For the men...
Danielle_2013
Posts: 806 Member
Men of Single Peeps!
I would like to know why you believe you are single.
We have lots and lots of threads about how us women aren't either playing up our physical attractiveness, or are not acting in particular ways so as to be enticing to men...and of course there are our individual reasons as well.
Let's talk about you!
Come here...sit down on my couch (pat, pat)..tell me your story...I don't bite.
Well, unless you happen to like that.
I would like to know why you believe you are single.
We have lots and lots of threads about how us women aren't either playing up our physical attractiveness, or are not acting in particular ways so as to be enticing to men...and of course there are our individual reasons as well.
Let's talk about you!
Come here...sit down on my couch (pat, pat)..tell me your story...I don't bite.
Well, unless you happen to like that.
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Replies
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I live in a predominantly married community, and work from home. I don't go out to clubs or bars, and have given up on the dating sites. The best chance of meeting a woman in my area is at the gym, but I refuse to bother them while they workout. So I sit in my sad little cave and flirt with MFP women. 0
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I think it's cos they dont wear heels, dont wear make up, aren't stick thin, and have short hair - God, how unattractive!!! :laugh:
:bigsmile:
Like we give a ****!
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i think i'm your female counterpart. LOL!!!I live in a predominantly married community, and work from home. I don't go out to clubs or bars, and have given up on the dating sites. The best chance of meeting a woman in my area is at the gym, but I refuse to bother them while they workout. So I sit in my sad little cave and flirt with MFP women.0
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I'm just too darn independent.
I haven't met a woman who's worth my time and that would make me want to sacrifice my free time, friend time, and hobbies for her. I could have easily of married some average girl 10 years ago and have a few kiddos by now, but that's not what I really want. Life is too short to be average and settle for someone who is. I'm holding out for a bonafide 8/9 (yes, I use the 0-10 scale). Because finding a partner who I find desirable is very important to me.
If I wasn't independent and *needed* a partner in order to pay the mortgage, travel, and do fun things.. then I'd be more inclined to settle down at a younger age.
I'll also make some comments in regards to age. I feel as I get older, I get much, much more attention from the opposite sex. When I was 20, most girls I was interested in wouldn't give me the time of day (some were busy chasing musicians or other free spirit types). Fast forward 10 years, I wouldn't give those girls the time of day anymore. Granted, I'm much more stable in all aspects of my life now, but I'm still the same guy. I have 100x more options now than I did when I was 20. This has also made me become a lot more selective in choosing a partner.0 -
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Have discussed this before and not really going into long detail so the short version.
Grew up in a decrepit old house on a farm that was not going to be able to continue with elderly and disabled parents.
Circumstances were such that I had to see both of them to their deaths so a situation no one would want to be a part of in a very low population area.
Now need to get out from under the place and move on to God only knows what.0 -
Have discussed this before and not really going into long detail so the short version.
Grew up in a decrepit old house on a farm that was not going to be able to continue with elderly and disabled parents.
Circumstances were such that I had to see both of them to their deaths so a situation no one would want to be a part of in a very low population area.
Now need to get out from under the place and move on to God only knows what.
Carl, life is short. Focus on #1.
Sell the farm, move somewhere warm (Florida is nice, South Florida is too crowded though), get a tan, grab a beer, and start small talk with a girl at the beach. You'll be set.0 -
Honestly? It's just too soon.
I've been married twice. The first time for 10 years, the second time for 9. I just go separated a year and a half ago, and the divorce has been final just a little over a year.
This last one was really painful and hard for me. The marriage was so difficult and took so much out of me that my taste for being with someone, in ANY sort of a relationship, has been spoiled (hopefully temporarily).
I didn't want to be that guy that had been divorced twice before they were 45, so I gave everything I had into making that relationship work, and more. More than I should have. I probably should have ended it only a couple of years into it but I refused to give up. When I finally did give up I realized just how disgusted and frustrated I was with the whole thing.
So... right now is literally the first time as an adult I'm taking major time for me, figuring my stuff out, focusing on being set up and successful and happy on my own. I still see people once in a while but I also know that I'm ridiculously emotionally unavailable at the moment, and probably will be for at least another few years.
Long story short...
I'm single by choice, because I wouldn't do myself (or anyone else) any favors by entering into any sort of relationship right now.0 -
It is entirely my fault.
