Family visiting after the baby is born
FitMama2013
Posts: 913 Member
We're trying to put together an idea of when visitors are coming to our home right after the baby is born (we are first time parents, and this is the first grandbaby on my husband's side). What have y'all done in the past for parents, siblings, etc? Or, what are you planning to do this time? We just don't want 5-6 people all at our house the first week (especially since they don't all get along) and then nobody will be here afterwards when we would love the help. Is it fair to ask my in-laws to wait a week before they drive from 8 and 12 hours away to come see the baby? We would love to "stagger" our visitors as best we can, not only for us, but so they can spend more time with the baby. Thoughts please 
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We're about to have our first, and we live 18 hrs from our families. This is grandchild #1 for my parents, #4 for inlaws. Because visiting us involves flying, we had to get people organized pretty early. Here's what we have going on.
Due: Oct 29, with latest birth date being Nov 8/9 if I'm overdue and have to be induced.
We told our families we wanted roughly a week on our own to bond and figure things out before having any visitors. Given that I could deliver as late as Nov 8/9, my parents booked a week-long visit with us beginning Nov 15th. Depending on when I actually deliver, we could have anywhere from ~1-3 weeks on our own. If I go early and we're desperate for help, my parents would fly up sooner.
Inlaws had talked about visiting early December, in order to stagger visits and not have a constant stream of house guests, but their plans are on hold until "spring" because of MIL's health issues. There's a 50/50 chance FIL could visit on his own at some point.
BIL and wife just had their 3rd baby in Aug and have had a constant stream of house guests from SIL's family, so BIL recently mentioned he might fly up for a weekend in Nov while his own FIL is in town (sounds like he needs a break from his inlaws!). His parents (my inlaws) live on the same street, so no worries about leaving SIL on her own, esp with her dad in town and the other grandparents close by.
My brother and parents are all visiting for about 10 days over Christmas.
I think it's totally reasonable to ask your inlaws (or anybody else) to wait before visiting. It's an important time for you, DH and baby to get to know each other. Also, my doc told me that visitors are supposed to be around to help me out, not to cuddle the baby 24/7 while I play hostess. Make sure your guests understand that!0 -
where is everyone else coming in from? I know in my situation if i made my in laws wait a week they would be pissed BUT if you have your family flying in ( as opposed to your in laws driving) then you have a good excuse, all you have to do is say that they already bought their tickets and you dont want too many people around at once. I think they tell you not to over stimulate the baby with too many people at once.
But I definitely think you should stagger out visitors however you are able to do that0 -
jls - I'm impressed with the organization!!! But with family being so far away, I can see why y'all needed to do that. Plus, if they have to buy plane tickets you don't want them to fly in the week BEFORE the baby is born, so later is better! Thank you for sharing! Sounds like y'all have a good plan of staggered visits so everyone gets time with the baby and is able to help y'all out.
Jamie - my MIL will be about 8 hours away driving, and my FIL/SIL will be 10-11 hours away. I think they will all choose to drive, instead of fly, but if anyone flies it would be my MIL. My parents are 1.5 hours away. So, if the in-laws are fine with not being there immediately, it would make the most sense for them to plan a visit the week after my parents leave. The complicating factor is that they all want to be there for the birth, and we just can't handle that many people in the first week. I am not close with my MIL, and I would not be comfortable having her be the only "motherly" person at our house our first week home. I really want to have my mom there to help us out, especially if I end up with a C-section or a complicated birth and need some extra rest.0 -
With our first we set the precedent (and I'm really glad this baby will be born in May as well so the timing works out the same again).
Baby born end of May - my parents live in town and came to the hospital, helped cook meals, took him during a few nap times so I could actually sleep.
2 weeks later - my parents flew out for a wedding on the west coast. My aunt flew in to stay with me to help with the baby while husband was taking finals.
2 weeks later - aunt flew out, parents came back, my grandma and grandpa drove in (first great-grandchild) to make his christening tuxedo.
Week of 4th of July - my inlaws flew in for the 4th of July (family tradition that they come spend the 4th with us!) and for our baby blessing (christening).
Then everyone went home and I still had a few weeks of alone time bonding with my little man before I had to go back to work. If everything goes according to plan with this baby we should be looking at having my in laws come into town when baby is 6-8 weeks old over the 4th of July. Although, to be honest if my MIL expressed an interest in being at the hospital this time I'd be all over that. It would be fun for the grandmas to keep little man and bring him in to meet his baby brother or sister.0 -
jls - I'm impressed with the organization!!! But with family being so far away, I can see why y'all needed to do that. Plus, if they have to buy plane tickets you don't want them to fly in the week BEFORE the baby is born, so later is better! Thank you for sharing! Sounds like y'all have a good plan of staggered visits so everyone gets time with the baby and is able to help y'all out.
