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New living arrangment after baby (BIG CHANGE)
EmilyRanae22
Posts: 506 Member
So, here's my situation. I think hubby and I have made up our mind but I'm intersted to see what you all think.
At about 7 months pregnant we will be moving cross country, about a month after delivery my enlistment in the military will be over and we will be soley relying on whatever income my husband gets in CA as well as my in home business. So we have a few options.
1. Live with my brother and his wife. They have a 6 year old, a 3 year old, and quite probably will have 3 foster kids by the time we get there on of which will most likely be an infant. Hubs and i have a cat and a dog and, obviously, well be having a baby shortly after arriving in CA. They have an extra room we can stay in that is downstairs (rest of the bedrooms are upstairs) and there's a bathroom that would be mostly ours. Typing this out, this sounds like UTTER chaos, and i think that if a friend were talking to me about possibly going from living alone with hubby to living in this house with a newborn I would probably tell them they are crazy. Yes my SIL is a great mom and very organized but that's with HER kids, who knows the background of whatever kids they end up with. I can't imagine they will be as well behaved as the kids she has raised since birth
2. Live with my dad and step-mom. There are 2 spare rooms in their house, and I think I could talk dad into making the bigger room our room (it would have enough space for baby stuff and our stuff). Dad hates dogs but as agreed to build a dog run and is contemplating if he will let our dog in the house (we really don't want to make him an outdoor doggy). Step-mom is super loving but a bit overbearing.
At either house we would be living rent free for at least the first 6 months. Our other option is to try and just living with fam for a month then get an apartment. I really like the idea of living with family to save money but last night I was thinking about having a newborn and not having a place to set up and make "nursey-ish" and dealing with what family (especially dad and step-mom) think about my parenting. I feel like in the first few months there's not a whole lot that people can complain about as far as parenting goes but I dont know. I also have seen how my step-mom is with my neices and nephews and she totally babies them and when they are in trouble coddles them and makes it seem like "oh mom is so mean" (though she doesn't say that). I feel lik that's something I don't really need to worry about with an infant but the thought of having someone totally disregard my parenting preferences really upsets me.
I love the idea of saving money and I feel like getting an apartment right off the bat would be foolish because we don't know what our income will be but the thought of being 28, married and having a newborn and living at home just does NOT appeal to me. Initially my sis was looking at a house that had a granny quarters and said we could stay there if need be but they decided not to purchase it. If I had my own enterance and everything i'd be down but I just feel like no matter where I live I will be under someone elses rules. UGH
What do you all think? i tend to deal with most things from a practical/financial stand point but I certainly have emotions behind that (some of which I'm sure are amplified by being prego)
At about 7 months pregnant we will be moving cross country, about a month after delivery my enlistment in the military will be over and we will be soley relying on whatever income my husband gets in CA as well as my in home business. So we have a few options.
1. Live with my brother and his wife. They have a 6 year old, a 3 year old, and quite probably will have 3 foster kids by the time we get there on of which will most likely be an infant. Hubs and i have a cat and a dog and, obviously, well be having a baby shortly after arriving in CA. They have an extra room we can stay in that is downstairs (rest of the bedrooms are upstairs) and there's a bathroom that would be mostly ours. Typing this out, this sounds like UTTER chaos, and i think that if a friend were talking to me about possibly going from living alone with hubby to living in this house with a newborn I would probably tell them they are crazy. Yes my SIL is a great mom and very organized but that's with HER kids, who knows the background of whatever kids they end up with. I can't imagine they will be as well behaved as the kids she has raised since birth
2. Live with my dad and step-mom. There are 2 spare rooms in their house, and I think I could talk dad into making the bigger room our room (it would have enough space for baby stuff and our stuff). Dad hates dogs but as agreed to build a dog run and is contemplating if he will let our dog in the house (we really don't want to make him an outdoor doggy). Step-mom is super loving but a bit overbearing.
At either house we would be living rent free for at least the first 6 months. Our other option is to try and just living with fam for a month then get an apartment. I really like the idea of living with family to save money but last night I was thinking about having a newborn and not having a place to set up and make "nursey-ish" and dealing with what family (especially dad and step-mom) think about my parenting. I feel like in the first few months there's not a whole lot that people can complain about as far as parenting goes but I dont know. I also have seen how my step-mom is with my neices and nephews and she totally babies them and when they are in trouble coddles them and makes it seem like "oh mom is so mean" (though she doesn't say that). I feel lik that's something I don't really need to worry about with an infant but the thought of having someone totally disregard my parenting preferences really upsets me.
I love the idea of saving money and I feel like getting an apartment right off the bat would be foolish because we don't know what our income will be but the thought of being 28, married and having a newborn and living at home just does NOT appeal to me. Initially my sis was looking at a house that had a granny quarters and said we could stay there if need be but they decided not to purchase it. If I had my own enterance and everything i'd be down but I just feel like no matter where I live I will be under someone elses rules. UGH
What do you all think? i tend to deal with most things from a practical/financial stand point but I certainly have emotions behind that (some of which I'm sure are amplified by being prego)
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Replies
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My only thought here....
