Too Many Choices
SouthernSweetie74
Posts: 844
A couple of weeks ago, I decided to take a different approach to dating. Okay, that's not really true. The truth is that I got my feelings hurt when a friend poofed on me which brought back all of those familiar feelings of being unloveable and unworthy and undesirable. So, I told myself that I was not meant for a relationship, that I didn't even want a relationship, that I would not ever be able to find what I truly want... I gave up. I threw in my towel, and I made a conscious decision to just "have fun."
On September 27, I created a new profile on a dating site. This profile was different than my previous profiles. In my description, I was very clear that I just wanted to have fun. I even described what I find attractive, something I never do.
In the past 18 days, I have talked to many men and met 6 in person. They range in ages from 29-48 (he said he was 48, but I beg to differ... ); they range in careers from oil field worker to pharmacist; they range in looks from "oh my gosh super fine" to "I don't think I can imagine myself kissing this person"...
And here's what I've learned:
1. This dating just for fun is really not for me.
2. Leagues do not exist. Seriously. If they do, I must be in one all of my own...
3. Age kind of does matter... lol... at least to me, it does... (Those hot 30 yr olds just are not in the same place in life as I am... and the one older man whom I met can't keep up with my lifestyle... )
4. Some men say they are just wanting to date casually and not looking for anything serious, but they are lying because when you try to "break things off" due to the fact that you have realized that you do want a more serious type relationship, they suddenly have an epiphany and realize they want one, too. (Lying is a harsh word, and I meant it tongue-in-cheek)
5. This one I knew, but it has been reinforced: Attraction matters. But, for me, attraction entails so much more than just the physical aspects.
6. I didn't even need the online dating sites. (I received a text from a friend the other day. After cordial greetings, she was like, "hey my friend was snooping my profile and saw your picture and thinks you're cute. Can I give him your number?" I had actually met him previously. We've been texting for a week, sat together in church yesterday, and he held my hand. He hasn't texted me today... but his daughter told my son that he didn't have service?? We'll see... But what I've found is this: I like him. He's the type of man I want to date, to be friends with, to possibly develop a relationship with. So, whether or not it works out between us, I'm okay. Because if he's attracted to me, then it's possible someone else of his caliber is as well. ?? And I need to leave everyone else alone... whether they stroke my ego or not... I think it's part of that "not settling" issue for me. )
Nevermind... he just texted.
He has been in the woods all day with no service. I feel better now.
okay, bye... have a good night! or day! or morning!
:flowerforyou:
On September 27, I created a new profile on a dating site. This profile was different than my previous profiles. In my description, I was very clear that I just wanted to have fun. I even described what I find attractive, something I never do.
In the past 18 days, I have talked to many men and met 6 in person. They range in ages from 29-48 (he said he was 48, but I beg to differ... ); they range in careers from oil field worker to pharmacist; they range in looks from "oh my gosh super fine" to "I don't think I can imagine myself kissing this person"...
And here's what I've learned:
1. This dating just for fun is really not for me.
2. Leagues do not exist. Seriously. If they do, I must be in one all of my own...
3. Age kind of does matter... lol... at least to me, it does... (Those hot 30 yr olds just are not in the same place in life as I am... and the one older man whom I met can't keep up with my lifestyle... )
4. Some men say they are just wanting to date casually and not looking for anything serious, but they are lying because when you try to "break things off" due to the fact that you have realized that you do want a more serious type relationship, they suddenly have an epiphany and realize they want one, too. (Lying is a harsh word, and I meant it tongue-in-cheek)
5. This one I knew, but it has been reinforced: Attraction matters. But, for me, attraction entails so much more than just the physical aspects.
6. I didn't even need the online dating sites. (I received a text from a friend the other day. After cordial greetings, she was like, "hey my friend was snooping my profile and saw your picture and thinks you're cute. Can I give him your number?" I had actually met him previously. We've been texting for a week, sat together in church yesterday, and he held my hand. He hasn't texted me today... but his daughter told my son that he didn't have service?? We'll see... But what I've found is this: I like him. He's the type of man I want to date, to be friends with, to possibly develop a relationship with. So, whether or not it works out between us, I'm okay. Because if he's attracted to me, then it's possible someone else of his caliber is as well. ?? And I need to leave everyone else alone... whether they stroke my ego or not... I think it's part of that "not settling" issue for me. )
Nevermind... he just texted.
He has been in the woods all day with no service. I feel better now.okay, bye... have a good night! or day! or morning!
:flowerforyou: 0
Replies
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I meant to change the title of this post because I SO did not go where I originally intended to with this... sorry for the misleading title... 0
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Good for you...on so many levels!0
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I think I know what you were originally going with, and I know what that is like..too many choices but none of them are right.
I also like the idea of knowing like you do right now that atleast one man who seems to have the qualities you need/want is interested..who knows where it will go but atleast the knowledge that its possible is a positive.
