rude and I wouldn't do it after having met It just means putting on your big girl panties and saying the truth - in a kind and gentle way. Just say something like you really hoped that things could work because you have a lot in common (or whatever made you go out those dates), but you just aren't feeling the kind of connection you need for things to move forward. It will be awkward! That's why it's hard to do. You are telling someone that you are rejecting them as a partner - it can only be awkward, but it doesn't have to be nasty.

Just whatever you do, don't tell him that he's a nice guy!

JanieJack

I don't think it's ever easy... but I will say the last guy I had this conversation with was feeling the same way. He just didn't want to hurt my feelings because (he said) I was such an awesome woman!

The funny thing is, even though I knew it wouldn’t work, I was STILL kinda sad that he felt the same way.

So take the bad/sad feelings as normal. Grieve a little that instead of finding “the one” you now have to keep looking. And then pat yourself on the back for releasing him to find someone who will be more compatible with him and move on.

JanieJack

you really hoped that things could work because you have a lot in common (or whatever made you go out those dates), but you just aren't feeling the kind of connection you need for things to move forward.

I like this!

AnnaPixie

How do you politely tell someone you're not into them after a few dates? Poofing seems rude once you've met face to face a few times, but geez getting those words out can be awkward! I've mastered the one date and never see each another again thing, but a handful of dates in, this is territory I haven't been in for a million years! Is this awkward for everyone or is it just that I'm such a non-confrontational person in general?

"Sorry X, it was lovely to spend some time with you, but I dont think its working between us. I wish you every Good luck for the future"

porcelain_doll

"Sorry X, it was lovely to spend some time with you, but I dont think its working between us. I wish you every Good luck for the future"

Short and sweet. I like that.

pa_jorg

Thing is, I would LOVE to continue being friends with this guy. He's actually pretty amazing, just not the right one for me. Maybe that adds another layer of hoping to say the right thing so that a friendship is still possible?

We did have a text convo today and he knows I'm feeling awkward about things, but I also haven't been 100% direct either though.

I would have never pegged you for being non-confrontational

OMG if you only knew!!! Sorry Mike, sometimes all my frustration in life comes to a boiling point and I think you got the brunt of that recently. :laugh:

christine24t

I would just not ask him out, and wait for him to ask you. If you don't want to say anything, you could just keep denying it and hope he gets the hint.

Mellie289

Thing is, I would LOVE to continue being friends with this guy. He's actually pretty amazing, just not the right one for me. Maybe that adds another layer of hoping to say the right thing so that a friendship is still possible?

I suggest you be direct. Being indirect and avoiding the issue is going to add to the awkwardness and lower your chances of getting a friendship out of this. If you are direct and honest, he is more likely to want to maintain a friendship with you later. Just let him know how you feel and tell him that you would be interested in trying out being friends if that's something he would also like - maybe plan to do something in a month or two so you have a little break to process this. Things are pretty early, so it's possible to work this out if you are honest and don't play games.

Carl01

"I`m sorry,I have to be honest and just don`t see this going anywhere,thanks for the times out and really hope the best for you"

Polite,no vague reasons for him clinging to hope,no condescending "I am sure you will find somebody" crap that is a second knife through the heart.

pudadough

Just tell him straight up. I'm very averse to confrontation of any kind in real life, so I know how hard it can be. I like putting it in an email or some other form of writing, since I'm better at organizing my thoughts and keeping my tone in check in writing. Tell him you had an enjoyable time, but you don't see yourself wanting a romantic relationship. That's it. Don't embellish anything, just stick to the facts.

I appreciate it when a guy tells me nicely but truthfully. At least he thinks enough of me to let me know. Poofing is wrong, IMHO.

If you want to remain friends, say it! I have a good guy friend who was very adamant about dating me and I just told him what I said above. And then I still made an effort to text him funny things or respond to him so that he knew I was being serious about "staying friends" and not just throwing out a cliched line. We're still friends! So it can happen...

NCTravellingGirl

I'd be honest and offer the friendship if that's what you want. I had talked to a guy two weeks, went on one date, and I knew it wasn't a good fit. I still took the time to email him at least and said,"Thank you for taking some time to get to know me. I really wish you the best but just don't see this as the right match for me." He thanked me and offered to be friends but because he also said something about letting feelings grow as a part of it, I figured trying to be friends would only give him hope. I didn't respond further. Good Luck and keep trying, PJ!