Would you tell?

MissingMinnesota

What would you do in this type of situation?
I have a close girlfriend that was asked out by a guy I am also friends with on Sunday when we were all out watching football. The guy is somewhere between a friend and an acquaintance. Well this morning I am browsing through facebook and find out he was until recently (within the last couple days) that he was trying to reconcile with the ex-wife. I guess they had been trying to hide the fact that she was his ex-wife from the majority of the group that didn't know them when they were married. Both my friend and I met the ex-wife last week at the Halloween party and had no clue. At the party you could tell they (the guy and his ex) were either together or very flirty with each other. What would you do in this situation? Would you not say anything? Would you tell your friend that they met the ex? Or would you tell them that it seems until the day he asked her out it seemed he was trying to reconcile with the ex-wife?

I already just told her that we met the ex and explained who she was at the party. I figure that she can determine from there if she wants to persue anything. I am just wondering how you would handle the situation.

Colonel_Brandon

Since you didn't know him/her until after the divorce, why not? it's not like they're still married and trying to hide it. And given their behavior and the impact it could/would have on your friend, it's definitely pertinent information.

Now, why anyone would want to get back together with their ex is something I cannot comprehend... but that's just me.

SherryR1971

Seems to me, if she were at the party, and saw how he and the ex interacted, and now knows that is his ex, that should be enough...you said up until the day he asked her out it seemed he was trying to reconcile-maybe he decided then it wouldn't work out with the ex and then asked your friend out. I think what was said/done is okay and she can figure the rest out...let us know how it goes for her!

Jennifer2387

Seems to me, if she were at the party, and saw how he and the ex interacted, and now knows that is his ex, that should be enough...you said up until the day he asked her out it seemed he was trying to reconcile-maybe he decided then it wouldn't work out with the ex and then asked your friend out. I think what was said/done is okay and she can figure the rest out...let us know how it goes for her!

agreed. I wouldn't go further with it. She saw them interact and she knows who the woman is and who she is. The rest is just speculation as far as I am concerned. No one know but him knows what was going on in his mind when dealing with her. He may just be trying to weasel the living room furniture out her.

MissingMinnesota

Seems to me, if she were at the party, and saw how he and the ex interacted, and now knows that is his ex, that should be enough...you said up until the day he asked her out it seemed he was trying to reconcile-maybe he decided then it wouldn't work out with the ex and then asked your friend out. I think what was said/done is okay and she can figure the rest out...let us know how it goes for her!

agreed. I wouldn't go further with it. She saw them interact and she knows who the woman is and who she is. The rest is just speculation as far as I am concerned. No one know but him knows what was going on in his mind when dealing with her. He may just be trying to weasel the living room furniture out her.

The division of assets had already taken place before they tried to reconcile. They were married for 17 years and have 2 kids.

TheKitsune6

I would stay out of it unless you know for sure he's cheating.

zachatta

What would you do in this type of situation?
I have a close girlfriend that was asked out by a guy I am also friends with on Sunday when we were all out watching football. The guy is somewhere between a friend and an acquaintance. Well this morning I am browsing through facebook and find out he was until recently (within the last couple days) that he was trying to reconcile with the ex-wife. I guess they had been trying to hide the fact that she was his ex-wife from the majority of the group that didn't know them when they were married. Both my friend and I met the ex-wife last week at the Halloween party and had no clue. At the party you could tell they (the guy and his ex) were either together or very flirty with each other. What would you do in this situation? Would you not say anything? Would you tell your friend that they met the ex? Or would you tell them that it seems until the day he asked her out it seemed he was trying to reconcile with the ex-wife?

I already just told her that we met the ex and explained who she was at the party. I figure that she can determine from there if she wants to persue anything. I am just wondering how you would handle the situation.

You are being nosey Nancy Drew, stop.

You don't know the whole situation.

I have no idea why someone would create a drama situation for no reason.

EDIT: Before you rebuttal with "But I saw on facebook.."

lol@facebook detectives

Secondly, that is all speculation.

MissingMinnesota

What would you do in this type of situation?
I have a close girlfriend that was asked out by a guy I am also friends with on Sunday when we were all out watching football. The guy is somewhere between a friend and an acquaintance. Well this morning I am browsing through facebook and find out he was until recently (within the last couple days) that he was trying to reconcile with the ex-wife. I guess they had been trying to hide the fact that she was his ex-wife from the majority of the group that didn't know them when they were married. Both my friend and I met the ex-wife last week at the Halloween party and had no clue. At the party you could tell they (the guy and his ex) were either together or very flirty with each other. What would you do in this situation? Would you not say anything? Would you tell your friend that they met the ex? Or would you tell them that it seems until the day he asked her out it seemed he was trying to reconcile with the ex-wife?

I already just told her that we met the ex and explained who she was at the party. I figure that she can determine from there if she wants to persue anything. I am just wondering how you would handle the situation.

You are being nosey Nancy Drew, stop.

You don't know the whole situation.

I have no idea why someone would create a drama situation for no reason.

How is it creating drama just by saying "so and so is his ex"? I wasn't searching for the information it fell into my lap. If it wasn't someone she was thinking about dating I would have told her everything I saw. So I am actually omiting information and letting her make up her own mind.

And FYI the information came directly from the ex-wife.

MissingMinnesota

I would stay out of it unless you know for sure he's cheating.