I haven't seen this in my life yet. I'm off dating sites, and back to focusing on my fitness..at the gym in running. I don't see either of those places as potential meeting places for me..but I don't have time to date and do them..fitness has to take priority no matter how old my eggs are getting lol. (alittle poor me there sorry)
I am happy that you've got an exciting man on your radar. I miss even feeling excited.0 -
I think I know what you were originally going with, and I know what that is like..too many choices but none of them are right.
yeah, something like that... I felt in dilemma at first because I had several men calling me, stroking my ego, even saying some of the right things, yet they didn't possess that certain "pizazz" that Mr. Officer does for me. And although I do find him attractive, he's not the best looking of the bunch, yet he just meshes with me better...I also like the idea of knowing like you do right now that atleast one man who seems to have the qualities you need/want is interested..who knows where it will go but atleast the knowledge that its possible is a positive.
Yes!!! Exactly. It's that need for hope...I am happy that you've got an exciting man on your radar. I miss even feeling excited.
Thank you! Who knows what will happen? But I'm going to have fun taking it one step at a time for now...
And, Kerry, like I've told you before, you are beautiful. And I mean that sincerely. I understand being busy. I'm pretty busy myself... I admire your discipline in putting your fitness as a top priority. And you never know where you might meet someone who is worthy of your attention... just keep that smile shining brightly, and I'm sure one will be attracted like flies to honey.
Edited: because I suck at quoting... lol0 -
That's great!
I especially like how you noticed that you are attracting the caliber of man you want. I can't remember if you were before or if you were like me (only attracting players and jerks for the first couple years after my divorce). This last year I've noticed that even though it's still online dating the guys who are asking me out are of much higher caliber. This tells me I am recovering from the divorce, hopefully ready to move on!!
So happy for you. Hope you guys have a sweet time this weekend!0 -
I also like the idea of knowing like you do right now that atleast one man who seems to have the qualities you need/want is interested..who knows where it will go but atleast the knowledge that its possible is a positive.
Yes!!! Exactly. It's that need for hope...
Good for you! I had this fairly recently and it felt great, but now I'm back to blah about the whole dating scene... But that leads me to ask exactly what you changed on your profile? My profile has been up a while and I know I should dust the cobwebs off it, but I'm having a mental block how to re-do everything.
Edit: for missed quotes.0 -
i misread this " I have talked to many men and met 6 in person." as this " I have talked to many men and met 6 in prison."
lmao0 -
Sounds like you learned alot...and that's never a bad thing.
Hope all goes well with your new guy!0 -
i misread this " I have talked to many men and met 6 in person." as this " I have talked to many men and met 6 in prison."
lmao
Just spit out my tea on my laptop. Soooooo funny.
--P0 -
I also like the idea of knowing like you do right now that atleast one man who seems to have the qualities you need/want is interested..who knows where it will go but atleast the knowledge that its possible is a positive.
Yes!!! Exactly. It's that need for hope...
Good for you! I had this fairly recently and it felt great, but now I'm back to blah about the whole dating scene... But that leads me to ask exactly what you changed on your profile? My profile has been up a while and I know I should dust the cobwebs off it, but I'm having a mental block how to re-do everything.
Edit: for missed quotes.
Darla, Thank you for posting this today! :flowerforyou:
After reading this thread and thinking about my own profile I ended up rewriting it this afternoon. I've already gotten messages from new guys and am just generally feeling more optimistic. Sometimes it takes a little reminder to take action and feel better about the situation.0 -
i misread this " I have talked to many men and met 6 in person." as this " I have talked to many men and met 6 in prison."
lmao
Just spit out my tea on my laptop. Soooooo funny.
--P
LOL I double that laugh!
No prisoners for me, thanks. 0 -
I also like the idea of knowing like you do right now that atleast one man who seems to have the qualities you need/want is interested..who knows where it will go but atleast the knowledge that its possible is a positive.
Yes!!! Exactly. It's that need for hope...
Good for you! I had this fairly recently and it felt great, but now I'm back to blah about the whole dating scene... But that leads me to ask exactly what you changed on your profile? My profile has been up a while and I know I should dust the cobwebs off it, but I'm having a mental block how to re-do everything.
Edit: for missed quotes.
Darla, Thank you for posting this today! :flowerforyou:
After reading this thread and thinking about my own profile I ended up rewriting it this afternoon. I've already gotten messages from new guys and am just generally feeling more optimistic. Sometimes it takes a little reminder to take action and feel better about the situation.
You're welcome! Glad I could be of service. 0 -
i misread this " I have talked to many men and met 6 in person." as this " I have talked to many men and met 6 in prison."
lmao
I read the exact same thing you did!!!0 -
I also had to go back and read again cause I read "prison" the first time! Glad you met them in person instead. :-)0
