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meshashesha2012
Posts: 8,329 Member
Whoa.. my first topic on Single Peeps.
Anyway, I met a somewhat cool guy from OKCupid and we had our second date last night.
Our email exchanges were fun and we seem to have similar senses of humor and world visions.
The only thing is that he has a horrible attention to detail.
1- On one of the emails he spelled my name wrong. He realized the mistake and apologized for it and I let it go. My name isn't common but Mesha is not exactly the hardest to spell either.
2- Date 1 is was about 15 minutes late. He said it was from traffic and not being able to find a parking space. I gave him leeway because we met in downtown SF and there was a Giants game
Date 2 he was 30 minutes late!!! :mad: I was a bit steamed because I got a text from him at the time we were supposed to meet and he said that he would be 10 minutes late. I thought OK.. 10 minutes turned into 30 minutes. When he showed up , the first part of our conversation went like this
Him: Hey I made it...
Me: 30 minutes late!
Him: No. Only 15 minutes late. I was supposed to be here at 8.
Me: No, let me get the transcript [I'm now stealing this from Prez O].
I then pulled up the email where he told me to meet him at 7:45. Of course the only thing he could do is apologize, but it was kind of a half assed one. I'd already decided by then there's not going to be a 3rd date.
Too bad too,because he's the first guy I've met in a long time that seemed interesting. I just can't take the cavalier attitude towards being that late. 5-10 minutes I can understand, but anything over 10 is a bit much, especially when you're just starting to get to know someone
Anyway, I met a somewhat cool guy from OKCupid and we had our second date last night.
Our email exchanges were fun and we seem to have similar senses of humor and world visions.
The only thing is that he has a horrible attention to detail.
1- On one of the emails he spelled my name wrong. He realized the mistake and apologized for it and I let it go. My name isn't common but Mesha is not exactly the hardest to spell either.
2- Date 1 is was about 15 minutes late. He said it was from traffic and not being able to find a parking space. I gave him leeway because we met in downtown SF and there was a Giants game
Date 2 he was 30 minutes late!!! :mad: I was a bit steamed because I got a text from him at the time we were supposed to meet and he said that he would be 10 minutes late. I thought OK.. 10 minutes turned into 30 minutes. When he showed up , the first part of our conversation went like this
Him: Hey I made it...
Me: 30 minutes late!
Him: No. Only 15 minutes late. I was supposed to be here at 8.
Me: No, let me get the transcript [I'm now stealing this from Prez O].
I then pulled up the email where he told me to meet him at 7:45. Of course the only thing he could do is apologize, but it was kind of a half assed one. I'd already decided by then there's not going to be a 3rd date.
Too bad too,because he's the first guy I've met in a long time that seemed interesting. I just can't take the cavalier attitude towards being that late. 5-10 minutes I can understand, but anything over 10 is a bit much, especially when you're just starting to get to know someone
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Whoa.. my first topic on Single Peeps.
Anyway, I met a somewhat cool guy from OKCupid and we had our second date last night.
Our email exchanges were fun and we seem to have similar senses of humor and world visions.
The only thing is that he has a horrible attention to detail.
1- On one of the emails he spelled my name wrong. He realized the mistake and apologized for it and I let it go. My name isn't common but Mesha is not exactly the hardest to spell either.
2- Date 1 is was about 15 minutes late. He said it was from traffic and not being able to find a parking space. I gave him leeway because we met in downtown SF and there was a Giants game
Date 2 he was 30 minutes late!!! :mad: I was a bit steamed because I got a text from him at the time we were supposed to meet and he said that he would be 10 minutes late. I thought OK.. 10 minutes turned into 30 minutes. When he showed up , the first part of our conversation went like this
Him: Hey I made it...
Me: 30 minutes late!
Him: No. Only 15 minutes late. I was supposed to be here at 8.
Me: No, let me get the transcript [I'm now stealing this from Prez O].
I then pulled up the email where he told me to meet him at 7:45. Of course the only thing he could do is apologize, but it was kind of a half assed one. I'd already decided by then there's not going to be a 3rd date.
Too bad too,because he's the first guy I've met in a long time that seemed interesting. I just can't take the cavalier attitude towards being that late. 5-10 minutes I can understand, but anything over 10 is a bit much, especially when you're just starting to get to know someone
so, first guy you have been interested in for a long time and you're just going to let him go because he was late twice??? I think you should think this one threw, maybe explain to him that you don't like waiting and give it a 3rd date.0 -
I agree. I feel being late 2 times in a row is really disrespectful. Your time is valuable, if you could make it on time or early why in the heck couldn't he?
