My friend’s fiancé hit on me
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JanieJack
Posts: 3,830 Member
Ok, so they weren’t engaged when he did it, but still, I would have a hard time trusting a guy like this.
They were dating for a few months. I met him at one of our races, and he was introduced to me as her boyfriend with him commenting that he found a keeper and things were getting serious. 3 months later, we’re both on Match and he asks me if I remember him and would I like to go out sometime. I don’t. He says, “I gave you a ride to your car at the XYZ race.” Ohhh…I write back… this is awkward…weren’t you dating So-and-So at that time? He said yes, that she was a nice girl but it just didn’t work out for XYZ reasons. Whatever, no big deal. I was traveling a lot for work and hadn’t seen her in a month so maybe that’s why I didn’t know they broke up.
A month later, I’m finally back in town for Sunday School and he walks in with her. We lock eyes and he’s visibly uncomfortable. I, guessing they got back together, decided to tell her what he’d said about her. I know that was probably not a good idea, but if it were ME I’d want someone to tell me. After all, I’m thinking they called off a serious relationship and if they’re back together she ought to know his perspective.
SHE didn’t know they were supposedly “broken up.” SHE told me she’d been wondering why he sometimes disappears for days at a time. SHE suspected he was dating others even though he insisted he wasn’t.
So WHHHHHHYYYYYY a couple months later, are they engaged??? I don’t get it!
It’s not so much the “dating around” that bothers me but the fact that he lied to ME about HER and then lied to HER about dating around. And that he was dumb enough to not only ask me if I remembered him (when the context in which I met him was as her boyfriend who was “in it for the long haul”) but then say unkind things about her to me (as if she wasn’t my friend who I would run and tell).
I told her I want to be happy for her, but surely she can understand my hesitance. She said she understood and it’s ok how I feel.
They were dating for a few months. I met him at one of our races, and he was introduced to me as her boyfriend with him commenting that he found a keeper and things were getting serious. 3 months later, we’re both on Match and he asks me if I remember him and would I like to go out sometime. I don’t. He says, “I gave you a ride to your car at the XYZ race.” Ohhh…I write back… this is awkward…weren’t you dating So-and-So at that time? He said yes, that she was a nice girl but it just didn’t work out for XYZ reasons. Whatever, no big deal. I was traveling a lot for work and hadn’t seen her in a month so maybe that’s why I didn’t know they broke up.
A month later, I’m finally back in town for Sunday School and he walks in with her. We lock eyes and he’s visibly uncomfortable. I, guessing they got back together, decided to tell her what he’d said about her. I know that was probably not a good idea, but if it were ME I’d want someone to tell me. After all, I’m thinking they called off a serious relationship and if they’re back together she ought to know his perspective.
SHE didn’t know they were supposedly “broken up.” SHE told me she’d been wondering why he sometimes disappears for days at a time. SHE suspected he was dating others even though he insisted he wasn’t.
So WHHHHHHYYYYYY a couple months later, are they engaged??? I don’t get it!
It’s not so much the “dating around” that bothers me but the fact that he lied to ME about HER and then lied to HER about dating around. And that he was dumb enough to not only ask me if I remembered him (when the context in which I met him was as her boyfriend who was “in it for the long haul”) but then say unkind things about her to me (as if she wasn’t my friend who I would run and tell).
I told her I want to be happy for her, but surely she can understand my hesitance. She said she understood and it’s ok how I feel.
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Will stipulate that he is effed up and an *kitten*.
In light of what she knows yet is still going through with it does not create much empathy from me either.0 -
Yuck. Unfortunately, your friendship will probably suffer. Maybe a lot. A couple of years ago a friend's husband got weird with me (nothing like you're describing, but still...). She and I still love each other, but have only seen each other a few times since this happened. I understand her position, though. I really hate being "the divorcée" for this reason. I seriously do not want your gross husbands.0
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Ohhhhh....I am so sorry. I don't envy you or her at all.
He proposed to get himself out of jail. She found out he was messing around. He probably promised to straighten up by making himself a "one woman man" and now he'll just be more secretive about it. I was in that exact situation.....
As a friend, you can plead your case. She probably won't listen, and will likely get more upset. But, that's your call. But, a marriage starting with lies is no way to start.0 -
Will stipulate that he is effed up and an *kitten*.
In light of what she knows yet is still going through with it does not create much empathy from me either.
Exactly this.0 -
As a friend, you can plead your case. She probably won't listen, and will likely get more upset. But, that's your call. But, a marriage starting with lies is no way to start.
She knows how I feel. I've done my part. She is caught in the trap of "I'm getting old and there just aren't enough men out there so I need to snag this one quick." She just can't see that this one is no different from her cheating ex.
I'll be there for her when it falls apart, but in the meantime all I can do is pray for her.0 -
I absolutely understand and agree. Unfortunately I know exactly where you're standing on this one. It's a tough place to be at. Prayer is a good thing for her.
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She is functioning under full knowledge of what she is getting into. From now on when you are around them just smile and nod and speak of pleasant things... and when she is broken up and devastated avoid the urge to say "I told you so".0
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People have full blown affairs/mistresses and are forgiven!! I think it's called love
Or stupidity! :huh: 0 -
She is functioning under full knowledge of what she is getting into. From now on when you are around them just smile and nod and speak of pleasant things... and when she is broken up and devastated avoid the urge to say "I told you so".
I agree with Kit on this one. All you can do is what you did. You told her and she still wants to be with him. You don't know what kind of converstations she had with him between when you told her and when she got engaged. For all you know she could have a PI watching every move he makes.0
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