I am a pretty good looking dude, I am generally intelligent, and I can make decent convo with people if i tried.
However I have a bitter aftertaste after dealing with my divorce drama, combined with school, I am also
having other various issues I won't get into since my deployment.
All in all, if I made the effort to approach, and be more social, I would be just fine. I however choose not to
because personally I just don't give a **** right now.0 -
I think people just generally don't know what to do with me...
I'm a rebel without a cause.
I'm cute but smart.... a lot of people are shocked at how philosophical and deep I can get.
I will challenge everything... devils advocate if you will.
I will not go to the depths of hell to make someone feel special, if I feel you're special you will know.
I don't use words like baby, hun, sweetheart or any other corny pet name.
I tend to think I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
I feel I was born in the wrong generation as I can't relate to some of the more trivial things my generation is into.
I'm a realist and people seem to be turned off by this... especially women.
I'm in no rush to jump into a relationship unless it's right... I follow no dating rules but my own.0 -
Honestly? It's just too soon.
I've been married twice. The first time for 10 years, the second time for 9. I just go separated a year and a half ago, and the divorce has been final just a little over a year.
This last one was really painful and hard for me. The marriage was so difficult and took so much out of me that my taste for being with someone, in ANY sort of a relationship, has been spoiled (hopefully temporarily).
I didn't want to be that guy that had been divorced twice before they were 45, so I gave everything I had into making that relationship work, and more. More than I should have. I probably should have ended it only a couple of years into it but I refused to give up. When I finally did give up I realized just how disgusted and frustrated I was with the whole thing.
So... right now is literally the first time as an adult I'm taking major time for me, figuring my stuff out, focusing on being set up and successful and happy on my own. I still see people once in a while but I also know that I'm ridiculously emotionally unavailable at the moment, and probably will be for at least another few years.
Long story short...
I'm single by choice, because I wouldn't do myself (or anyone else) any favors by entering into any sort of relationship right now.
I always think of Ross on Friends, but I will be divorced twice before I'm 45 now
(Shoot, before I'm 42) 0 -
Ive been divorced for 6 years but only the last 2 of those years have I been home and not constantly out of the country.
In these past two years, Ive realized I have to retire from my first career soon, so I have actively worked on becoming a part of this community, I am back in grad school (so maybe someone will hire me for a second career) and I still have my current career, which admittedly isnt nearly as stressful or fast paced now that it is winding down and I spend as much time as possible with my 10 yr old son and 7 yr old daughter. All of this keeps me very very busy which is one reason I am still single.
BLUF:
I am busy
I have young kids and still not sure if Im ready to potentially introduce a new person into their lives
I settled before and I wont do it again. I am 38 financially and emotionally secure and I dont need to be with someone for the sake of being with someone. Instead I want my breath to be taken away every day...I want to see if its true you can be over joyed each morning waking up next to your perfect mate. Thus far the plethora of first dates Ive been on I havent found anyone that remotely fits that category.
I also think with all the different means and methods of "getting to know" people prior to meeting them (facebook, linked in, blogs social media etc etc) we all quite possibly disount people too easily.
I am a little selfish and love my "me" time and havent met anyone Im willing to give that up for yet.
Im not the easiest person to get to know, it takes a lot of time to earn my trust.
I dont know if I want to do it all again?
All that said, I did recently start conversing with a wonderful woman that has captured my interest, so who knows what the future holds. I damn sure do miss conversation and looking forward to sharing things with someone special.0 -
I've talked about his before but for me it's a combination of shyness, awkwardness, and body image issues.
I have always been shy, a wallflower type if you will. You won't see me on the dance floor unless I have alcohol in me, or I was blackmailed on to the floor. I'm a tiny bit socially inept. I blame years of being behind a computer playing games for most of my 20's instead of going out, meeting new people and enjoying life offline.
A few of my good friends that I've known for years through online interaction, I have never met in real life. And my friends that I know outside of the computer in real life, I met first through the computer. I find it easier to talk and open up to people over a computer at times than in person. It's gotten much better though, especially since I scaled back my computer gaming habits. It was bad in the past, 7-10 hours everyday. Now it's 1-3 hrs a week.