I don't think personally I'd give him a 3rd chance (3 strikes are usually more than I can provide), but I think you now know what one of your "non-negotiables"...LOL0 -
i agree with the previous poster in that if you really do like him i'd give him one more chance. but if he's just kind of meh i'd call it.0
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first time shame on you, second time shame on me. Me being me, I would say - eh my time is valuable too, you got to go. It starts out with simple disrespect and can get worse.
NEXT!!!0 -
some people are just late. They don't get places on time. I have friends like this. One was 20 minutes late to his own mom's funeral. The whole notion of "this is what he is like now. What is he going to be like when he gets comfortable" may have merit but may not. How hard is it to make a mental adjustment so that 7:45 his time means 8:00 - 8:15 clock time?0
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I think this one boils down to how much you like other aspects about him. If this is the ONLY flaw you see now, can you overlook it? If you're just meh in general about him than I understand that this just adds a check in the con column.0
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I'm always late. But conversely, that makes me a great shag. Something to consider...0
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I think this one boils down to how much you like other aspects about him. If this is the ONLY flaw you see now, can you overlook it? If you're just meh in general about him than I understand that this just adds a check in the con column.
^^^^This. Mr NG runs on a 15-25 min late schedule. The first couple of times we went out it bothered me. Now I just mentally adjust. If he says he'll pick me up at 8 in my head I acknoledge that it will probably be 830. Then I dont rush to get ready. If you really like someone you just adjust a little0 -
I'm surprissed by some of the answers.... She said she is really interested. You have waited how many hours to find someone you're interested in and now your going to shoe them away over 45 minutes? I had a girl an hour late before and didn't think anything of it. More beer for me!!0
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I think this one boils down to how much you like other aspects about him. If this is the ONLY flaw you see now, can you overlook it? If you're just meh in general about him than I understand that this just adds a check in the con column.
^^^^This. Mr NG runs on a 15-25 min late schedule. The first couple of times we went out it bothered me. Now I just mentally adjust. If he says he'll pick me up at 8 in my head I acknoledge that it will probably be 830. Then I dont rush to get ready. If you really like someone you just adjust a little
Yup. Some people just run on CPT...doesn't mean they should be written off so quickly.0 -
I think this one boils down to how much you like other aspects about him. If this is the ONLY flaw you see now, can you overlook it? If you're just meh in general about him than I understand that this just adds a check in the con column.
^^^^This. Mr NG runs on a 15-25 min late schedule. The first couple of times we went out it bothered me. Now I just mentally adjust. If he says he'll pick me up at 8 in my head I acknoledge that it will probably be 830. Then I dont rush to get ready. If you really like someone you just adjust a little
Yup. Some people just run on CPT...doesn't mean they should be written off so quickly.
LOL We call it EPT down in south florida0 -
Me: No, let me get the transcript [I'm now stealing this from Prez O].
Hahahahaha
Being late is a big deal to me, I get where you're coming from. If you call or text that you're running late, it's one thing. But to keep me waiting without excuses...NO. So rude.some people are just late. They don't get places on time. I have friends like this. One was 20 minutes late to his own mom's funeral. The whole notion of "this is what he is like now. What is he going to be like when he gets comfortable" may have merit but may not. How hard is it to make a mental adjustment so that 7:45 his time means 8:00 - 8:15 clock time?
For some people, it's not a big deal. But I had a friend whose whole family was like this, and it drove me nuts when we used to be closer. I am a stickler for the time. If someone says, "be there at 3," I'm there at 2:50 ready to go. You might have more of a laidback personality when it comes to this, but I, and I suspect Mesha as well, don't and like to be on time. If you know it is rush hour, then leave 15 minutes early. It's that simple.0 -
I am sorry but you come across as a B to me in this situation. I also hate people that are late but the whole "let me show you were you were wrong" thing would turn me off. How would you like to be confronted like that? Also you complain about him not spelling your name right but in the next sentence you say is instead of he.
2- Date 1 is was about 15 minutes late. He said it was from traffic and not being able to find a parking space. I gave him leeway because we met in downtown SF and there was a Giants game
People makes mistakes if you actually really liked him you would be more tolerant of these things. I am guessing you were finding reason to not continue dating him or did not give the whole story.0 -
I'm with Jim, David and Florian, it's not a crime to be late. Some people just dont watch clocks!!
If I were him and you pulled me on it, I'd be thinking "wow, she's rather pedantic. What will happen when I REALLY do something wrong like piss on the toilet seat?" :laugh:
You click with the guy, you fancy the guy, you haven't met anyone in a long time?? It doesnt compute that something so trivial can bother you so much. Every one has flaws, at least you know this is one of his. Cut him some slack and get there half hour after the agreed time in the future. :flowerforyou:
ETA: Mind you, if you are a perfectionist you probably wont gel in a lot of things, so .............up to you if you want to find out?0 -
To me, someone showing up late because it's difficult to find parking downtown in a large city while there is an event going on is no big deal at all. In fact, I was late for my last two first dates because I was circling a parking garage for a long time (although, in the second instance, my date was himself circling the parking garage ahead of me by only a few minutes - for the first one, he had arrived quite early because he had a long distance to drive). I actually was worried about that conveying a negative impression of me because I do value the time of others, so I was sure to be early for the next few dates.
