accepting someone likes you
Vodkha
Posts: 352 Member
I have been seeing this guy since about August. Short back story is I was made fun of regarding my weight by my Mother all my life growing up. I find it extremely hard to understand that someone likes me and is into me for reasons other than just having sex and this is very frustrating to both me and the bf.
I believe that he is just having me around because he is lonely and bored and wants someone to have sex with. He says this frustrates him a lot because he says he wouldn't just have someone around for that reason, that if he doesn't like someone he doesn't want to be around them. In my head I KNOW that I am being silly and that he wouldn't have chose me to be his gf if he didn't like me...that makes no sense. He told me the other night that yes he wanted to meet someone because he was lonely but that thats why everyone finds someone to be with essentially and that obviously he is going to choose to be around someone he likes.
I really have no reason to feel this way other than my own insecurities. He invites me over and to go out all the time, he invites me to sleep over a lot (even if I am unable to have sex- and sometimes he doesn't even want sex, he just wants me to be there), he cooks for me and I have met his Mom, he tells me he likes me all the time and he said the other night as we were cuddling that he would sacrifice his happiness to make sure I was happy...this was in relation to a conversation we were having but I cannot remember the topic.
Also, he initiates 90% of our physical contact and cuddling. I find it hard to go over and hug him or kiss him and I just feel like I am a mess!
Anyways, does anyone else experience this? How can I work on this? He is being very patient and understands I have not been in a relationship before and it is a lot different than what I am used to, but this isn't healthy to keep second guessing myself and him.
I believe that he is just having me around because he is lonely and bored and wants someone to have sex with. He says this frustrates him a lot because he says he wouldn't just have someone around for that reason, that if he doesn't like someone he doesn't want to be around them. In my head I KNOW that I am being silly and that he wouldn't have chose me to be his gf if he didn't like me...that makes no sense. He told me the other night that yes he wanted to meet someone because he was lonely but that thats why everyone finds someone to be with essentially and that obviously he is going to choose to be around someone he likes.
I really have no reason to feel this way other than my own insecurities. He invites me over and to go out all the time, he invites me to sleep over a lot (even if I am unable to have sex- and sometimes he doesn't even want sex, he just wants me to be there), he cooks for me and I have met his Mom, he tells me he likes me all the time and he said the other night as we were cuddling that he would sacrifice his happiness to make sure I was happy...this was in relation to a conversation we were having but I cannot remember the topic.
Also, he initiates 90% of our physical contact and cuddling. I find it hard to go over and hug him or kiss him and I just feel like I am a mess!
Anyways, does anyone else experience this? How can I work on this? He is being very patient and understands I have not been in a relationship before and it is a lot different than what I am used to, but this isn't healthy to keep second guessing myself and him.
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Replies
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You need to understand you own securities and work through them or you will lose a good guy. Pushing your insecurities onto him is not good. Have you tried therapy0
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I have looked into therapy and I would like to go, but I just cannot afford it sadly.0
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I have looked into therapy and I would like to go, but I just cannot afford it sadly.
Sadly, there is no substitute for good therapy when it is needed.0 -
Oh no princess understand I feel your pain about not understanding someone's acceptance of yourself.
You go beyond all means and overthink it, only to convince yourself you aren't worthy of someones acceptance.
Take some time, and do it for you and you alone. Stand in front of that mirror butt @ss naked and find what you love, stand there until you find it, then re-find it then fall in love with it. You have to start somewhere.... the mirror usually never lies. So go with it. It's telling you the truth. It's up to you to accept the beautiful truth.
If you can't find it in the mirror, look deeper inside yourself. You have to find your pretty. He see's it.
If you keep getting down on yourself with him he may eventually see that as a complete turn off.0 -
From most of your posts on SP, you have very low self esteem and the sad part is its not only killing you on the inside but ultimately it will push people away.
If you can't afford therapy, be proactive in your own mental health. Read books, online, blogs (baggage reclaim is a great blog), whatever you need!! You're in your own prison and you're not living fully because of it.
It's not his job to reassure you every second and though he is doing it now, he can grow tired of it. And I truly believe nobody can fully love you if you don't love yourself.
Hugs!!! Get proactive!!0 -
If you are at the point you are self sabotaging a relationship then you do need to seek out counseling,so have to reccomend that you investigate all avenues.0
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I have looked into therapy and I would like to go, but I just cannot afford it sadly.
Sadly, there is no substitute for good therapy when it is needed.
Ditto to that. Nothing at all.0 -
Would have to agree about getting the help and the therapy. I also suffer from extremely low self esteem, but I allowed mine to push away the most beautiful amazing person I have ever met, and I'll never forgive myself for that, so don't do what I did, get help now and hang on to what sounds like a really great guy.0
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I can't add anything they haven't already said, but please don't let a good one get away because of insecurities...Good luck!!0
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Overthinking is the highest rated killer of all romantic situations.0