Never said he was cheating, never even thought he was. The question really is "Would you tell someone that the divorce everyone throught was over a year ago was only really over 2 days ago?"

zachatta

What would you do in this type of situation?
I have a close girlfriend that was asked out by a guy I am also friends with on Sunday when we were all out watching football. The guy is somewhere between a friend and an acquaintance. Well this morning I am browsing through facebook and find out he was until recently (within the last couple days) that he was trying to reconcile with the ex-wife. I guess they had been trying to hide the fact that she was his ex-wife from the majority of the group that didn't know them when they were married. Both my friend and I met the ex-wife last week at the Halloween party and had no clue. At the party you could tell they (the guy and his ex) were either together or very flirty with each other. What would you do in this situation? Would you not say anything? Would you tell your friend that they met the ex? Or would you tell them that it seems until the day he asked her out it seemed he was trying to reconcile with the ex-wife?

I already just told her that we met the ex and explained who she was at the party. I figure that she can determine from there if she wants to persue anything. I am just wondering how you would handle the situation.

You are being nosey Nancy Drew, stop.

You don't know the whole situation.

I have no idea why someone would create a drama situation for no reason.

How is it creating drama just by saying "so and so is his ex"? I wasn't searching for the information it fell into my lap. If it wasn't someone she was thinking about dating I would have told her everything I saw. So I am actually omiting information and letting her make up her own mind.

And FYI the information came directly from the ex-wife.

Regardless, it is still none of your business.

Move along Nancy Drew.

Also to edit: Your info came straight from his ex wife? Cool story, I have an ex wife she is good at lying.

This still is speculation on your part. It is still only half a story.

DMZ_1

Stay out of it for now.

MikeM53082

I'll agree with the majority on this one. I'd steer clear and wouldn't say a word.

I do like the term "Facebook detective" though.. too funny.

Moe4572

going against everyone else........depends on how good a friend the girl is....If my good friend knew this and did not share, I would be irritated. If I was in your position, I would tell her.....prefaced with a "just so you know".............better to know all the facts up front, I think.

Jennifer2387

[
Also to edit: Your info came straight from his ex wife? Cool story, I have an ex wife she is good at lying.

This still is speculation

while I don't think it needs to be delivered in quite this way .. lol .. I agree essentially .. exes are good at lying and trying to make things look the way they want them to. Or maybe this is the way SHE sees it, but not him. You don't want to make her question him for no reason.

zachatta

[
Also to edit: Your info came straight from his ex wife? Cool story, I have an ex wife she is good at lying.

This still is speculation

while I don't think it needs to be delivered in quite this way .. lol .. I agree essentially .. exes are good at lying and trying to make things look the way they want them to. Or maybe this is the way SHE sees it, but not him. You don't want to make her question him for no reason.

I will concede I came off fairly aggressive in my response, and I apologize OP.

I am not trying to be an *kitten*. (although I am pretty good at being one sometimes)

However, pointless drama is one of my pet peeves.

Jennifer2387

[
Also to edit: Your info came straight from his ex wife? Cool story, I have an ex wife she is good at lying.

This still is speculation

while I don't think it needs to be delivered in quite this way .. lol .. I agree essentially .. exes are good at lying and trying to make things look the way they want them to. Or maybe this is the way SHE sees it, but not him. You don't want to make her question him for no reason.

I will concede I came off fairly aggressive in my response, and I apologize OP.

I am not trying to be an *kitten*. (although I am pretty good at being one sometimes)

However, pointless drama is one of my pet peeves.

Well .. the way I see it, a mans ability to be an @ss is what puts him in the bad boy column and removes him from the nice guy column. I could make a pie chart to show you the percentage of time you should put into being an *kitten*. That way you would have the perfect nice guy/*kitten* ratio.

Ala .. the stupid blog referenced in the DM thread

MissingMinnesota

going against everyone else........depends on how good a friend the girl is....If my good friend knew this and did not share, I would be irritated. If I was in your position, I would tell her.....prefaced with a "just so you know".............better to know all the facts up front, I think.

We are good friends.

BTW this is what I told her exactly: "Hey just found out that the lady that was dressed as Robin Hood at the party is "so and sos" ex" Her response "Interesting, she was sweet"

And that was the end of the conversation.

I am not searching for any other infromation on it or asking anyone else we know questions about it but as a good friend I feel it is my duty to tell her that was the ex.

La_Amazona

You said its a close gf... Why wouldn't you tell? My gf's and I talk about everything.

AnnaPixie

Yeah, as much as I avoid drama, I'd feel bad for withholding information from a close friend. Especially if that something could affect her future. Perhaps say it such a way to cover all the comments here, like, the ex may be lying/exaggerating/bitter and twisted but it seems that the divorce was only final this week..........

Whatever difference that makes to her now, I dont know. But, that's what friends are for. You dont need her saying to you, all hurt and disillusioned, in 6 months time "you know that I just found out that X only got divorced in November and really isnt over his ex........."

I work from the basis that forewarned is forearmed..........

sunnymel126

Spill it... then she can do what she wants afterward but at least you told her. If she doesn't care then it's on her. I don't see it as starting any drama.

bradphil87

I never say anything in situations like that. Maybe that's why a lot of my friends trust me with things they wouldn't tell some of our other friends. And if its from Facebook, and not from their mouth directly, never...never say anything. It's out there on the Internet....if your friend wanted to find that information she could for herself.

flimflamfloz

going against everyone else........depends on how good a friend the girl is....If my good friend knew this and did not share, I would be irritated. If I was in your position, I would tell her.....prefaced with a "just so you know".............better to know all the facts up front, I think.

We are good friends.

BTW this is what I told her exactly: "Hey just found out that the lady that was dressed as Robin Hood at the party is "so and sos" ex" Her response "Interesting, she was sweet"

And that was the end of the conversation.

I am not searching for any other infromation on it or asking anyone else we know questions about it but as a good friend I feel it is my duty to tell her that was the ex.

I was going to suggest exactly that. You did your thing, being "informational", didn't try to stir any bad feelings between any of them.