To me, lateness isn't a big deal though since I was extremely punctuality challenged in my youth and still struggle to be on time most days. Fortunately, I've generally found partners who are pretty laid back and don't get too bent out of shape about a little lateness because it's my ingrained problem and not something I'm doing to them deliberately.
It sounds to me like the second instance was him being a little late naturally and maybe getting the time wrong. Yeah, it happens. Chalk it up to a mistake, and as long as there was an apology, no biggie. If you can't stand to be with someone who is late all the time, perhaps that will be a problem, but I would still see if it was just a one time mistake (I'm not counting the first time).
I probably would give someone a hard time for getting my name wrong the first time, but just jokingly. I read things off my computer screen incorrectly all the time! It's even worse if I'm reading off my phone - so easy to make mistakes! Why let something that tiny be a strike against a person who could be the love of your life (you never know)?
I'm just wondering - did you late his lateness spoil the date? Were you annoyed or angry through the whole thing? He might not be interested in 3rd date with you either if that came through. If he is, I say, why not give him another chance?0 -
The late thing would bother me, too.. thanks to the military, most times when I go somewhere I'm at least 15 minutes early or I'll start getting stressed out.
I used to be horrible about being late. My mom still is.. every time I go home for holidays and we end up leaving 45 minutes after we were supposed to I start having a fit.. lol.. it got to be where she would just assume we were taking separate vehicles so I could leave on time.0 -
The late thing would bother me, too.. thanks to the military, most times when I go somewhere I'm at least 15 minutes early or I'll start getting stressed out.
I used to be horrible about being late. My mom still is.. every time I go home for holidays and we end up leaving 45 minutes after we were supposed to I start having a fit.. lol.. it got to be where she would just assume we were taking separate vehicles so I could leave on time.
That is how I am too, with separate vehicles. I used to be willing to pick my friend up/have her pick me up, but now I will usually just say "meet you there!" That way, if she is late, I can have a drink, play games on my phone, etc. not sitting at home waiting.0 -
I'm not really a perfection in terms of being late. Like I said I can see a 5-10 minute lateness. HOWEVER....
There is a bit of information that I'm leaving out (oh isnt that always the case :laugh: ). At the start of date #1 he said he was late because of traffic, but later on I found out (during date #2) he actually came to date #1 on BART (public transport in bay area if anyone doesn't know) so there was no driving involved, no excuse for not being able to find parking so that was pretty much a lie :laugh:
I'm pretty laid back and I usually run 5-10 minutes late myself, especially on weekends :smokin: but Sun-Thursday evenings I always try to be on time since I know many people have limited time in the evenings. I'll be honest what mainly pissed me off about him being late is that had I have known he'd need an extra 30 minutes I would have been able to get a quick work out in and still be able to come home and get ready. I did let him know that 95% of my annoyance was exactly for that reason.
Otherwise the date went well.
@flimflam: i dunno if i can trust a guy to say he's a good shag. if every guy were as good as he thought he was women wouldnt be faking their orgasms :laugh:
@ missingminnes: I'm a B in most situations but thanks for noticing
@poncho : you waited an hour for a date?!?! I need to channel Clay Davis from The Wire on that and say "Sheeeeeeeeit"0 -
The lie would be a strike from me. I hate lying.There is a bit of information that I'm leaving out (oh isnt that always the case :laugh: ). At the start of date #1 he said he was late because of traffic, but later on I found out (during date #2) he actually came to date #1 on BART (public transport in bay area if anyone doesn't know) so there was no driving involved, no excuse for not being able to find parking so that was pretty much a lie :laugh:0 -
I'm a late one... not always but a lot. Boys don't write me off because of it!
I guess if that's a deal breaker then okay but if it was someone I was REALLY into, I'd just put that on his flaw list. But to me, being late isn't a deal breaker.0 -
I'm not really a perfection in terms of being late. Like I said I can see a 5-10 minute lateness. HOWEVER....
There is a bit of information that I'm leaving out (oh isnt that always the case :laugh: ). At the start of date #1 he said he was late because of traffic, but later on I found out (during date #2) he actually came to date #1 on BART (public transport in bay area if anyone doesn't know) so there was no driving involved, no excuse for not being able to find parking so that was pretty much a lie :laugh:
Hmmm< i hate lying too, but I see that as more of a fib,..........:laugh: I think he was trying to impress you and came up with the lame parking excuse for being late.
