Think I'm a hypocrite....
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EDIT: Oh, and beware. I met a lot of guys who claimed to be trying to get healthy but hardly ever worked out and ate like crap. I found out after a couple dates but it never interrupted my life so it was worth the gamble.
This is a good point. A couple of my friends, after seeing my new lifestyle (healthier food, exercise), mentioned that they, too, were about to start their own workout program. That was months ago, and they've yet to make any changes. One guy seems fixated on building his perfect home gym. But in the time he's been discussing this (nothing yet purchased, obviously), he could have already gotten into shape.
So why don't you ask him out, but make the first date something quite active. A walk for charity? Or tell him you're training to run a 5k or 10k, or whatever, and you're looking for a partner. Or tell him you're looking for a tennis/squash/gym partner, and you can grab a drink together afterwards. Etc., etc.
--P
I think this is a bad idea. If I was him, I'd be thinking "I'm clearly overweight. What is she trying to do, make me into someone else or getting ready to make fun of me?"0 -
i disagree with this. especially the "focus on landing a good guy." because how could you possibly know THIS guy isn't a good guy? you could get to your ideal weight and meet the fitness guy that looks good and is a total jerk!! just because someone looks nice doesn't mean they ARE nice! i married that guy with the ideal male body...... and i mean ideal. he was a jerk. he was abusive. he's mean, and unstable. and ALWAYS has ulterior motives.....
as for going on a date with this guy, GO! it's a date, doesn't mean a relationship or marriage will come.
i think this is one of the most frustrating things about fixing yourself and trying to meet someone new. just because i don't look "fitness model ideal" on the outside, doesn't mean i'm not busting butt to get there! my fitness level and outward appearances do not match, and it's hard.
if he's a nice guy and you're interested now, don't read into his size too much. go on the date and bring it up. not that he's over weight, but that getting fit and working out and eating right are HUGE priorities to you now.... and you need them to be in your significant other as well!!!!
If your health is your #1 priority, treat it as such. Don't waste your time on wishy-washy dating. Get to your ideal weight, establish a healthy, livable routine, and then focus on landing a good guy.
I think you have a wonderful personality and outlook on life, so I'm sure that'll be no problem
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He is overweight. I would guess he could stand to lose at least 50 lbs. Now..I need to lose even more than that...but am working on it!
It isn't that I find him unattractive...it is that I am worried I will find him very attractive and do not want to date or be with someone who is not focused on their health ever again.
Any thoughts on how I approach this both mentally and in person?
It's like a guy saying "am I going to fancy her in 20 years time when she looks like her mother!!" :huh:
Who knows what the future will hold?
You might give up dieting!! (Actually, there is about an 80% chance that you will!!) He might start training for a marathon!! At the end of the day if you find the guy attractive NOW and he floats your boat with his personality, you have nothing to lose by going on a date or 3. Get to know him. Get to know if this will grow into anything. If after 5 dates you decide he's a lazy-arsed loser, then dump him.
Sounds like this guy is perfect for you. You could lose your 100lbs together and run off into the abyss of organic lovebubbles!!
Actually, one of my best friends just met a guy (ex army) who is very overweight. He absolutely loves to walk. Their last trek was 16 miles! :noway: He's actually got HER off her lazy *kitten*!!! :laugh: But the thing is he used to run marathons, has now damaged his back and can't run anymore, hence the pile on of weight............go listen to this guys story before you judge him :bigsmile:0 -
Dating someone isn't making a life-long commitment to them - although I know SOME people act that way.
I say date him - get to know him as a friend. You'll soon find out if he has any intention of working on his health and fitness. Be careful though that YOU influence HIM for the better and that he doesn't influence you for the worse when it comes to diet / exercise / body size. xx0 -
This is one of my hang ups. I could see myself on a date. Talk about fitness activities, dieting, losing weight etc etc.
Her: So I have dropped about 10 lbs in the past few months. How much have you lost?
Me:I'm nearing 200 lbs lost.
*crickets*:indifferent:
As for the op, I would be for camp go for it! What if he's already is working on it and already lost a bunch of weight? He could be a a great fitness buddy!
That's just sad. If someone said that to me, I'd be all over it asking a zillion questions. The poor guy probably wouldn't be able to get me to shut up!! :laugh:
And by the way, WAY TO GO!!!!!!!!!!! :noway: :drinker: :drinker:
Lacroyx makes a really good point, I think.
& I'm with Disney, too. I would be absolutely amazed and in awe of a guy if he said this to me. You're fantastic!
So, I'd give this guy a shot... But if you feel yourself backsliding at all, then you know the solution.0 -
Dating a person who is in the healthy weight range can be just as detrimental as dating someone who is very overweight. People in the healthy weight range don't necessarily have good diets. They also might have jobs that keep them more active, so they are burning more calories throughout the day without a need to exercise. I don't think you should make any assumptions about a person's lifestyle and how it could impact your goals without getting to know him first.
My current guy is pretty fit and eats whatever he wants. He has about 10 pounds to shed from a month he spent travelling for work recently, and has said he will do that when I'm on my last 10 pounds because I talk often about what I'm doing. Your journey could inspire this guy to join you!