Jamie - my MIL will be about 8 hours away driving, and my FIL/SIL will be 10-11 hours away. I think they will all choose to drive, instead of fly, but if anyone flies it would be my MIL. My parents are 1.5 hours away. So, if the in-laws are fine with not being there immediately, it would make the most sense for them to plan a visit the week after my parents leave. The complicating factor is that they all want to be there for the birth, and we just can't handle that many people in the first week. I am not close with my MIL, and I would not be comfortable having her be the only "motherly" person at our house our first week home. I really want to have my mom there to help us out, especially if I end up with a C-section or a complicated birth and need some extra rest.
Yeah, we have to be pretty organized since everybody has to fly to us. We were concerned about my parents arriving too early and missing the birth/only having a few days, which is part of the reason they're coming up 2 weeks after my due date. We almost had a scheduling conflict between ILs and my brother, though. My brother was originally supposed to visit early Dec, and we told ILs his dates, then they decided they wanted to visit at the same time :huh: and almost booked tickets before letting us in on their plans (they literally got a call while online booking their tickets letting them know MIL could be seen by a specialist during the time they wanted to visit). In the end both trips ended up being changed/cancelled, so we avoided a headache there!
Totally know what you mean about not being close with MIL and not wanting her to be the only "motherly" person around. My MIL doesn't realize that things have changed since she had her last baby 30+ years ago in eastern Europe. She still thinks things should be done the way she did them and always rags about the way BIL/SIL do things. I don't want that going on in my house while I'm still trying to figure things out on my own!0 -
My parents will be coming in prior to me delivering so that they can help us with our son while I am in the hospital. Then after delivery they will stay for a week and help me with both children and cook meals and clean house. My in laws live locally and will be of no help whatsoever so I am not worried about it. They have already said that they will not be at the hospital because my mother in law doesn't do elevators. I am supposed to be released from the hospital and take the baby over to see her. NOT going to happen will not take a new baby all over town because people can't be bothered to come to me. I am sure BIL and SIL will come to the hospital but they won't help either. Basically after my parents leave my husband will be taking time off to help me at home. The rest of my family will see the baby at the christening 3 months after birth. I would however stagger people coming to the house because it can be really overwhelming and stressful. Its not that you like some better than others its just you need the space and people should respect that and call in advance to see if its ok to come over even if they are family0
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I'm also curious about this. We have a lot of family that wants to come down. This is grandbaby #1 for my family and #2 for my in-laws. I have no idea how much help I'll need.0
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When we come home I kind of want it to be just DH and me, he gets 2 weeks off, so he should be home for a week or so. I don't mind a few visitors here and there but I don't want people around constantly. I know my sister and an aunt will visit because they are both traveling for work when he will probably be born. I assume my parents will be over some to help out. I might change my mind, but that is the plan...I want time for us to be a family before DH goes back to work. After that, more visitors will probably be nice. BTW, most of my family lives fairly close, but my in-laws are about a 6 hour drive away, and I have no idea what they will do.0
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My mom actually asked me the question as to when we wanted them out there, whether as soon as we were headed to the hospital they hit the road, have them wait 2 weeks, or wait until my 6 weeks when I have to go back to work and they can come out then for a few weeks and give us some free day care/transition time back to work. So I think with them, even though I'd love my mom to be the first to be out there, it's really going to depend on when my MIL/SIL can come out based on the time off they can get for their works (my mom's schedule is more flexible and she's got time built up and dad is retired whereas my MIL just started a new job and doesn't have much to work with). So yeah, while we'd like to have it organized, it's pretty much a plan-it-as-we-go thing! :laugh:0
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My inlaws will be here for 2 days while I am in the hospital. That's it! I know from my first two I don't really want any visitors in the hospital. Friends, I am sure, will drop by evey once in a while with food/good wishes.0
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Well my inlaws decided they were going to arrive 3 days after my due date and stay with us for 10 days!...grr! I am not happy about it at all, plus they aren't even renting a car! So not looking forward to that at all, but can't do anything about it either!0
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I appreciate all of your input!! I'm thinking I may talk to my husband about having my family here for the first week, and if his family wants to come down for the birth, they can (if they can make it in time), and then come back for a more extended trip at a later date. In the meantime, we can use skype and facetime for that first week until they come down to meet the baby. That will keep all of the people who don't get along away from each other, and it will help me from getting overwhelmed with too many people in the house at once, as well as my difficulties with my MIL. Then each visitor can spend more time with the baby when they are here individually, as opposed to all at once and having to share time with the baby.
Maybe this is a bit selfish of me, but I'm the one birthing the baby, and I want my mom to be there when we go home to not only help with the baby, but help me to heal if I had a difficult labor or a c-section. My MIL is a nurse and is the type to just say "you're fine" and that's not gonna fly with me!! 0 -
Maybe this is a bit selfish of me, but I'm the one birthing the baby, and I want my mom to be there when we go home to not only help with the baby, but help me to heal if I had a difficult labor or a c-section. My MIL is a nurse and is the type to just say "you're fine" and that's not gonna fly with me!!