I really dont think that a fib and lateness is going to determine if this guy is a disprespectful cheat!!! Know what I mean?? You like him, get to know him a bit more. Relationships tend to fizzle on their own if they're not right - no need to force the issue :flowerforyou:0 -
Well but as I told you, I'm always late. So don't expect me to come early - at all.@flimflam: i dunno if i can trust a guy to say he's a good shag. if every guy were as good as he thought he was women wouldnt be faking their orgasms :laugh: :laugh: 0 -
I agree - but one tiny lie would have me on the lookout for more to see if it's a pattern. That's why I said it would be a strike - I would still give it another chance though since so few men come along that catch my interest, which it also sounds like the case for the OP.I'm not really a perfection in terms of being late. Like I said I can see a 5-10 minute lateness. HOWEVER....
There is a bit of information that I'm leaving out (oh isnt that always the case :laugh: ). At the start of date #1 he said he was late because of traffic, but later on I found out (during date #2) he actually came to date #1 on BART (public transport in bay area if anyone doesn't know) so there was no driving involved, no excuse for not being able to find parking so that was pretty much a lie :laugh:
Hmmm< i hate lying too, but I see that as more of a fib,..........:laugh: I think he was trying to impress you and came up with the lame parking excuse for being late.
I really dont think that a fib and lateness is going to determine if this guy is a disprespectful cheat!!! Know what I mean?? You like him, get to know him a bit more. Relationships tend to fizzle on their own if they're not right - no need to force the issue :flowerforyou:0 -
I'm not really a perfection in terms of being late. Like I said I can see a 5-10 minute lateness. HOWEVER....
There is a bit of information that I'm leaving out (oh isnt that always the case :laugh: ). At the start of date #1 he said he was late because of traffic, but later on I found out (during date #2) he actually came to date #1 on BART (public transport in bay area if anyone doesn't know) so there was no driving involved, no excuse for not being able to find parking so that was pretty much a lie :laugh:
Hmmm< i hate lying too, but I see that as more of a fib,..........:laugh: I think he was trying to impress you and came up with the lame parking excuse for being late.
I really dont think that a fib and lateness is going to determine if this guy is a disprespectful cheat!!! Know what I mean?? You like him, get to know him a bit more. Relationships tend to fizzle on their own if they're not right - no need to force the issue :flowerforyou:
that last sentence is so true. thanks for pointing that out. if anything he can definitely be a friend. thanks everyone for your opinions! it's interesting seeing how different people view the same things so differently. This is just one of the reasons I'm always surprised that anyone is ever able to find anyone they get along with romantically :laugh:
and anna with your distinction between a lie and a fib you should be a politician :laugh:0 -
thanks everyone for your opinions! it's interesting seeing how different people view the same things so differently. This is just one of the reasons I'm always surprised that anyone is ever able to find anyone they get along with romantically :laugh:
SO TRUE!0 -
and anna with your distinction between a lie and a fib you should be a politician :laugh:
:laugh: :laugh: It's because I never lie, I only tell fibs!! :bigsmile:0 -
I have been late before (though I hate it and avoid it at all costs! Much like cupcake I also try and arrive 15 minutes early), and I have tolerated lateness before. There would be two things that would help me determine if this was something to stress about.
1) Did he have the ability to communicate with me that he was going to be late and didn't bother to? If he knew he was running late and didn't bother to text me at all even though he has a perfectly charged cell phone in his pocket then the lateness isn't the problem, it's his complete lack of consideration for my time. This would be especially true the second time he's late by THREE TIMES what he told me it would be when he clearly had the ability to amend the timeline further.
2) Did the lateness affect our plans? Was he so late that we missed the start of a movie? Did we lose our reservation at the restaurant? If so that's definitely a strike. There are the types of things I have to be early for and someone that doesn't have a thought for that is careless. This is how he behaves when he's trying to impress me? Hmm, no.
As for the lie that's just a disqualifier right there for me. It's far too early in our relationship for me to not be able to trust you.0 -
I am always late and it isn't a mark of disrespect for me. I have been late to some of the things which have been most important to me. Most of my friends now tell me to be there 30 mins before they expect me. Maybe you could try the same :flowerforyou:0
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Well but as I told you, I'm always late. So don't expect me to come early - at all.@flimflam: i dunno if i can trust a guy to say he's a good shag. if every guy were as good as he thought he was women wouldnt be faking their orgasms :laugh: :laugh:
:laugh: One man's late is another man's early 0 -
I'm rarely late. People that know me some times worry when I am late. They think I got in a car accident or something horrible. :laugh: I'm a pretty patient person so it doesn't bug me when others are late. Some of my friends are always late so when we have plans to meet for a movie or lunch, I just tell them 15-30 mins earlier than the actual planned time so they are not late.0