My other main issue is my weight. I was nearly 500 lbs for almost 7 years, so mentally I see and feel that way 80% of the time. The first gym I joined was a small one. 24 hrs always open and never closes type. I did not want to be seen for a long time so I would go super early in the morning before others would show up. Eventually, over time I got over that and now I don't give two flying balls of monkey poo who sees me. I found working out really helps with my self-image and confidence. Even though I am nearing 200 lbs. lost with a little over 100 more to go, I still see my old 500 lbs self in the mirror. I don't even bother with asking out women and dating because of this. What woman is going to want to date a 500 lb man? I know it's all in my head though, and one day it'll click.0 -
Honestly? It's just too soon.
I've been married twice. The first time for 10 years, the second time for 9. I just go separated a year and a half ago, and the divorce has been final just a little over a year.
This last one was really painful and hard for me. The marriage was so difficult and took so much out of me that my taste for being with someone, in ANY sort of a relationship, has been spoiled (hopefully temporarily).
I didn't want to be that guy that had been divorced twice before they were 45, so I gave everything I had into making that relationship work, and more. More than I should have. I probably should have ended it only a couple of years into it but I refused to give up. When I finally did give up I realized just how disgusted and frustrated I was with the whole thing.
So... right now is literally the first time as an adult I'm taking major time for me, figuring my stuff out, focusing on being set up and successful and happy on my own. I still see people once in a while but I also know that I'm ridiculously emotionally unavailable at the moment, and probably will be for at least another few years.
Long story short...
I'm single by choice, because I wouldn't do myself (or anyone else) any favors by entering into any sort of relationship right now.
I always think of Ross on Friends, but I will be divorced twice before I'm 45 now (Shoot, before I'm 42)
I was just watching Friends last night, and Ross was talking about this cute girl and one of the friends says, "well does she have a wedding dress ready?" Haha0 -
Ya, I said 45, but... I was actually 41 when the 2nd divorce was final.I always think of Ross on Friends, but I will be divorced twice before I'm 45 now (Shoot, before I'm 42)
Stupid dumb divorces.0 -
I just... can't be bothered. I'm single because I have a lot going on that I am not willing to sacrifice. Besides working full time at an office job (which means I go to bed mon-fri fairly early) I volunteer on the weekends and have a time consuming fitness schedule. Then as far as social I have my routine and time with my friends split pretty evenly which is also running a bit thin. I just don't have the energy or desire to work someone else into that. It's one of the reasons I've started hooking up with my current FWB - it was easy to fit it in and now that I'm getting laid I'm not really left wanting for anything. My life is fulfilled, the only thing I would change is the ability to go back to school.0
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Dear men..
I so appreciate the honesty and vulnerability. Although I truly wish you hadn't gone through the divorces and the challenges you have, it is good to see that men have similar hurts, great depth of feelings and emotional hurdles too. Sometimes I forget that.
I actually wish I could hug each of you and somehow make it all better.
Or charge you for this therapy session. I could use the $$. 0 -
Dear men..
I so appreciate the honesty and vulnerability. Although I truly wish you hadn't gone through the divorces and the challenges you have, it is good to see that men have similar hurts, great depth of feelings and emotional hurdles too. Sometimes I forget that.
I actually wish I could hug each of you and somehow make it all better.
Or charge you for this therapy session. I could use the $$.
I just paypaled you 3 dollars.0 -
Ack, I'm an as$hat! I totally blanked on the "for men" part. Sorry, I wasn't trying to party crash.0
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I'm single because women annoy the *kitten* out of me but I"m not gay. :laugh:
Kind of just kidding about women annoying the *kitten* out of me. There are a lot of reasons. When I was younger, I had a lot of options and took it for granted that would always be the case. I didn't want kids as I didn't think I would be a good parent or role model. As I got older, I put on a lot of weight and worked over 100 hours a week. Then I went back to school. There aren't a lot of options available on a college campus for a guy in his mid 30's who is 150-200 pounds overweight and whose only income is a stipend from an assistantship. Now that I've lost a lot of weight I am dating more and am just hitting the same roller caster that others are. Some women are totally nuts, others are nice and stable but missing that "it." Some that I like, don't like me. Others went through a tough divorce and are realizing they aren't really available, etc.0 -
How rude of you! :laugh:Ack, I'm an as$hat! I totally blanked on the "for men" part. Sorry, I wasn't trying to party crash.0 -
For me it is a mix of things.
* Too Independent - never had a long term relationship over like 6 months, moved away from family and have just grown up doing everything for myself. While I love having a woman around, it can be hard sometimes finding time to integrate them into my life. Happened once, but then she left.