Not selfish at all! DH and I were just talking about this the other day, and is totally understanding that I want my own mom to be around first when we need the most help. If I have a rough recovery and need help with anything that could involve someone seeing me naked/partially naked, DH and my mom are the only ones who'd be able to help in that department. There's no way I'd let MIL see me in the buff! Plus, with my own parents they are the type that don't need to be asked to do chores, etc, they just do them. FIL is okay with that stuff, too, but MIL would rather cuddle the baby all day and say "back in Poland we did x..." about everything (plus she's not a very good cook, and that's the only task she would be willing to do).0 -
Maybe this is a bit selfish of me, but I'm the one birthing the baby, and I want my mom to be there when we go home to not only help with the baby, but help me to heal if I had a difficult labor or a c-section. My MIL is a nurse and is the type to just say "you're fine" and that's not gonna fly with me!!
Not selfish at all! DH and I were just talking about this the other day, and is totally understanding that I want my own mom to be around first when we need the most help. If I have a rough recovery and need help with anything that could involve someone seeing me naked/partially naked, DH and my mom are the only ones who'd be able to help in that department. There's no way I'd let MIL see me in the buff! Plus, with my own parents they are the type that don't need to be asked to do chores, etc, they just do them. FIL is okay with that stuff, too, but MIL would rather cuddle the baby all day and say "back in Poland we did x..." about everything (plus she's not a very good cook, and that's the only task she would be willing to do).
^^^I totally agree! I don't think it's selfish. You will need people around you whom you can trust and who do not piss you off. Basically for me that would be my sister and very few others (not counting my husband, who will obviously be there). Would I whip a boob out in front of my sister? Sure. My mom? Maybe, but she'd probably be more uncomfortable about it than I would. My mother-in-law? HECK NO!!!!!!
I don't have the greatest relationship in the world with my MIL (we don't hate each other, and it's civil and all, but she just gets under my skin), so I need to keep her generally at bay.
Having lots of family in my face at once is way too much for me to handle, let alone a newborn and my toddler son... So we will do what we did last time, which was limited visits for people. My parents flew down when my son was a few weeks old, but they had my siblings to visit with, too (they didn't stay with us), so they got to see us in small doses. My in-laws drove in shortly thereafter and understood that they would visit briefly, go eat lunch and/or occupy themselves, come back in for another brief visit, then go home or do whatever they wanted. My siblings live close, so they popped in here and there just to say hi (they always texted first to make sure we were ok to have visitors) and drop off food. My husband's siblings made their way up a few weeks later and did what my MIL and FIL did. I didn't have anyone breathing down my neck, and I really appreciated that.0 -
My MIL and SILS and my mom will be coming but none of them will be able to stay long so I'm not really worrying about it 0
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Maybe this is a bit selfish of me, but I'm the one birthing the baby, and I want my mom to be there when we go home to not only help with the baby, but help me to heal if I had a difficult labor or a c-section. My MIL is a nurse and is the type to just say "you're fine" and that's not gonna fly with me!!
Not selfish at all! DH and I were just talking about this the other day, and is totally understanding that I want my own mom to be around first when we need the most help. If I have a rough recovery and need help with anything that could involve someone seeing me naked/partially naked, DH and my mom are the only ones who'd be able to help in that department. There's no way I'd let MIL see me in the buff! Plus, with my own parents they are the type that don't need to be asked to do chores, etc, they just do them. FIL is okay with that stuff, too, but MIL would rather cuddle the baby all day and say "back in Poland we did x..." about everything (plus she's not a very good cook, and that's the only task she would be willing to do).
^^^I totally agree! I don't think it's selfish. You will need people around you whom you can trust and who do not piss you off. Basically for me that would be my sister and very few others (not counting my husband, who will obviously be there). Would I whip a boob out in front of my sister? Sure. My mom? Maybe, but she'd probably be more uncomfortable about it than I would. My mother-in-law? HECK NO!!!!!!
I don't have the greatest relationship in the world with my MIL (we don't hate each other, and it's civil and all, but she just gets under my skin), so I need to keep her generally at bay.
Having lots of family in my face at once is way too much for me to handle, let alone a newborn and my toddler son... So we will do what we did last time, which was limited visits for people. My parents flew down when my son was a few weeks old, but they had my siblings to visit with, too (they didn't stay with us), so they got to see us in small doses. My in-laws drove in shortly thereafter and understood that they would visit briefly, go eat lunch and/or occupy themselves, come back in for another brief visit, then go home or do whatever they wanted. My siblings live close, so they popped in here and there just to say hi (they always texted first to make sure we were ok to have visitors) and drop off food. My husband's siblings made their way up a few weeks later and did what my MIL and FIL did. I didn't have anyone breathing down my neck, and I really appreciated that.
Yeah, I realllllly don't want to whip out my boob in front of my mil. She is very passive aggressive and would just fret and irritate me.0 -
Thanks everyone for the advice My husband agreed with the plan I suggested - now let's see if he can keep his kahunas when letting his family know. He has trouble standing up to his mom and sister, so we'll see. All I know is that I'm not saying a word 0