Newborns are stressful. To everyone. But they are super stressful to those who are not the parents. If you live with someone else, in their space, be prepared to deal with that. Other people (not you or husband) will get tired of late night crying. Tired of piled up housework. Tired of interupted schedules. Even the nicest, most well meaning family in the world be over the whole "baby" thing loooong before you.
My 2 cents.....
do everything you can to live on your own from day one. Maybe get a studio apartment? When it comes down to it babies NEED very little. There are things that make it EASIER for you, but really they need food, shelter and something to cover their butts.
Good luck!0 -
My only thought here....
Newborns are stressful. To everyone. But they are super stressful to those who are not the parents. If you live with someone else, in their space, be prepared to deal with that. Other people (not you or husband) will get tired of late night crying. Tired of piled up housework. Tired of interupted schedules. Even the nicest, most well meaning family in the world be over the whole "baby" thing loooong before you.
My 2 cents.....
do everything you can to live on your own from day one. Maybe get a studio apartment? When it comes down to it babies NEED very little. There are things that make it EASIER for you, but really they need food, shelter and something to cover their butts.
Good luck!
I agree with this 100%!!!
I found having a newborn stressful for me, and if I'd had other people constantly around, it would have made it worse. I needed my time and space to figure it out.0 -
:happy: I did this with a newborn and it did not turn out well. Here is my story yours may turn out differently. When my son was 3 weeks old we moved from South Carolina to NY and decided to stay with family (my husbands mother and stepfather) and it was a disaster. We had no privacy and his mother was constantly telling me what to do with my son and interferring. To make it worse his brother decided to break up with his girlfriend and wanted to move home so we were kind of getting the shove at the same time. After 3 weeks of being there they were already giving us the hint that why is it so hard to find jobs and get the hell out. It was harder than I thought it would be to find decent work which I managed to do after 3 weeks of being here, but it has strained our relationship with his family. Needless to say we moved in the beginning of Nov. and by the middle of Jan we were out. We found the first apartment we could find regardless of where it was and what kind of condition it was in and I regretted it. It has been nine years since that happened and I still can't stand his family for how they acted. If it was my family I would move in with my parents in a heartbeat. I know my family and they could handle my family a new baby and a dog plus my mom would leave me alone unless I asked for help. If you are unsure I wouldn't do it. I would hate to see unnecessary strain between you and family. If anything stay for a month to find a decent place and in most states you can live in a one bedroom apartment with an infant until they are 1 year old. That could save some money. Again its just a thought and my opinion in no way is it a fact :happy: Good luck.0
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:happy: I did this with a newborn and it did not turn out well. Here is my story yours may turn out differently. When my son was 3 weeks old we moved from South Carolina to NY and decided to stay with family (my husbands mother and stepfather) and it was a disaster. We had no privacy and his mother was constantly telling me what to do with my son and interferring. To make it worse his brother decided to break up with his girlfriend and wanted to move home so we were kind of getting the shove at the same time. After 3 weeks of being there they were already giving us the hint that why is it so hard to find jobs and get the hell out. It was harder than I thought it would be to find decent work which I managed to do after 3 weeks of being here, but it has strained our relationship with his family. Needless to say we moved in the beginning of Nov. and by the middle of Jan we were out. We found the first apartment we could find regardless of where it was and what kind of condition it was in and I regretted it. It has been nine years since that happened and I still can't stand his family for how they acted. If it was my family I would move in with my parents in a heartbeat. I know my family and they could handle my family a new baby and a dog plus my mom would leave me alone unless I asked for help. If you are unsure I wouldn't do it. I would hate to see unnecessary strain between you and family. If anything stay for a month to find a decent place and in most states you can live in a one bedroom apartment with an infant until they are 1 year old. That could save some money. Again its just a thought and my opinion in no way is it a fact :happy: Good luck.
See, I feel like with my parents it wouldn't be too bad for ME but hubs might go a little nuts. I understand that while everything my dad says sounds like a demand it's really just his opinion and he won't get upset if I don't listen. Hubs thinks that dad should never tell us what to do because we are grown adults. The nice thing is at their place the room we could stay in would be toward the back of the house so there's not a lot of traffic going through there and we could hide out. I think i'd really like to approach it with "we're staying a month or two" then if things are going well we can decide to stay longer0 -
my honest opinion is that you're playing with fire - if you absolutely have no other choice and financially can't make it in an apartment from day 1, stay with your parents. but, have a serious sit-down with expectations from both sides (what you and your husband want vs. what your parents want) with the understanding it's very short term. I've seen more than my fair share of relationships never recover from living with family, particularly in-laws. So, I would avoid it if at all possible - and if it's necessary financially, do as much preparation for yourselves and your parents to understand what y'all want this to look like. tough decision, but good luck!!0
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My Mother-in-law and Father-in-law moved in with us for 6 months last year. We didn't even have a baby and wanted to rip each others heads off because we were constantly in each other's space. MIL took over my kitchen, groceries, bathroom space and time, FIL was simply rude in my house and completely ignored anything I said. The relationship has been strained forever because of this experience. Both my MIL and I ended having to get therapy because it was such a rough time. My hubby didn't have a job, my MIL didn't have a job, my FIL didn't have a job and I was the only working adult in the house struggling to pay off the bills. Recipe for disaster.
Its a bad idea. Don't do it.0
This discussion has been closed.