* Body Image/Self Esteem issues - I have never liked who I was (weight wise), and thus never had a very high self esteem. This in turn doesn't give me the confidence that I think I need to approach women. (Always in my mind asking why the hell would they choose me anyways over someone else? There are better options than me out there.) So that is probably a huge one for me, which is why I have found a bit of success on online dating where it can all just be out there.
* Love language - I am very physical and when I show my affection is through touch (my primary love language). Words of affirmation (my lowest love language) are hard for me b/c I find that words are cheap, and can easily have no meaning behind them. Been told by my ex's that they always wondered if I cared, as I never told them I did. I misinterpreted my hand holding, massages, dedicated time together, etc as expressing these feelings for them.
So yeah, those are my heavy hitters that I believe keep me single, or at least keep throwing me back into that singles pool.0 -
Well, I'm a bit of an introvert, I have a general "I don't give a crap" attitude, and I have intimacy issues. Luckily my current GF seems to be cool with all of this.0
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Honestly? It's just too soon.
I've been married twice. The first time for 10 years, the second time for 9. I just go separated a year and a half ago, and the divorce has been final just a little over a year.
This last one was really painful and hard for me. The marriage was so difficult and took so much out of me that my taste for being with someone, in ANY sort of a relationship, has been spoiled (hopefully temporarily).
I didn't want to be that guy that had been divorced twice before they were 45, so I gave everything I had into making that relationship work, and more. More than I should have. I probably should have ended it only a couple of years into it but I refused to give up. When I finally did give up I realized just how disgusted and frustrated I was with the whole thing.
So... right now is literally the first time as an adult I'm taking major time for me, figuring my stuff out, focusing on being set up and successful and happy on my own. I still see people once in a while but I also know that I'm ridiculously emotionally unavailable at the moment, and probably will be for at least another few years.
Long story short...
I'm single by choice, because I wouldn't do myself (or anyone else) any favors by entering into any sort of relationship right now.
^^^^ THIS.
I could have written this except my marriage was 16 years and my 2nd relationship (we never got married) was 7 years.
Both women I loved completely. First one cheated on me. Second one was pathologically selfish, self centered and unable to consider MY feelings in ANYTHING. It just took me a loooong time to see it because I so wanted it to work.
Why am I single??? Ha!!!0 -
Awww....I'm with Smallerbridesmaid on this one. I wish I could give you all a hug. Or buy you a beer. :drinker:
It's always nice to see that you guys aren't so much different than us ladies.0 -
My life is going through a lot of changes right now, and for what ever reason I haven't met any women in my area that I'm interested in.0
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I wish I could give you all a hug. Or buy you a beer. :drinker:
Hey, I'll take either. Or both.0 -
I've been a big guy my entire life so I've always had the mentality that I'm not good enough for certain women. And then typically when I would try and get close to anybody I found myself(likely put myself) in the friend zone.
Since I've been losing weight I'll admit I have a lot more confidence and find myself actually messaging people on dating sites and getting to know them. I've also been driving myself to get out of the house more and have a good time, not only does it make the day go by quick but I always end up enjoying myself (even if I don't think I will at first).
Silly as it sounds, I'm still growing up (finishing up school, advancing my career, and looking to buy a house) It'll all come with time
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Honest answer - a string of things really...
The way things ended with my ex at uni pretty much destroyed what little self-confidence I had, especially as I had already started to put on weight having stopped playing so much football (soccer) but kept eating.
By the time I got back into a place where I was over her and what happened, I had piled on loads more weight and generally felt like I hated who I saw in the mirror... which was what pushed me into joining this site and losing all the weight I have (and why I want to lose more).
Having lost (a lot of) the weight I have I'm slowly starting to feel a little better about myself and how I look... although I suffer from anxiety attacks (not relating to my image) which makes it difficult for me to go places.
Because of that now I can't see the point in trying to be with anyone (much though I would love to), as she would just get bored and leave.
I've been single so long now and with all the stuff above - these days whenever I see someone nice or a friend/family member suggests I talk to a woman, I straight away dismiss the idea - she could do better than me... why would I do that to her?
Short version; I'm a mess - dying alone (probably surrounded by cats and/or stacks of movies and computer games lol)0 -
Hugs and beer all around!!0
This discussion has been closed.