My panic attacks are back and the timing is not good
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Ivyzmama
Posts: 108 Member
I "caught" a fear of flying from my husband; it got worse with pregnancy hormones 13 years ago and then 9/11 didn't help matters. Yes, I'm afraid that my plane is just going to freakin' blow up in the sky. (Just saying that makes my fear worse, as if it was a real threat.) In fact, I had my first panic attack in the month after 9/11. (I know a young father who died in the Twin Towers.) I didn't fly at all from 199 till 2007 because of the fear, which was pretty bad because I need to fly for work! (I took a train from NY to Chicago for a meeting. I drove from NY to Ohio for a meeting. I drove to New Hampshire from Philadelphia for a meeting. Yes, I'm lucky I was able to stay employed.)
After being on and off Paxil for a few years, I got myself back into a plane, for a short test flight, in 2007. It went great - and that's with no meds for me at the time other than Paxil. I have flown short trips a few times since then with mixed results as to my fear. However, overall daily stress has brought my panic attacks back. I have a stressfull meeting at work tomorrow morning, and them I'm flying for work in the afternoon. Last night, my family was fighting, my teenage daughter was justifiably upset and crying about how we never fly anywhere on vacation like her schoolmates do and like her dad did when he was growing up (because he was boasting about the places he's been, and he won't take us because he's the original family member with the fear of flying now. But he can't seem to keep his mouth shut about his past travels to Europe and the Carribean.) So then I was having rolling panic attacks all night. I feel so sad for myself. I'm on Buspar now, 5 mg twice a day, I've been taking some of my old, not-used-up-yet Paxil at the same time, 10 mg a day, and last night I added a 10 mg propranolol shortly before bed. I was so disappointed to have panic attacks after adding the propranolol! I thought that should make me more relaxed, not worse!
I've been doing the "self-care" things that people are supposed to do; mediation, exercise, and I even got a 30 minute massage yesterday to calm me down. I did everything right. But I can't seem to keep my mind on optimistic thoughts. I'm a born cynical pessimest, and I've just realized, maybe in the last day, that it really does matter what I think about. Those fleeting thoughts of catastrophes that blip through my mind actually accumulate into panic attacks. And it is so hard to "keep a clean, happy mind," so to speak.
If anyone has any suggestions about meds or ways to keep catastrophic thoughts out of my head, or just wants to wish me good thoughts for my meeting/presentation tomorrow and my flights on Monday and Thursday, please let me know!
The fear of flying thing is especially ironic because when I was a child, I loved flying. Couldn't get enough of it. When I grew up, I interviewed to be a flight attended (that was back when they had weight limits, and I was too overweight to be considered.) But I guess it doesn't matter where we come from with our stress, all that matters is where we find ourselves now.
After being on and off Paxil for a few years, I got myself back into a plane, for a short test flight, in 2007. It went great - and that's with no meds for me at the time other than Paxil. I have flown short trips a few times since then with mixed results as to my fear. However, overall daily stress has brought my panic attacks back. I have a stressfull meeting at work tomorrow morning, and them I'm flying for work in the afternoon. Last night, my family was fighting, my teenage daughter was justifiably upset and crying about how we never fly anywhere on vacation like her schoolmates do and like her dad did when he was growing up (because he was boasting about the places he's been, and he won't take us because he's the original family member with the fear of flying now. But he can't seem to keep his mouth shut about his past travels to Europe and the Carribean.) So then I was having rolling panic attacks all night. I feel so sad for myself. I'm on Buspar now, 5 mg twice a day, I've been taking some of my old, not-used-up-yet Paxil at the same time, 10 mg a day, and last night I added a 10 mg propranolol shortly before bed. I was so disappointed to have panic attacks after adding the propranolol! I thought that should make me more relaxed, not worse!
I've been doing the "self-care" things that people are supposed to do; mediation, exercise, and I even got a 30 minute massage yesterday to calm me down. I did everything right. But I can't seem to keep my mind on optimistic thoughts. I'm a born cynical pessimest, and I've just realized, maybe in the last day, that it really does matter what I think about. Those fleeting thoughts of catastrophes that blip through my mind actually accumulate into panic attacks. And it is so hard to "keep a clean, happy mind," so to speak.
If anyone has any suggestions about meds or ways to keep catastrophic thoughts out of my head, or just wants to wish me good thoughts for my meeting/presentation tomorrow and my flights on Monday and Thursday, please let me know!
The fear of flying thing is especially ironic because when I was a child, I loved flying. Couldn't get enough of it. When I grew up, I interviewed to be a flight attended (that was back when they had weight limits, and I was too overweight to be considered.) But I guess it doesn't matter where we come from with our stress, all that matters is where we find ourselves now.
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