As far as food goes, I try to be the one inviting him to dinner as much as I can so I can control what I'm eating. When he makes dinner, I go off my normal plan for that meal, but I try to plan ahead with my lunch and breakfast choices to save up lots of calories for all those carbs he seems to love (with all those empty, empty calories). It's manageable! I don't think you should assume that even if someone doesn't have healthier eating goals and doesn't work out regularly that it has to prevent you from keeping on track.0 -
Well if you know me, you know I'm totally going. Seize the day! Never pass up an opportunity to network, make a new friend or more!
As for me being really into him.. I am enthusiastic about everyone and everything..this is pretty normal for me!
I do appreciate all the responses.. and thank Mike for reminding me to think of myself..and my goals..and to focus on them more. I needed that.
I like seeing this. And we all do get lost in the everything around us, and forget to refocus on ourselves. But who knows he may be a good addition to your progress. 0 -
Update..we texted a little and I mentioned I generally preferred to get to know people in person or on the phone as opposed to text. He called. Nice little chat. I am very much enjoying the interest and little efforts put in.0
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Update..we texted a little and I mentioned I generally preferred to get to know people in person or on the phone as opposed to text. He called. Nice little chat. I am very much enjoying the interest and little efforts put in.
awww!
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Update... we still haven't gone out because he was sick, but have talked every evening. He left me a goofy voicemail..which I adore...because he sounds like an idiot and admitted he had a crush on me. Was pretty funny.
Also..he mentioned a couple times that he goes to the gym and has lost over 30 lbs recently. So great to hear.0 -
Update... we still haven't gone out because he was sick, but have talked every evening. He left me a goofy voicemail..which I adore...because he sounds like an idiot and admitted he had a crush on me. Was pretty funny.
Also..he mentioned a couple times that he goes to the gym and has lost over 30 lbs recently. So great to hear.
Sounds great! Good for you for being open!!!0 -
Update... we still haven't gone out because he was sick, but have talked every evening. He left me a goofy voicemail..which I adore...because he sounds like an idiot and admitted he had a crush on me. Was pretty funny.
Also..he mentioned a couple times that he goes to the gym and has lost over 30 lbs recently. So great to hear.
Awwww he sounds great !! And I'm sure you can work off even more pounds between you when you invite him over for a movie!!!!
:laugh: (hope you get my humour 0 -
Update... we still haven't gone out because he was sick, but have talked every evening. He left me a goofy voicemail..which I adore...because he sounds like an idiot and admitted he had a crush on me. Was pretty funny.
Also..he mentioned a couple times that he goes to the gym and has lost over 30 lbs recently. So great to hear.
:drinker: Hurrah!! :flowerforyou:0 -
Aww! That is sweet! Yay for you!!!!0
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thats so great!!!! yea!!!!0
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Update... we still haven't gone out because he was sick, but have talked every evening. He left me a goofy voicemail..which I adore...because he sounds like an idiot and admitted he had a crush on me. Was pretty funny.
Also..he mentioned a couple times that he goes to the gym and has lost over 30 lbs recently. So great to hear.
Awwww he sounds great !! And I'm sure you can work off even more pounds between you when you invite him over for a movie!!!!
:laugh: (hope you get my humour
Anna...this is by far my favorite thing you have ever written
Hilarious!! Though my only concern is he is far too sweet and innocent and old fashioned for the likes of me. Time will tell I suppose! 0 -
Update... we still haven't gone out because he was sick, but have talked every evening. He left me a goofy voicemail..which I adore...because he sounds like an idiot and admitted he had a crush on me. Was pretty funny.
Also..he mentioned a couple times that he goes to the gym and has lost over 30 lbs recently. So great to hear.
Awwww he sounds great !! And I'm sure you can work off even more pounds between you when you invite him over for a movie!!!!
:laugh: (hope you get my humour
Anna...this is by far my favorite thing you have ever written
Hilarious!! Though my only concern is he is far too sweet and innocent and old fashioned for the likes of me. Time will tell I suppose!
Wait, wait, wait, you're assuming again...take it one step at a time. But in the meantime, I'm happy for you because he sounds fun!0 -
Update... we still haven't gone out because he was sick, but have talked every evening. He left me a goofy voicemail..which I adore...because he sounds like an idiot and admitted he had a crush on me. Was pretty funny.
Also..he mentioned a couple times that he goes to the gym and has lost over 30 lbs recently. So great to hear.
Awwww he sounds great !! And I'm sure you can work off even more pounds between you when you invite him over for a movie!!!!
:laugh: (hope you get my humour
Anna...this is by far my favorite thing you have ever written
Hilarious!! Though my only concern is he is far too sweet and innocent and old fashioned for the likes of me. Time will tell I suppose!
Hahaha! You know the saying: "The quiet [insert: sweet & innocent] one's are the worst!!"
He'll be a tiger throwing you on that couch, for sure!! Rawwwwwwrrr!!! :bigsmile:0 -
There ya go, things seem to be working in your favor!0
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Hahaha! You know the saying: "The quiet [insert: sweet & innocent] one's are the worst!!"
He'll be a tiger throwing you on that couch, for sure!! Rawwwwwwrrr!!! :bigsmile:
Anna... one can hope.. 0
